7 months pregnant- getting a seat on train?

naughty1205

thank you for all your replies, and insight, it's very interesting to read!
I am going to pluck up the courage and ask. I am totally aware that it was my own decision to get pregnant (granted it took years!) which I why I suppose I am so slow to ask for a seat- everyone has paid for their ticket just like me.
Anyway, a New Years resolution is on the cards for me...am at home sick with a chest infection now so avoiding any 'situations' for another week!
thanks again, much appreciated,

naughty

Nevyn

Tickets only entitle you to travel they do not entitle the bearer to a seat, those are the by laws and you agree to them when you buy a ticket but those same by laws stipulate that seats are given up if someone is in greater need of it then you are.

It comes down to good manners more then anything else imho, seems they have not been passed on to the younger generations who are frankly selfish. So do ask and hopefully there will be people who have manners who will be respectful of the fact you are expecting and give you a seat.

Wolfe Tone

Should a woman give up her seat for an old man, or as was my case a guy on crutches?

Turner

op ask any male up to the age of 70.

99.9% will be more than happy to offer up their seat.

opinion guy

metrovelvet wrote: »

Because the feminists yapped on for years 'its a pregnancy not a disability' this pleasant ritual of consideration is now considered an insulting gesture.

When I was heavily pregnant in the hot hot summer of New York City the only people to offer a seat were hispanic men, the last remaining bastions of good old fashioned sexism, and goddammit I was thankful being 200 lbs with water retention.

All the white middle class men have this internal dialogue to justify their selfishness

Thank you Gloria Steinem.

Reminds me of something - few years back was in New York on the subway. There was a guy who was older than death on the train so I offered him my seat. He said no thanks and was sort of borderline annoyed with me for offering. Next stop this biiiiiigggggg Texan with long rock hair cut and a cowboy hat gets on. sees the old guy, see me. THen say to me loudly so everyone can hear and he's making a scene "What kind a man are you letting an old guy stand......blah blah....rant rant...."

Before I can respond the old guy pipes up and says I did offer him the seat and he said no. Everyone laughs at cowboy and he acts suitably sheepish. Priceless


OP I'd offer you my seat if I saw you!

PopUp

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Should a woman give up her seat for an old man, or as was my case a guy on crutches?

Well, did he end up on crutches because he was out feeding the needy in a snowstorm, or did he choose to engage in a risky activity like skiing?

Just kidding of course! Obviously anyone able bodied should get off their ass for someone either old or disabled. I never take a seat when a train or bus is packed and I am fit and well, because lots of disabilities are not obvious and I wouldn't feel right sitting down when I'm young and fit and there are other people almost certainly more deserving.

Metrovelvet, I think assholes like you describe would be looking for an excuse not to get up no matter what. Twenty years ago they'd have latched on to a lack of a wedding ring or the fact you shouldn't be travelling alone.

The 'Is she preggo or not' question is actually worse for old people IMO. 'Is he old enough, or is he going to be really offended I think he's ancient'? But you just have to suck it up. It's not like you say, 'Hey preggo/oldie, want a rest?'. You stand up, smile at the person, point at the seat, and say 'please, would you like to sit down?'. I've done it before just because someone looked faint in a hot carriage. If someone ranted at me (eg, 'am I made of glass'), it wouldn't bother me. It reflects badly on them, not me. I'd rather be able to look myself in the eye on this than leave old people or pregnant women or people on crutches standing because there's a slim chance they're a lunatic who will rant at me.

bulmersgal

i never had problem getting a seat on the bus, i sometimes used to be embarrassed taking it. I found it worse at the start when i had horrible morning sickness and actually needed to sit but couldn't. The finally weeks i actually preferred to stand but if somebody offered seat i would accept rather then make a scene.

Now with baby I find its the people you don't expect hold the door open when your pushing buggy and snotty women nearly shove the door back in your face.

ChewChew

as alot have said here, it definitely is a case of people being ignorant and turning their head. but OP you should ask, any kind natured human being would not mind giving up a seat for you.

I was in the doctors surgery yesterday even and there was myself, a very elderly woman and two men who I would say were in their 50's and a young woman approached the door to the surgery who is heavily pregnant and has a buggy and struggles with the door and the two men completely ignored the woman. I got up and opened the door for her, which I had no problem doing, but the two men were sitting right beside the door, I was the far end of the room! :rolleyes:

Nevyn

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Should a woman give up her seat for an old man, or as was my case a guy on crutches?

If she is an able bodied person then yes she should.

Moonbeam

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Should a woman give up her seat for an old man, or as was my case a guy on crutches?

I always give my seat up to anyone that I deem more in need of it then me being male or female is not an issue.

Squiggler

It has been my experience so far that the most likely people to offer a seat are:
Non-Irish Europeans (male or female), followed by middle-aged Irish Women and young (early 20's or younger) Irish men.

Least likely are young Irish Women, closely followed by Irish males.

My commute is beginning to cause an active dislike of my fellow Irish Citizens. Yesterday I had to bite my tongue to avoid yelling "My baby is not some F*****g cushion for you to lean against!" at an Irish couple in their 30's who were crowding me for no good reason.

How Strange

Squiggler wrote: »

It has been my experience so far that the most likely people to offer a seat are:
Non-Irish Europeans (male or female), followed by middle-aged Irish Women and young (early 20's or younger) Irish men.

Least likely are young Irish Women, closely followed by Irish males.

My commute is beginning to cause an active dislike of my fellow Irish Citizens.

I have to disagree based on my personal experience. Women, of all ages and nationalities, offered me a seat. Men, irrespective of age and nationality, never did.

I know its been said here that you should ask for a seat but as gobby and fortright as I am I'm not yet strong enough in character to risk a person refusing me a seat or down right ignoring me in public. I just don't want that kind of confrontation at a time when I'm trying to remain calm and stressfree.

Yesterday I had to bite my tongue to avoid yelling "My baby is not some F*****g cushion for you to lean against!" at an Irish couple in their 30's who were crowding me for no good reason.

Its for that particular reason that I was getting a train at 7am since 26 weeks.

Some one asked here recently if a woman should give up a seat for a man on crutches. Of course. It's down to basic manners really. I always give me seat up for anyone who needs it more than I do and when it comes to older people I usually say I'm getting off at the next stop anyway so they might as well take it now before the hordes pounce on it in a few minutes. I offered my seat a few weeks ago to a blind man with a sighted companion on the luas because it was packed. They couldn't tell that I was pregnant as I was sitting down. They declined but thanked me for the offer.

soupdrinker

In the past I have offered my seat to pregnant women and elderly people - some accept with gratitude others start ranting "Im not sick Im only pregant" or "I'm perfectly able to stand" etc etc.

Sometimes I do see somebody who may be pregnant or might not and I don't want to offend someone.

Otherwise bear in mind that on packed trains etc particulary if someone has a seat at a window you can only actually see one or two people who are standing near to you so you can't actually see if someone is pregnant if there are crowds around you. If you are pregnant don't stand down around the doors cos people won't be able to see if you are pregnant!

Also don't assume that someone sitting down is able bodied and should get up. Some women sitting down may be pregnan (although not visibly) or may have a sore back or other problems that they cannot stand on long journeys themselves......

NextSteps

How Strange wrote: »

I have to disagree based on my personal experience. Women, of all ages and nationalities, offered me a seat. Men, irrespective of age and nationality, never did.

I've been offered seats by a middle-aged Irish woman and a young foreign (South American?) man.

cynder

Moonbeam wrote: »

I always give my seat up to anyone that I deem more in need of it then me being male or female is not an issue.

I remember when i was pregnant with the last guy i was 30+ weeks and had sciatica on both sides, this old guy walks up to me in the cue and says can he skip me as he has sciatica, i did feel sorry for him so i let him pass, but only a few seconds later i nearly fainted.

Not matter what stage of pregnancy i was at standing in a cue always made me feel faint, My bp is normally 103/62 which is the lower side of average, so when it drops IT DROPS.

Squiggler

How Strange wrote: »

Its for that particular reason that I was getting a train at 7am since 26 weeks.

Unfortunately I don't have much control over when I can leave work. I generally end up standing in the elements from 20-40 minutes for a LUAS that doesn't look TOO crowded to get on to safely, which is not fun in the current weather.

NextSteps wrote: »

I've been offered seats by a middle-aged Irish woman and a young foreign (South American?) man.

Which sounds pretty close to what I've experienced. At least the Christmas rush will be over soon and things will be a bit less hectic.

vibe666

you could always carry a water balloon with you in your bag and at a suitable time whilst you're standing there grab your stomach and moan as you double up and launch the balloon in between your feet.

i'm sure someone would get up then.

despite having a slipped disc and being on all sorts of medication, i'd always get up to let someone more needy sit down on public transport but i seem to be very much in the minority and its a real shame.

i was on a bus once and it was packed to the rafters and it stopped to let one person off at a stop with about 8 people waiting to get on. the driver said "just one" and this young guy in a suit pushed past a heavily pregnant woman to get on. he had one foot on the step of the bus when a hand reached out from behind him and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and pulled him backwards out of the bus. it was an old guy well into his 60's and he gave such a scowl to the guy in the suit he didn't say a word, at which point the old guy helped the woman onto the bus. when she got on, everyone parted to let her through and the first person she came to let her sit down in their seat.

it was a great little moment and helped to restore a little of my faith in humanity, but it was short lived and i've seen some awful things since.

Squiggler

34 weeks completed now and beginning to be of the opinion that a smile and thank you isn't sufficient reward for the few people out there with any manners or consideration for others. We should be able to issue gold stars or something

I'm tired of being pushed in front of, shoved and squashed when I'm trying to let people off the LUAS before getting on. And every journey that I end up standing while being stared at by the perfectly fit and healthy young men occupying the priority seats I become more convinced that this country is going down the toilet. So, when a young man saw me get on, got up and gave me his seat this morning before we'd even pulled away 'thank you' really didn't seem sufficient recognition. I can't help feeling that he and his parents (or whoever raised him) deserve some kind of medal.

At least I only have 4 more weeks of the daily work commute to look forward to.

wolfpawnat

Ireland has lost all it's chivalry. Only person to EVER offer me a seat was an elderly man on the Luas when I was 37 weeks. I had a very good pregnancy so I didn't mind standing BUT there was a group of secondary school boys there and they were too busy playing their ipods to offer anyone a seat!

My son's father was on crouches and was clearly in a lot of pain before and people would push past him onto transport and he would never be offered a seat!

A few women play the "oh I am pregnant" card for a few things, bathrooms, seats and everything. It is really annoying, at the Paul McCartney concert the mens toilets were filled with women who were all "pregnant".

The world has gone to shíte! Everyone is self obsessed. People should be shamed into behaving like human beings again!

Moonbeam

I would just ask them for seats,the worst they can say is no then everyone else with scowl at them while not giving you their seats:)

I remember a teenage boy nearly dying of embarassment on the train one morning because I was standing and he had a seat and didn't notice until he turned to get something from his bag , saw me and offered me his seat while appologising had he seen me sooner he would have given me his seat sooner.
I smiled to myself:)

Cat Melodeon

You have to shame people. Most are wrapped up in their own worlds and would give up their seat in a heartbeat if it dawned on them as being necessary. And if they are asked once they usually are more aware in future, especially kids. You are performing a social good by asking for a seat.

As for 'pregnancy is a choice not an illness' - yeah, sure, it is a condition, but sometimes that condition results in illnesses and complications like back pain or blood pressure problems or plain exhaustion. Priority seats are for people who need them and that need can only be determined by others if you tell them about it. Speak up!

Loadie

I am 34 weeks and astounded by the rudeness of people. On the bus i have asked people to move their bag so that i can sit down! why does their bag need a seat?? In queues people have gone in front of me cause i am not movin fast enough. Mind you they have heard about it:P

I could go on:rolleyes:


But it has made me really understand how old people or the disabled are being treated

Squiggler

Loadie wrote: »

On the bus i have asked people to move their bag so that i can sit down! why does their bag need a seat??

This is one of my personal favourites. I got a scowl that would curdle milk from a girl last week when I asked her if she would please move her bag so I could sit down. It was the only free seat. Then she noticed that I was pregnant and apologised, but that only made it worse somehow. People should take precidence over handbags every time.

Butterflylove

Hi all...

So I was in a big ranty mood this morning after having to stand on bus with a very noticeable 8mth bump before squeezing down the bad between two rather large men, to sit myself and bump down, I emailed 'the spin' -talk show on 103.8fm about this,

And they heard me loud and clear lol pretty morto about it now

But they are going to discuss it on tomorrow's show 12.45-14.45 pm not sure the exact time but its due to be discussed, as the shows hosts are both expecting aswell!

Just in case anyone wants to have 'their' say on the matter you can pm me if theres a certain issue you want raised and Il pass it on if you cant listen or discuss yourself!

Craven99

I'd always offer my seat to any woman who was standing. Just good manners as far as I am concerned. It was drummed into me by my mam from when I was a kid. I am only in my 30s but would always offer. And yes I have had people scream at me on occasion asking me if I thought they were made of glass/2nd class citizens/unable to manage themselves etc etc. But as far as I am concerned that reflects more on them than me. If they don't want to sit down then I don't mind.

I also walk on the outside when walking on a path if I am with a woman. Its subconcious now - I don't even think of doing it. It was only when recently a female friend asked me why the heck I kept moving every time we crossed the road that I had to explain!

Anyway in response to your question I'd just ask someone if they would mind giving you their seat.

Wolfe Tone

Im guilty of keeping my bag on the seat, thats to discourage undesirables from sitting down beside me tbh

the_syco

naughty1205 wrote: »

do I ask someone to let me sit down

If you don't ask, you don't get. And no-one will refuse.

I only really offer my seat to old people, and people who are obviously pregnant, as opposed to just "big".

Butterflylove

Craven99 wrote: »

Anyway in response to your question I'd just ask someone if they would mind giving you their seat.

I think your a gent Craven! My OH walks on the outside of me on the footpaths like yourself

I know I should just ask no one is going to say no when asked tbh,

I just find it pretty rude the seat hasnt been offered in the first place, not just to myself but others who clearly need it


We then have to ask someone who wasnt exaclty forth coming with their seat to give it up, just puts you off.


I was hoping this morning that someone who be polite and offer? Am I wrong in expecting someone to have manners? I'm sure I would ask if it wasn't a case of someone getting off the bus and a seat becoming free.

Ayla

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

Im guilty of keeping my bag on the seat, thats to discourage undesirables from sitting down beside me tbh

Come now, everyone's paying a ticket to ride in a bus/train. Just because you see someone as "undesirable" doesn't mean they have any less right then you to sit in a seat. Maybe you should be the one to just get up & stand - move down the isle if you have to so you can avoid their "undesirability."

Wolfe Tone

Ayla wrote: »

Come now, everyone's paying a ticket to ride in a bus/train. Just because you see someone as "undesirable" doesn't mean they have any less right then you to sit in a seat. Maybe you should be the one to just get up & stand - move down the isle if you have to so you can avoid their "undesirability."

Im not a fan of having rancid druggies sitting beside me cheers.