Relationship After First Baby?

OhMeOhMy

Hi all

Just wanted to get people's experiences of this. My own situation - myself and my boyfriend fell pregnant unexpectedly. Our beautiful little girl is now 10 months old and makes us smile every day! :P

I have read lots of research about the strains a first baby can put a relationship under and myself and 'me fella!' are experiencing some difficulties. We have little time for each other any more. Before, he was the focus of all my attention, and I of his. I appreciate that it can take time to adjust to this new arrival but how long did it take others? What kind of problems did ye experience? I find myself being quite short tempered and intolerant with my boyfriend and I do try to keep my cool. I myself am not in the easiest of positions. My boyfriend does not live with us as he works away and comes over one night a week and at the weekends. Meanwhile, I am in my final (stressful) year of college and my parents mind our baby during the day. I know that this is not forever.
Would very much so appreciate any replys....just trying to put my situation into context

Thanks :P

stoneill

Like all relationships, it needs to be worked. Your situation is busy and stressful as it is without children, but please don't see that baby as an added complication. When our first child was born, it definitely puts life into perspective, you now see more clearly what is important in life, and how insignificant the things that you though important.

The first few years of a new baby, and the mother and child become the centre of attention, just don't forget your partner, he may be feeling a bit left out, after all blokes are just big soft mushy kids too!

Kimono-Girl

Our circumstances were kind of similar, unexpected pregnancy, and he was in his final year of college for the first year of her life, i was working full time!

we did have the advantage of living together which made it easier in one way and harder in another,


in the end we really had to make a conscious decision to put a few hours aside when we knew she would be asleep and use that time to be together, sometimes that meant being so tired we would collapse on the couch and watch a movie.

it helped us alot and by the time he was finished his final year, and she hit about 1 year we found we had more 'fun' time together, and we even found it was easier to get baby sitters because she was settled for the whole night!

it definitely gets easier to have 'us' time, scheduling 'me' time is a little harder

despite the strain (which is well documented in studies) in my personal opinion it has brought us closer than any other experience ever could, we now know the true meaning of 'through thick and thin'!

puntosporting

Its the third one that will test you take it from me!

CathyMoran

We have found it interesting - we are 36 we have a long history together and married in 2006 but we went through a lot before we had our son. We have only spent 2-3 hours away from our son since he was born (he is over 8 and a half months old old) and are not into going out to pubs, though I do miss the cinema! We have gone out for meals but have taken him with us. We are expecting again (also planned), they they be 14 months apart - now that will be interesting. I would love a 3rd child but as we never though we could have children 2 are great - we are loving being parents.

LegacyUser

We fight more for sure. You're under more stress, it seems perfectly natural that you would. I mean, we're not pulling the head off each other or whatever, just more frequent rows.

We're getting into a more manageable routine at the moment and so things are calming down. Baby is just over a year old now. In your own case I'd say it's unlikely things are going to be back to a decent state until you're finished your finals. The next 6 months will be rough for you, even without dealing with a baby.

You do need to work at it though. We try really hard to get some time to ourselves where there's no kids involved and that really helps smooth the rough waters.

edellc

Our baby is just over four months he was planned and we are together 11 years. At the moment things are going okay I am a little snappy at my partner but putting it down to him working 12 hours a day and me being a single parent as such also breast feeding and just starting to wean him but he is feeding every four hours no matter how much formula he takes on

We hardly have any quality time together as we are both knackered and I miss being intimate with him as he was freaked out about sex when I was pregnant and now im breast feeding he is still avoiding me

and no he isnt having an affair just in case it ran through your mind

i just want some normality back and hope it happens soon