Christmas day access for unmarried Father

Jypo1

Hi guys, i just want to put this out there and see what people think. im stuck as what to do. Basicly i have a court agreement with my ex partner for access to my 3 year old daughter. In this agreement i have access during the week and all day and overnight saturdays. Now of course Christmas day falls on my overnight access and so does New years. The childs mother is refusing to compromise and wants to take the child from me on these days. Does anybody know because this is a court agreement is this illegal for her to do that and if she refuses to give me the child can the guards get the child for me ???? Just to let you all know i did try to work out shared time christmas day but she didnt want to know.

Comments would be much appreciated im starting to panic now! thanks

Klingon Hamlet

Jypo1 wrote: »

Hi guys, i just want to put this out there and see what people think. im stuck as what to do. Basicly i have a court agreement with my ex partner for access to my 3 year old daughter. In this agreement i have access during the week and all day and overnight saturdays. Now of course Christmas day falls on my overnight access and so does New years. The childs mother is refusing to compromise and wants to take the child from me on these days. Does anybody know because this is a court agreement is this illegal for her to do that and if she refuses to give me the child can the guards get the child for me ???? Just to let you all know i did try to work out shared time christmas day but she didnt want to know.

Comments would be much appreciated im starting to panic now! thanks

I think the least she could do is allow you have your daughter for new years...

Nozebleed

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

I think the least she could do is allow you have your daughter for new years...

not even funny.

January

I think probably the best thing to do is give your solicitor a ring first thing Monday morning and see what your options are.

Fittle

While I'm not on her side, I'm assuming the child lives f/t with her mum, and can therefore understand why she'd want to keep her on xmas day after santa etc. Having said that, i don't see why she can't give you access later that evening and for the overnight.

I don't get her objections at all to the new year arrangement. I'm wondering if she's going away for christmas? Can't imagine why a mum would be desperate to keep her 3 yr old on new years day - I don't think there's anyone who 'enjoys' new years day with their children - I know I'd love to have a break that day;)

Anyway, give you solicitor a ring on monday - I doubt your solicitor can ensure she keeps to the access order however - yes, the guards can become involved, but only after she doesn't give you the child at the agreed time/place.

You may just have to accept that it's not going to happen this year OP - as sad as that is for you - and get back to court with her in the new year to arrange christmas access for 2011.

Klingon Hamlet

Nozebleed wrote: »

not even funny.

I wasn't kidding...

silja

Usually, the "big holidays" are dealt with separately in a custody arrangement, are you sure there is nothing in your arrangement which already settles this dispute?

Jypo1

Thanks for all feedback so far, basicly i offered her christmas morning and christmas dinner then for me to take child from then on over night. And i offered her all of New years no problem. To me thats very reasonable for both of us and she would be getting the best part of christmas day. I had to bring her to court for access in first place and have major problems with the girl in general and have had to go to guards before over abuse so this is just another way of controlling me i suppose. Theres nothing in our agreement about christmas so thats why im left out on a limb and i know she would love to have the guards calling up to the house. She could be at any one of three houses that day and i know she will make it as difficult as possible and her parents encourage this behaviour. Solicitor is involved already in trying to get it sorted but no luck so far. Only consilation for me is the more eratic she is the more chance a judge will give me and the child a good arrangment for next year.

Klingon Hamlet

Jypo1 wrote: »

Thanks for all feedback so far, basicly i offered her christmas morning and christmas dinner then for me to take child from then on over night. And i offered her all of New years no problem. To me thats very reasonable for both of us and she would be getting the best part of christmas day. I had to bring her to court for access in first place and have major problems with the girl in general and have had to go to guards before over abuse so this is just another way of controlling me i suppose. Theres nothing in our agreement about christmas so thats why im left out on a limb and i know she would love to have the guards calling up to the house. She could be at any one of three houses that day and i know she will make it as difficult as possible and her parents encourage this behaviour. Solicitor is involved already in trying to get it sorted but no luck so far. Only consilation for me is the more eratic she is the more chance a judge will give me and the child a good arrangment for next year.

Sorry to hear that, wow she sounds like a complete tool---hope things work out, she's a selfish and terible mother. Good luck for you and your daughter!

Jypo1

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

Sorry to hear that, wow she sounds like a complete tool---hope things work out, she's a selfish and terible mother. Good luck for you and your daughter!

Cheers hopefully something gets sorted. I could be worse suppose theres other fathers out there getting screwed over aswell its all wrong, were a messed up society to allow this.

sollar

The guards calling up on a christmas day wouldn't be very pleasant for the child.
My opinion would be to write off this christmas and get something in place legally for next year.

Jypo1

sollar wrote: »

The guards calling up on a christmas day wouldn't be very pleasant for the child.
My opinion would be to write off this christmas and get something in place legally for next year.

Fair enough point in one way but the child knows whats going on , shes nearly brain washed with what to say to me at this stage. Not to call me daddy, not to call my parents nanny and grandad and for daddy to go kill himself. I dont think the guards would contribute any negative effect on the child to what she currently experiences everyday.

sollar

God women like that annoy me so much.

kerrz

Hey op

In the same situation ourselves...my partner has court ordered access on the same weekends as you to his 2 children , they're 9 & 5....He was allowed to see his kids for an hour when they were younger on xmas day but since her new partner 2 yrs ago has moved in she has refused to let him visit them on xmas day.It has been hard for the eldest as he was 5 when my fiance left and remembers xmas with his dad and grandparents etc. They have very little family on their mam's side so have spent the last few xmas's at her boyfriends parents house. The kids are old enough now to decide where they want to be xmas day and asked if they could start spending xmas day with their dad

So my partner went to court about 18 months ago and got access to his kids on xmas day every second year from xmas eve until the day after stephens day starting last year 2009. She refused to hand them over xmas eve last year...kids very upset had been expecting to come , she let my partner collect them on the day after stephens day but only for 1 night. My partner brought her back to court in Feb this year to have it sorted out and judge said my partner was to have access this year from 10am xmas eve until the 7pm on the 27th ... kids were excited , plans have been made etc but now she has told the kids they wont be coming to my partners house until after xmas sometime, she has yet to tell my partner this and wont answer any questions in regards xmas day...she just hangs up the phone .

What can we do ?? Not fair to have the guards involved because that would be something the kids will remember in the future...We just have to live with it and my partner will have to go back to court in Feb next year...and let a judge decide the best way to go forward with this.

All you can do is let the child know you want to see her xmas day and that you tried to work something out ...at least you know you have tried and when she asks when she is older you can tell her what happened with a clear conscious.

No other advice , just keep your head up....when she is old enough to stand up to her mother and make her own decisions, it will be much easier...thats whats keeping us going !

January

Would the solicitor sending a letter to remind the mother of the court judgement make her comply with it in the case above?

ballsymchugh

Nozebleed wrote: »

not even funny.

i have read this again and again and again. where is the bad joke there?? it looked like a serious answer to a horrible situation.

kerrz

adrieanne__x wrote: »

Would the solicitor sending a letter to remind the mother of the court judgement make her comply with it in the case above?

Was that for me or original op ?

In our case no..When subject was broached again recently , she said she didn't care what the court says, that they aren't going to do anything to her. There were no repercussions last year so what is stopping her this year doing the same thing ?

We will got back to court in Feb, judge will give her a little talking to like last year, she will apologise and give some sob story, judge will re-instate the order for xmas 2011 and the cycle starts again !But the important thing is that the kids know my partner wants them , they know they want to be with their dad and they know why they can't be...She might feel great having the control now but in a couple of years the kids will start to rebel and she will only end up alienating them, so she is cutting her nose off to spite her face..Karma will catch up with her eventually

amiable

OP i think if your solicitor is involved then you are doing all you can for now. Follow their advice and see what happens. Ask your solicitor what is the likely outcome. Ask what are the options and routes. All posters in here seem to be giving good genuine and helpful advice but your solicitor should be able to give you the best advice cos he/she will know all the ins and outs of your case and the whole background.
Good luck OP. I don't envy you

Jypo1

amiable wrote: »

OP i think if your solicitor is involved then you are doing all you can for now. Follow their advice and see what happens. Ask your solicitor what is the likely outcome. Ask what are the options and routes. All posters in here seem to be giving good genuine and helpful advice but your solicitor should be able to give you the best advice cos he/she will know all the ins and outs of your case and the whole background.
Good luck OP. I don't envy you

Cheers thanks , hopefully il make headway on this in next couple of days. Thanks to all for the comments.

mariaalice

I don't know how you could sort that one out ...i have had Christmas days where i only saw my children for an hour...i have had other Christmas days where i spent it with my ex just so we could all have Christmas together( in retrospect it wasn't a good idea )....however its just one day and dose not define your relationship with your children i know the court ordered that you have the children that day..i know this would be hard but what about letting go oft he whole thing and not causing upset and conflict on the day by getting the guards involved ..designate another day as your Christmas day with them make it special have turkey and ham have presents...i know all of this is cause by your ex behavior but the moral high ground can be a very lonely place
good luck

amiable

Jypo1 wrote: »

Cheers thanks , hopefully il make headway on this in next couple of days. Thanks to all for the comments.

Keep your head up and be proud of the fact that you are doing all you can

amiable

mariaalice wrote: »

I don't know how you could sort that one out ...i have had Christmas days where i only saw my children for an hour...i have had other Christmas days where i spent it with my ex just so we could all have Christmas together( in retrospect it wasn't a good idea )....however its just one day and dose not define your relationship with your children i know the court ordered that you have the children that day..i know this would be hard but what about letting go oft he whole thing and not causing upset and conflict on the day by getting the guards involved ..designate another day as your Christmas day with them make it special have turkey and ham have presents...i know all of this is cause by your ex behavior but the moral high ground can be a very lonely place
good luck

I like your thinking here. Do what you can is good advice for the kids. Don't sink to her level.

gossipgal08

My parents split up when I was very young and we always had two Christmas Days. It was fab. Something to look forward to after Xmas (second set of gifts )

Jypo1

hey just to let you guys know im getting 3 hours with the child tomorow and nothing new years day, bearing in mind these were my allocated days by the court it seems lightly that because my ex deemed it fair that i get this bad access she will more than likely be subject to my access next year. in other words i will have x mas day next year and new years and she will get 3 hours. cutting her nose off to spite her face. Happy Christmas everyone , cant wait !

January

Merry Christmas, enjoy yourself tomorrow!