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Single women 'on the lookout for a man'

24

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,633 ✭✭✭Feeona


    John400 wrote: »
    In saying that though nothing wrong in the girl refusing the guy if she's not into him.

    Hear, hear! It happened to me a few times during my 'asking men out' stage. All part of the game, you have to learn not to take the rebuff too personally!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 327 ✭✭Daisy03


    Whenever I go out I wouldnt be on "the lookout". If I meet someone, I meet someone. I am in my early twenties and I thought that most people my age would be like this.

    A few weeks ago though, I went to a gig with a friend. She wasn't very impressed with the standard of the other gig-goers, who were mainly male. (She knew going to it that it wasn't her type of music but she said she would go). She made a comment saying she wouldn't be meeting her future husband there. I thought she was joking but she was dead serious.. She's also in her early twenties. The way she talked it was like every night out is a potential chance to meet Mr Right. I couldn't believe her. She sat there all night pouting and couldn't even appreciate the fantastic music.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 157 ✭✭killerking


    John400 wrote: »
    Hi ladies, the title of this thread is self explanatory in itself.! Just a wondering from me.. i hear this phrase being bandied about from time to time that single women are always 'on the lookout for a man', be it at work or when out socially etc.

    Do you think that this is generally true?

    Absolutely.
    They don't wear signs that say 'I want a man' but if a woman is straight and unattached that means she is open to the idea of getting together with a man.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    As per the forum charter;
    This forum is for the discussion of topics from a woman's point of view.
    We do welcome male input, but do bear in mind that this forum is firstly for the women of boards to have their say, from their point of view.

    Anyone breaking any aspect of the charter will be warned firstly (by one or a combination of PM/infraction/on-thread) and then banned for any further violations. The length of the ban will depend on the degree of the violation or amount of previous violations.

    Please take this as a warning that crass generalisations about "women" are not appropriate.

    Many thanks


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 179 ✭✭John400


    Daisy03 wrote: »
    A few weeks ago though, I went to a gig with a friend. She wasn't very impressed with the standard of the other gig-goers, who were mainly male. (She knew going to it that it wasn't her type of music but she said she would go). She made a comment saying she wouldn't be meeting her future husband there. I thought she was joking but she was dead serious.. She's also in her early twenties. The way she talked it was like every night out is a potential chance to meet Mr Right. I couldn't believe her. She sat there all night pouting and couldn't even appreciate the fantastic music.
    Girls with an attitude like that would make any potential Mr. Right's run a mile!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,916 ✭✭✭NickDrake


    A lot of Irish women are so very difficult to chat up.

    They have high notions about themselves.

    Therefore they arrive in their early 30's and realise they don't have a husband.

    Pretty pathetic really.

    Some Irish men are idiots but it is a hard job for some many of us.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,750 ✭✭✭liah


    Can't say I've ever actively been on the lookout. I wouldn't complain if I happened to come across the right person, mind! But I tend to just fall into my relationships and they always come when I least expect it, and I like it much more that way, rather driving myself nuts trying to find them.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 179 ✭✭John400


    NickDrake wrote: »
    A lot of Irish women are so very difficult to chat up.
    I'd tend to agree with that.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 243 ✭✭trixie_belle12


    NickDrake wrote: »
    A lot of Irish women are so very difficult to chat up.

    They have high notions about themselves.

    Therefore they arrive in their early 30's and realise they don't have a husband.

    Pretty pathetic really.

    Some Irish men are idiots but it is a hard job for some many of us.

    wow i just realised i'm going on 32 and I don't have a husband! nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!:eek:


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,633 ✭✭✭Feeona


    NickDrake wrote: »
    A lot of Irish women are so very difficult to chat up.

    And a lot of Irish men get drunk and aggressive. It didn't stop me from meeting my boyfriend though.

    If you want to spend your life thinking that Irish women are pathetic, then so be it. Don't come complaining though when you find it hard to chat them up. Your attitude says more about you than any words could.


  • Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Mariana Immense Tinder


    NickDrake wrote: »
    A lot of Irish women are so very difficult to chat up.

    They have high notions about themselves.

    Therefore they arrive in their early 30's and realise they don't have a husband.

    Pretty pathetic really.

    Some Irish men are idiots but it is a hard job for some many of us.

    lol
    you're right, next time I'm grabbed or told I have notions about myself, I should accept I'm being chatted up and comply :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
    no wonder you have no luck with that attitude


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    Last week I was out in a club, I was in the beer garden and the lads I was with headed off to the bar/jacks, I was left on my own, so I decided to go talk to some people instead of standing around like a tool, saw a group of girls beside me, they were all chatting and laughing, seemed friendly so I went over to say hello.
    I said something along the lines of "hey you guys seem friendly, mind if I stay and chat a while, just waiting for me mates to come back from the bar" with a smile. What was wrong with that? Not much I thought. You would have thought I had said I was a paedophile, the "dominant" one in the group said"No, I don't think so", while looking me up and down. That type of sh!t is depressing. I just laughed and said "guess I was wrong about the friendly bit" and walked away. I was pretty hurt though and it wrecked my night.
    Wouldn't be quick to try that again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    Last week I was out in a club, I was in the beer garden and the lads I was with headed off to the bar/jacks, I was left on my own, so I decided to go talk to some people instead of standing around like a tool, saw a group of girls beside me, they were all chatting and laughing, seemed friendly so I went over to say hello.
    I said something along the lines of "hey you guys seem friendly, mind if I stay and chat a while, just waiting for me mates to come back from the bar" with a smile. What was wrong with that? Not much I thought. You would have thought I had said I was a paedophile, the "dominant" one in the group said"No, I don't think so", while looking me up and down. That type of sh!t is depressing. I just laughed and said "guess I was wrong about the friendly bit" and walked away. I was pretty hurt though and it wrecked my night.
    Wouldn't be quick to try that again.

    Well it doesn't sound like you missed out on much, they don't seem like nice girls, stuck up would be the word I'd use! I'll always chat to a lad if he seems genuine, like you just said mind if I chat to you, thats a great opener! I just always seem to get creeps giving my cheesy lines while they rub my back *shudders*

    So don't give up. Just be nice and friendly and chat to girls. I just don't like the lads who make it really obvious they're out on the pull if you get me. A lad who wants to chat seems like he's genuinely interested in getting to know you, and just wants to meet new people on a night out.

    Don't let one group of b*tches put you off!


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,247 ✭✭✭Maguined


    There are plenty of stuck up women in clubs that are nasty, there are also plenty of aggressive asshole men in clubs.

    Conversely there are also plenty of nice friendly men and women in clubs so who cares if you run into a bad one of either gender, write them off and enjoy the rest of the night, people don't owe nice manners to you, so why should it matter?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,367 ✭✭✭Rabble Rabble


    No matter what angle I look at this, I can't see how the situation is any different for a man. If what you say is true and a man is asking a woman out, would he not be putting himself in exactly the same position? Does it mean he doesn't know if she'll stick around when the going gets tough - you know, when he loses his job, gets ill, or has difficulties with his family? Or does the going only ever get tough for a woman?

    I don't mean to be critical, but to me it sounds like you're not prepared to risk rejection, and would prefer if a man puts himself on the line first. That's fine, but it's a massive leap to say that the success of any relationship during difficult times will depend on who asked whom out months or years before. A few anecdotes don't justify that leap.

    She answered that - the cost of a relationship is greater for a woman. A woman will often act hard to get for that reason, subconsciously she is testing the guy to see if he really likes her.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,247 ✭✭✭Maguined


    How is the cost of a relationship more for a woman? Going up to a person and asking them and asking them out has the same risk of rejection for either gender?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    Well it doesn't sound like you missed out on much, they don't seem like nice girls, stuck up would be the word I'd use! I'll always chat to a lad if he seems genuine, like you just said mind if I chat to you, thats a great opener! I just always seem to get creeps giving my cheesy lines while they rub my back *shudders*

    So don't give up. Just be nice and friendly and chat to girls. I just don't like the lads who make it really obvious they're out on the pull if you get me. A lad who wants to chat seems like he's genuinely interested in getting to know you, and just wants to meet new people on a night out.

    Don't let one group of b*tches put you off!
    Yeah, I wasnt even on the pull, I just wanted to chat while my mates were gone, meet new people as you said.
    Maguined wrote: »
    There are plenty of stuck up women in clubs that are nasty, there are also plenty of aggressive asshole men in clubs.

    Conversely there are also plenty of nice friendly men and women in clubs so who cares if you run into a bad one of either gender, write them off and enjoy the rest of the night, people don't owe nice manners to you, so why should it matter?
    Thats easier said than done tbh.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,954 ✭✭✭✭Larianne


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    Last week I was out in a club, I was in the beer garden and the lads I was with headed off to the bar/jacks, I was left on my own, so I decided to go talk to some people instead of standing around like a tool, saw a group of girls beside me, they were all chatting and laughing, seemed friendly so I went over to say hello.
    I said something along the lines of "hey you guys seem friendly, mind if I stay and chat a while, just waiting for me mates to come back from the bar" with a smile. What was wrong with that? Not much I thought. You would have thought I had said I was a paedophile, the "dominant" one in the group said"No, I don't think so", while looking me up and down. That type of sh!t is depressing. I just laughed and said "guess I was wrong about the friendly bit" and walked away. I was pretty hurt though and it wrecked my night.
    Wouldn't be quick to try that again.

    See this is what happens and it becomes like a vicious circle. "Where are all the nice guys???" They are over in the corner chatting with their mates because its crap like that that puts fellas off going over to talk to girls and why people like NickDrake get attitudes like "Irish girls are so hard to chat up". I can see the frustration of it all.

    You have to look at it from both sides. As Bluewolf has pointed out, many Irish lads don't go up to a girl unless they've had a few to drink and who wants an incoherent yob coming onto them, guy or girl? It is this that causes some women to become very defensive no matter who comes over to chat to them - nice or not nice. A girl might have had 3 drunken eejits come up and approach her before a decent guy has and by that stage she probably is just not in the mood. I'm not saying that an excuse to being a complete bitch to someone. There is always a polite way of doing things. My friend, I don't even like going out with her any more the way she reacts when guys approach her. It puts a downer on the night. I have seen some women treat guys awfully when out. Making a complete show of them in front of others.

    Then because of situations like this and what Mussolini has described above, which has happened to quite a few of my friends, decent guys don't approach girls any more.

    Feck all that. If I see a guy I like I usually approach them these days. Whats there to lose! In fact I tend to just have the banter with everyone I'm out with. If I end up chatting with someone that I'm not interested in I make my excuses and wish them a good night. Just because you're in a pub or niteclub doesn't mean you have to lose all your manners!


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,247 ✭✭✭Maguined


    Its really not, why should you care about how some random person treats you? They are not your friends or family, they are total randomers so laugh them off and then go back to your friends and laugh about it, this will put you in a calm happy mood so if you end up talking to a bunch of nice women you will be in the right mindset rather than being angry and pissed off and giving off the wrong vibe.

    Would you care so much if a random guy was rude to you on a night out as well?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,594 ✭✭✭Maddison


    Have been single for the past 6 months after years of being in a relationship. Im perfectly happy being single as Its nice to spend some time just being on my own. Whenever my sister & I are going out she will say ''oh lets get you lookin all sexy and we'll find you a hot man''. I couldnt be bothered in the slightest!!One thing that is strange though is that when I was in a relationship i would have guys chatting me up, I get messages on boards(but I think this is more to do with how dirty I can come across!!) and also I get plenty of friend requests & messages from guys on Facebook. Since Ive been single I havent once been approached, I wouldnt consider myself to be unattractive. Maybe it is because I couldnt care less & I dont want to ''go on the pull''. My sis gives me the low down on how to look hot doing all this pouty crap....is it that some women just NEED attention in order to feel good about themselves? I suffer with self esteem issues but I certainly wont be going out with looking to have guys chat me up in order to make myself feel better.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 157 ✭✭killerking


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    Last week I was out in a club, I was in the beer garden and the lads I was with headed off to the bar/jacks, I was left on my own, so I decided to go talk to some people instead of standing around like a tool, saw a group of girls beside me, they were all chatting and laughing, seemed friendly so I went over to say hello.
    I said something along the lines of "hey you guys seem friendly, mind if I stay and chat a while, just waiting for me mates to come back from the bar" with a smile. What was wrong with that? Not much I thought. You would have thought I had said I was a paedophile, the "dominant" one in the group said"No, I don't think so", while looking me up and down. That type of sh!t is depressing. I just laughed and said "guess I was wrong about the friendly bit" and walked away. I was pretty hurt though and it wrecked my night.
    Wouldn't be quick to try that again.

    What you need to understand is that good looking women get hit on all the time and most of this attention is unwanted - they can't have drinks with, go on dates, have sex with or marry all the guys who go up to them and say "hey you guys seem friendly, mind if I stay and chat a while, just waiting for me mates to come back from the bar." They have experienced that same approach 100,000,000 billion trillion times before.
    Maybe you shouldn't come across as so eager - you basically told them in so many words that you and your mates had no other plans for the evening and that you were ready on a moments notice to stay with these girls all night and they wouldn't have do any work.
    No wonder they blew you off because you were demanding a commitment from them from the get-go. They didn't go out to hold court with you or your friends because they don't know you from Adam.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,594 ✭✭✭Maddison


    killerking wrote: »
    What you need to understand is that good looking women get hit on all the time and most of this attention is unwanted - they can't have drinks with, go on dates, have sex with or marry all the guys who go up to them and say "hey you guys seem friendly, mind if I stay and chat a while, just waiting for me mates to come back from the bar." They have experienced that same approach 100,000,000 billion trillion times before.
    Maybe you shouldn't come across as so eager - you basically told them in so many words that you and your mates had no other plans for the evening and that you were ready on a moments notice to stay with these girls all night and they wouldn't have do any work.
    No wonder they blew you off because you were demanding a commitment from them from the get-go. They didn't go out to hold court with you or your friends because they don't know you from Adam.

    I think you are misreading his intentions, I dont think he was looking to pull any of them, just looking to chat to people to pass the time while waiting on his friends. I think the point he was trying to make was that some women ''assume'' that a guy is looking for something when hes only just looking to chat...there isnt always intention behind it and how snotty the girl was towards him.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    killerking wrote: »
    What you need to understand is that good looking women get hit on all the time and most of this attention is unwanted - they can't have drinks with, go on dates, have sex with or marry all the guys who go up to them and say "hey you guys seem friendly, mind if I stay and chat a while, just waiting for me mates to come back from the bar." They have experienced that same approach 100,000,000 billion trillion times before.
    Maybe you shouldn't come across as so eager - you basically told them in so many words that you and your mates had no other plans for the evening and that you were ready on a moments notice to stay with these girls all night and they wouldn't have do any work.
    No wonder they blew you off because you were demanding a commitment from them from the get-go. They didn't go out to hold court with you or your friends because they don't know you from Adam.
    I wanted someone to talk to when my mates where at the bar. And even if that wasnt the case I dont think it warranted the response.


    So what you are saying is that I should go talk to the so called "ugly" girls?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    killerking wrote: »
    What you need to understand is that good looking women get hit on all the time and most of this attention is unwanted - they can't have drinks with, go on dates, have sex with or marry all the guys who go up to them and say "hey you guys seem friendly, mind if I stay and chat a while, just waiting for me mates to come back from the bar." They have experienced that same approach 100,000,000 billion trillion times before.
    Maybe you shouldn't come across as so eager - you basically told them in so many words that you and your mates had no other plans for the evening and that you were ready on a moments notice to stay with these girls all night and they wouldn't have do any work.
    No wonder they blew you off because you were demanding a commitment from them from the get-go. They didn't go out to hold court with you or your friends because they don't know you from Adam.

    They could´ve been nicer about it though. Mussolini sounded like he approached this women in a friendly way and didn´t deserve that put-down. You don´t treat anyone that way.

    Saying that, I know myself when I´m out with girls that the cheesy come-ons can get a little draining. An honest question, if you had no interest in talking to a random fella (and you´re not obliged to), is there actually a nice way to phrase it? I usually say something like, "I´m just out with the girls tonight...were having a "no men allowed" night,sorry" and give a smile or something...unfortunately some guys wouldn´t accept this with dignity or don´t believe that women are happy enough in the company of their female friends. I think whatever you say will be picked up wrong. HOWEVER, these girls were particularly rude and there´s no excuse for that.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,435 ✭✭✭solerina


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    Last week I was out in a club, I was in the beer garden and the lads I was with headed off to the bar/jacks, I was left on my own, so I decided to go talk to some people instead of standing around like a tool, saw a group of girls beside me, they were all chatting and laughing, seemed friendly so I went over to say hello.
    I said something along the lines of "hey you guys seem friendly, mind if I stay and chat a while, just waiting for me mates to come back from the bar" with a smile. What was wrong with that? Not much I thought. You would have thought I had said I was a paedophile, the "dominant" one in the group said"No, I don't think so", while looking me up and down. That type of sh!t is depressing. I just laughed and said "guess I was wrong about the friendly bit" and walked away. I was pretty hurt though and it wrecked my night.
    Wouldn't be quick to try that again.

    You seem like you were just unlucky to bump into a group of total bitches, i notice only the queen bee spoke, the rest of the drones may have ben friendly if she kept her mouth shut...anyway not all women are like those, Im sorry it wrecked ur nite but dont give up, and do try it again....the decent girls out there will be delighted !!!


  • Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I wouldn't say I was always on the lookout, but I'd say that I when I'm single I'm always open to meeting a new guy, if you know what I mean?
    Then again there are some times when I feel like I just want guys to leave me alone for a while - I'm sure men get them too, you just want to go out to have a good time and guys trying to approach you become a nuisance.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    And in response to the thread, I´m not on the look out for a potential boyfriend but I´d definitely keep an eye out for a handsome face. If I saw one I would happily find an excuse to approach them for a bit of harmless flirting and perhaps something more. I´m definitely not looking at him as boyfriend material, not at that stage.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,594 ✭✭✭Maddison


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    I wanted someone to talk to when my mates where at the bar. And even if that wasnt the case I dont think it warranted the response.


    So what you are saying is that I should go talk to the so called "ugly" girls?

    Its attitudes like that which make the female of the species look bad. My sister is a bitch for that, she is incredibly attractive and she will dance sexy with a guy and when he goes in for the kill she face palms them. Its dreadful, just because your attractive It doesnt give you the right to come on to a guy and then make a show of him when he tries it on.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    Maddison wrote: »
    Its attitudes like that which make the female of the species look bad. My sister is a bitch for that, she is incredibly attractive and she will dance sexy with a guy and when he goes in for the kill she face palms them. Its dreadful, just because your attractive It doesnt give you the right to come on to a guy and then make a show of him when he tries it on.

    What she going to do when her looks fade? She´ll still be stuck with a stinky attitude. I don´t mean to offend, but who does she think she is?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,594 ✭✭✭Maddison


    Eve_Dublin wrote: »
    What she going to do when her looks fade? She´ll still be stuck with a stinky attitude. I don´t mean to offend, but who does she think she is?

    No joke...she has a tattoo with a queen bee on the back of her neck!
    And no offence taken, Ive tried talking to her about it but she just laughs it off...Its how she gets her kicks.


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  • Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Mariana Immense Tinder


    throw a glass of water at her next time she tries that
    I mean just the water not the glass :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 39 Stevo1011


    <snip>


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Okay Steve1011 is taking a permanent vacation from The Ladies Lounge...could any other posters wishing to indulge in a spot of crass generalisation and sweeping insults regarding women do so on an appropriate forum ie not this one.

    Thanks.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,247 ✭✭✭Maguined


    Maddison wrote: »
    Its attitudes like that which make the female of the species look bad. My sister is a bitch for that, she is incredibly attractive and she will dance sexy with a guy and when he goes in for the kill she face palms them. Its dreadful, just because your attractive It doesnt give you the right to come on to a guy and then make a show of him when he tries it on.

    No they don't, the actions of a few individuals does not reflect on an entire gender just those individuals themselves.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,594 ✭✭✭Maddison


    Maguined wrote: »
    No they don't, the actions of a few individuals does not reflect on an entire gender just those individuals themselves.

    Mabey I worded It wrong but when you get knocked back like that by a member of the opposite sex It doesnt exactly give you the confidence to try again.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    Maguined wrote: »
    Its really not, why should you care about how some random person treats you? They are not your friends or family, they are total randomers so laugh them off and then go back to your friends and laugh about it, this will put you in a calm happy mood so if you end up talking to a bunch of nice women you will be in the right mindset rather than being angry and pissed off and giving off the wrong vibe.
    I know all that, but again it is easier said than done. I'm convinced if it was some really handsome bloke they wouldn't have reacted the same. So the fact that its just random people even makes it worse, as they would have no reason to act like bitches.
    Would you care so much if a random guy was rude to you on a night out as well?
    I have no doubt if it was a bunch of lads I went up to that would not have happened.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    Maddison wrote: »
    Mabey I worded It wrong but when you get knocked back like that by a member of the opposite sex It doesnt exactly give you the confidence to try again.

    I know what you´re saying but it shouldn´t. I´d put this experience down as a run in with some nasty PEOPLE. The world is full of them but having come across a fair few in my 30 years on this planet, I´ve grown a thicker skin. It´s a dog eat dog world. I wouldn´t view it as a gender issue because it´s not.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,698 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    Maddison wrote: »
    Mabey I worded It wrong but when you get knocked back like that by a member of the opposite sex It doesnt exactly give you the confidence to try again.

    I disagree, I've been knocked back by loads of guys, it never stopped me chancing my arm with another. It's only people who view all of a gender by the actions of a few who have trouble with that, to be honest.

    If that was the case, the first time any of us were dumped, cheated on, turned down, stood up, or slagged off, we'd barely managed to speak to a member of the opposite sex again. But yet somehow, the human race hasn't died out :)

    Not all women are the same, not all men are the same, just cos some guy turns me down cos he 'doesn't date small birds' or 'sorry love, I only like blondes' or 'sorry love, I only like birds with decent tits, ahaha' doesn't mean they all think that, otherwise I'd have spent a lot more of my life single than I have done.

    It's dead easy to just write it off as 'Oh, she said x so all women are bitches' or 'He said Y so all men are bastards' because it takes the onus off you a) having to up your game or b) picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and trying again.

    Takes a lot more guts to just go 'Oh well, that person was not the right person for me', see it as it was, and move on.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,594 ✭✭✭Maddison


    Eve_Dublin wrote: »
    I know what you´re saying but it shouldn´t. I´d put this experience down as a run in with some nasty PEOPLE. The world is full of them but having come across a fair few in my 30 years on this planet, I´ve grown a thicker skin. It´s a dog eat dog world. I wouldn´t view it as a gender issue because it´s not.

    As I said I worded it wrong. I can see where Mussolini is coming from in a sense that Its difficult enough going up to random strangers trying to strike up friendly banter only to be knocked back like that. Its not great for the confidence. Ive worked in bars for years and Ive seen many a knock back and different ways people deal with them. Ive also seen many a guy/girl getting their comeuppence also. Karma is a bitch:)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 157 ✭✭killerking


    solerina wrote: »
    You seem like you were just unlucky to bump into a group of total bitches, i notice only the queen bee spoke, the rest of the drones may have ben friendly if she kept her mouth shut...anyway not all women are like those, Im sorry it wrecked ur nite but dont give up, and do try it again....the decent girls out there will be delighted !!!

    Sorry but it must be said that there's is no rule that says women must talk to a man because the man is rather shy, is awkward around women he is attracted to, gets tongue tied and is intimidated when a 'queen bee' tells him in so many words to p*ss off. Calling women 'bitches' is certainly not going to remedy the situation either.

    When Richard Burton and Liz Taylor were the most famous couple in the world they were literally attacked by screaming fans who tried tear off their hair and jewellery. Burton often attended film premieres with bloody fists because he had to smashed them in the face to get back out of their way.

    A group of attractive women do not have to deal with that level of hassle but go out to any busy night club and you are sure to see a group of beautiful women who are literally under siege from men wherever the sit or are on the dance floor with men trying to feel them up and grind against them or when they are on the street walking home they find themselves followed by aggressive men who demand they allow them to take them home and have sex with them just because they might have accepted a drink or a light.

    That's the level of unwanted attention women have to deal with not to mention at work they are under constant watch by sexually frustrated male colleagues who make incessant sexual innuendo.

    This is why they are rude to 'nice' guys - they are just one more piece of hassle.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    I have no doubt if it was a bunch of lads I went up to that would not have happened.

    If YOU went up to a bunch of lads it may not have happened but I would bet my house that every weekend equal volumes of men are rude and leering and gropingly bad mannered as there are women snapping at men - unfortunately one behaviour fuels the other and means innocent guys and girls who indulge in neither get tarred with the same brush.

    I agree with Eve, unfortunately it's a part of life that women have to fight past all the lecherous players and men have to get past the snooty cows to meet the good guys - but they certainly both exist and accepting that and ensuring such people don't get under your skin and taint the way you feel about people in general is really important in not missing the good guys.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,247 ✭✭✭Maguined


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    I know all that, but again it is easier said than done. I'm convinced if it was some really handsome bloke they wouldn't have reacted the same. So the fact that its just random people even makes it worse, as they would have no reason to act like bitches.


    I have no doubt if it was a bunch of lads I went up to that would not have happened.

    It does not matter if they would of been nicer to a big handsome bloke, they don't owe being nice to you, if someone is nasty to you then you avoid them and not care what they think or how they act to you, they only have as much influence in your life as you give them.

    So you have never been on a night out and some guy is rude or aggressive to you? I am not talking about going up to them and starting a chat, it could be any circumstance, if some guy bumped into you and tried to start agro but eventually left would you let him ruin your night as well or just write him off as a rude git and enjoy the rest of your night?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    Maddison wrote: »
    As I said I worded it wrong. I can see where Mussolini is coming from in a sense that Its difficult enough going up to random strangers trying to strike up friendly banter only to be knocked back like that. Its not great for the confidence. Ive worked in bars for years and Ive seen many a knock back and different ways people deal with them. Ive also seen many a guy/girl getting their comeuppence also. Karma is a bitch:)

    Fair enough. You have to keep in mind Mussolini that this nasty behaviour is THEIR problem, it´s no reflection on you. They´re the ones who are going to make enemies down the line and probably die alone. But I do see what you´re saying...I´d probably feel the same in Mussolini´s shoes but more for the fact that I don´t like being in confrontational scenarios and when I come across nasty people, I´m more disappointed that people feel they can treat people that way and get away with it when I worry so much about treating people with respect. I´d be annoyed that I have to be reminded that the world has a-holes when I´m in a good mood and enjoying myself in a social setting. Not the context you expect to come across that kind of attitude.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    If YOU went up to a bunch of lads it may not have happened but I would bet my house that every weekend equal volumes of men are rude and leering and gropingly bad mannered as there are women snapping at men - unfortunately one behaviour fuels the other and means innocent guys and girls who indulge in neither get tarred with the same brush.

    I agree with Eve, unfortunately it's a part of life that women have to fight past all the lecherous players and men have to get past the snooty cows to meet the good guys - but they certainly both exist and accepting that and ensuring such people don't get under your skin and taint the way you feel about people in general is really important in not missing the good guys.
    Yes, thats my point, I was talking about me. Maddison asked would I be as hurt if it was lads, that simply would not have happened.

    And as for tainting my opinion of women, no it hasn't, I would just be a bit more wary of doing what I did again in future, its only natural. If I was punched in the face when I opened the door I think I would be more wary the next time I opened it.

    In fact I prefer to hang around with women in clubs, as mostly they seem to be thee to have fun rather than on the pull.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    Yes, thats my point, I was talking about me. Maddison asked would I be as hurt if it was lads, that simply would not have happened.

    Well, Maddison asked if you'd be hurt - you then took that and ran with it to suggest that rude men on nights out just don't exist - which I think we both know simply isn't true.
    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    And as for tainting my opinion of women, no it hasn't, I would just be a bit more wary of doing what I did again in future, its only natural. If I was punched in the face when I opened the door I think I would be more wary the next time I opened it.

    In fact I prefer to hang around with women in clubs, as mostly they seem to be thee to have fun rather than on the pull.

    I would hope it hasn't. There does seem to be a prevailing negative attitude towards women based entirely on this minority that are rude to guys and up themselves which is clearly unjust and unfair on the rest of us. If you think about it, night out with the girls/boys, drink on board, hormones flying, both sexes strutting around a public arena - it's a disaster waiting to happen.


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  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,698 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    Yes, thats my point, I was talking about me. Maddison asked would I be as hurt if it was lads, that simply would not have happened.

    It wouldn;t have happened because you wouldn't have been chatting them up, or it wouldn't have happened because lads would never reject anyone in a mean way, or how do you mean?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    Well, Maddison asked if you'd be hurt - you then took that and ran with it to suggest that rude men on nights out just don't exist - which I think we both know simply isn't true.
    No I fcuking didn't, what I did was say that I, yes I, would not not have been treated in the same way by a group of lads. Got that? You should read more carefully in future and not look for things to take issue with.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,698 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    No I fcuking didn't, what I did was say that I, yes I, would not not have been treated in the same way by a group of lads. Got that? You should read more carefully in future and not look for things to take issue with.

    How do you know though?

    Have you ever tried chatting up a guy in a group?

    I have, and I've seen friends do it, and I've seen it go varying ways from very well, to responses of 'Ahaha **** off you fat ****'.

    So to be honest I don't think you know for sure HOW a group of random guys would react upon being chatted up, because I don't think you've tried it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    Silverfish wrote: »
    How do you know though?

    Have you ever tried chatting up a guy in a group?

    I have, and I've seen friends do it, and I've seen it go varying ways from very well, to responses of 'Ahaha **** off you fat ****'.

    So to be honest I don't think you know for sure HOW a group of random guys would react upon being chatted up, because I don't think you've tried it.
    I wasnt chatting the girls up, they looked friendly so I went over to chat to pass the time, hardly a crime is it? They were beside me, if it was a group of lads I would have done the exact same, I have done so in the past.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    MUSSOLINI wrote: »
    I wasnt chatting the girls up, they looked friendly so I went over to chat to pass the time, hardly a crime is it? They were beside me, if it was a group of lads I would have done the exact same, I have done so in the past.

    I don´t think anyone is condoning their behaviour, all people are saying is this kind of behaviour is not exclusive to women. That is all.


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