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My sons dad...

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    #32
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    RIRI wrote: »
    I'm really sorry for your situation OP.
    But I think you should continue to send xmas cards, at keat you will know you did what you could - regardless of whether or not your son's Dad responds.

    Very best of luck to you & the little man
    RIRI

    thank you riri. But I think I've done enough now - I already know that I've done as much as I could - I've sent the card 6 years in a row, and nothing. Time for me to stop sending them.

    And thanks for your post too greengirl - I know there are many women in our situation and while I now feel it's my issue, ultimately, it's my son who really has to deal with this rejection, not me. The best I can hope is that I fill him without enough love and self-worth, that as he gets older, he'll handle it well.

    Thnks again.


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    #33
    cc-offe
    Registered Users Posts: 455 ✭✭cc-offe


    Richyd wrote: »
    sorry to hear about your problem. i have the opposite problem. I want to see my kids and i cant. I send them gifts and they get sent back. I agree with the last comment that you should move on for your sons sake and make it a great xmas for him and forget about his father. I think you are just foolng yourself thinking his father will suddenly take interest. he dont deserve to be part of his life. Time for you to move on and enjoy the time with your son they grow up too fast for you to care about someone who dont care about you or his son.. Merry xmas to you and your son.

    Richyd, I hope everything works out for you and you can start to see your kids again, you must be heartbroken. I see another poster has offered to help discuss things with you, I wish you all the best.


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    #34
    greengirl31
    Registered Users Posts: 416 ✭✭greengirl31


    unregistered wrote: »

    And thanks for your post too greengirl - I know there are many women in our situation and while I now feel it's my issue, ultimately, it's my son who really has to deal with this rejection, not me. The best I can hope is that I fill him without enough love and self-worth, that as he gets older, he'll handle it well.

    Thnks again.

    OP, I think it's great that you seem to have finally decided to "move on" if that's the correct phrase to use - these men are not worth the heartache they cause !! But one thing I would suggest to you is when your son does ask about his Dad, try (as hard as it might be) not to paint him in a negative light - for example, Son: does my daddy not love me. You: yes he does but not everybody can love the way you and I can. Try not to point to the negatives of the situation. Your EX doesn't know your son so he's not rejecting him as such although choosing not to develop a relationship is more or less the same thing, REJECTION is such a negative word. My daughter has already started asking her dad and it breaks my heart to think he's turned his back on my sweet little girl but it really is his loss and I know one day he'll regret it and by then it'll be too late!
    I might also mention that My own Dad left my mum when I was born - it was a different time than the one we live in now - but to cut a long story short, I know exactly where I could go if I wanted to get in touch with him but I've never been interested. To me A dad is someone who is there for me all the time. I have that so my biological father is a stranger to me - and not a very nice one at that because after all, he left his young vunerable GF (my mum) to cope not only a young child on her own, but with all the stigma and shame associated with having a child outside marriage in the 1970's.
    So Best of Luck with it all - and if you Love your son as much as it seems, I see no reason for him not to be a Happy Fulfilled young boy
    A x


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    #35
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thank you greengirl.

    He does ask the odd question about him, here and there. I've never gotten the 'Does he love me' question, and if he ever asks me that, I will have to say that unfortunately, as he doesn't know him, he doesn't love him - but if he knew him, he would love him as much as his mammy does.

    The man doesn't love him. I don't want to let him believe that 'love' equals someone who rejects and ignores you all of your life - he would grow up with a very unhealthy attitude of what love actually is.

    I'll be honest and age appropriate of course, but I won't lie to him and say 'Of course he loves you, but he works far away..' or something similar. I've a friend who did that with her own daughter for many years - the daughter is now the most confused 13yr old you'd ever meet. She was eventually told that daddy lives 3 streets away....:-(

    Thanks so much for your good wishes...and glad to hear you don't have the longing in you (to know your dad) that I hope my lad will never have either.


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