Cheaters

wirelessdude01

Do women look differently at guys who have cheated in a previous relationship?

Allure_

I know i do ,I wouldn't touch off a guy if i knew he had cheated in a different relationship...once a cheater always a cheater in my opinion.

I used to, and then I realised virtually every guy I met had cheated in the past. I barely know anyone, man or woman, who hasn't at least had a drunken kiss at some point. To be honest, it does make me a bit wary but if I feel that the person has changed and matured since then, I'm willing to give them a chance. I also respect someone being honest about it.

star-pants

Why do you ask?

Tbh... I don't know. I've been cheated on by most bfs, yet I still go into a relationship giving someone the trust they've earned themselves. If I found out they'd cheated, I'd probably want to know the situation/some details of what was going on. It would definitely alter (even if only temporarily) my level of trust. But on the other hand, some do repent, some do make mistakes & learn. So really, each case needs to be treated and viewed differently with all the facts taken into consideration.
Technically by this stage I should be a cynic, but I'm far from it. I still manage to keep some faith, even if I do lose sight of it the odd time.

star-pants

star-pants wrote: »

Why do you ask?

Tbh... I don't know. I've been cheated on by most bfs, yet I still go into a relationship giving someone the trust they've earned themselves. If I found out they'd cheated, I'd probably want to know the situation/some details of what was going on. It would definitely alter (even if only temporarily) my level of trust. But on the other hand, some do repent, some do make mistakes & learn. So really, each case needs to be treated and viewed differently with all the facts taken into consideration.
Technically by this stage I should be a cynic, but I'm far from it. I still manage to keep some faith, even if I do lose sight of it the odd time.

That's interesting, as I'd feel the same, but a lot of people seem to feel that you have 'no right' to know, that the past is the past etc.

wirelessdude01

I ask because i cheated in my last relationship.

Have recently began seeing someone else and if i'm honest i'm totally crazy about her and think the feeling from her is the same. Don't want any secrets and want to tell her as i know she has an issue with cheating but don't want to lose her either

star-pants

Brooklynn Aggressive Puppeteer wrote: »

That's interested, as I'd feel the same, but a lot of people seem to feel that you have 'no right' to know, that the past is the past etc.

True maybe some feel you've no right to know. But if I found out, I'd need to know more than just 'I cheated' so that I could do my best to understand the situation properly and continue on with informed open eyes.
I think it'd be better to ask for details rather than write someone off completely without knowing what went on. Not that I excuse cheating, at all, never cheated on a bf, but just that not everything is black & white

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

I ask because i cheated in my last relationship.

Have recently began seeing someone else and if i'm honest i'm totally crazy about her and think the feeling from her is the same. Don't want any secrets and want to tell her as i know she has an issue with cheating but don't want to lose her either

Well it's completely your call. If you voice it, knowing she has concerns, then you're sowing doubt into her view of things, unless you've an understandable explanation. The reasons behind why you cheated in your last relationship (not asking you for them) - but they're relevant. If you feel it was something specific to that relationship and not something you'd done before/would do again, then there doesn't appear to be a need to tell her.

And probably no need to tell her unless she asks specifically that question.
It's not a secret you're keeping from her as such, but just it's not something a lot of people would bring up without coaxing. (i.e. you're not 'not telling' her so that you can cheat on her)

whatsamsn

Sad fact is that cheating is not confined to a certain type of person. Everyone has the abilty to cheat. That grey area in people. And as Brooklynn Aggressive Puppeteer said majority of people have in one form or the other. Despite what people say.

Personally, i've seen the most nicest, shyest and seemingly honest of girls cheat. People that you never would expect to cheat. In the end .. how well do you know someone? how well can you trust someone? ... its sad but true.

S23

Brooklynn Aggressive Puppeteer wrote: »

I used to, and then I realised virtually every guy I met had cheated in the past. I barely know anyone, man or woman, who hasn't at least had a drunken kiss at some point. To be honest, it does make me a bit wary but if I feel that the person has changed and matured since then, I'm willing to give them a chance. I also respect someone being honest about it.

I agree. Almost everyone (or lets say a lot of people) at some stage will probably have done something along those lines. Now whether they were 15/16 and it was kissing another girl/guy or whether it was last year and they were fcuking 3 other girls/guys despite being married for a decade is what makes the difference.

That's interesting, as I'd feel the same, but a lot of people seem to feel that you have 'no right' to know, that the past is the past etc.

I abhor this 'the past is the past' business unrepentently. If someone has unprotected sex with 25 women while cheating on their partner of 11 years in their last relationship, which ended 2 months ago, then how can the past be the past and none of your business? It would be a serious risk to both your physical and emotional health.

Things like sexual and relationship history are relevant when entering into a new relationship. The idea that you can just throw a blanket over anything prior to meeting someone and label it 'you weren't there - therefore - none of your business regardless' is one I find staggering.

Ickle Magoo

Moved from PI....

wirelessdude01

star-pants wrote: »

.

And probably no need to tell her unless she asks specifically that question.
It's not a secret you're keeping from her as such, but just it's not something a lot of people would bring up without coaxing. (i.e. you're not 'not telling' her so that you can cheat on her)

Lets say we have the conversation about exes and she asks why the last one ended.

whatsamsn

S23 wrote: »

Things like sexual and relationship history are relevant when entering into a new relationship. The idea that you can just throw a blanket over anything prior to meeting someone and label it 'you weren't there - therefore - none of your business regardless' is one I find staggering.

I agree.
In fairness if I was dating a girl and found out she had sex with 2 guys one night two months prior ... i would be immediately turned off the girl.

Yes everyone has a past but I dont wanna know a person sexual indulgences before dating me because its a sure way to get turned off by hearing all. But at the same time... if you dont ask you could be dating someone whos had 50 one night stands. Its a kinda catch 22.

Novella

Allure_ wrote: »

I know i do ,I wouldn't touch off a guy if i knew he had cheated in a different relationship...once a cheater always a cheater in my opinion.

I just do not, and will never understand this attitude. 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' is, no offence, complete and utter BS. People make mistakes. Loads of people do loads of things once in their life and then never do it again. If you actually applied that in real life, you could rule out some potentially amazing partners.

I would have no issue with a guy who had cheated previously, as long as he took responsibility for it - as in no "Oh, I cheated but it's okay 'cause I was drunk". If a person understands mistakes they've made and are regretful, I can understand that. No one is perfect.

Giselle

Allure_ wrote: »

I know i do ,I wouldn't touch off a guy if i knew he had cheated in a different relationship...once a cheater always a cheater in my opinion.

I don't think thats strictly true, there are too many different circumstances and grey areas and everyone is different.

I'd need to know the circumstances before I could judge, but I wouldn't dismiss the guy out of hand just on that one thing.

BraziliaNZ

whatsamsn wrote: »

I agree.
In fairness if I was dating a girl and found out she had sex with 2 guys one night two months prior ... i would be immediately turned off the girl.

Yes everyone has a past but I dont wanna know a person sexual indulgences before dating me because its a sure way to get turned off by hearing all. But at the same time... if you dont ask you could be dating someone whos had 50 one night stands. Its a kinda catch 22.

Why would this turn you off? Because she enjoys having sex?
Would you not go out with someone who's had 50 one night stands? If it's safe etc, what's the problem?

S23

Surely he's allowed have personal preference on not wanting to be with someone who sleeps around. There might not be anything wrong with it but it's not everyones cup of tea.

BraziliaNZ

S23 wrote: »

Surely he's allowed have personal preference on not wanting to be with someone who sleeps around. There might not be anything wrong with it but it's not everyones cup of tea.

Yeah it's just pathetic. It's a sign of insecurity. If you meet the woman of your dreams but she's had 50 one night stands it's a deal breaker? Come on.

S23

Pathetic? :rolleyes: Having a personal preference is pathetic? Jesus are you defensive or what. No one is making any assertions about you and your sexual past.

I wouldn't rule someone out on that basis but I know people that would and they are perfectly entitled to do so. It's certainly not 'pathetic' to be attracted, or not, to people who do/have behave in a certain way. Anyway this is now completely off topic.

BraziliaNZ

S23 wrote: »

Pathetic? :rolleyes: Having a personal preference is pathetic? Jesus are you defensive or what. No one is making any assertions about you and your sexual past.

I wouldn't rule someone out on that basis but I know people that would and they are perfectly entitled to do so. It's certainly not 'pathetic' to be attracted, or not, to people who do/have behave in a certain way. Anyway this is now completely off topic.

So why would they not be attracted to people who have had casual sex?

S23

Some people find different lifestyle choices unttractive. Some people aren't naturally attracted to smokers. Or people who like to drink a lot. Or people who are obsessed with a single aspect of their lives, a gym/fitness fanatic for example etc.. etc.. etc...

People are allowed find what they want attractive or unattractive. To label people pathetic because their ideas don't conform to your own is ridiculous. If someone doesn't find a girl having had 50 one night stands an attractive trait, or if they find it extremely unattractive, they are perfectly entitled to feel that way. And they are entitled to do so without having the ridiculous accusation of being 'pathetic' levelled at them.

BraziliaNZ

S23 wrote: »

Some people find different lifestyle choices unttractive. Some people aren't naturally attracted to smokers. Or people who like to drink a lot. Or people who are obsessed with a single aspect of their lives, a gym/fitness fanatic for example etc.. etc.. etc...

People are allowed find what they want attractive or unattractive. To label people pathetic because their ideas don't conform to your own is ridiculous. If someone doesn't find a girl having had 50 one night stands an attractive trait, or if they find it extremely unattractive, they are perfectly entitled to feel that way. And they are entitled to do so without having the ridiculous accusation of being 'pathetic' levelled at them.

There are valid reasons for not liking smokers or big drinkers. What is the reason behind not liking people who have one night stands?

Princess Peach

Not sure about this one. I will avoid the conversation about exes altogether if I can. You know when you tell a new boyfriend about all past relationships, its just not something I ever see as relevant. A boy can tell me all about his last girlfriend, and I can make up an opinion about it, but I'd never know the whole story, so I just don't like that conversation at all.

So it is possible that I've been with a guy who cheated, but I've never been cheated on anyway.

Not sure if I believe the "once a cheater always a cheater." You can't ever know what was going on in a relationship to make it happen. I'm not condoning it at all, I hate it, but I'm not sure if you should judge your future with him based on his past.

I guess my point is, I'd rather not know. Because I probably would make assumptions to how he'll treat me, and they could very well be wrong.

S23

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

There are valid reasons for not liking smokers or big drinkers. What is the reason behind not liking people who have one night stands?

Can you not think of a single one? Jesus you really are clutching at straws. Let it go. Not everyone has to think the same way you do no matter how unbelievable you find that. People have different preferences. That's a fact not an opinion.

BraziliaNZ

S23 wrote: »

Can you not think of a single one? Jesus you really are clutching at straws. Let it go. Not everyone has to think the same way you do no matter how unbelievable you find that. People have different preferences. That's a fact not an opinion.

I think it's an unjustified prejudice. I can't think of a single one no. Tell me please!

axer

Novella wrote: »

I just do not, and will never understand this attitude. 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' is, no offence, complete and utter BS. People make mistakes. Loads of people do loads of things once in their life and then never do it again. If you actually applied that in real life, you could rule out some potentially amazing partners.

I would never go out with someone that has cheated unless there were exceptional circumstances. I have never heard of a good reason why someone has cheated yet - "drunken kiss"? bs "was so drunk I lost control"? bs

Disclaimer: I have never cheated on anyone nor have ever gone out with someone who has (to the best of my knowledge).

whatsamsn

urgh... always someone :rolleyes:
I imagine you are a woman, right?

So BraziliaNZ you're officially saying that if you start dating a man next week... its ok if he has slept with 25 different people in the last 6 months. Thats ok so. Your choice.

**edit**
But s23 is right. Its of personal opinion and choice. I am a mid 20s guy. I wouldnt date a girl whos been around the block. Whats it my turn or something? ... but at the same time i wouldnt be bothered by a woman having a reasonable sexual past. Not looking for a virgin. But not some bike.

liah

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I think it's an unjustified prejudice. I can't think of a single one no. Tell me please!

I'd be curious as to a real reason, too, tbh.

If the girl is 100% perfect for you in every possible way and had no STDs, except she'd enjoyed one night stands before she met you, would you seriously just let her go? For what? For some issue of pride, because other men had "conquered" her? Or is it because of some preconceived notion about her mental health or her outlook on life? Do you believe it somehow alludes to some kind of disturbance on her part? That because she does this, she must have some kind of issues?

I would absolutely love to hear a real, true, valid reason that isn't based on prejudice or protecting your own ego. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, I just seriously, genuinely cannot understand what difference it makes. How many people one has sex with in no way dictates what kind of person they are.

On topic, I would have to know the circumstances of cheating before knowingly dating someone who has cheated, how long ago it was, and what they felt about it looking back on it. I would like to think I would be able to read if they provided an honest reply, but the fact is you can never truly know. Sad as it is.

whatsamsn

liah wrote: »

... I would absolutely love to hear a real, true, valid reason that isn't based on prejudice or protecting your own ego. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, I just seriously, genuinely cannot understand what difference it makes. How many people one has sex with in no way dictates what kind of person they are....

Just to be clear the issue is of having a large number of sexual partners compared to a persons age. For example a 40yo man having 60 partners can be seen as life experience. A 20yo man having 60 partners sounds excessive.

So I might as well be the one to just come out and say it (even tho i reckon loads of users are going to shoot the messenger here :P )

There is generally more than 1 reason:
Your average person feels that if someone has had an excessive number of partners (compared to the persons age) ... then it makes said person think they are promiscuous. And that is gives off an impression of nothing serious can ever be formed.... or at risk of being used or cheated on.

This is not a gender issue aswell. This applies to both males and females. Certain women wont get involved with men who they deem as "players" and most men dont get involved with women who they deem as "wh*res".

BraziliaNZ

whatsamsn wrote: »

urgh... always someone :rolleyes:
I imagine you are a woman, right?

So BraziliaNZ you're officially saying that if you start dating a man next week... its ok if he has slept with 25 different people in the last 6 months. Thats ok so. Your choice.

**edit**
But s23 is right. Its of personal opinion and choice. I am a mid 20s guy. I wouldnt date a girl whos been around the block. Whats it my turn or something? ... but at the same time i wouldnt be bothered by a woman having a reasonable sexual past. Not looking for a virgin. But not some bike.

It would seem strange alright 25 in 6 months but if I really liked them I'd just get on with it. Some bike. Jesus. You have issues man if you worry about how many people women have slept with. Why are you using derogatory terms to describe women who've had more than your acceptable number of partners? Would you use the same words for a male? Je ne crois pas!

whatsamsn

Thats the thing ...
the words "sl*t" ... bike .... wh*re etc etc and just terms that men have coined that have caught on.

I am in the camp that if a woman can be a sl*t, a guy can be too. Just that there just isnt a popular term coined and calling a guy a sl*t is just weird sounding. The closest word women have is a player.

As I say... this isnt a gender issue.

S23

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I think it's an unjustified prejudice. I can't think of a single one no. Tell me please!

Again, I never said I have a problem with it. However, someone else has given you their reason.

Anyway to proceed.

It's just as possible for a man/woman to have serious STD issues after having multiple sexual partners as not. There is one very basic issue. As easy as it is to say there could be none it's just as easy to say that there quite reasonably could be.

Crazy as it may seem some people don't like to sport fcuk. Both males and femals may not be comfortable with someone who has/had sex with multiple partners for the 'sake of it'.
Again, not my my own personal opinion but a possibility nonetheless. It's a personal preference that each person is entitled to without having the accusation of being 'pathetic' levelled at them.

If you don't agree with the point of your that's your own business. To start derogatory name calling and sterotyping anyone who disagrees with you as 'pathetic' is what I have issue with.

I don't nessicarily disagree with your standpoint in as much that it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me but I have no time for totalitarian statements like yours when people are entitled to their own opinion without being abused.

Sure some people might not have great reasons for being uncomfortable with it but some may have 'better' ones. That's the point.

krudler

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

There are valid reasons for not liking smokers or big drinkers. What is the reason behind not liking people who have one night stands?

Some people, both guys and girls, find it a turnoff if their prospective partners have slept with a lot of different people, some people may see it if they're used to a lifestyle where they can sleep with whoever they feel like that getting into a relationship may not be the best idea. Nobodys saying that someone promiscuous is more likely to cheat when they are in a relationship, but its not exactly a crazy notion to have for some people. Everyone has their own "standards" when it comes to previous partners, just because yours are different to the other posters doesnt mean its pathetic for them to feel that way.

Novella

whatsamsn wrote: »

There is generally more than 1 reason:
Your average person feels that if someone has had an excessive number of partners (compared to the persons age) ... then it makes said person think they are promiscuous. And that is gives off an impression of nothing serious can ever be formed.... or at risk of being used or cheated on.

Having a large number of sexual partners does not necessarily make a person, man or woman, promiscuous. Promiscuous, in my mind anyway, would be someone who had a lot of sexual encounters indiscriminate in the choice of partner, as in lacking standards - would sleep with anyone.

One could have many sexual partners but be extremely choosy, and simply just enjoy sex. It doesn't make them a "bike", as you said yourself. If that's your opinion, fine, but I worry if it's the opinion of the "average" person.

Also, this whole, "He/she has slept with loads of people, they're more likely to cheat" thing drives me insane! Ime, the people with the highest number of past sexual partners are those who have been single for longer and therefore had the time/chance to sleep with more people.

Wolfe Tone

I wouldnt be too keen on being with a woman who had had sex with a load of different people tbh

Feeona

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Lets say we have the conversation about exes and she asks why the last one ended.

Well, if you really like her and this conversation comes up in the next few months or so, I'd tell the truth if I were you. You don't want to start off a good relationship with a lie. Be honest with her. She will have to decide if she can cope with your past or not, but you will have to let her make that decision.

That said, I haven't asked my current partner anything about his exes (unless he's brought them up). So your girlfriend mightn't want to know about your exes. Play it by ear, but if it comes up, be honest (with her and yourself)

BraziliaNZ

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I wouldnt be too keen on being with a woman who had had sex with a load of different people tbh

Why? And give me some numbers here. I'm 30 and person I'm seeing 34, been going on for about 6 months. They were single for 7 years before me.
If you were in my situation how many people would you find acceptable they had slept with?

axer

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I wouldnt be too keen on being with a woman who had had sex with a load of different people tbh

at the same time? :eek:

Ickle Magoo

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I wouldnt be too keen on being with a woman who had had sex with a load of different people tbh

And plenty of women find lack of experience a turn-off - all part of life's rich tapestry. :cool:

RockMan94

Yes definitely

Wolfe Tone

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

And plenty of women find lack of experience a turn-off - all part of life's rich tapestry. :cool:

Sorry, I should have been clearer, I meant women who had lots of one night stands with people they had just met.

Ickle Magoo

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Do women look differently at guys who have cheated in a previous relationship?

I can't speak for everyone, obviously, but for me the answer would be a resounding no. It makes no sense to assume that all that was wrong in a partners previous relationships that resulted in them cheating is going to be wrong in the relationship we share - nor that the way they dealt with relationship issues when they were 19 are going to be same 10 years later.

desertcircus

I don't get the rigorous idea that if someone has cheated at any point in the past, they can never be trusted not to do it again. If you're talking about someone whose past ten relationships have ended when they met someone else and who gives off every sign of seeing you as the next, then you're probably right to be wary - but not every case is that clear-cut.

Many of the people I know have cheated or been the other party to an act of cheating; it doesn't make them bad people. It means they made a decision at a particular point, a decision they may still regret. I don't know about the circumstances of each and every situation to make a moral judgment on it, and I certainly wouldn't presume to apply a fixed judgment to all of them.

Good people sometimes make bad decisions. Bad decisions sometimes become good outcomes. There's a world of difference between a woman who cheats in a dying relationship and remains happily attached for the rest of her days, and a woman who goes out every week and picks up someone different while her partner works a night shift. Pretending it's always a simple situation is disingenuous and unfair.

Scanlas The 2nd

whatsamsn wrote: »

I agree.
In fairness if I was dating a girl and found out she had sex with 2 guys one night two months prior ... i would be immediately turned off the girl.

Yes everyone has a past but I dont wanna know a person sexual indulgences before dating me because its a sure way to get turned off by hearing all. But at the same time... if you dont ask you could be dating someone whos had 50 one night stands. Its a kinda catch 22.

I don't think you are actually turned off in this situation. I think it makes you feel insecure so you say such statements as " I would be turned off by it" to make you feel better.

What is the problem with a woman enjoying sex with different men? If she enjoys it and takes precautions I don't see the problem. The only problem I see is men being insecure by it. And if thats the problem, thats fine, just say it though. Don't lie, especially not on a forum.

Ickle Magoo

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Sorry, I should have been clearer, I meant women who had lots of one night stands with people they had just met.

Yes, I thought you meant that - and likewise, some folks don't want a virgin, others don't want anything but, some are intimidated by experience, others delighted. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. Quod ali cibus est aliis fuat acre venenum - and other such vulgarly literal idioms.

whatsamsn

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I don't think you are actually turned off in this situation. I think it makes you feel insecure so you say such statements as " I would be turned off by it" to make you feel better.

What is the problem with a woman enjoying sex with different men? If she enjoys it and takes precautions I don't see the problem. The only problem I see is men being insecure by it. And if thats the problem, thats fine, just say it though. Don't lie, especially not on a forum.

Well as i keep saying I am talking about excessiveness here. Not a person having a sexual past. But an extreme sexual past compared to their age. Alot of people get confused when this topic is discussed.
And 2nd I am not insecure. Such statments makes you pig headed as you cant accept another persons opinion that differs from yours. This is not like you are saying the world is round, and my ignorant opinion is saying the world is flat.. shhhssh.

But lets throw out an example. Since you are a woman. (i am not being sexist just using female examples)
>>> There are women out there that dont like guys to be too small... or too tall... Some women wont date a man who has an average job...who doesnt have a car.... some women wont date men who are considerable older...guys who dont have their own place.... certain women wont date men who cheated previously... If these can be seen as standard normal preferences. Then whats the difference? .. how am I insecure?


But again. Im talking about extreme excessiveness. Would you date a former porn star? or would you date a person who used to be a prostitute? ... can you honestly say you would?

liah

Has anyone actually answered the questions in my post, or has it all just been catch-all responses that don't actually give the reason?

I really want to know this.

krudler

liah wrote: »

Has anyone actually answered the questions in my post, or has it all just been catch-all responses that don't actually give the reason?

I really want to know this.

Speaking from my own experience, i was dating a girl about 10 years ago for a few months and we got into the "how many have you slept with?" conversation (bad idea when you're not able for the answer) and she'd been with a lot of people, i was 19, she was 18 and been sexually active for just over a year, and had over 20 partners, most of them one night stands.
And I'll admit it, it shocked me at the time, was it immature? probably, although so was I in the sexual sense, I figured girls my own age would have a couple of previous boyfriends, not going out having sex with random guys from night clubs every other weekend.
I couldnt really see her in the same light after that, and then I found out a few guys who were in my social circle at the time had slept with her too as she goten a reputation for being an easy conquest, call it stupid male pride, call it what you like but I broke up with her (not specifically over this,there was a bunch of other stuff too but it certainly didnt help).

I've since grown up a lot and realised these things dont really matter in the long run, i did run into her about a year ago and after me she starting dating a guy who she's still with over 8 years later,i think they're engaged now. Does he know about her sexual past? no idea, bu if he does and hes never had a problem with it then more power to him.

Like I said before everyone has their own standards for how many people its "ok" to have slept with before them, I know girls who feel the exact same way so its not just a guy thing, I wouldnt judge someone by their sexual past, but I wouldnt judge someone who wouldnt want to be with that person because of it either.

Scanlas The 2nd

whatsamsn wrote: »

Well as i keep saying I am talking about excessiveness here. Not a person having a sexual past. But an extreme sexual past compared to their age. Alot of people get confused when this topic is discussed.
And 2nd I am not insecure. Such statments makes you pig headed as you cant accept another persons opinion that differs from yours. This is not like you are saying the world is round, and my ignorant opinion is saying the world is flat.. shhhssh.

But lets throw out an example. Since you are a woman. (i am not being sexist just using female examples)
>>> There are women out there that dont like guys to be too small... or too tall... Some women wont date a man who has an average job...who doesnt have a car.... some women wont date men who are considerable older...guys who dont have their own place.... certain women wont date men who cheated previously... If these can be seen as standard normal preferences. Then whats the difference? .. how am I insecure?


But again. Im talking about extreme excessiveness. Would you date a former porn star? or would you date a person who used to be a prostitute? ... can you honestly say you would?

I don't know that you are insecure when it comes to women with a large number of previous sexual partners, but I'd say you are. So are loads of men. I just don't believe you find it a turn off. I think since the agricultural revolution men have put systems into place designed to control the female libido and to have them more easily treated as property. Women have been made to feel guilty for example for wanting sex purely for the pleasure of it. I think this is linked to the insecurity men feel when a woman shows her sexual side such as having slept with numerous men.

Would I date a porn star or a prostitute? I wouldn't be comfortable with them continuing to have sex with others as I would be worried about STDs. Would it make me feel insecure? I don't know, I'd have to do it to find out.

You can have your preferences with women I just think this particular preference of yours is driven by insecurity.

liah

I also really don't get this "it has to be under x number of partners in x amount of time" thing. I reckon it wouldn't bother you if she'd had an ex she was with for 10 years that she had sex with nearly every day before she was with you.

So what on earth is the difference? She's still having the exact same amount of sex. She's still just as "used" (if that's what your argument is, no one's really made it clear at all) regardless of whether it's one guy every day or a different guy everyday.

So again, I ask: Is it because of your own insecurities, not liking the idea of other men going where you've gone? Is it because you think she has mental health issues or is disturbed in some way? Do you believe that an open attitude to sex and one night stands guarantees that she's in some way "marred," and if so, how?

What's the difference between a girl who sleeps with one man and gets an STD when she loses her virginity and another girl who sleeps with a hundred and has only had one or none?

So it can't be the STD thing, because that would be illogical considering literally anyone can get an STD regardless of how many people they have sex with.

What's the difference between one girl who has sex with her boyfriend every day for 10 years and a girl who sleeps with a new man each weekend for 10 years?

It's still the same amount of sex, so that can't be it, right? Or else the argument would be illogical.

Age doesn't have anything to do with it at all unless they're underage (obviously when under 18-20ish our brains aren't quite "there" yet). You can find 21 year olds and 40 year olds who are equally mature/immature. So it's obviously not that, because again, that's illogical, unless the implication is that if they're young and have had a lot of partners, they must have some kind of 'issues,'-- but wait, that's still illogical, because a person can have those 'issues' at literally any age, or none at literally any age, and that means you're assuming something without knowing the person, and that also is illogical.

So honestly, after exhausting all those obviously stupid and fallacious reasons, what's left?

Insecurity and jealousy, plain and simple. Not that many would admit it, but if you say you "don't want a woman who's slept around," you pretty much just plain:
a) don't fancy the thought of her with a bunch of other guys,
b) are making assumptions about her character which have every possibility of being completely untrue and unfounded,
c) are incredibly insecure, and/or
d) are religious/were raised religious.

Unless someone can give me a better, legitimate reason?

whatsamsn

Then you are a pig ignorant person. Continuing to refer myself and people with my shared opinion as "insecure" ... all because our opinions differ from yours. Rather than just thinking to yourself that we are wrong.

S23 wrote: »

People are allowed find what they want attractive or unattractive. To label people pathetic because their ideas don't conform to your own is ridiculous. If someone doesn't find a girl having had 50 one night stands an attractive trait, or if they find it extremely unattractive, they are perfectly entitled to feel that way. And they are entitled to do so without having the ridiculous accusation of being 'pathetic' levelled at them.

Says it all.

You are actually coming off as a very insecure person now yourself. Which is very ironic. I reckon your insecure about the number of partners you've had yourself. Hence why you are quick to repeatedly call people with my opinion "insecure" because you dont want to be viewed as someone who has an above average sexual history or judged.

In fact, im sure of it now.

Wolfe Tone

What's the difference between one girl who has sex with her boyfriend every day for 10 years and a girl who sleeps with a new man each weekend for 10 years?

You honestly can't see the difference between someone having sex with someone in a long term relationship and someone who spreads her legs within hours of meeting some random bloke?