Babys last name

The_Conductor

OP- the birth is registered in two different ways (and always has been- this was continued when we deployed the computer system in 2004). In the first instance the birth is registered under the mother's maiden name, and in the second instance the birth is registered under the child's given surname.

I would echo what many people have said here about a double-barrelled name being the lesser of two evils- either you or your girlfriend will have no end of trouble at different places and times, if there is a difference in the surname with the child. A double barrelled surname will get over this difficulty (though it is cumbersome, and given some surname combinations, can be downright ugly on paper).

If you do get married at a future date and your now girlfriend elects to take your surname- there is a process in place to change the name of the child. Its a lot easier since the 2007 amendment to the Act to change a name- and involves a declaration by a Peace Commissioner or a Solicitor to the Superintendent of Births (at the Roscommon office).

S.

Fittle

smccarrick wrote: »

OP- the birth is registered in two different ways (and always has been- this was continued when we deployed the computer system in 2004). In the first instance the birth is registered under the mother's maiden name, and in the second instance the birth is registered under the child's given surname.
S.

Where does this happen? In the maternity ward, you give your childs first and surname and then do the same in the Births, Deaths & Marriages office. Yes, in both instances, the mothers maiden name is given and recorded, but this isn't a seperate registration. The mother's maiden name is given only as that - her maiden name - not as the childs surname

A childs surname cannot be changed after the birth registration, unless the biological parents marry, at which point, the child can take its fathers name.

OP, it would be best to sort this before your childs birth is registered, though as someone else said, why you haven't discussed this with your gf in the previous 6yrs, or specifically, the previous 9 months, is anybodys guess.

metrovelvet

Does anyone know how/if the new legislation that is going through regarding the birth cert, guardianship etc affects current protocols?

sollar

I agree op that double barrel names aren't great especially if one or both of the surnames has a mc or an o. E.g John McGarrigle-O'Donnell, John McDonnell-McGloin or John O'Doherty-O'Leary.

You could agee with her that if/when you get married the child takes your name.

LegacyUser

Since you're both so young, I am very suspicious of your girlfriend's motives.

It is statistically not looking good for you two being together when this child is a teen soit seems like she is already freezing you out.

Mods will probably not publish this, but you need to know.

I was in the same situation.

Moonbeam

You might not be together forever so double barelled sounds the best bet to me.She doesn't have to use both but there is always the option for it or use her name until or if you get married and then change it.

up for anything

pickarooney wrote: »

How on earth did you get this far without discussing this?

You really can't see her point of view although it is apparently the exact same as yours?
Nothing in your post suggests you are open-minded about anything; you seem to have a fairly bigoted view of people who don't fit your notion of how someone should be named, to be honest.

You want it one way, she wants it another. It's really not that important and there's no realistic compromise so just agree to draw lots for it and accept the outcome. You're in for 20-odd years of not getting to do what you want now so you might as well start getting used to it.

+1


I gave in to my husband on the issue of surnames. He wanted the children to have his surname and his only, but then he is 30 years older than you and surely more hidebound by convention. I wanted them to be double-barrelled. Naming is an expression of ownership and I felt that they were mine as equally as they were his. Our eldest child on reaching the age of 13 and entrance into secondary school decided for herself to change her surname to the double-barrelled version. He didn't say much but I know that he has never 'forgiven' her for it much the same as I have never really 'forgiven' him for bullying me into agreeing that they should have his surname solely.

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, 2.2

The_Conductor

Fittle wrote: »

Where does this happen? In the maternity ward, you give your childs first and surname and then do the same in the Births, Deaths & Marriages office. Yes, in both instances, the mothers maiden name is given and recorded, but this isn't a seperate registration. The mother's maiden name is given only as that - her maiden name - not as the childs surname

Registrars Office staff record the birth under both the mother's maiden name and the child's surname. These are two interlinked records with the date of birth as the primary key. Check it out next time you're in the GRO.

bigneacy

astra2000 wrote: »

Hi op you could put double barrell name on birth cert but child could be known by just your last name if that your gf agreed.

This is the compromise me and my OH have reached.

She has a son from a previous relationship. Who has her name only. He is (for instance) John Smith.

Our baby will be "officially" (for instance) Jane Smith-Bigneacy on passports, birth certs, forms etc. but for everyday purposes and for school they will be Jane Smith, so they don't have a different name as their older brother in school.

cynder

I gave my kids their dads surname as i hated mine, we had the 3 kids before we married, i never had any problem taking them out of the country even though they did not have my surname.

It would seem that she does not like your surname or perhaps does not like your parents and doesn't want to to carry the family name. That's the reason my kids don't have my surname, i hate my dads parents.

The only compromise would be a double barrelled name. At the end of the day as your not married she has the choice, you have to be there to sign your name as the father but she has the last say. The child could also change their name by deed poll later if they so desired.

mariaf24

My 2 cents...

We had our daughter very young...I was 18 and he was 21. We decided to go with the double name, e.g. Murphy O'Brien (Not our actual names just example)! Absolute DISASTER from day 1.
Nobody payed any attention to my partners surname. Even doctors, friends, family all called her and addressed her as **** Murphy.

When she started school last year i tried to reintroduce her as Murphy O'Brien...again Disaster...I quickly noticed the teacher, her classmates and others referring to her as Murphy...
Another problem was for our poor daughter learning to write her name **** Murphy O'Brien, we just found it difficult and complicated.
SO to put an end to all this nonsense we decided to change her name (not legally) to her fathers name - O'Brien. I must say the school were very helpful and understanding. They allowed me to re enroll her name etc and have kept their word in calling her O'Brien. I have to be firm with a few of the parents but i don't mind that, the kids and our daughter adjusted very quickly!!

We are now expecting our second child and will register his/her name just as my partners name. The main problem for me was people excluding her fathers surname which is very hurtful to men in my opinion.

mariaf24

Just realised my post didnt offer any advise to the OP.
Basically if i was doing it all over again (Like you marriage was not on the agenda back then) I would go with the double name on birth cert but be prepared for people to only use the first surname.
Then when baby is older/starting school etc you can decide which name to go along with!

Nevyn

My children have thier father's surname.
He really wanted it, I wasn't bothered fighting it, they see more of my family then his so it has helped them be connected to that side of the family. My daughter has asked a few times could she change her name to mine if she wanted and she could via usage if she wished. Other countries do it what way the boys get thier Dad's surname and the girl's get thier Mam's.

The only think which does my head in repeatedily is the correspondance re my kids which get sent to me as Mrs X or when I answer the phone and it's from the school's and they ask to speak to Mrs X esp when they are looking at the contact sheet for my kids and my full name is written on it as the mother.

babyname I think you just assumed and didn't check and have gotten a shock that your partner doesn't see thinks the way you do on this matter. Give yourself some time to get over the shock and the assumption and then work on a comprimise. Also as soon as you have the birthcert sorted get your guardianship sorted.

cynder

Thaedydal wrote: »

Give yourself some time to get over the shock and the assumption and then work on a comprimise. Also as soon as you have the birthcert sorted get your guardianship sorted.

Agree!

whatdoicare

I don't get this attitude at all..you're living together, you have a child together and you aren't getting married, all very modern concepts but then all of a sudden yr back to 1950s attitudes when it comes to your attitude about the name??

If you are so worried about people thinking yr kid is from an unmarried family why didn't you marry your girlfriend? If you want to have the old fashioned attitude to double barrelled names then you should be consistent and have an old fashioned attitude to the fact your child is in fact born to an unmarried mother. Therefore, if you want to get technical and old fashioned about it all, your child should only have the maiden name.

Get a bit of perspective here and give your girl a break - she just gave birth to a beautiful child for you.

amiable

What i don't get is people keep advocating the double barrel name. If every child took both parents names where would it stop?
You'd end up with people with surnames that are as long as a short story.

ElleEm

amiable wrote: »

What i don't get is people keep advocating the double barrel name. If every child took both parents names where would it stop?
You'd end up with people with surnames that are as long as a short story.

What's the alternative when the OP doesn't want his daughter to have his girlfriend's surname and his girlfriend doesn't want her to have his surname?

amiable

ElleEm wrote: »

What's the alternative when the OP doesn't want his daughter to have his girlfriend's surname and his girlfriend doesn't want her to have his surname?

The alternative is to realise this is your child and the best thing would be just to have a single surname.
Say the child takes the double barrel name, grows older and meets a partner with a double barrel name. They have a child and both parents want to have their surname. Quadruple barrel name? And that child goes on to have kids again.

ElleEm

amiable wrote: »

The alternative is to realise this is your child and the best thing would be just to have a single surname.
Say the child takes the double barrel name, grows older and meets a partner with a double barrel name. They have a child and both parents want to have their surname. Quadruple barrel name? And that child goes on to have kids again.

Oh I know- I completely understand what you're saying, but sometimes a couple just can't agree. Look at the OP and his girlfriend!

It is something that should be discussed before/ during pregnancy. I cannot believe it's only coming up now, when the child is week's old.

amiable

ElleEm wrote: »

Oh I know- I completely understand what you're saying, but sometimes a couple just can't agree. Look at the OP and his girlfriend!

It is something that should be discussed before/ during pregnancy. I cannot believe it's only coming up now, when the child is week's old.

I think he should swallow his pride and realise how lucky he is to have a baby. I've suggested earlier in the thread that i think his partner would like to get engaged. I'd personally prefer a child of mine to have a single surname of the mother and i'm male rather than a double barrel name. I personally just don't like them.

Fittle

mariaf24 wrote: »

My 2 cents...

We had our daughter very young...I was 18 and he was 21. We decided to go with the double name, e.g. Murphy O'Brien (Not our actual names just example)! Absolute DISASTER from day 1.
Nobody payed any attention to my partners surname. Even doctors, friends, family all called her and addressed her as **** Murphy.

When she started school last year i tried to reintroduce her as Murphy O'Brien...again Disaster...I quickly noticed the teacher, her classmates and others referring to her as Murphy...
Another problem was for our poor daughter learning to write her name **** Murphy O'Brien, we just found it difficult and complicated.
SO to put an end to all this nonsense we decided to change her name (not legally) to her fathers name - O'Brien. I must say the school were very helpful and understanding. They allowed me to re enroll her name etc and have kept their word in calling her O'Brien. I have to be firm with a few of the parents but i don't mind that, the kids and our daughter adjusted very quickly!!

We are now expecting our second child and will register his/her name just as my partners name. The main problem for me was people excluding her fathers surname which is very hurtful to men in my opinion.

But that's ridiculous to say that it's very hurtful to MEN!!!!! What a sweeping statement to make! If you had named her X O Brien Murphy, everyone would have referred to her as X O Brien. It's only because you chose to use your name first (in the double barrel) that people left out the last name. It wasn't to insult all men:rolleyes:

In any kids with double barrels that I know, I rarely use their surname anyway, but when I do, I always try to use both names, but it never sounds right at all. There are alot of surnames that actually sound CRAP when used together - Mary Murphy Lawless for example!

I agree with poster 'whatdoicare' about the OP having different standards...although I have to point out that I haven't heard the expression 'unmarried mother' since 1980!

amiable

Fittle wrote: »

But that's ridiculous to say that it's very hurtful to MEN!!!!! What a sweeping statement to make! If you had named her X O Brien Murphy, everyone would have referred to her as X O Brien. It's only because you chose to use your name first (in the double barrel) that people left out the last name. It wasn't to insult all men:rolleyes:

In any kids with double barrels that I know, I rarely use their surname anyway, but when I do, I always try to use both names, but it never sounds right at all. There are alot of surnames that actually sound CRAP when used together - Mary Murphy Lawless for example!

I agree with poster 'whatdoicare' about the OP having different standards...although I have to point out that I haven't heard the expression 'unmarried mother' since 1980!

Amazingly that stigma still exists in certain circles in ireland. I agree though that its not an insult to men.

mariaf24

Fittle wrote: »

But that's ridiculous to say that it's very hurtful to MEN!!!!! What a sweeping statement to make! If you had named her X O Brien Murphy, everyone would have referred to her as X O Brien. It's only because you chose to use your name first (in the double barrel) that people left out the last name. It wasn't to insult all men:rolleyes:

In any kids with double barrels that I know, I rarely use their surname anyway, but when I do, I always try to use both names, but it never sounds right at all. There are alot of surnames that actually sound CRAP when used together - Mary Murphy Lawless for example!

I agree with poster 'whatdoicare' about the OP having different standards...although I have to point out that I haven't heard the expression 'unmarried mother' since 1980!

People excluded her fathers surname FULL STOP when they knew we weren't married - they assumed she had my surname solely. People still do this. Of course this is hurtful to men... My fiance and I regularly have to remind people she has his surname.
I am due in a few months and have already decided a birth announcement with surname to avoid confusion.

metrovelvet

mariaf24 wrote: »

People excluded her fathers surname FULL STOP when they knew we weren't married - they assumed she had my surname solely. People still do this. Of course this is hurtful to men... My fiance and I regularly have to remind people she has his surname.
I am due in a few months and have already decided a birth announcement with surname to avoid confusion.

I think you find it hard for many women to sympathise as for centuries, women not only did not hand their names down to their children but also gave up their own sir names, inherited from their fathers without any choice about taking their mother's surname.

mariaf24

I did not intend on starting a debate surrounding sexism. I was just giving my own personal experience.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for all the advice and personal experiances.
I didnt make this thread knowing I was right. I really did want to hear of compromises and ideas to keep everyone happy.

We came to an agreement. The last name will be double-barralled untill marriage when she and our child(ren) will take my last name. We are both happy with this.

amiable

Thats great OP. Well done for working it out. There's always a solution if both people want to find it and you just proved it.

Dades

baby name wrote: »

We came to an agreement. The last name will be double-barralled untill marriage when she and our child(ren) will take my last name. We are both happy with this.

Now you can start shopping for rings.

Banjaxed82

I have three kids (one before marriage) & none of them, including my wife, have my name.

What's the big deal? I want to know what are the GENUINE reasons for men insisting on their last name being the one and only? Lord God, I hope it's beyond *thumps hairy chest* I am man. Child is mine. Must tell world this is MY child!!

The_Conductor

Banjaxed82 wrote: »

What's the big deal? I want to know what are the GENUINE reasons for men insisting on their last name being the one and only?

The big deal is you will be interrogated going through passport control in several countries, or have problems bringing your child to a doctor or hospital who do not know that the child is yours. It is a big deal- and can cause significant problems.