Women's attitude to "short" men

ntlbell

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I've got a great sense of humour, I pride myself on my humour and I can laugh at myself because I'm secure in who I am and so are my mates...this kind of humour is just not funny and I don't even mean because it's offensive (it is) but calling someone "ginger" or "short arse" or "spotty face" or whatever is actually just kind of stupid humour. It's been done to death and I can't imagine people are coming out with new, fresh, witty ways to slag people off. It's a bit like Benny Hill humour...out of date and simplistic. It's humour for thick people.

So if it's new and fresh but still basically calling them a ginger, you're happy enough, you're just bored of the old ones and don't find them funny anymore?

do you think if they're more intelligent and creative people would be less inclined to kill themselves as they would appreciate the thought process involved?

ntlbell

Larianne wrote: »

I can't find a link to the story but there was a guy on the Late Late Show who was getting an operation to get his legs lengthened to make himself taller. He was a young guy, in his 20's and not bad looking either. He just had a major complex about his height. Costing him thousands to get it done abroad.

Damn why can't I find info on him!

Harmless to you ntlbell, but for someone who might be insecure about their appearance, getting remarks made about them constantly would have an effect on them after a while. Depends on the person.

He really needs to grow up!

Benny Hill bad dam tish!

Eve_Dublin

ntlbell wrote: »

So if it's new and fresh but still basically calling them a ginger, you're happy enough, you're just bored of the old ones and don't find them funny anymore?

do you think if they're more intelligent and creative people would be less inclined to kill themselves as they would appreciate the thought process involved?

See, it fits. My point was made clearly but you haven´t got the intelligence to understand it. It makes sense that you have to bully others.

ntlbell

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

See, it fits. My point was made clearly but you haven´t got the intelligence to understand it. It makes sense that you have to bully others.

I never stated I bullied anyone.

But you seem to think it's fine to insult my intelligence.

Eve_Dublin

ntlbell wrote: »

I never stated I bullied anyone.

But you seem to think it's fine to insult my intelligence.

You seem to think it alright to make fun of someone´s physical appearance and I´d call that bullying. I insulted your intelligence because I don´t like bullies and I don´t feel guilty insulting bullies to be honest. Perhaps that´s hypocritical. Grand.

Making a joke about that guy is not funny. It´s just not.

ntlbell

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

You seem to think it alright to make fun of someone´s physical appearance and I´d call that bullying. I insulted your intelligence because I don´t like bullies and I don´t feel guilty insulting bullies to be honest. Perhaps that´s hypocritical. Grand.

Making a joke about that guy is not funny. It´s just not.

If I think abortion is all right does it make me a murderer?

I think people should be a bit more thick skinned about it correct, I don't go around bullying people or make a habit of insulting people or making fun of their appearance.

Yes it's very hypocritical it's like suggesting if people don't like gingers they're entitled to insult them :rolleyes:

I was making reference more to your benny hill toilet humor suggestion than the guy i don't know anything about him or the circumstances

But I think you've lost all credibility here, I could be from a very dis-advantaged background with hang ups about my intelligence and without a second thought you could have sent me to the liffey to end it all with no regard my feelings while you call me a bully and bash me for bullying people for no apparent reason.

Eve_Dublin

ntlbell wrote: »

But I think you've lost all credibility here, I could be from a very dis-advantaged background with hang ups about my intelligence and without a second thought you could have sent me to the liffey to end it all with no regard my feelings while you call me a bully and bash me for bullying people for no apparent reason.

I don´t think you thought I´d credibility in the first place!

OKay, see you´re back tracking. You made a sweeping statement about how it´s okay to make fun of people´s physical appearance end of and now you´re saying you don´t do it at all. I believe people who have no qualms about insulting people without regard to their feelings are not nice people and are bullies and to find that funny, they´re missing some part of their intelligence there because it´s humour for thick people, as I said before. Humour for simpletons. That´s always been my experience.

In fairness, I´ve insulted people for personality flaws THAT THEY CAN HELP in the past and I will again in the future.

Wolfe Tone

Its different being slagged by a mate, or even just a random bloke, than it is to be slagged by the opposite sex tbh.

ntlbell

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I don´t think you thought I´d credibility in the first place!

OKay, see you´re back tracking. You made a sweeping statement about how it´s okay to make fun of people´s physical appearance end of and now you´re saying you don´t do it at all. I believe people who have no qualms about insulting people without regard to their feelings are not nice people and are bullies and to find that funny, they´re missing some part of their intelligence there because it´s humour for thick people, as I said before. Humour for simpletons. That´s always been my experience.

In fairness, I´ve insulted people for personality flaws THAT THEY CAN HELP in the past and I will again in the future.

Where did I ever state I make fun of people? Stating that people shouldn't be as uptight and over sensitive about jokes made on them is not the same thing. Here you go again, you have no qualms with insulting my intelligence, you have no qualms with insulting for personality flaws they can help? So people who are over weight?

You seem to think it's fine to insult people as long as it's on your terms. I'll just get to work on my IQ :rolleyes:

liah

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Its different being slagged by a mate, or even just a random bloke, than it is to be slagged by the opposite sex tbh.

How?

Jesus Wept

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Being a short and therefore calm man I'll link you to this study rather than smash your face in like an aggro giant would.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/6501633.stm

The experiment - called the Chopstick Game - involved 10 men of average height and the same number below 5ft 5ins.

Completely ignoring the core angry group of short men which is those that are 5ft 6ins - to 5ft 9ins. :P

Wolfe Tone

liah wrote: »

How?

Myself and my mates actually had a discussion about this today in fact, consensus seems to be that while we can comment and slag each other based on our physical appearance, it is a lot less worse as our relationships are not based, initially at least, on appearances, whereas that is generally not the case with members of the opposite sex. If that makes sense.

[-0-]

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Myself and my mates actually had a discussion about this today in fact, consensus seems to be that while we can comment and slag each other based on our physical appearance, it is a lot less worse as our relationships are not based, initially at least, on appearances, whereas that is generally not the case with members of the opposite sex. If that makes sense.

So you don't have any women who are your friends? Just girlfriends?

Wolfe Tone

[-0-] wrote: »

So you don't have any women who are your friends? Just girlfriends?

About half my friends would be women, but not the mates in question. Basically it boils down to men not caring how other men view them physically as they don't care if other men are not attracted to them... am I making sense?


Personally I dont care how people view me physically, especially women who spend forever putting on makeup and all that bollocks.

Handsome Bob

It doesn't bother me, it's just one of those things I can use as an idiot filter, if someone is going to be rude based on something that you can't control then chances are that they're not really the type of person you'd want to know.

Neyite

ntlbell wrote: »

So if it's new and fresh but still basically calling them a ginger, you're happy enough, you're just bored of the old ones and don't find them funny anymore?

There are no new and fresh jokes about gingers or short people. Trust me, we have heard them aaalllll before. It just means that it took you 20 or so years to 'come up' with the joke that was already lame in the school playground. And they usually are not that funny to begin with.

When someone repeats an unfunny joke circa 1982 in a pub with regard to my height or my hair colour, well, it says more about them than me, showing they get their conversational skills from Nuts.

Mrmoe

There is a big difference between having a preference for a tall partner and completing ruling out a partner below or above a particualr height. There would be many things I might have a preference for but it doesn't necessarily mean that I wouldn't be with someone who didn't meet partcular criteria, especially ones that they can not change. There is a disturbing shallowness where people will never have a partner who is below a certain height.

Memnoch

ntlbell wrote: »

Where did I ever state I make fun of people? Stating that people shouldn't be as uptight and over sensitive about jokes made on them is not the same thing. Here you go again, you have no qualms with insulting my intelligence, you have no qualms with insulting for personality flaws they can help? So people who are over weight?

You seem to think it's fine to insult people as long as it's on your terms. I'll just get to work on my IQ :rolleyes:

Classic bully logic. Make fun of someone/have a laugh at their expensive and if their feelings get hurt it's not because you were being a bully/not a nice person but because they are over sensitive and uptight. Cover up one insult by using another and putting the other person down.

No, I don't think you need to get to work on your IQ, you're putting it to perfect use already.

Banter is between friends, and WILLING participants. Making jokes at the expense of someone whose feelings are on the line IS bullying and its not down to the person making the fun to decide what should and shouldn't hurt someone else's feelings.

parker kent

ntlbell wrote: »

No what's rediclous is bringing pointless comments about people killing themselves over bulluing and relating it to sort of harmless "short arse" jokes been discussed here.

What is "rediclous" is your attitude which has been used by bullies for generations to write off their actions as banter. Some of the examples here are from people (myself included) who have not experienced actual bullying, just the odd mindless comment. So there will not be too many concrete examples in the thread. But we have referred to actual bullying. To them, "harmless short arse" jokes are torture.

Which prompted you to say that people considering committing suicide over bullying is evolution at work. That is the greatest load of BS I have ever read. If you cannot see that and are not actually just trying to get a rise out of people here, then I really don't know what to say. Basically get your head out of the sand and get some awareness of what goes on around you.

Josh_Calvert

Getting slagged off by a girl is pretty heartbreaking if it's not flirty banter...it's the exact opposite of how amazing you feel when a girl pays you a genuine compliment...

ntlbell

parker kent wrote: »

What is "rediclous" is your attitude which has been used by bullies for generations to write off their actions as banter. Some of the examples here are from people (myself included) who have not experienced actual bullying, just the odd mindless comment. So there will not be too many concrete examples in the thread. But we have referred to actual bullying. To them, "harmless short arse" jokes are torture.

Which prompted you to say that people considering committing suicide over bullying is evolution at work. That is the greatest load of BS I have ever read. If you cannot see that and are not actually just trying to get a rise out of people here, then I really don't know what to say. Basically get your head out of the sand and get some awareness of what goes on around you.

Oh stop with the over dramatic nonsense, growing up I had more reasons to be bullied than I care to remember but I didn't get bullied by peers as I had a good attitude to myself and the people around me and had no problem taken the mick out of myself.

There is a massive difference between having a bit of "banter" and bullying, massive. If someones life is made a daily miserly in school or in the work place etc from bullies this is an entirely different situation. But a bullying situation can arise from what starts off as playful "banter" because the person has a bad attitude is uptight takes themselves to seriously and alienates themselves from others, that's not sticking up for the "bully" or putting down the bullied but serious bullying situations tend to arise from this bad attitude rather than the physical attribute. That's not to suggest it's right, I'm not suggesting I spend my working day poking a stick at the ginger person or over weight person in work all day :rolleyes:

It's all too easy to go running around shouting bully insulting someones intelligence than actually looking at the facts. getting all drama queen like and talking about people killing themselves when the discussion is on a much lower level is the same sort of dramatics and over the top reactions that tend to draw a bully on to something.

*I* have never bullied anyone in my life and as I said don't go around insulting people friend or foe so I'd be happy if people could stop making that assumption.

That doesn't mean I can't make an observation, am I allowed to that without being called a bully?

The evolution comment was some tongue and cheek on the over the top drama queen responses of people killing themselves.

parker kent

Your comment started all the over-the-top stuff. The first comment about bullying was fairly innocuous and accurate.

ntlbell

ntlbell wrote: »

or both sides relax a bit and take it normally in the light hearted spirit these types of jokes are meant.

parker kent wrote: »

Your comment started all the over-the-top stuff. The first comment about bullying was fairly innocuous and accurate.

How was that over the top?

parker kent

ntlbell wrote: »

How was that over the top?

I was obviously talking about this quote since we were just talking about it.

ntlbell wrote: »

Maybe it's part of evoloution so people grow thicker skin

There is no need for an argument as you have said you were joking as you thought people were going over-the-top. Would have been better if you had phrased your posts differently.

Memnoch

ntlbell wrote: »

Oh stop with the over dramatic nonsense, growing up I had more reasons to be bullied than I care to remember but I didn't get bullied by peers as I had a good attitude to myself and the people around me and had no problem taken the mick out of myself.

So if someone gets bullied it's their fault and a problem with their attitude? Got it.

There is a massive difference between having a bit of "banter" and bullying, massive. If someones life is made a daily miserly in school or in the work place etc from bullies this is an entirely different situation. But a bullying situation can arise from what starts off as playful "banter" because the person has a bad attitude is uptight takes themselves to seriously and alienates themselves from others, that's not sticking up for the "bully" or putting down the bullied but serious bullying situations tend to arise from this bad attitude rather than the physical attribute. That's not to suggest it's right, I'm not suggesting I spend my working day poking a stick at the ginger person or over weight person in work all day :rolleyes:

There's a lot of nonsense posted on boards on a daily basis, I'm sure, but this really takes the cake. Playful banter doesn't turn into bullying unless the people involved are bullies. Stop trying to blame the victim, which is all your roundabout logic comes to.

It's all too easy to go running around shouting bully insulting someones intelligence than actually looking at the facts. getting all drama queen like and talking about people killing themselves when the discussion is on a much lower level is the same sort of dramatics and over the top reactions that tend to draw a bully on to something.

I'm not calling you a bully. But your arguments are classic bully logic and blame the victim manouvering. Whether you're simply doing it because you made a silly point in a discussion thread and now feel the need to defend it online or whether it's out of some weird guilt over your own behaviour, only you know.

The evolution comment was some tongue and cheek on the over the top drama queen responses of people killing themselves.

It should be obvious to you by now that your comments certainly didn't come across as tongue in cheek, made worse by your flailing attempts to defend them. And people do kill themselves because of bullying, and people who trivialise the denigration of others or bullying, which is PRECISELY what you DID whether you like to think so or not, are a large part of the reason why.

Otis Driftwood

Alright folks,this thread has been dragged off topic far enough so let that be the end of the he said she said stuff,there is a PM function if you want to continue,thanks,Ned.

Eve_Dublin

I was bullied at school about my physical appearance and it wasn't a particularly happy stage of my life. I was going through a lot of personal crap at home and this just compounded the misery. It was a truely horrible time of my life. I wasn't a particularly sensitive person before that but I am now despite myself and I'm quite defensive as a result and I'd have a little more empathy for those at the receiving end of so-called "banter" so I suppose that's a good thing.

Now I'm all grown up and have a bit more confidence in myself, those same guys cracked onto me ten years later one Christmas visiting my home town, forgetting who I was and I reminded them that I was the girl they picked on for two years at school. They told me that they were "only joking with me" and I looked at them in disbelief. I said nothing, kept my dignity and walked away.

I don't live in Ireland but one thing I miss is "the banter". I'm blessed with funny friends who are truly gas. One of them is a well-known comedian in this country and one writes satirical reviews of films in an Irish magazine and they never stoop to the level of making fun of someone's weight or height or hair colour to get a cheap laugh because if they did, there'd be thumbleweed. Not ONLY because it's offensive but because it's just not funny. I love black humour but I don't like humour that was satirised by Beavis and Butthead. People could relate to that show because what they found funny was comedy for boneheads and nobody likes boneheads. Perhaps the bonehead can explain the theory of relativity and has a very high IQ...but they're still thick. You can be thick as two planks but still multiply 5 digit numbers off the top of your head.

Social skills is a form of intelligence. The Americans would call it part of the spectrum of emotional intelligence. I've met some of the stupidest people in my life at parties in TCD (where I didn't go because I didn't have the academic intelligence to attend) back in the day.

My point is, you see people who might be overly sensitive to these comments as weak. I call them human and you don't know their story. Men are afraid to voice how they feel, so really, how do you know if they're taking it in the spirit of "banter"? Women don't make these comments to each other unless we want to purposely hurt each other...men differ how? Boys don't cry? So we're made to believe in this country and that's probably why so many young men kill themselves.

This is not drama queen behaviour...I'm not that kind of girl. I just know first hand how hurtful it can be but how you pretend it doesn't because that would provoke it more or you'd be seen as a "dry shiite". People have killed themselves from bullying (or what you originally classed as banter before you back tracked). All I'm saying is perhaps for the New Year decide to be a little more considerate.

Kimia

Firstly, sorry to hear that Eve. I was in a similar situation, in hindsight I didn't get it very bad, not as bad as some people did, but I still to this day get hyper sensitive if I'm with people I don't know well and this type of slagging/banter comes up - I don't like it and I don't like engaging in it because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. And I don't care if that's over-senstive or whatever, it's just not my style.

ntlbell wrote: »

There is a massive difference between having a bit of "banter" and bullying, massive.

This out of all your posts stuck out at me, and it's the reason I don't engage in 'banter' unless I know for 100% fact that my comments won't inadvertently hurt or offend someone. It's not up to the joker to decide the difference between 'banter' and bullying - it's up to the receiver as it's completely subjective. Who are you to decide what constitutes someone's particular sense of humour? Therefore it's just not worth it- why would you chance offending or really hurting someone? For a laugh? Why would you do that to someone when you have no idea how your words could be affecting them?

iptba

I can't put my hands on it but I read a week or two on the internet somewhere of a study or survey about attitudes to height. Only twenty something percent of men would date a woman that was taller than them while only four per cent of women would date a man that was shorter than them. I did a quick search but can't find it - it used a phrase like "women are even more height nazis than men" but I'm guessing nazi wasn't the word as it's not showing up.

ETA: the word might have been fascists - it was a strong word but I can't find the article atm.

---

When looking around, I found the following:
http://www.shortsupport.org/index.html

Welcome to the Short Persons Support. Our mission is to:

1. Support and provide reference material to persons of short stature.
2. Raise awareness of the social and economic issues facing short people.
2. Provide inspiration to short people to help better their lives and attitudes.

Short men and women face challenges in their daily lives. Research has shown that short men have fewer opportunities for romantic relationships1, have fewer children2, and on average are paid less3. Finding adult fashion clothes is difficult. Short women report that they are not taken as seriously as their taller peers.

In this site you will find information that describes these difficulties and, if you are a short person or parent of a short child, advice to better help you deal with the issues. Short people deserve the same rights and privileges as any other member of society. We hope to help you gain them.

Giselle

iptba wrote: »

I can't put my hands on it but I read a week or two on the internet somewhere of a study or survey about attitudes to height. Only twenty something percent of men would date a woman that was taller than them while only four per cent of women would date a man that was shorter than them. I did a quick search but can't find it - it used a phrase like "women are even more height nazis than men" but I'm guessing nazi wasn't the word as it's not showing up.

---

When looking around, I found the following:
http://www.shortsupport.org/index.html

But its not somebodys right to have people attracted to them. Its also not being a nazi to prefer someone taller, or slimmer, bustier or brawnier.

I'm short, I know how difficult it is to be taken seriously, and my gut tells me that its a million times harder for short men since the overwhelming preference of women is to have a 'manly, big, protective' type man. I can imagine that short men in work are the butt of jokes from their taller counterparts, and its an easy way of putting someone down, like calling an overweight person fatso.

But while you can raise awareness of these issues, and can educate people to be more sensitive of the potential for prejudice, you just can't ever account for taste.

Men often don't mind short women, but women do by and large mind if a man is shorter. Just like some men don't like flat-chested women, or a girl with hugely broad shoulders, or with a masculine bone structure. Its nobodys right to be found attractive, and you can't just assume peoples visual and physical preferences in a partner are based on nothing more than superficiality, its an innate thing that you just can't change because you want to.

iptba

Giselle wrote: »

But its not somebodys right to have people attracted to them. Its also not being a nazi to prefer someone taller, or slimmer, bustier or brawnier.

Yes, I think you have a point. It was a strong word but I just couldn't remember the word. I'm 6 foot so it's not something that I get worked up about myself.

I just thought the statistic was interesting and trying to see how I could the article.

CDfm

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

.

Social skills is a form of intelligence. The Americans would call it part of the spectrum of emotional intelligence. I've met some of the stupidest people in my life at parties in TCD (where I didn't go because I didn't have the academic intelligence to attend) back in the day.

.

I always love your posts Eve - sensitivity and passion. I am not tall or short -5'8"

After a break from dating and relationships for a while I started dating around again over 2 years ago and having some very supportive girls as friends they used to appear where I was going out and give the young ladies the once over. Noseyness too.

Anyway, never having had that kind of interest in me as a friend before I was a bit bowled over at their interest in my happiness.

The emotional intelligience thing is very important in friends and is a very precious commodity.

Tonight my kids are having a new years party - my girlfriend is poping a bottle and I am on the couch, watching a Jack Nicholson movie.

You don't need a Phd to know this is good.

Happy new year

Eve_Dublin

Happy New Year CDFM. Nice one and thanks.There´s a lot to be said for being "nice". Enjoy the next one with your Lady ;-)

Arthurdaly

ntlbell wrote: »

How was that over the top?

Comments from the above clueless idiot think it is okay.

My best mate who I constantly had the so called banter with (he was short and I was overweight).

Short ass, fat man went to and fro, I didnt mind but my mate on the other hand attempted suicide and that wasnt much of a laugh!

NTBELL, dont contribute unless you know what you are talking about!

Scanlas The 2nd

The-Rigger wrote: »

People are attracted to people for reasons that don't actually make much or any logical sense nowadays or in their current enviroment.
Protection would be one of these reasons. It's more the illusion of protection than actual protection.

Being careful and avoiding trouble will offer far more protection than being a cetain height and weight, having both is obviously the best of both worlds but I'd imagine females would be far more attracted to a tall broad guy who has little ability/desire to avoid trouble than a smaller guy who is careful to do so.
So it is the illiusion of protection rather than actual safety.

Obviously people are perfectly entitled to find whatever they find attractive in other people. However, slating people and being cruel is just nasty.
A lot of people who do this would be the same ones that would flip out if anyone said anything derogitary about something that was applicable to them.

Also, being cruel about someones height is pretty awful as they have almost no control over it beyond stretching regularly which might give them an extra inch or so.

Well in the current environment tall men tend to do better by earning more and being healthier on average.

Scanlas The 2nd

parker kent wrote: »

What is "rediclous" is your attitude which has been used by bullies for generations to write off their actions as banter. Some of the examples here are from people (myself included) who have not experienced actual bullying, just the odd mindless comment. So there will not be too many concrete examples in the thread. But we have referred to actual bullying. To them, "harmless short arse" jokes are torture.

Which prompted you to say that people considering committing suicide over bullying is evolution at work. That is the greatest load of BS I have ever read. If you cannot see that and are not actually just trying to get a rise out of people here, then I really don't know what to say. Basically get your head out of the sand and get some awareness of what goes on around you.

There can be more to playful banter than meets the eye, often it's asserting your social status in the group or position in the hierarchy. That's always going to happen because people generally feel better in positions of higher status. I find the best way people being bullied to defend themselves is to get good at playing the social status game. It's a game that is continously being played and always will be played so it's in your interest not to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist and to learn how to play the game well. I'd recommend to anyone suffering from bullying to read the "48 laws of Power" by Robert Green.

Getting back on topic I find that what's most important to women is the feeling of being safe and protected rather than the man actually being tall. It's just that tall men often make her feel safe and protected. I think most women wouldn't care about the man being tall so long as the man makes her feel safe and protected. Now of course there will always be a minority who just need a tall man regardless.

sollar

The average height of men in ireland is apparantly 5ft 10in, the EU average is 5ft 9in. I was surprised by that i thought we were a small people.

The average height of women in ireland is said to be 5ft 4in. So if an woman wants to wear 2 inch heels and still have a man at least half a head taller then a man would need to be 5ft 10/11 or taller.

CDfm

sollar wrote: »

The average height of women in ireland is said to be 5ft 4in. So if an woman wants to wear 2 inch heels and still have a man at least half a head taller then a man would need to be 5ft 10/11 or taller.

Its much cooler for a guy to be with a taller lady cos everyone thinks whats he got

So I spent lots of my time trying to persuade her nibs (who is the same height as me) to wear those 6 inch heels when we go out.

Its for the Bernie Ecclestone effect doncha know

ntlbell

Arthurdaly wrote: »

Comments from the above clueless idiot think it is okay.

My best mate who I constantly had the so called banter with (he was short and I was overweight).

Short ass, fat man went to and fro, I didnt mind but my mate on the other hand attempted suicide and that wasnt much of a laugh!

NTBELL, dont contribute unless you know what you are talking about!

I'm sorry, but I don't go around insulting people causing them to commit suicide.

You sound like a great friend tho.

Jesus Wept

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I'd recommend to anyone suffering from bullying to read the "48 laws of Power" by Robert Green.

Jeez that looks like a depressing read. :P

liah

The-Rigger wrote: »

Jeez that looks like a depressing read. :P

That just reads like a way to turn the bullied into the bully tbh. Much more a guide to being an asshole than to actually overcome any real issues. Disappointing that people buy into that kind of stuff.

Catari Jaguar

Law 49: Quit being bitter and let it go...

Maguined

Kimia wrote: »

It's not up to the joker to decide the difference between 'banter' and bullying - it's up to the receiver as it's completely subjective. Who are you to decide what constitutes someone's particular sense of humour?

This bit I do not agree with, why does the receiver get to decide? I think it will always be a grey area, it is not as simple as saying the intention of the person initiating the banter was humour and not offense therefore it is okay, conversely it is not as simple as saying the receiver did not like it therefore it is automatically wrong and offensive.

There is no right or wrong, there is only the compromise that can be worked out between both parties involved.

Scanlas The 2nd

liah wrote: »

That just reads like a way to turn the bullied into the bully tbh. Much more a guide to being an asshole than to actually overcome any real issues. Disappointing that people buy into that kind of stuff.

It's the reality of power. You don't have to do all these things the book says to do for power, but it can be a very eye opening read to the naive.

I found his speech he gave at Yale to be inspiring and I think those who are bullied should read it.

http://www.powerseductionandwar.com/

liah

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

It's the reality of power. You don't have to do all these things the book says to do for power, but it can be a very eye opening read to the naive.

I found his speech he gave at Yale to be inspiring and I think those who are bullied should read it.

http://www.powerseductionandwar.com/

I don't. Effectively all it's doing is teaching the bullied to act like the bullies, and all that does is serve to perpetuate the cycle. It's nearly sociopathic to a degree, it's entirely about manipulation and deception and control. How is that going to 'help' a victim of bullying to any degree? All it would do is ensure many others receive the same treatment. I don't think that's something that should be used as 'advice' for victims of anything. There's other ways of going about regaining confidence and dealing with bullies.

Scanlas The 2nd

liah wrote: »

I don't. Effectively all it's doing is teaching the bullied to act like the bullies, and all that does is serve to perpetuate the cycle. It's nearly sociopathic to a degree, it's entirely about manipulation and deception and control. How is that going to 'help' a victim of bullying to any degree? All it would do is ensure many others receive the same treatment. I don't think that's something that should be used as 'advice' for victims of anything. There's other ways of going about regaining confidence and dealing with bullies.

Understanding reality helps people in dealing with reality, unfortunately reality isn't always so pretty. You don't have to prioritise power in your life. You really need to read the book to understand the message though. It looks all nasty when you read the list of laws.

ntlbell

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

Understanding reality helps people in dealing with reality, unfortunately reality isn't always so pretty. You don't have to prioritise power in your life. You really need to read the book to understand the message though. It looks all nasty when you read the list of laws.

You obviously didn't read Liah's signature :pac:

I don't know much about the book but it looks more like it would be more useful to as an idiots guide to working for large american corp's than being bullied.

Generation after generation we're pampering and protecting kids more and more and raising what some might refer to as a big bunch of "softies".

Otis Driftwood

Arthurdaly wrote: »

Comments from the above clueless idiot think it is okay.
My best mate who I constantly had the so called banter with (he was short and I was overweight).
Short ass, fat man went to and fro, I didnt mind but my mate on the other hand attempted suicide and that wasnt much of a laugh! NTBELL, dont contribute unless you know what you are talking about!

Infracted for personal abuse and back seat modding.If you have an issue with a post use the report button.Thanks.

WindSock

ntlbell wrote: »

gingers tend to have a great sense of humour about their gingerness, where fat people tend to be very sensitive about their fattyness.

I think it is the same with most physical attributes a person cannot change, vs weight. Being overweight is judged more harshly than having a big nose for example as it is in indication of ones percieved lifestyle rather than something they are born with (excluding the big boned thing)

But then again, the same would be said for height. But there does seem to be an indication that it is more insulting to draw attention to ones height as a man than for a woman though.

iptba

WindSock wrote: »

But there does seem to be an indication that it is more insulting to draw attention to ones height as a man than for a woman though.

It may be that height or rather lack of it is more important in men e.g. it is more akin to saying they are unattractive. The survey/study I mentioned found only 4% of women said they would go out with a man who was less tall than them.