Let's Talk About Weight In Partners.

Ickle Magoo

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I don't know anyone who would be so insensitive and rude to say either, tbh - same old story, idiots be idiots regardless of whether it's weight or baldness or looks or figure - and that goes for either gender.

Unfortunately so many people do it. I once had someone come up to me and comment on how if I were a woman, I'd have the perfect figure.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Deleted User wrote: »

Unfortunately so many people do it. I once had someone come up to me and comment on how if I were a woman, I'd have the perfect figure.

Ditto, is happens alllll the time. And you can tell they dont really mean anything by it, just that its ok to say whatever the eff you like cos you're not fat. And you're allowed to bitch about skinny

Princess Peach

My fear about skinny guys is that they'll constantly be thinking about how I'm fatter than them :P Was with a guy before who was about my weight and very conscious of it because he competed in sport. I did feel it put a bit pressure on me when he would talk about his weight a lot. I just felt that if he's so conscious about his weight, he definitely was noticing when my weight fluxuates.

I guess my point is I just would like a guy who is comfortable with his weight? With being overweight I just guess health and lifestyle would be an issue for me.

I do think I'm more attracted to guys who have a kind of athletic build, but I'd give any guy a chance if he was nice

The_Morrigan

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I don't know anyone who would be so insensitive and rude to say either, tbh - same old story, idiots be idiots regardless of whether it's weight or baldness or looks or figure - and that goes for either gender.

Always happens...
I was massively overweight years ago and I've dropped a few dress sizes,its soul destroying when you've managed to lose a stone or 3, get all delighted that you've done so well and think you look great (or better than you did) and some knob end knocks your confidence by being mean.
I'm never going to be a size ten, its not in the family genetics so if I drop one or two more dress sizes I'll be happy.

Ickle Magoo

Deleted User wrote: »

Unfortunately so many people do it.

That's my point - people do it. I can't remember a night out that didn't involve a guy commenting on some aspect of my person at some stage and that's been going on since I hit puberty - and I'm sure every other woman would say likewise. Idiots are idiots, there is no reason to make a general appeal here like it's something we would all do.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

That's my point - people do it. I can't remember a night out that didn't involve a guy commenting on some aspect of my person at some stage and that's been going on since I hit puberty - and I'm sure every other woman would say likewise. Idiots are idiots, there is no reason to make a general appeal here like it's something we would all do.

This is true, people who do are a**holes. But you do get people who would never call someone overweight who would happily point out to everyone how skinny someone is and put them on edge.
IME I have never heard anyone who wasn't a teenage delinquent call someone fat to their face

Princess Peach

Lillian Disgusting Scrabble wrote: »

This is true, people who do are a**holes. But you do get people who would never call someone overweight who would happily point out to everyone how skinny someone is and put them on edge.
IME I have never heard anyone who wasn't a teenage delinquent call someone fat to their face

My parents have But in the nicest possible way!

Don't think I've ever had a stranger do it though. Pretty sure thats something I'd remember. Had a million people tell me how they noticed how much weight I have lost, which I interpret as they noticed I was a bit fat before :P Could be wrong though!

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Princess Peach wrote: »

My parents have But in the nicest possible way!

Don't think I've ever had a stranger do it though. Pretty sure thats something I'd remember. Had a million people tell me how they noticed how much weight I have lost, which I interpret as they noticed I was a bit fat before :P Could be wrong though!

They just mean you look good. Really. Always take the most positive likely meaning, makes life sweeter

Princess Peach

I have often said, how skinny is that guy! And I've especially said it about girls! But I don't think I've ever said it to anyones face, thats just rude.

Anyone who says that is either mean/ a moron IMO.

Ickle Magoo

Lillian Disgusting Scrabble wrote: »

This is true, people who do are a**holes. But you do get people who would never call someone overweight who would happily point out to everyone how skinny someone is and put them on edge.
IME I have never heard anyone who wasn't a teenage delinquent call someone fat to their face

I just don't think that is true, or at least certainly not IME - I think it more likely that not being fat you don't hear a lot of those comments and being slim, you pick up on a topic you are sensitive about. I've heard people being called fat PLENTY times - and often they were nothing like fat, it seems to be a common tool to use for lashing out at women that has good odds of hitting the offensive spot.

I have a female friend who is a stunner and has a large chest and what she regularly gets called is just unbelievable - and seems to stem from an innate insecurity that someone like her wouldn't look twice at them - and of course coming out with some of those clangers, they'd be dead right. I also have a friend who is just shy of 6"5 and she too gets all manner of "jokes" and comments. I've come to the conclusion that some people just have no social awareness filter that lets them know what is and isn't appropriate and what is likely to end up making them look like a royal tool - again, their issue.

For the record, I've found/find men of all different shapes and sizes sexy.

babyfratelli_x

I wouldnt really find a skinny guy attractive.

Id go for an average guy, or a guy who was a little on the chubby side, but couldnt go out with someone who was really overweight, just wouldnt find them attractive.

Also would kind of be put off by the fact that they most likely dont take care of themselves.
Some people are a bit bigger because of their genes and stuff, and theres nothin wrong with that, but if it was down to them being a slob id be totally put off.

yosser hughes

babyfratelli_x wrote: »

I wouldnt really find a skinny guy attractive.

Id go for an average guy, or a guy who was a little on the chubby side, but couldnt go out with someone who was really overweight, just wouldnt find them attractive.

Also would kind of be put off by the fact that they most likely dont take care of themselves.
Some people are a bit bigger because of their genes and stuff, and theres nothin wrong with that, but if it was down to them being a slob id be totally put off.

Genetics have very little to do with it. For 99 per cent of people being overweight has absolutely nothing to do with genetics.

Ickle Magoo

yosser hughes wrote: »

Genetics have very little to do with it. For 99 per cent of people being overweight has absolutely nothing to do with genetics.

Overweight, yes - but as for size? Height and broad shoulders can certainly be inherited - as can a lithe figure.

yosser hughes

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Overweight, yes - but as for size? Height and broad shoulders can certainly be inherited - as can a lithe figure.

Agreed.It' just that there is a myth out there that is quite often used as an excuse for being overweight.

Ickle Magoo

What, like some people have a genetic propensity to over-eat and under-exercise?

liah

Is metabolism inherited?


(Sorry if this is a stupid question btw, I wouldn't have a clue about this stuff.)

I think it is. Most of the men in my family (siblings, uncles, cousins) are all pretty tall and slender, with most of those being well built.

Ickle Magoo

I thought metabolism was unique to each person....I'm no expert though.

I think metabolism can certainly dictate how slowly weight is lost - but barring some kind of enzyme, thyroid or endocrine deficiency it's not a great excuse for why diet and exercise wasn't adjusted accordingly when weight gain begins.

allandanyways

Lillian Disgusting Scrabble wrote: »

This is true, people who do are a**holes. But you do get people who would never call someone overweight who would happily point out to everyone how skinny someone is and put them on edge.
IME I have never heard anyone who wasn't a teenage delinquent call someone fat to their face

You have been lucky! I actually started a thread about this a year or so ago, after I was screamed at in a pub in front of loads of people "Hey Shamu, nice dress" (Shamu being a whale at Seaworld). Grown adults do comment on other people's weight, and it's usually men commenting on women's weight in my experience. It usually happens on nights out as well. I'm a size 16-18, so not massively overweight but not thin by any stretch of the imagination..

Anyway point is, grown adults do call other people fat, and to their faces as well.

I have been with really skinny lads and tbh, I don't like it. Partly because it makes me more conscious of my own weight, and also because I like a bit of muscle on a guy. I would go out with a guy heavier than me if he carried his weight well (Dara O Briain size for example, tall and carries his weight well) but someone like (here comes my reality tv shame) Gary , Amber's boyfriend from 16 and Pregnant wouldn't do it for me, just cos I find taller, more built guys more attractive.

That said, you can never rule out anything, as they say, beauty captures attention, personality captures the heart.

Chinafoot

Novella wrote: »

So, if you were putting on weight, would you like your partner to mention it to you or would that make you uncomfortable?

Personally, I'd prefer my boyfriend to say it to me, as opposed to becoming unattracted to me, and perhaps ending the relationship on that basis.

This right there is really the only proper discussion that can be had on this topic. Otherwise this, and the short men thread, is just each of us listing off what we naturally find attractive. Next we'll be having a "Would you go out with a ginger/blonde/black haired guy?" Everyone is different in what they go for.

Fluorescence

I don't mind a bit chubby, but tbh fat people simply are not attractive to me. I don't like skinny men either. A slim, muscular build is most attractive to my eyes.

cheesefiend

If I started to put on weight I would like my OH to tell me, in a polite and sensitive manner. However, if he started cracking jokes about my lard ass I doubt I'd be very receptive, it would probably cause me to eat more.

I would like to think that I would tell him as well out of concern for his health not because I didn't find him attractive anymore. I like skinny guys but I love cuddles from someone with some meat on their bones.

Blush_01

I recently lost 3 stone and two dress sizes. I figure I've about 4 more dress sizes to go before I'm healthy looking - that'll give you an indication of how I look. I think I look amazing by comparison to how I did before.

Yes, I am proud of what I have achieved, but I really don't know why people feel the need to comment on it all the time, which they have done. I have far more confidence, and am less socially uncomfortable, but a simple compliment rather than indepth analysis of what I've done is far more appreciated, thanks.

A guy I know is about 6' 2" / 6' 3", fairly well muscled, has a very solidly muscular frame and a bit of a beer belly, but OMG is he hot. Yet he appears to have no confidence unless his friends are with him, and it's SO off-putting.

IMHO, regardless of size confidence is attractive. Feeling like you'll have to constantly bolster someone's flagging ego is not.

If you're in a long-term relationship and can't be open about changes that make you feel less attracted to your partner (in a kind, constructive way, not just because you've had a bad day and know there's an easy way to get a dig in) then are you really in a relationship you feel you can potentially stay in permanently?

BrianD3

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I thought metabolism was unique to each person....I'm no expert though.

I think metabolism can certainly dictate how slowly weight is lost - but barring some kind of enzyme, thyroid or endocrine deficiency it's not a great excuse for why diet and exercise wasn't adjusted accordingly when weight gain begins.

May be of interest especially the part about Dr Ethan Sim's attempts to get thin prisoners to gain weight.
http://junkfoodscience.blogspot.com/2008/10/first-law-of-thermodynamics-in-real.html

Note that this was done in the 1960s and I don't know if it has been repeated, discredited etc.

Princess Peach

I'd hate so much if a boyfriend ever mentioned that I'd gained weight. My weight tends to go up and down a bit often anyway, and I'm very conscious of any changes in it myself. To know that he had noticed enough to mention it would just make me feel beyond awful.

I'm sure most women would notice their own weight gain, no need for it to be pointed out to them.

Fluorescence

Princess Peach wrote: »

I'd hate so much if a boyfriend ever mentioned that I'd gained weight. My weight tends to go up and down a bit often anyway, and I'm very conscious of any changes in it myself. To know that he had noticed enough to mention it would just make me feel beyond awful.

I'm sure most women would notice their own weight gain, no need for it to be pointed out to them.

Small fluctuations are a totally different ball-game to going from reasonably slim and healthy to obese. I'd hope my partner would bring it up and try to make me accountable, but tbh I'm the sort of person who needs to come to the conclusion myself in order to do anything about it so.... *shrug*

colly10

BrianD3 wrote: »

No, BMI is a reasonable indication of health for the general population and falls down for bodybuilders and some other athletes.

Yes bodybuilders, rugby players or most people who's training doesn't consist of running. It reads them as overweight when they could be anything but.
Body fat percentage is far more useful

Dimitri

To answer the op here and in tGC in all honesty I don't find over weight women attractive and of late I've found myself thinking less of people who are overweight. I haven't become even more shallow but for me and I apologise if this offends, but overweight/obesity automatically give me the impression of a person lacking in self respect and motivation. We all have vices I both drink and smoke so it is quite hypocritical but it is the immediate impression I get.

Whether I'd tell someone they are putting on weight and I'm finding them less attractive is a tough one as I spent a long time in a relationship with a person with low self esteem who was constantly on and on and on and on and on and on about her weight and looks in general, which to a certain degree has warped my view on what I would like to do and what I would actually do. I would prefer to tell them before I became un-attracted to them.

However a point that definitely warrants a thread in its own right is what are peoples opinions on fat kids. When I was in primary school there would inevitably be a fat kid in each class, but I've noticed and many of my friends who are now primary school teachers have echoed this sentiment, there is now always a skinny kid the majority are overweight and there are a few that are simply massive. Now it is socially acceptable for complete strangers to approach me and tell me I should give up smoking, however if I stand outside having a smoke I'm a grown adult making a decision to engage in a habit that is not best practice. Parents taking their already fat kids to McDonalds is far, far worse and bothers me greatly. We all know and can see the wrong in what is being done but when these fat kids become fat teenagers and fat adults, society reassures them there is nothing wrong with them, that they are curvy, or big boned or they are real and that the don't need to emulate the people that are hypocritically revered by same society, and so the cycle repeats itself,. It is my honest opinion that it is an adults right to choose if they lead a healthy lifestyle but they should be starting from a healthy base. Smoking and drinking are almost taboo now in the sense that when I started both I knew they were bad for me, the same cannot be said for these kids, and the early the rot sets in the harder it is to stop it. I don't find overweight people attractive, I do find fit healthy looking people attractive, and I'd wager this is true of the majority, but I also believe this is only the tip of the iceberg on the weight debate, for my part I firmly believe that we need to re-evaluate how we address obesity and overwightness (for want of a better word) and I stand firmly in the rather empty corner it would seem of being allowed to discriminate against only then will it become taboo.

Stheno

Novella wrote: »

I was just reading the tGC thread there, and one poster mentioned that he'd hope he'd have the balls to mention to his wife if she was putting on weight. So, if you were putting on weight, would you like your partner to mention it to you or would that make you uncomfortable?

Personally, I'd prefer my boyfriend to say it to me, as opposed to becoming unattracted to me, and perhaps ending the relationship on that basis.

Don't mind if he does, I've recently put on weight, now when I met him I was five foot eight and nine stone, I'm ten to ten and a half (ish?) now, and he mentions if I look like I'm putting on or losing weight, but never in a derogatory way, when I put on weight he said I looked good, when I lost weight he commented that I looked slimmer but again said I looked good.

He was very very thin when I met him, he's put on about 1.5 stone since, and it suits him. He's the same shirt from our second date still, and it looks great on him with the extra weight, he's also enjoyed getting into clothes with his different weight.

I think tbh it boils down to whether it's a taboo subject or not, it's never been for us, neither of us would want to be massively overweight or anything, and we don't eat a junk filled diet so for us it's just a commentary on how we are looking, rather than "hey piggie boy, had too much for dinner lately? I'm glad he put on the weight he did, even his doctor was pleased about it, and I'm happy with my weight.

I'd a previous long term partner who was 5 foot 10 and 18 stone, with a very big build who carried it well, the bf is 5 foot eight and 11 stone.

RacoonQueen

BrianD3 wrote: »

Well done for for stating your credentials as you see them but I think I'll stick to The Lancet and New England Journal of Medicine for information on this subject

No, BMI is a reasonable indication of health for the general population and falls down for bodybuilders and some other athletes.

A recent article that I suggest you read - unless you'd prefer to stop reading as you did earlier
http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa1000367

An article about the possible limitations of "the BMI thing".
http://www.theheart.org/article/733171.do

I too could dig out medical journals that discuss the limitations of BMI and why it is not as widely used as many people think.

Anyway, this is irrelevant and off topic.

Ickle Magoo

BrianD3 wrote: »

May be of interest especially the part about Dr Ethan Sim's attempts to get thin prisoners to gain weight.
http://junkfoodscience.blogspot.com/2008/10/first-law-of-thermodynamics-in-real.html

Note that this was done in the 1960s and I don't know if it has been repeated, discredited etc.

Trying to get skinny people fat wasn't what I was referring to though.

Excessive weight gain and noticeable fat deposition just doesn't happen to people who do a lot of exercise and eat healthily. So regardless of how difficult skinny prisoners found it to get fatter - even if someone has a propensity for weight gain, they will only do so if their diet and exercise allows them.

Xiney

I really don't care very much about physical appearance, and I'm pretty happy I don't.

I've struggled with weight pretty much my whole life, from before I was in control of what I was eating or understood what foods I should be eating anyway. (as an example, until I was 14 years old my mother had me believing that oil had no calories... goddamnit) Doesn't absolve me of guilt NOW of course, but it's not like I started out with a good weight and managed to screw it up.. I was always starting from 20m behind the start line.

Anyway, despite this, I have a stellar personality so I managed to get hooked up loved up and married. I also think I'm not bad looking despite being a fatty :eek:

Yeah, I want to lose weight. Yeah, I'm trying. But I don't enjoy exercise, it's a chore to me so that's always a struggle, and I struggle with binge eating when under stress, so that doesn't help either.

Generally though, I think my husband is one of the greatest people on earth (although I would say that) because he is endlessly, painfully supportive in my efforts to lose weight (I wouldn't blame him if he were mighty sick of it by now) but never ever makes me feel as though I've failed him or I should be doing it for him or some kind of rubbish like that. Because he loves me for my aforementionned amazing personality and sense of humour etc. and loving the body that contains it is easy when I'm so awesome otherwise. Seriously. All the fatty haters in my life fuckin' missed out. :P

cdaly_

Xiney wrote: »

But I don't enjoy exercise, it's a chore to me so that's always a struggle

So don't exercise. Instead, start walking/cycling to work instead of driving. That way you're not 'exercising', you're just going to work and the exercise just sneaks in...

All the fatty haters in my life fuckin' missed out. :P

:)

Eve_Dublin

Xiney wrote: »

Anyway, despite this, I have a stellar personality so I managed to get hooked up loved up and married. I also think I'm not bad looking despite being a fatty :eek:

Good on ye Xiney for being aware of it and it sounds like you´ve got your priorities right. At the end of the day, our personality is all we´ll have and lucky for you you´ve spent your life working on that instead of just your physical appearance. It´ll stand to you.

Das Kitty

Hmm, I've been attracted to men of all shapes and sizes. It's all about attitude, someone complaining about their body shape constantly and being down on themselves because of their appearance is really unattractive (and annoying!). We all do it sometimes, luckily my husband and I keep each other in check.

hazydays

I tend to find men who have a bit of weight on them more attractive than guys who are toned and muscular. my husband and I are together for 11 years and over that time he has put on and lost weight and I find him most attractive at the heavier times for the last year he has been addicted to the gym and constantly analyzing his body and weight and i find nothing less attractive but he has put on a bit of weight over christmas with all the eating drinking and missing the gym and i can't get enough! I'm a size 8 and go to the gym i just like my men chunky and soft!

chicken fingers

The_Morrigan wrote: »

The last guy I dated was 18/19 stone in weight and just shy of 6 foot. I'm 15 stone and 5'6....so yeah I would. Despite his weight, he had the best smile and the most gorgeous eyes ever.
However most guys wouldn't touch me with a barge pole cos I'm not "skinny" - and none of them have been anything but blunt in relaying that message too.

This.

Why must heavier girls always define slim/healthy or even underweight as "skinny"? Its derogative.
My girlfriend is quite slim (5,5 and 8.8 stone although she does have implants), but many mean girls will call her "skinny", which has a negative connotation.

<snip - personal attack>

Ickle Magoo

chicken fingers wrote: »

(5,5 and 8.8 stone although she does have implants

Sorry, what relevance does this have?

hazydays

i think hes trying to say they are making her heavier...or is he just bragging..????

Stheno

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Sorry, what relevance does this have?

The implants probably add half a stone to her weight? (sorry, couldn't help myself)

Chicken fingers I'd not consider your girlfriend especially skinny on the stats you've given us tbh that's about a size 8 iirc?

Skinny is a size 4 or so imo.

chicken fingers

Bragging should not really be a concern between nameless, faceless internet avatars, theres nothing to brag about, many girls get implants for medical reasons etc. The point is that she has I suppose an un-natural distribution of weight and the rest of the body is generally called "skinny". It just annoys her a bit when other girls make comments about her appearance. Like strangers might just say "skinny b1tch" as they walk by her for no reason. She was 8 stone before afair.

Ickle Magoo

Unless she's got lola ferrari type implants, I don't think they are going to have such an enormous difference to her weight as to differentiate between healthy weight and underweight or overweight.

Stheno

chicken fingers wrote: »

Bragging should not really be a concern between nameless, faceless internet avatars, theres nothing to brag about, many girls get implants for medical reasons etc. The point is that she has I suppose an un-natural distribution of weight and the rest of the body is generally called "skinny". It just annoys her a bit when other girls make comments about her appearance. Like strangers might just say "skinny b1tch" as they walk by her for no reason. She was 8 stone before afair.

She's a fairly normal figure well within the healthy limits defined by bmi tbh

In my less heavy days, I had a BMI of 18.5 and sweet jesus the amount of comments I got from people was unreal.

They usually shut up when they saw me eating, and as I've gotten older I've put on weight. Are you saying that she was eight stone before she got the implants?

Delicate_Dlite

Hmm, I'll be honest I'm attracted to both types of shape, slender (think rower/runner) and a bigger frame (rugby-type). But I love toned, lil or large toned is always what I go for, Not a fan of flab at all. If it was I'd stay home and have sex with myself.

I love ppl of all different shapes and sizes, but I could never be attracted to fleshy/flabby type and I could never be with someone I wasn't attracted to.

SOo... I guess that makes me shallow,

Snoopy1

Couldnt read whole thread, but heres my opinion anyway. I dated a lot of guys this year, skinny, big tall short, everything.
Im a size 12 (although after Christmas everything feels very tight). I used to weigh 4 stone heavier. I definitely got more attention after i lost the weight, and now im really paranoid about putting on the weight again.
Ive been seeing a guy for 6 months, and he is probably about 18 stone (im 11 stone).
I can honestly say the weight isnt an issue for us. I fancied him like mad the moment i saw him, and i love him to bits. He mentions now and again about losing weight, but i dont mind as long as he's happy.
However weight is an issue for me. I like my food a lot, but i am incredibly annoyed that ive put on weight over Christmas, and i feel very guilty. I also feel he will go off me if i put on more weight!!

Why exactly would anyone need breast implants for medical reasons?

rainbow kirby

Deleted User wrote: »

Why exactly would anyone need breast implants for medical reasons?

Reconstructive surgery after mastectomy?

rainbow kirby

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Reconstructive surgery after mastectomy?

That makes sense. Apologies, didn't realise.

Rockery Woman

mmmmm I love hairy bellies! (sorry had to write that!);)

ellieh1

Rockery Woman wrote: »

mmmmm I love hairy bellies! (sorry had to write that!);)

That made me laugh out loud!!