Bisexual men

LegacyUser

Ladies, would you ever date or have a relationship with a bisexual man? To put it more specifically, a bisexual man that states a greater preference for women over men? While I’m not going to claim that this is the most common archetype on the bisexual continuum, the bisexual women I have known in my life at least have stated a greater preference for men over women.

It seems most men would be open to dating and having relationships with women who identify as bisexual, but can the same be said when the genders are reversed?

Eve_Dublin

Good question. I don´t know the answer to that to be honest. I´ve never known any of the guys I was with to be bisexual but thinking about it,I don´t think I´d have any a problem with it but I honestly couldn´t say ´till it happened. I might have some dark prejudice tucked away somewhere that I´m not aware of.


On a related note, I live with a girl from Canada who would be quite conservative in many ways (she comes from a very traditional Greek background in Canada) and she´s been going out with a guy for over a year. Before she met him, I hung out with him a few times and he told me pretty nonchalantly that he was bisexual...but he hasn´t told my housemate! We were friends before we moved in together and I feel bad knowing this piece of info that could actually make or break them (I could be wrong...just a gut instinct). Do you think she has a right to know?

Sardonicat

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Good question. I don´t know the answer to that to be honest. I´ve never known any of the guys I was with to be bisexual but thinking about it,I don´t think I´d have any a problem with it but I honestly couldn´t say ´till it happened. I might have some dark prejudice tucked away somewhere that I´m not aware of.


On a related note, I live with a girl from Canada who would be quite conservative in many ways (she comes from a very traditional Greek background in Canada) and she´s been going out with a guy for over a year. Before she met him, I hung out with him a few times and he told me pretty nonchalantly that he was bisexual...but he hasn´t told my housemate! We were friends before we moved in together and I feel bad knowing this piece of info that could actually make or break them (I could be wrong...just a gut instinct). Do you think she has a right to know?

That's a good question. Do you think you have the right to out him to her, though? I can appreciate your dillema. Perhaps you should raise it with him. Being Bi can be difficult to drop into the converstaion at the start of dating and then it can become an issue for not saying it. Ask him if she knows and has he thought about telling her. There could be good reasons he hasn't yet that aren't about deceiving her.

In response to the thread question:I'd have no problem, in fact it would be an ideal for me.

Twee.

It's a weird one. I suppose it really shouldn't matter, the guy likes girls and lads, and that's that. I have kissed a guy, and then my gay pal turns and says "Oh yeah, I slept with him!". It weirded me out a little bit, but we went on a few dates and had fun, the reason it didn't work out had nothing to do with the fact that he was bi.

baby and crumble

Well I can only say my experience with this issue, and my curent long term girlfriend identifies as bisexual, but leaning more towards girls than guys. At the start it weirded me out- I've never gone further than kissing with a guy- but now it only bothers me every now and again, usually when I'm having a bad day anyway and tbh her talking about anyone other than me would make me yell at her... Ocassionally, when I don't know the guy she's talking about/ working with on aproject/ hanging out with I get a bit "oh, and who is he, exactly????" but then I cop myself on and realise that she's with me 7 years now, so it's not exactly a phase on her way back to boy town. :P

I never really worry about her leaving me for a woman- what woman could be better than me? But sometimes i do wonder... what if she misses it? But hey, that's what certain implements in Anne Summers are for!

I guess the main thing to remember is just because someone is bi that doesn't automatically mean they want both at once. The idea that all bi girls want threesomes is rubbish.

Ickle Magoo

I would - and have - dated men who have identified as bi. I'm mostly attracted to men - but not exclusively - so it would be kind of hypocritical of me to write off a relationship based on someone else doing like-wise. :cool:

takola

It really wouldn't bother me at all.

I know some people who have said they wouldn't because a bisexual person is twice as likely to cheat on them. I've had trouble not rolling my eyes at that attitude. If you're going into a relationship worried that someone is going to cheat on you, then I would be inclined to think that your own insecurities are the problem, not the other person or their sexuality.

Some of my female friends find the idea of their oh's having been with other men distasteful which is fair enough I suppose. Wouldn't bother me.

laurashambles

I would, I don't think it's a big deal.

vicecreamsundae

i have (pretty casually) dated a couple of bi guys. well actually, it's not even really my place to label them as bi, but i knew they had slept with guys in the past. doesn't bother me at all.

in fact if i was seeing a guy, i would feel somewhat less hurt if they fancied/flirted with or left me for another guy than a girl!

but overall it wouldn't make a difference to me... when they're with me, that's all that matters, not who they've been with in the past.

MeerKat17

No way! That would just freak me out. I think it must be very confusing to be a young male these days, it seems to be popular to be gay/bi. Fashion for men seems to be very feminine lately, I could never go out with a guy who wore skinny jeans! Ugh! Don't get me wrong, I'm not homophobic, a few of my best friends since childhood are gay/lesbian, but personally, I like my men to be manly men!

Lia_lia

I have gone out with a bisexual guy. Hell, I even identified myself as bisexual for years. Guess I still do. Actually I don't really understand the sexual orientation thing. For me your attracted to someone or not But that's a whole different story!

Anyway no, wouldn't bother me. But a lot of people I know would be bothered by it.

laurashambles

MeerKat17 wrote: »

No way! That would just freak me out. I think it must be very confusing to be a young male these days, it seems to be popular to be gay/bi. Fashion for men seems to be very feminine lately, I could never go out with a guy who wore skinny jeans! Ugh! Don't get me wrong, I'm not homophobic, a few of my best friends since childhood are gay/lesbian, but personally, I like my men to be manly men!

I don't really get where you're coming from with this. Bi (or gay or whatever else) doesn't equal camp. You can be bi and still be manly.

mariebeth

For me, I think it would just depend on attraction for me, if I liked the guy and was attracted to him, then I wouldn't care if he was bi, as long as he was interested in me. The only person who should matter is the person you are in the relationship with at the time, not whoever they slept with in the past.

MeerKat17

laurashambles wrote: »

I don't really get where you're coming from with this. Bi (or gay or whatever else) doesn't equal camp. You can be bi and still be manly.

I guess thats fair enough, I just don't like the thought of a guy I'm with being with another man.

rainbow kirby

MeerKat17 wrote: »

it seems to be popular to be gay/bi.

It's more that gay/bi men feel ready to come out at an earlier age these days, rather than feeling that they had to hide as they used to not so very long ago.

baby and crumble

On the related note that hasn't really been touched upon, it really isn't anyo es place to out someone, and by telling your friend the guy she's seeing is bi, then that's what you're doing. Think of something very personal that you might want to keep from a partner until you're sure of the relationship, and then imagine your friend tellig someone about it behind your back. It will never end well. The guy will rightfully be annoyed you disclosed his orientation, and the girl will have heard a 'fact' without Any possibility for discussion with the source etc.

Eve_Dublin

zoegh wrote: »

On the related note that hasn't really been touched upon, it really isn't anyo es place to out someone, and by telling your friend the guy she's seeing is bi, then that's what you're doing. Think of something very personal that you might want to keep from a partner until you're sure of the relationship, and then imagine your friend tellig someone about it behind your back. It will never end well. The guy will rightfully be annoyed you disclosed his orientation, and the girl will have heard a 'fact' without Any possibility for discussion with the source etc.

No, your right, their relationship is their business and I wouldn't dream of telling her anyway but I find it awkward knowing something that's more her business than mine. They've been going out over a year now though...they're both 40 and they're talking marriage and kids. She wants to get proposed to in the next year. I'm just curious as to how she would take it...she's shockingly conservative on so many issues.

baby and crumble

well the thing is perhaps his bisexuality is not an issue anymore- as in, he slept with guys in the past, but this is the present? Would you expect everyone to come clean about every single relationship they ever had before getting into a commited relationship? I mean if the positions were reversed I'm pretty sure I'd have way more reservations about a girl who had slept with loads of guys and couldn't remember half of them than one who had a few relationships with both genders... I get what you mean, and it does put you in a weird position, like what if you blurt out something about one of his male exes during a storytelling type night? That would be my main concern i think...

Pembily

How does it matter what his sexual orientation is?? He's going out with her and committed to her, what he told you may have changed! He may no longer be attracted to men!

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, it would be slightly hypocritical of me... Sexual orientation is confusing and it's a persons choice who they do or don't tell!

Mr. Loverman

Sorry to mention the elephant in the room...

The fact that he is bisexual greatly increases his chance of having a fatal STI.

I'm assuming you all get your partners tested for STIs before you have latex free relations with them?

rainbow kirby

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

I'm assuming you all get your partners tested for STIs before you have latex free relations with them?

Both partners taking a test for STIs before putting the condoms away is simply common sense...

Mr. Loverman

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Both partners taking a test for STIs before putting the condoms away is simply common sense...

How many couples actually do this though? I'll take a guess and say hardly any.

But I agree it should be common sense.

Mr. Loverman

FYI

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/msm/index.htm

Quick summary:

"In 2007, men who have sex with men were 44 to 86 times as likely to be diagnosed with HIV compared with other men".

Sardonicat

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

Sorry to mention the elephant in the room...

The fact that he is bisexual greatly increases his chance of having a fatal STI.

I'm assuming you all get your partners tested for STIs before you have latex free relations with them?

A fact is it? Because we all know that bisexuals are more promiscuous and never parctice safe sex.

I hate to break it to you, but that's nothing more then a stereotype.

Mr. Loverman

Sardonicat wrote: »

A fact is it? Because we all know that bisexuals are more promiscuous and never parctice safe sex.

I hate to break it to you, but that's nothing more then a stereotype.

You are wrong.

The numbers don't lie. Please see my previous post.

caseyann

I wouldnt have a problem with it,but wouldnt want him asking me to go three ways so he could get with another person.Especially someone i love no sharing with male or female other wise relationship over.
If he was bisexual,would mean him having to swear off men for good and ofc other women.

Although some women would love that to have two men and some men would love to have two women.So better to find someone with like ideas if the person who is bisexual wants to be able to sleep with his gf and a man.

Sardonicat

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

You are wrong.

The numbers don't lie. Please see my previous post.

I'm bisexual, and I'm not promiscuous, at all. So to apply that thinking to me would be very wrong.

Your previous post refers to men that sleep with other men, not an exclusively bisexual group. Just becuase this man is bisexual it does not mean, as a fact, that he is riddled with stds.

Ickle Magoo

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

FYI

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/msm/index.htm

Quick summary:

"In 2007, men who have sex with men were 44 to 86 times as likely to be diagnosed with HIV compared with other men".

44 to 86 times as likely? What a bizarrely broad spread.

As I don't live in the states, I'm not sure what relevance your US specific stats have to this discussion?

Regardless - men and women can carry STI's, safe sex and health checks are not just pertinent to bi-men, surely that's just common sense?

Mr. Loverman

Sardonicat wrote: »

I'm bisexual, and I'm not promiscuous, at all. So to apply that thinking to me would be very wrong.

Your previous post refers to men that sleep with other men, not an exclusively bisexual group. Just becuase this man is bisexual it does not mean, as a fact, that he is riddled with stds.

I never said you don't use condoms.

But the facts are clear: men who have sex with men are way more likely to be HIV+.

Pretending otherwise is dangerous.

efb

MeerKat17 wrote: »

No way! That would just freak me out. I think it must be very confusing to be a young male these days, it seems to be popular to be gay/bi. Fashion for men seems to be very feminine lately, I could never go out with a guy who wore skinny jeans! Ugh! Don't get me wrong, I'm not homophobic, a few of my best friends since childhood are gay/lesbian, but personally, I like my men to be manly men!

Oh so do I! A bisexual guy... Mmm dunno... Can't he catch cooties off a girl???

Mr. Loverman

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

44 to 86 times as likely? What a bizarrely broad spread.

As I don't live in the states, I'm not sure what relevance your US specific stats have to this discussion?

Regardless - men and women can carry STI's, safe sex and health checks are not just pertinent to bi-men, surely that's just common sense?

I can get you the Irish statistics if you want. They follow a similar trend.

I agree safe sex should be common sense, but it obviously isn't for many people. (For example, we've had a chlamydia epidemic in Europe for about three decades).

LegacyUser

I'm a bisexual female so I know it's extremely hypocritical for me to say this, but I wouldnt date a bisexual man.

I guess it's just a personal preference so I don't think I should be flamed too much for it :P

Sardonicat

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

FYI

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/msm/index.htm

Quick summary:

"In 2007, men who have sex with men were 44 to 86 times as likely to be diagnosed with HIV compared with other men".

Firstly, these are US figures, not Irish.

Secondly, a margin of 44 to 86 % is indicative of very dodgy research.

People who practice a lot of unsafe sex with a lot of partners are more likely to contract an std. The only thing you know about this man is that he is bisexual. you cannot make this kind of an assumption based on that piece of infromation alone.

Ickle Magoo

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

I can get you the Irish statistics if you want. They follow a similar trend.

I agree safe sex should be common sense, but it obviously isn't for many people. (For example, we've had a chlamydia epidemic in Europe for about three decades).

Similar trend to what? Your assumption that every man who identifies as bi is having sex with other men or is promiscuous or careless about condoms?

Still not following what possible relevance that has to the topic at hand.

ztoical

Sardonicat wrote: »

A fact is it? Because we all know that bisexuals are more promiscuous and never parctice safe sex.

I hate to break it to you, but that's nothing more then a stereotype.

It has nothing to do with Bi's being more promiscuous its simply the fact that anal sex holds a higher risk for spreading certain STI's, vaginal sex isn't that far behind and further down the risk is much lower for two women. This is not saying that lesbians can't catch STI's, there are plenty that are spread just via skin to skin contact but the major ones that people worry about like HIV statiscally lesbians have a very low rate of infection.

Sadly Ireland still has a really crap attitude to STI's, the majority of everyone's focus is still on the 'fear' of pregnancy. When I lived in New York it was very common for people to ask when you'd last been tested and I wouldn't dream of having unprotected sex with a long term partner no matter how long we'd been dating without us both being tested.

Mr. Loverman

Sardonicat wrote: »

Firstly, these are US figures, not Irish.

Secondly, a margin of 44 to 86 % is indicative of very dodgy research.

People who practice a lot of unsafe sex with a lot of partners are more likely to contract an std. The only thing you know about this man is that he is bisexual. you cannot make this kind of an assumption based on that piece of infromation alone.

The CDC are highly respected. Their research is not dodgy.

The reason for the large margin is due to racial issues.

Why do you want to believe the statistics are wrong?

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Similar trend to what? Your assumption that every man who identifies as bi is having sex with other men or is promiscuous or careless about condoms?

Still not following what possible relevance that has to the topic at hand.

Please stop with the straw man attempt. I have not said every man who identifies as bisexual is promiscuous or careless about condoms.

Ickle Magoo

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

Please stop with the straw man attempt. I have not said every man who identifies as bisexual is promiscuous or careless about condoms.

You jumped into a discussion about whether adult women would consider a relationship with a bi-man shouting warnings and waving around american statistics - again, what relevance?

AnneElizabeth

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

On a related note, I live with a girl from Canada who would be quite conservative in many ways (she comes from a very traditional Greek background in Canada) and she´s been going out with a guy for over a year. Before she met him, I hung out with him a few times and he told me pretty nonchalantly that he was bisexual...but he hasn´t told my housemate! We were friends before we moved in together and I feel bad knowing this piece of info that could actually make or break them (I could be wrong...just a gut instinct). Do you think she has a right to know?

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

No, your right, their relationship is their business and I wouldn't dream of telling her anyway but I find it awkward knowing something that's more her business than mine. They've been going out over a year now though...they're both 40 and they're talking marriage and kids. She wants to get proposed to in the next year. I'm just curious as to how she would take it...she's shockingly conservative on so many issues.

First of all: Are you sure she doesn't know? And is he genuinely bi? If so..

What you SHOULD do is tell him you do not feel comfortable knowing something which you are not allowed to tell her. He's making you be a bad friend to the girl by asking you to keep that secret. He has no right to do that.
Tell him that he has to tell her the truth, he's being unfair to her and you.

That way you are not being a bad friend to her and he is being honest with her. And you don't have to get involved

(I've had experience with this kind of thing before)

(And before anyone says it's mean - no it's not - it's the right thing to do. If she'd have no issue with him being bi then why not tell her. And if she would have an issue with him being bi - then she has a right to know. How humiliating would it be for her if everyone (including her friends) knew he was bi except for her).

Mr. Loverman

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

You jumped into a discussion about whether adult women would consider a relationship with a bi-man shouting warnings and waving around american statistics - again, what relevance?

The greatly increased risk of contracting a fatal STI is relevant to the topic. Why would you prefer people don't know this fact?

I understand you are saying "everyone should get tested before they have sex without a condom" but in reality that doesn't happen very often.

Ickle Magoo

It's not at all relevant to the topic of whether women would get involved with a bi man. We are all adults, I really can't see why you feel you should jump into such a discussion like we're all so naive we require you to give us warnings. I know men who identify as bi who have had little to no contact with other men and I know straight men who have had sex minus condoms left, right and centre. Risks are everywhere and we all need to take responsibility for our own safety.

Sardonicat

ztoical wrote: »

It has nothing to do with Bi's being more promiscuous its simply the fact that anal sex holds a higher risk for spreading certain STI's, vaginal sex isn't that far behind and further down the risk is much lower for two women. This is not saying that lesbians can't catch STI's, there are plenty that are spread just via skin to skin contact but the major ones that people worry about like HIV statiscally lesbians have a very low rate of infection.

Sadly Ireland still has a really crap attitude to STI's, the majority of everyone's focus is still on the 'fear' of pregnancy. When I lived in New York it was very common for people to ask when you'd last been tested and I wouldn't dream of having unprotected sex with a long term partner no matter how long we'd been dating without us both being tested.

I understand the rissks of anal sex. but all we know about this guy is that he is Bi. Not all men who sleep with men engage in anal sex. Also, this is not an excusively man on man preference either.

Mr. Loverman

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

It's not at all relevant to the topic of whether women would get involved with a bi man. We are all adults, I really can't see why you feel you should jump into such a discussion like we're all so naive we require you to give us warnings. I know men who identify as bi who have had little to no contact with other men and I know straight men who have had sex minus condoms left, right and centre. Risks are everywhere and we all need to take responsibility for our own safety.

The more information people have the better.

Frankly I find it a bit worrying you would prefer people don't know about the increased risks.

Sardonicat wrote: »

I understand the rissks of anal sex. but all we know about this guy is that he is Bi. Not all men who sleep with men engage in anal sex. Also, this is not an excusively man on man preference either.

Would you rather people didn't know about the increased risks?

Why?

Ickle Magoo

It's not about preferring people didn't know - it's treating other posters like adults who are well aware of the risks and the precautions they should be taking and carrying on a general discussion about whether they would ever enter into a relationship with a bi man with the assumption they are not irresponsible idiots who can't take care of their own sexual safety.

Sardonicat

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

The more information people have the better.

Frankly I find it a bit worrying you would prefer people don't know about the increased risks.




Would you rather people didn't know about the increased risks?

Why?

Increases risks of what? Sleeping with bi-sexual men? Or not practicing safe sex? Cos if you practice the latter the first is irrelevant.

Mr. Loverman

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

It's not about preferring people didn't know - it's treating other posters like adults who are well aware of the risks and the precautions they should be taking and carrying on a general discussion about whether they would ever enter into a relationship with a bi man with the assumption they are not irresponsible idiots who can't take care of their own sexual safety.

Many people aren't aware of the greatly increased risk. For example, we can see from this thread that Sardonicat wasn't aware of it. This post.

Mr. Loverman

Sardonicat wrote: »

Increases risks of what? Sleeping with bi-sexual men? Or not practicing safe sex? Cos if you practice the latter the first is irrelevant.

But we know many people do not require their partner gets tested for STIs before having latex free relations.

If they did we would not have a chlamydia epidemic in Europe.

I really don't understand why you are being so defensive about this issue. The statistics don't lie.

Sardonicat

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

But we know many people do not require their partner gets tested for STIs before having latex free relations.

If they did we would not have a chlamydia epidemic in Europe.

I really don't understand why you are being so defensive about this issue. The statistics don't lie.

I do however require that my partner is checked, and bisexual people are not the only people who carry stis. So for you to say I am unaware of the risls of unsafe sex is

A, inaccurate
B, insulting to me.

Statistics alone tell you nothing without the full background information into how they were complied. Anyone with even the most rudiment knowledge of social research will tell you that.

You are deliberatetly conflatin bisexuality with unsafe sex and sexual transmitted disease. They are not synomymous and to do so smacks of an agenda on your part.

I don't think I would date a man who is bisexual. Mostly because I think that his sexual needs would be more than that of a hetrosexual or homosexual man and I would feel that I would not be able to fulfill those needs. I may well have it completely wrong, and I don't know (as far as I'm aware) any bisexual men so this opinion could be changed but that's how I feel at the moment.

Nevyn

Yes I would.

Mr. Loverman

Sardonicat wrote: »

I do however require that my partner is checked, and bisexual people are not the only people who carry stis. So for you to say I am unaware of the risls of unsafe sex is

A, inaccurate
B, insulting to me.

Statistics alone tell you nothing without the full background information into how they were complied. Anyone with even the most rudiment knowledge of social research will tell you that.

You are deliberatetly conflatin bisexuality with unsafe sex and sexual transmitted disease. They are not synomymous and to do so smacks of an agenda on your part.

I never said you personally are unaware of the risks of unsafe sex or have unsafe sex (although your first post on the matter suggests you were unaware of the risks).

You are creating a straw man argument.

Sardonicat

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

I never said you personally are unaware of the risks of unsafe sex or have unsafe sex.

You are creating a straw man argument.

I don't think you fully understand the meaning of the term "straw man". If you did, you would refrain from resorting to them yourself.

You posted a link to a post I made, stating that it was proof that I was unaware of the risks of sleeping with bi-sexual men. You are the one conflating bisexuality and the prevelance of sti's. Anyone can get an sti if they do not practice safe sex.