Single Parenthood by choice

Doogieboogie

Thank you everyone for your input, it's given me lots to mull over.

Merryhappy, your story in particular is something I need to consider - how things will pan out if I were to become sick or disabled, or if I were to die unexpectedly. In my head I have a counter-argument for every point (if I already had children I would now be a single parent, plenty of people single-parent successfully, etc etc) but I know these are real considerations. Overriding each and every one of them, however, is my want for a family. It's a tough decision to make. I could, as I've said, just go out and get knocked up by some random stranger, but I don't want to do that. I want to do this in a considered fashion, and know that I've made the best decision.

As I've said, I'm going to give it at least another year before I get started on this road, and I'm going to make sure I have as much in the way of support as I can already in place before I try. I don't know how my life is going to go (I certainly never expected to be a widow at 34) but if my husband's death has taught me one thing, it's that we only get one shot at this life, and we need to do the things that make us happy - not the superficial things, but the things that make us truly content. Whenever I visualise myself at my mother's age, the picture automatically includes grown up children and grandchildren, all piling round for sunday dinner. It's been very difficult to adjust that picture to not include my husband, but the picture's still there.

Thank you all for your comments, and your condolences, they're much appreciated.

Cat Melodeon

OP, it sounds like you have made your decision - for what it's worth, I think it's the right one.

My mum died when my youngest two siblings were 5 and 8. My dad raised them alone and did a great job. He wasn't in the best of health but didn't have any formal plan in place as to what should happen should anything happen to him He unfortunately passed away when my brother was 14. We had about six aunts and uncles who would have been prepared to welcome my brother into their homes. Luckily, I was able to step in as his guardian and was able to keep him in the family home and in his school. It worked out well for us.

I can never express the amount of love that there is in our extended family or thank them enough for the huge support they offered us when our parents died. While my dad was alive, our gran and aunts and uncles all helped him out with things like school/sports runs, afterschool care, babysitting, dinners etc. This continued when I stepped in, although we didn't need it as much. You say your family support you - if they are half as good as mine you will do more than manage, you will be providing a stable and loving environment better than many two-parent families can provide. Just do yourself and your family a favour and make a very detailed will and discuss guardianship with your family. You could even consider making someone you trust a guardian from the outset so that there are no worries about your child's care should you be incapacitated for any reason (such as needing to undergo surgery or even being far from home for an occasional day/weekend).

After a loss, it takes at least a year to be able to imagine life being normal again. It's good you are taking your time with this. I hope it all works out well for you.

smelltheglove

Cat sorry for the loss of your parents. I had to comment as honestly I think you deserve praise. I am sure your brother is very proud to have you, as you are with your extended family! Great advice there for the op.

Doogieboogie

Cat, thank you so much for your lovely post. My sincere condolences for your losses. Your father, your extended family and you all sound like a wonderful, close knit family. FWIW, I don't know if I have made up my mind yet - it's easy to sound convincing when the situation is hypothetical, it'll be a different story if/when I decide to go down this road! However, if I decide to go ahead, yours is a very inspiring tale, and one which I will bear in mind. Thanks for posting x

oscas

Doogieboogie wrote: »

His family aren't in my life anymore (their choice, not mine - they froze me out as soon as he was buried)

That's their loss - to be honest I don't know why the poster mentioned consulting your deceased spouses family at all. It's none of their business!

January

Please don't post in threads that are nearly 3 years old.