Partner delaying Starting family due to reccession

Snazzy_Chazzy

Whats your thoughts ladies. My other half is reluctant to start a family.
He says

"cant afford it just now"
"I might be out of a job come the summer"

This has been his excuse since the reccession kicked in 2 years ago.
I know a lot of guys are scared of having children

Ok so we have debts and visa bills and mortgage repayments like everyone else. We dont have a CENT to spare and live pay cheque to pay cheque (even thats a struggle)
He also says that if we have a kid we wont be able to rent out our spare room which we do at present brings in 350 per month extra.
I dont work
In fairness things are tight his job is not THAT secure it could be fine it might not. we just dont know. So what do we do put making a family on hold until the reccesion is over? Im 29 now and dont want to wait for ever!

syklops

Well if you stopped buying contraception, that would save some money. When the child arrives you will get childrens allowance. Plus people tend to shower you with presents when you have a baby.

EDIT: By the way I am a guy. I hope you don't mind me pitching in. As a guy the prospect of being a Dad is very scary, especially if your job is not secure. That said, there are very few things 2 people can not over come if they love each other.

From a financial point of view, start having a look at what your spending your money on. Track it, even down to the last penny. You will then see areas you can cut back on, and you should be able to find enough money to squeeze a baby in.

Hail 2 Da Thief

Sounds like he's being responsible to me!

Fox McCloud

To be honest it sound like he has a point.. you would be down €350 if ye had a baby and ye're already living pay check to pay check.

You say you dont work, I assume that you have experienced the horrible reccesion firsthand if thats the case. easier than is sounds but maybe doubling your efforts to find work to get back in the plus numbers might be a route to take in order to put yourselves in a position to start a family. Also talk to him and make sure it is only oney that holds him back from starting a family.

Ickle Magoo

Moved from the Ladies Lounge, you'll get more parenting advice here, OP.

All the best.

Snazzy_Chazzy

yeah its the money thats holding him back.
Well i keep telling him that everything isnt money.
He is a great guy but his main aim is to pay down debts etc at the moment. Hmm I forgot about child allowance lol. Ill put that in his mind he he

syklops

You mention Visa bills. Any finance expert will tell you get rid of the Visa bill first. Suck it up for a month or two and get them cleared because the interest adds up, and your soon paying way more than you ought to.

How many Visa cards do you have? If you only have one salary coming in, cut it down to one card, and only use it in an emergency, not for paying for the groceries, it instantly makes things more expensive.

Why would you have to stop renting out the other room? I know it is common for babies to be put in a separate room, but for the first few months you could easily have the cot in your room. Or is it because you are afraid the baby will keep the person up?

johnboysligo

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

We dont have a CENT to spare and live pay cheque to pay cheque (even thats a struggle)

sounds like you guys are not ready for a child full stop. bit crude I know, but how exactly do you think you could afford a child if your living from pay cheque to pay cheque?
Id say hes not afraid of having children Id say hes afraid he can't provide for you and the child.

leeroybrown

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

Ok so we have debts and visa bills and mortgage repayments like everyone else. We dont have a CENT to spare and live pay cheque to pay cheque (even thats a struggle)

I know plenty of people who've had kids recently and not a single one of them will tell you that they had anywhere close to the same disposable income after paying for just the essentials. It's bloody expensive. I certainly wouldn't be willing to bring a child into that kind of uncertainty until I'd stabilised my finances a lot.

syklops wrote: »

Why would you have to stop renting out the other room? I know it is common for babies to be put in a separate room, but for the first few months you could easily have the cot in your room. Or is it because you are afraid the baby will keep the person up?

Good look to anyone who thinks that they'll find a house mate willing to pay any reasonable rent towards staying in a house with a young baby.

youcancallmeal

Sounds like the worst time possible to have a baby tbh. You've got to look at this realistically. By the sounds of it having a baby now would just bring you massive financial strain. Do you really want to be worrying about whether you can afford nappies from one week to the next?

Moonbeam

Just wondering why don't you work?
It would make sense to me that if you both worked you could pay of debts faster and then be in a better situation for a baby.

Snazzy_Chazzy

syklops wrote: »

You mention Visa bills. Any finance expert will tell you get rid of the Visa bill first. Suck it up for a month or two and get them cleared because the interest adds up, and your soon paying way more than you ought to.

How many Visa cards do you have? If you only have one salary coming in, cut it down to one card, and only use it in an emergency, not for paying for the groceries, it instantly makes things more expensive.

Why would you have to stop renting out the other room? I know it is common for babies to be put in a separate room, but for the first few months you could easily have the cot in your room. Or is it because you are afraid the baby will keep the person up?

One Visa but its at Euro 5500 are paying as much back as possible each month
And the tennant thing no one would rent a room in a house with a couple with a kid

I was let go back in October and have sent loads of CVs off but have heard nothing back from anyone

tbh

it sounds like he has a point to be honest, but I see where you're coming from.
Why not ask him to specific about where he wants to be before he starts trying to start a family?

for example, you could agree that once the visa bills are paid, and you have x in your savings account, and it's june (and he still has a job) - then you can start trying. It'll both give you something definite to work towards.

Snazzy_Chazzy

Ok ill say that to him when the visa is over its baby time lol
Thanks :cool:
put the foot down time

Ddad

At the risk of turning this into a money advise thread 5500 on a credit card is an insane ammount of high interest debt to maintain. At the very least could you convert this into a credit union loan (a fraction of the interest) to help you to stabilise your finances and kill the credit card. Use a prepay one for the functionality. If you don't have savings and are living hand to mouth and have the prospect of no income in the house in the future; I'd be more concerned about getting my finances straight.

We have a good household income but three beautiful little people eat into that quick enough.

MagicMarker

Put it this way, if you can't afford a new tv then you can't afford a baby.

Time to smarten up methinks.

Snazzy_Chazzy

Ddad wrote: »

At the risk of turning this into a money advise thread 5500 on a credit card is an insane ammount of high interest debt to maintain. At the very least could you convert this into a credit union loan (a fraction of the interest) to help you to stabilise your finances and kill the credit card. Use a prepay one for the functionality. If you don't have savings and are living hand to mouth and have the prospect of no income in the house in the future; I'd be more concerned about getting my finances straight.

We have a good household income but three beautiful little people eat into that quick enough.

I wish we could but the ICB have me on file ... a few times ive missed a lot of things here and there. The credit union would run me i suspect :eek:

28064212

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

We dont have a CENT to spare

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

live pay cheque to pay cheque (even thats a struggle)

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

we wont be able to rent out our spare room which we do at present brings in 350 per month extra.

Can you seriously not see the problem here? You can't afford a child. Your partner is being 100% responsible and you should be fully behind him

Acoshla

I don't have kids but from what I've seen with friends (and read on boards!) is that if people are "ok" for money whilst living a reasonable childless life (nights out, cinema, dinner, electronic toys, etc) then if they decide to have kids or become pregnant unexpectedly then they can rein all that in and make financial room for a baby, even those couples where only one partner is working or have other minor financial things generally do this, give up most or all unnecessary spending to provide for baby.

However OP if ye already living paycheck to paycheck, have debts and one not very secure income then I do think your OH is being sensible, things will be very difficult for ye if ye are that strained financially already. Maybe focus on paying off your debts now and maybe next year rethink having kids when you have more debt cleared and stuff.

Dades

OP, my first thought was that old adage - if you waited until you could afford children - you'd never have them.

However, it's probably worth waiting until you have some wiggle-room in your finances. Otherwise you could find yourself in more debt than you are now. If you could get some kind of job to at least save up a bit of cash while working on a baby that would be something.

All that said, who is anyone here with kids to say you can't have yours yet? I'd be far more likely to say NO WAY if you had one or two (or six) already and were on the breadline - those are the reckless ones.

How Strange

Yeah, normally I'd subscribe to the theory that there is never an ideal time to have a baby but..

Honestly OP, I think you're living in la la land if you think you and your OH are in any position to have a baby right now and I'd have to agree with him. His job security aside, the huge credit card bill and living pay cheque to pay cheque doesn't sound good.

Are you paying a substantial sum against your credit card every month and if the balance is €5500 now is the balance being reduced or are you still using it each month in effect negating the monthly payment?

Do you save any money at all? Can you save money each month?

Are you applying for jobs in supermarkets or shops or pretty much anywhere that's hiring or just in the sector you were previously employed in?

I'd say you should give yourselves a year to get your finances in order, get the credit card under control (and get rid of it), get a job and become a little more responsible with your money and then consider having a baby.

28064212

Dades wrote: »

All that said, who is anyone here with kids to say you can't have yours yet?

No-one's saying she can't have kids. Everyone is agreeing with her partner saying it would be reckless to do so

Dades wrote: »

I'd be far more likely to say NO WAY if you had one or two (or six) already and were on the breadline - those are the reckless ones.

What difference does it make if she already had kids? If you can't afford a kid, you can't afford a kid. If anything, a family who hadn't a cent to spare and was living pay-cheque to pay-cheque and already had a kid would be in a better position to have a child than a family who didn't have one, since you would already have many things left-over from the first

leeroybrown

OP - the answer to this is that you and your partner need to seriously sit down, seriously discuss this and plan having a child. The current approach of delaying till you're better off doesn't seem to be working for you. Your latest suggestion of putting your foot down isn't great either - I know nothing about your partner but ultimatums certainly don't work well with me. Assuming that his reasons are purely financial, the two of you need to sit down and figure out what you can both do do get your finances to a position where you're both happy to do it. There's almost always a way for people to cut expenses a bit and bring in more cash if people are willing to make sacrifices for something.

username123

28064212 wrote: »

Can you seriously not see the problem here? You can't afford a child. Your partner is being 100% responsible and you should be fully behind him

+1 - I couldnt agree more. You have more important worries than getting pregnant right now - you need to get out of debt.

Its ridiculous to say that you have credit cards, debt and mortgage repayments just like everyone else and are living pay cheque to pay cheque. Reality check here - many many people have no debt and save every month. Youre only 29 - you need to get your life in order financially before thinking of bringing a child into the world.

Dades

28064212 wrote: »

What difference does it make if she already had kids? If you can't afford a kid, you can't afford a kid. If anything, a family who hadn't a cent to spare and was living pay-cheque to pay-cheque and already had a kid would be in a better position to have a child than a family who didn't have one, since you would already have many things left-over from the first

I'm thinking hypothetically what if the OP has no light at the end of the financial tunnel? Thousands of people in Ireland are stuck in poverty and will never dig their way out. Should none of them have children? My point is they have a right to a family - within reason.

It's an emotive issue though, and I can see the sense in the OP giving it some time to steady the ship.

metrovelvet

He will be delaying for a long time. This recession aint going anywhere. Looking at ten years.

Sleepy

Are you sure you've thought this one through OP or is it a mix of hormones, being stuck at home due to unemployment and the thought that babies are cute?

Your flippant attitude towards your debts (particularly the bit about the ICB) and treating your partners genuine reasons as things you need to 'put the foot down' over seem completely at odds with you being in a place where you're ready for the responsibilities of parenthood.

If you're seeing his current reluctance to bring a child into this world without being able to pay for it as being a sign that he never wants to have a child with you by all means sit down with him and discuss the things he needs to have in place to be prepared to have a baby. In an ideal world this would be when your debts are gone, you've got a few months salary worth of savings and some job security but at the very least I think you should be looking to get rid of the debt and have your finances at a level where you have some disposable income every month.

Can you really not see any of this yourself? Are you letting your desire for children block out all reason and common sense?

gbee

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

Im 29 now and dont want to wait for ever!

Right you are the crisis age. You've 4 more years where you enjoy a high potential of a healthy normal baby. After 35 and certainly after 40 the possibility of Downs increases.

So make you choice, IMO it's made for you. BABY NOW, start tonight! Baby comes first ~ anyway they cost you nothing in the first two years.

corsica

This is no time to have a baby if you're already in dire straits financially. Plus if you have one, you cannot go back to work. So your financial burden just gets bigger - you lose 350 rent and gain 280 child benefit, so you're down 70. And babies cost, conservatively, a few thousand. Think about it yourself - do you want to be worrying about money and the cost of nappies with (possibly) your husband out of work, possibly losing your house if ye cant make repayments. Surely you should wait a year or two? You'll only be 31 ... time yet for loads of kids! Don't let your broodiness overshadow all reason!

RedXIV

For what its worth, just my 2c here.

I had my first last July, I had no job when I found out she was coming, I was a graduate, I had a student loan hanging over me and my partner had been told she was becoming redundant. And we turned it around. I got a good job, Still not really out of debt but have learned to prioritize alot better. Daughter doesn't go without anything even if we do, we've always found the money somewhere.

Just throwing it in against the guys who say have a few months salary saved up, I have pretty much no savings, but I'm surviving here.

angelfire9

gbee wrote: »

Right you are the crisis age. You've 4 more years where you enjoy a high potential of a healthy normal baby. After 35 and certainly after 40 the possibility of Downs increases.

So make you choice, IMO it's made for you. BABY NOW, start tonight! Baby comes first ~ anyway they cost you nothing in the first two years.

I have to say I disagree
The company I worked for closed down when I was 6 weeks pregnant it was unexpected and I wasn't there long enough for redundancy so all I have coming in is my JSB
Babs was born just before Christmas and with the budget both my hubby & I are down on income and the additional €140 Child benefit per month will not cover the cost of childcare when I go back to work

Babies ARE EXPENSIVE
I was lucky that I didn't have to fork out for the essentials as we have an older child but for a first baby you need to look at the cost of car seats, cribs/moses baskets, buggies, cots, steriliser, monitor, baby food, nappies, clothes etc etc etc
Sure you will get LOTS of presents (mainly of cute clothes in pink or blue) but make no mistake kids cost money
Now I wouldn't change having Aisling for all the tea in China but the additional expense is causing stress already and she is only 2 weeks old

At 29 you have time to wait a year to get your debts under control and start saving a few quid for a baby nest egg that you will need when the child comes
Also keep in mind your job opportunities will be restricted for the first 3 months at least if not long term

My opinion for what its worth!