Managing Personal Relationships and Postgrad Courses

Blisterman

Currently studying postgrad architecture, and the workload is intense.

Just wondering how anyone else manages having a girl/boyfriend with their course, as well as finding time to see friends.

I'm finding it difficult to tell the truth. I make time to see her 2 or 3 times a week to cook dinner together, go for a drink or watch a DVD. I get the impresion she's not happy with it, and I think she'd like to be able to spend full days together, which I just can't manage. I've got a big hand-in pretty much every two weeks without fail.
I also have to find time to see my friends. Usually go for a drink once or twice a week. Live in England, so won't get to see my family till June, but we speak on the phone and facebook.

Anyway, I think I've got it fairly balanced. I'm not a hermit. I'm still keeping a social life, the problem is nobody else is happy. Friends complain I never go out on big nights out any more. Girlfriend wants to see me more often. We've even had a number of arguements about this. My family are a bit more understanding but I feel like I'm kind of abandoning them.

How does everyone else manage these competing pressures?

ismiseuisce

My boyfriend is currently doing a very time-consuming postgrad course. He never really has time anymore for a social life but we live together so we try to make the most of the time that we do get to spend together, meals, watching a few DVDs in the evenings, going out for walks in his study breaks, etc.

I'm also quite busy with study at the moment, I'm in my final semester of undergrad now, so I've a lot of pressure on. I'm not half as busy as he is but I think the fact that I'm swamped with study as well helps me empathise with him.

mono627

In the same boat.

Trying to spend as much time with family/friends/the gf at the start of the semester as I can and explain to them that the workload will increase as exams approach.

It's certainly not easy and time management is crucial. I've started getting up earlier to get the work done and when I do work/study, I go flat out at it and cut all procrastination out.

djpbarry

Blisterman wrote: »

Currently studying postgrad architecture, and the workload is intense.

Masters? How long is the course?

Blisterman wrote: »

I make time to see her 2 or 3 times a week to cook dinner together, go for a drink or watch a DVD. I get the impresion she's not happy with it, and I think she'd like to be able to spend full days together, which I just can't manage.

Why ever not? If you don’t have the time to take a day off on a regular basis, even at weekends, then something is wrong.

Blisterman

It's part 2 architecture, two years long. Would be on a par with a PhD.

I'm far from the hardest working person in my class. There's people who hadnt stepped foot in a pub between september and Christmas.

djpbarry

Blisterman wrote: »

It's part 2 architecture, two years long. Would be on a par with a PhD.

I don't really know what you mean by "on a par" with a PhD. I'm not too familiar with the course, but it doesn't sound like a PhD in terms of structure.

But anyway, regardless of the nature of the course, if it's two years long, you have to find time for days off - you're going to totally burn out otherwise.

I'm afraid I'm taking your girlfriend's side!

sophia25

Mmm, I think I have to agree with the others. I'm doing a masters as well with a very heavy assignment load but i'm a single Mam of a 15 yr old boy and 2 year old girl, and I have no choice but to make room for them. Seriously, I couldn't imagine how easy it would be just to fit some down time in with a partner/ lover.

baby and crumble

You always need a day off. Ok, yes she does have to make allowances for the days coming up to a big hand-in, but if they're as regular as they seem, why not decide that the saturday after a hand-in, it's just you and her time? You could also decide that you can't meet up in the evenings, you'll work and then take weekends? Because it really isn't healthy. I'm in year 3 of a phd and i take weekends off. I have to or I'd go spare, and the quality of my work would just plummet!

pow wow

If you've already rowed about it it's obvious that you differ on the issue and beyond any further compromise you're kind of stuck. You're under a lot of pressure with your studies, being away from home, 'abandoning' your family etc. and tugging back and forth between both your points of view on the subject risks alienating you/her more and you potentially viewing the time you do spend together as a sort of chore.

It didn't factor so much in my case - I delighted in taking time away from the projects to spend time with my bf. Anything that didn't involve the books made me happy, happier of course when he was thrown into the mix . In short I wouldn't beat myself up about it - it's only 2 years. If your relationship can stand it, and there's no reason it wouldn't, then it will all have been worth it right?

Props to the people with kids doing postgrads btw.

Blisterman

I didn't say I never made time to see her. Like I said, I see her 2 or 3 times a week. I enjoy my course despite the hard work.

When I say on par with a PHD, I mean in terms of workload and that it's my 6th year of university. I have to do a dissertation a design thesis, and some smaller assignments.

coolperson05

I sympathise with the OP. My former other half started a post grad last Sept and gave up work for it. After many rows and stuff, it ended sadly! Couldn't deal with the workload. I'm studying too and it was long distance so no job and lots of college = no relationship in my case! Best of luck working it out though OP. I can definitely work! Just have days for them set aside so everyone knows what's happening.