have you ever stole money from your kids xmas cards

dollyk

View Post
my sisters nearly had a stroke, and said they didnt realise


I meant my sisters were trying to say they didnt realise that i had a need to do this, now some of them are saying " oh had you asked we would have helped "
LOIKE REALLY....i was 29 with 6 young children... and no income :eek:
So now they have decided PMSL, not to speak to me because i didnt allow them help " their nieces and nephews. sorry but thats bollix.

Wompa1

dollyk wrote: »

View Post
my sisters nearly had a stroke, and said they didnt realise


I meant my sisters were trying to say they didnt realise that i had a need to do this, now some of them are saying " oh had you asked we would have helped "
LOIKE REALLY....i was 29 with 6 young children... and no income :eek:
So now they have decided PMSL, not to speak to me because i didnt allow them help " their nieces and nephews. sorry but thats bollix.

Did you work at all when you were raising the kids? Maybe they thought you weren't working out of choice and could afford not to? Didn't realise you were stuck.

If my brother or sister didn't tell me I wouldn't know their financial situation and frankly wouldn't care

up for anything

dollyk wrote: »

View Post
my sisters nearly had a stroke, and said they didnt realise


I meant my sisters were trying to say they didnt realise that i had a need to do this, now some of them are saying " oh had you asked we would have helped "
LOIKE REALLY....i was 29 with 6 young children... and no income :eek:
So now they have decided PMSL, not to speak to me because i didnt allow them help " their nieces and nephews. sorry but thats bollix.

Ah ok, I get you now.

I do know what you mean. I expect people to understand my situation. I make no secret of it because to do that would sow seeds of shame somewhere in my psyche. Even though my family do know, some members who should know better because they have been broke too in their time don't actually seem too realise/remember and make comments like get a massage if you're stressed!!:eek: If I need a massage I come on here, post something stupid and then I get stomped all over. AH'ers might not be dainty Japanese girl types but they sure can work those kinks out.

dollyk

Wompa1 wrote: »

Did you work at all when you were raising the kids? Maybe they thought you weren't working out of choice and could afford not to? Didn't realise you were stuck.

If my brother or sister didn't tell me I wouldn't know their financial situation and frankly wouldn't care

No i didnt work when they were young, it was not from laziness,
but a lack of child care, now adays its different,
and as i was not classed as a lone parent " i was married "
so classed as a deserted wife .
but i was not a D/W, as my husband sometimes gave me wages.
But i was never a dead beat, I went to work as my kids got older,
they all done well in school, so they are well adjusted I.MO

Wompa1

dollyk wrote: »

No i didnt work when they were young, it was not from laziness,
but a lack of child care, now adays its different,
and as i was not classed as a lone parent " i was married "
so classed as a deserted wife .
but i was not a D/W, as my husband sometimes gave me wages.
But i was never a dead beat, I went to work as my kids got older,
they all done well in school, so they are well adjusted I.MO

Then your vindicated. Forget 'em

curlzy

You know OP you would have got nicer answers if you didn't firstly say it was your family that was upset, then wait for a few posts to say you were a single parent, then wait a few more posts to say your family were pissed that you didn't ask for help. There's no reason to get sarky with posters when you're asking their opinion on one scenario and then adding vital information later on :rolleyes: That's like me saying "I just kicked a guy in the nuts, am I wrong?" then getting pissed off when people say yes you are in the wrong and then I add "well he was trying to rape me at the time", like don't tell the story and then add the vital info later, it's just irritating.

Wompa1

curlzy wrote: »

You know OP you would have got nicer answers if you didn't firstly say it was your family that was upset, then wait for a few posts to say you were a single parent, then wait a few more posts to say your family were pissed that you didn't ask for help. There's no reason to get sarky with posters when you're asking their opinion on one scenario and then adding vital information later on :rolleyes: That's like me saying "I just kicked a guy in the nuts, am I wrong?" then getting pissed off when people say yes you are in the wrong and then I add "well he was trying to rape me at the time", like don't tell the story and then add the vital info later, it's just irritating.

Rape or no rape, kicking a guy in the balls in uncalled for... And women think child birth hurts! JOKING!!!

dollyk

curlzy wrote: »

You know OP you would have got nicer answers if you didn't firstly say it was your family that was upset, then wait for a few posts to say you were a single parent, then wait a few more posts to say your family were pissed that you didn't ask for help. There's no reason to get sarky with posters when you're asking their opinion on one scenario and then adding vital information later on :rolleyes: That's like me saying "I just kicked a guy in the nuts, am I wrong?" then getting pissed off when people say yes you are in the wrong and then I add "well he was trying to rape me at the time", like don't tell the story and then add the vital info later, it's just irritating.

oh i didnt mean it to come across like that, why i wrote my post i thought it came across as , well the way i see it, . then further down i realise that people dont see it like i do, the only time i answered a bit sarky, was to the " i wouldnt have kids if i couldnt afford them quote ". I dont mean to come across as being smart with any of the posters tbh, maybe im not great at expressing what i mean on paper.

noodler

humberklog wrote: »

Harsh, very harsh. 6 happy kids kept happy is a job well done regardless if hook or by crook. Kids can be overly gifted easily by relations and it's the parents job to moderate that.

That argument is BS to me in this case.

Simply return the money rather than syphon it off if you feel that strongly.

When I give my nephews, littles brothers or cousins money it is for them and them alone - it is money I worked for with them in mind and would be furious to think someone stole it rather than simply telling me they thought it was too much.

If you were in such desperate financial straits then maybe you could 'force' the kids to save it and pay them back at a later date.

smokie2008

As Miley use to say.... "Weeell holy god"

hondasam

dollyk wrote: »

oh i didnt mean it to come across like that, why i wrote my post i thought it came across as , well the way i see it, . then further down i realise that people dont see it like i do, the only time i answered a bit sarky, was to the " i wouldnt have kids if i couldnt afford them quote ". I dont mean to come across as being smart with any of the posters tbh, maybe im not great at expressing what i mean on paper.

yes the story has changed a bit from what I read first. I understood it to be your family who were annoyed because it was their money. Now it appears it was your inlaws money.

Im not sure what is going on but I still think it was ok to use the money on the kids.

james098

Nice one op we well know how to spend d cash better than the brats

dollyk

this was like over 25 years ago, MY family are now annoyed cause they think the should have helped me, its not a big deal, its wasnt huge amounts of money, i was just posting that my sisters think its ok to fall out with me after years, just because of something that happened so long ago, read back through the posts and you will see. my original q , was was i so wrong ?.

james098

**Timbuk2** wrote: »

To be fair, that is a horrible thing to do. Open a savings account for the kids and encourage saving from an early age instead.

If the guy bought food with the money he obviously dosent have the cash to be opening savings accounts think that would be obvious:eek:

james098

dollyk wrote: »

this was like over 25 years ago, MY family are now annoyed cause they think the should have helped me, its not a big deal, its wasnt huge amounts of money, i was just posting that my sisters think its ok to fall out with me after years, just because of something that happened so long ago, read back through the posts and you will see. my original q , was was i so wrong ?.

how were you wrong if ya spent it on the family anyway some people just have never had to strugle to get by so wouldnt understand

Don't see much of an issue.. My christmas money used to go on sweets/magazines. Hardly the most important of purchases.

BizzyC

dollyk wrote: »

And of course times are so different now.
my older sons all have good jobs and have their own homes, of course i would go mad :eek::D:D if they took any money from the cards that i send my grandchildren.
To be fair i buy clothes and other stuff i know is needed.
As they are not as needy as their fathers or mothers were,
So a lot of mixed replys here, but i have to state.
I had 6 children under 8. And in fairness they didnt realise what money meant.
So i took money and left a pound or two, bought food and toys,
But told them, oh look at what auntie nora/joan/etc, bought you for xmas.

Based on this quote I'd say it was justified.
If times were tough and you gave credit to the people who were giving the money, then you didn't steal it, you just made sure it was put to good use.

nonstarter

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEEL ASHAMED OF, you own the kids therefore you own their money, My sis sends money oover to my 16 year old every christmas, 200 dollars. I dont tell my Kid as my sis was very mean to me when we were growing up, so its PAY BACK literally.

Dudess

theg81der wrote: »

Can`t believe anyone would do this! If you can`t afford kids eh...don`t have them pretty simple to me.

Please God may I never see the day when I have to take money of my children (when I can eventually afford to have them)!

This would involve an extremely unlikely scenario, over which I would have no control, -death, destruction, end of our econmic system as we know it etc

Wow... smugness and naivety rolled into one.

ArtSmart

the trick is to boil water continuously - a kettle on a hob is best - to steam open the letter.

otherwise the kids will suss it.


em, i assume you're seeking advice on methodology?

six kids to feed. 'course you take the god-damn money!!!

Kerikosan

That is just plain horrible. :mad:

Your are stealing money from sum body else period, and taking advantage because they are kids. I bet you never ring up the person who sent the card with the money and said thanks for the cash I'll hold onto it for "Timmy" cos hes too irresponsible. I'll put it to better use.... :rolleyes:

Whenever I send money to my nieces/nephew I always ring them and make sure they got their birthday card and their present etc and to enjoy it.

theg81der

Dudess wrote: »

Wow... smugness and naivety rolled into one.

:rolleyes: Hardly naive to wait till I can afford to have children, thats called being a resonsible grown up. Wasn`t dumb enough to buy a big house I couldn`t afford either - want to pick on me for that?!

pajor

I don't see anything wrong with it.

Found out couple of years back that my parents did that with money from grandparents, aunties and uncles.

Just meant more presents under the tree, rather than a six year old with a cheque for £20 (yes, i mean pounds).

noodler

nonstarter wrote: »

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEEL ASHAMED OF, you own the kids therefore you own their money, My sis sends money oover to my 16 year old every christmas, 200 dollars. I dont tell my Kid as my sis was very mean to me when we were growing up, so its PAY BACK literally.

ArtSmart wrote: »

the trick is to boil water continuously - a kettle on a hob is best - to steam open the letter.

otherwise the kids will suss it.


em, i assume you're seeking advice on methodology?

six kids to feed. 'course you take the god-damn money!!!

This is getting fairly disgraceful - if that money is the difference between feeding your kids and not feeding them then there are far, far bigger problems.

theg81der

Up for Anything -


1 ) Job losses - currently don`t have one lost job 3 years ago in final year in college. On btea and still have some savings from when I was working because I save for rainy days.
2) Business failure - don`t have one but when I do it`ll be limited.
3)Physical or mental disease - have insurance thats what its for.
4) I will not be able to afford the time or money for 3 children so that rules that out, I want one.
5) I can say with 100% certainty my partner will not leave unless its in a box, which is covered there in point 3 above. I have choosen very well and been particular.
6) Bank run - have money to leave ready right here if needed, along with 2 other countries to lve in and places to stay.
7) Saving fund collapse - I`ll have spread my risk, if its just one I need not worry (you said fund not plural funds). I did say economic collapse is one of the possible outlandish scenarios but lol then money wouldn`t be worth anything so ....

You can within reason prepare for every possible scenario, actually the people who survive are the ones who do.

I`m not trying to be offensive, I`m being genuine. The Op was trying to survive and cater for her children and she was where she was however she got there.

I think it was fine where the money went I think the method it arrived there was wrong. Children are not idiots you could have explained to them that you needed this money to buy food or brought them to the toy shop to choose their own toy.

I`ve put myself in your place in that situation when thinking about it and no...just feels wrong. I can`t quantify it any better for you.

Tayla

When mine gets money from a relation, they always say to 'buy them something nice' so I do just that!

Hurricane-Dean

my gf just read this op, her parents did the exact same thing, she said looking back now at least they used the money to buy food instead of buying things that weren't needed or wanted, she would do the same to her kids if necessary. She doesn't give her nephew money because her brother would take the money for things that aren't needed as he was brought up just being left with the money and never learnt the value of it where as I always handed it over to my parents.

PS: they're not stuck for cash just that there was 7 in the family back then and as a result she pays for everything herself

(Girlfriend not me)

ArtSmart

noodler wrote: »

This is getting fairly disgraceful - if that money is the difference between feeding your kids and not feeding them then there are far, far bigger problems.

i find your post confusing . please explain.

Dudess

theg81der wrote: »

:rolleyes: Hardly naive to wait till I can afford to have children, thats called being a resonsible grown up.

If you want to have children, things are not as simple as that - not all of life's plans/intentions are fulfilled. There are people putting off having families now because of the recession - who knows when that will end?

Plus, telling someone else they shouldn't have had kids if they couldn't afford them is quite personal and nasty. Things aren't always as black and white as they seem, especially when you know very little about the person in question.

up for anything

theg81der wrote: »

Up for Anything -


1 ) Job losses - currently don`t have one lost job 3 years ago in final year in college. On btea and still have some savings from when I was working because I save for rainy days. Good for you on the savings but it doesn't answer what happens when they run out and you still haven't got a job and I was referring to losing your job apres-baby.

2) Business failure - don`t have one but when I do it`ll be limited. Limited... yes, I worked for a guy during the 90s recession in the UK. He was a brilliant business man. He had a printing/graphic design business. Going into work was a thrill every morning. I couldn't wait to see what the new company name was and what the headed paper would look like or to answer the phone telling suppliers' credit controllers that SOB Ltd wasn't liable for the debt because it was run up under FU Ltd who were no longer in business. Limiting your liabilities while stealing the food out of someone else's childrens' mouths.

3)Physical or mental disease - have insurance thats what its for. Which usually runs for a year and don't forget you have to keep up the insurance payments out of what they give you.

4) I will not be able to afford the time or money for 3 children so that rules that out, I want one. You want one! That old entitlement attitude. I hope it keeps fine for you

5) I can say with 100% certainty my partner will not leave unless its in a box, which is covered there in point 3 above. I have choosen very well and been particular. Spanselling is illegal. If you really think that someone will never leave you, you are either younger than I thought or extremely naive.

6) Bank run - have money to leave ready right here if needed, along with 2 other countries to lve in and places to stay. Much easier to cut and run when you haven't got a child.

7) Saving fund collapse - I`ll have spread my risk, if its just one I need not worry (you said fund not plural funds). I did say economic collapse is one of the possible outlandish scenarios but lol then money wouldn`t be worth anything so .... I was talking about savings in general whether they be in one fund or spread out over a number. Do you really think economic collapse is so outlandish in view of everything going on in Ireland and the world in general!

You can within reason prepare for every possible scenario, actually the people who survive are the ones who do.

I`m not trying to be offensive, I`m being genuine. The Op was trying to survive and cater for her children and she was where she was however she got there.

I think it was fine where the money went I think the method it arrived there was wrong. Children are not idiots you could have explained to them that you needed this money to buy food or brought them to the toy shop to choose their own toy.

I`ve put myself in your place in that situation when thinking about it and no...just feels wrong. I can`t quantify it any better for you.

Maybe she was just doing what she had to do. Her children could have been too young to understand. She was probably very depressed and sleep deprived and shattered trying to meet the needs of 6 children on little money and not much help which wouldn't lend itself to too much soul searching. There is a difference between feeling wrong and being wrong in some circumstances.

Anyhow I'm not trying to convince you of the rightness or wrongness of the OP's actions but just trying to tell you that life rarely goes according to plan.

Mind44

OP, I think what you did is hilarious! Honestly I laughed out loud. (The whole LOL thing is so overused these days but I did, I DID!!!).

Jeez, don't worry about it, young kids don't need hard cash unless they're obnoxious little feckers. When they get to the teenage stage they need a bit alright but I'm sure yours didn't suffer from the few pounds you took.

I can't believe your relatives aren't talking to you because of this. :eek: What a bunch of arseholes. Honestly.

I've er borrowed money a few times from my kids. I try to pay it back in some fashion. Like my mother gives my 3 kids money every few weeks - the two teenagers need it, for iTunes downloads and mobile credit etc (anyway they're too crafty now, they'd miss it if I took it, lol!). My 6 year old has no interest in cash obviously. I'd often forget that it's hers and spend it, lol! But then I'll buy her Lego or something every couple of months so we're even. It's not like she got the cash towards her ration of cereal, vegetables and heating for the week.

Don't waste another second worrying about this. Geez, people think they're so perfect these days.

Mind44

theg81der wrote: »

Can`t believe anyone would do this! If you can`t afford kids eh...don`t have them pretty simple to me.

Please God may I never see the day when I have to take money of my children (when I can eventually afford to have them)!

This would involve an extremely unlikely scenario, over which I would have no control, -death, destruction, end of our econmic system as we know it etc

And the award for the most sanctimonious post goes to ^^^

iguana

My parents used to spend the children's allowance on electricity. My mother would go to the post office, pick up the money and then straight around the corner to the ESB office to pay the bill.

degausserxo

My mam took all of my confirmation and communion money. I remember one time when I was about 6, when we were in Wexford, I spotted £20 under the veranda of a caravan, and I crawled under to get it.. came back, proud as.. Mary? with myself, and she took that too. Feck sake. In fairness though, she and my dad have spent loads on me over the years, so I'm not gonna begrudge them a couple of hundred. Probably would've just spent it on sweets anyway.

Little Acorn

I don't see anything wrong with what you did at all. They probably would have spent it on ****e themselves, and like you said even they say themselves that they don't remember ever being left wanting for anything.
Probably shouldn't have told the people who gave them the money though. Some people are weird, I honestly am shocked that some of your family have stopped speaking to you over this!
It'll probably blow over though. Get your kids to tell them that they are happy with what you spent the money on, and if they're not annoyed by it then why should your family be?

iguana

iguana wrote: »

My parents used to spend the children's allowance on electricity. My mother would go to the post office, pick up the money and then straight around the corner to the ESB office to pay the bill.

Yeah most of my friends' parents spent the allowance on bills and whathaveyou - sure that's what it was there for wasnt it

AckwelFoley

The young lad at home is quite a charming little bugger, so birthdays and christmas events tend to be rather financially rewarding.

He gets the money in cards, we keep it and choose how he spends it.

In my opinion it is isnt a good idea to let a 9 year old have 200 euro in their wallet. They either lose it or eat it.

He gets a small amount of it for himself to get something small that he wants etc, but the remainder is used for that time he wants to go horse riding or wants to buy a computer game..

Children have no understanding or value for money

Coriolanus

snyper wrote: »

The young lad at home is quite a charming little bugger, so birthdays and christmas events tend to be rather financially rewarding.

He gets the money in cards, we keep it and choose how he spends it.

In my opinion it is isnt a good idea to let a 9 year old have 200 euro in their wallet. They either lose it or eat it.

He gets a small amount of it for himself to get something small that he wants etc, but the remainder is used for that time he wants to go horse riding or wants to buy a computer game..

Children have no understanding or value for money

that sounds like the best solution, I'd have no problem with someone using it for the rent or groceries though.

iguana

bluewolf wrote: »

Yeah most of my friends' parents spent the allowance on bills and whathaveyou - sure that's what it was there for wasnt it

I would have liked it for pocket money.:( If only my mother could have stuck to candles, cooking and heating water over a fire and buying fresh food everyday so we wouldn't need a fridge. I could have had all the sweets and comics my allowance could buy.

I'd have missed the telly, though.

Snakeblood

You can decide whether the kids spend the money now or later, but it wasn't your money to decide how to spend.

stovelid

Meh.

We've had a relative give our five-month baby 100 quid - despite repeated protestations not to. We put into a jar and ended up using it for nappies and a coat for him. When they're older, it can be put into their savings or toward things that they want.

We're not struggling with bills and rent ourselves but it's lunacy to expect somebody to stash inappropriately large amounts of gift money away for their kids if they're struggling to put food on the table. a roof over said children's heads or to have a good Christmas.

Relatives and friends buy far too much shit for kids and give them far too much money. We had to bring down a huge bag of virtually unused toys to SDVP the other day and our kids are only 6 months and 2.5 years old.