Heartbroken over childcare

bubbaloo

Delighted that things seem to be working out for you OP.
My mum used to mind a little girl from when she was 3 months old. She is now 21. My mother is dead for 10 years, but that little girl (21 year old ) is still very much part of our family and that's how life works when you have someone special.
The depression is a separate issue but you will feel better in time. Once the meds kick in and if you decide to have some counselling, you will feel a million times better. For the record, I think counselling is brilliant because you can talk openly to someone who has no emotional connection to your situation and can sometimes see things very clearly from the outside.
So happy too that your hubby has realised that he needs to be more supportive.
Best of luck to you all.

carolinespring

Thats brilliant news. Sounds like you have a fantastic minder and a great friend for life. You kids are very lucky little people and you will be glan in the years to come that you stayed and worked it out with your childminder.

Most childcare providers are always willing to listen and help if at all possible.

Hope all went well with the bank and do let us know how you get on.

Wishing you and your family all the best.

annetted

god love you. i am really glad that things have worked out for you. you are blessed with your child minder. it sounds like you need to take time to look about yourself as well - getting help with postnatal depression is a huge step for you.
good luck with everything.

Wantobe

Glad to hear it worked out for you, take care of yourself.:)

Lady Chatterton

I'm so so so so so.........so happy that there has been a happy ending. Your child minder and her husband are very special people. They would really restore your faith in human nature. I would like to wish you and your family the very best in the future.


Here are some books on PND that may be of interest;
Down Came the Rain: A Mother's Story of Depression and Recovery by Brooke Shields
Overcome Your Postnatal Depression by Denise Robertson (from ITV's This Morning)

carolinespring

OP, Just wondering how you got on with the bank? I find myself often wondering what happen and hoping that it all worked out. My heart went out to you during the whole stressful time. I hope that you are feeling better.

IF you dont feel like replying and dragging it all up again thats fine, please dont feel you have to but know that I wish you and your family all the best and of course your fantastic childminder and her husband. They sound like one in a million.

LegacyUser

Finally only getting around to updating. Time just ran away from me.

Thinngs are much better. I am still on medication and going for councelling once a week which I find fantastic. My husband is helping more but is going over seas with the army for 6 months starting next month. So that is going to be hard. He has been on many tours since we got married but none since before our last child was born.I found it really hard with 2 children but am dreading it with 3. People have a lot of awful things to say about the banks but to be honest we found then lovely when we went to talk to them. We have now changed our home loan to over 25 years and not the 20 that was. Makes a difference each month. Still have not a lot of money but can manage.

My childminder is amazing. I meet her for a coffee once a week, sometimes with the kids and sometimes without. She is a great support. I pay her extra any weeks I can. Her husband is also so supportive. They have taken the kids over night 3 times over the last 2 months so that my husband and myself could go to the cinema and have a bit of time together. Would not take a penny for it. Spent a sunday morning baking with the kids to take stuff in and that went down really well. Her husband has a sweet tooth!!! Didnt do much for her WW diet but seemed to be enjoyed.

My husband collects the kids twice a week and I and 2 of the other mums go for a walk with our angle of a childminder. I really feel part of a group for the first time in forever. Feel like I am not so much on my own. Just getting to know the other mums but loving the having people to chat to. Childmonder is great for arranging get togethers

I am so glad I had the second chance and could leave the childrean with our childminder, the kids are so happy with her. She is so good to them and has tham totally spoiled (in a really good way) They run in the door and are full of the joys of what is happening that day. Always something going on. We have started having the odd sunday morning out in the park (when its not raining) all the children, other parents and our childminder and her husband kicking a ball around. I really look forward to the time with the kids and finally getting to know the other parents. Even my husband who wanted nothing to do with it at first looks forward to it. The lads have a game of football with the older kids and we go for a coffee after. A cheap and fun morning out.

So all in all life is looking much better. I am feeling better and have lost a bit of weight from the walking, husband and I are not fighting half as much, kids as happy as the flowers of may and I have made some fantastic friends. One of which (my childminder) will be a friend for life and to that I can now add her husband who was so kind and helpful to me.

I sometimes worry thqat we take up to much of our childminders spare time. I do worry she feels she has to do it but she seems to enjoy it. She is always out and about at the weekends with her husband meeting people and swears to me that I am not i the way when we go walking as its helping her lose weight.

Maybe all this had to happen for all the good to come out of it.

I was just thinking we should have a "how wonderful my childminder is" thread. I for one could start it off.

Thank you to everyone for your good wishes and advice. It really is good to talk.

I hope I can come back to this thread ad talk if I am finding it hard whe my husband is gone. I am starting to really worry how I will manage. Would that be ok Mods?

deisemum

I'm so delighted for you, your family the childminder and her husband.

I had a wonderful childminder when I lived in London and my son loved her but we were only with her for just over 9 months before we moved back here and when we visited London we'd call and see her.

Try not to start worrying about how you'll cope when you husband goes away on tour, take each day as it comes and come on here.

smelltheglove

Aww you are making me weepy OP so happy to see the turn around, genuinely delighted for ya:)

kelle

OP, I'm SO pleased everything is working out for you!

When I look back at my reply earlier in this thread, what I advised was rubbish and I apologise for it! I suppose I was going by an experience I had but it involved proper childminders in 2 different creches - nothing like your situation at all.

LegacyUser

I wanted to update you all on what feels like a million years ago since I first posted.

We are coping a lot better with money issues, the bank where wonderful. The meds and counselling had really helped and I felt like a new woman by the end of the summer. Lost almost 2 stone due to the walking with My Choildminder and the other Mums. Really made wonderful friends.

My 3 beautiful girls are getting so grown up and love the time they spend in our Childminders. My Husband went overseas for 6 months and got back just before Christmas.

My Mum died in Sepember after just a illness of 3 weeks and 1 day. To say i was heartbroken is putting it mildly. My husband was overseas at the time but was able to come back for 2 weeks leave. When he went back I felt so lost that I just could not cope.
My childminder was great when Mum was sick. She held the girls day and night for the whole time. She minded then over the weekend of the funeral and went out and got them all beautiful dresses, coats and boots for mams funeral. She took then down to the house to the evening of the removal and came into the room with them, myself and husband when my 2 older girls wanted to see granny for the last time. She and her husband did everything they could for us and took the girls to the church and left with then as soon as the prayers finished at the removal. Took them back to her house and drove back down again the next day with them for the funeral. It took so much pressure off knowing my girls where in such good hands.

When my husband went back overseas and I went back to work she could see I was finding it really hard and that I was not coping well. She suggested we stay with her and her husband for a week or so until I was a bit more together and to be honest I was glad to as living in the middle of nowhere with 3 kids just after mums death was daunting.

The couple of weeks turned into when my husband came back before Christmas. I can say I never once felt unwanted when staying with my childminder and her husband. I felt very much at home and the girls needless to say loved it!!! When I would come in the evenings the childminder made it clear to the girls I was in charge and that what I said went. I enjoyed taking turns cooking dinner with the childminder and can see why my girls love that place so much. The love between my childminder and her husband, the laughts and fun. I never played so many board games in my life or laughted as hard. I really got into baking when staying with them. Something that had really saved me since I came home. As the tv hardly went on in her house. I also started reading and listening to music agan. I had often wonderd why my girls loved books and music so much.They are always reading to the kids or in the evening reading themself To see the Childminder and her husband showing my girls how to jive will stay with me forever. We went down home to my Dad every weekend so at least I didnt feel we took up all the time they had, not that I think they would have really minded. It was like living in a wonderful; different world,one that I could have stayed in forever. It made me see how I can make our own home life a lot better for myself, my husband and the girls.

I could not believe it when I would see the childminder mixing up the dry stuff the night before to make fresh bread or muffins in the morning. I have also learned how to cook some amazing meals. My husband now thinks we should all move in with her, a bit like the Waltons.

My Husband and I are getting on so much better and now talk to each other and not AT each other. We both feel closer and happier. The girls are enjoying the change in Mum and Dad and we really are doing a lot more free family stuff, games night, dancing, walks, baking and all enjoying it.

My husband has been posted the other side of the country for the next 6 months and is away monday to friday but we are all coping well. I come home most nights from collecting the girls with my dinner in a tupperware box and I am loving it!!!

I still feel guilty for paying the childminder so little but as she said when we lived with her for the 8 weeks money is not a big issue for them. He has a great job and she loves hers. I used to envy her so much but they tried for years to have kids and it was not to be and now she says she is lucky to be blessed with a wonderful man and a great life filled with friends. For Christmas I made her a Christmas cake that I iced with the girls, she loved it and we got her a Pandora bracelet with a charm from each of the girls, they picked them. One picked a house, anoter a angel and the now 2 year old a teddy! She loved it and wears it all the time.

So I really miss mam and have very dark moments of sadness but my life is a million times better than this time last year. if everything that happen in the opening post had not of happened I would not have got the help and support I needed and to be the woman I am today. I am truely blessed with a great ( far from perfect) husband, 3 beautiful girls and a Childminder and her husband!

I wish I could say publicly who she is but i dont think she would be happy with that, But X thank you so very much for giving me back my life and for loving and caring for my girls. I think they are as much your girls as mine at this stage. xxx

P.S to any of you who have great Childminders please tell them how great they are and dont do what i did, if you have money issues or anything is bitherig you talk to them.

LashingLady

This has been one of the most inspiring threads I have ever read on boards.

OP I'm so sorry for the death of your mother and for all the stress you have been going through lately. I think you have shown such strength in recognising that you needed help and asking for it and taking control of your own life. Reading the early posts I got the impression of a woman on the brink but you were pulled back from the brink by the wonderful people in your life. That was only possible because YOU allowed them to help you. Your whole family have benefited from you showing this strength. I'm not religious but I think people come into your life for a reason, and this woman is in your life for a reason. She sounds like an angel.

Good luck to you and your family.:)

carolinespring

OMG, what a wonderful post. makes me want to cry. So glad your life and that of your family has turned around.

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum. Losing a loved one is so hard to deal with but how nice to hear how your Childminder steped in and helped. She sounds like one in a million.

Have to say I smiled when you spoke about making her a Christmas cake. What a lovely gift.

Please keep us updated with your life, I often wondered how life had turned out for you.

Carolinespring

Atomicjuicer

So my other half had left this thread open on our iPad so I had a little glance while eating.

Wow, WHAT A THREAD!

I feel I've learned some serious life lessons. The updates were unbelievable (rarely on the Internet do you come across this kind of continuity). Thanks for sharing so much so sincerely.

Daisy M

Thanks so much for giving us an update. Firstly I am so sorry for your loss x.
I am so happy that your money and childminding difficulties are sorted your childminder and her husband are two of the best people I have ever heard of. Best of luck to you and them.

Moonbeam

Thanks so much for your update.
You child minder sounds like a fairy godmother:)
I am so glad things have improved so much for you and your family.