What is the longest time you have gone without seeing your kids?

Maccattack

What is the longest time you have gone without seeing your kids?

My wife and kids moved overseas late last year and I went to visit them at christmas.

I will go back again at Easter for a week or two which is like 4 months away. After that it will be 6-8 months before I see them again.

I am already feeling very distressed and I saw them a week ago. Im not sure how I'll last the distance.

Has anyone here been away from their kids for long periods of time? How do/did you cope?

cynder

Thats hard, is there any chance youself and your wife (ex wife) set up skype accounts so that you can see your children when talking to them on the computer.

At least you could see them that way, i know its not the same.

metrovelvet

You cant download a hug.

That sucks macattack. Anything you can do to make the contact more frequent?

Maccattack

Well if I win the lottery...

It was about 6 weeks before I saw them, then I went over for 3 at xmas and Im back about a week.

I cant sleep and have had at least one panic attack. After one week.

I am wondering if this is normal, will these feelings die down or will they intensify.

We've chatted online most days and I call every second day or so, but as you said. You cant download a hug - that got me there.

smelltheglove

Ive gone 5 days for honeymoon and it killed me. Im sure it is very hard for you. Heres for that lotto win;)

cynder

smelltheglove wrote: »

Ive gone 5 days for honeymoon and it killed me.

We took ours on the honeymoon with us.... 2 weeks disneyland florida;)

Ive been without mine at the longest for 8 days, im off to egypt in may and wont see them for 10 days (not even skype).

I could not imagine going months without seeing the kids that must be hell.

Cavehill Red

Maccattack wrote: »

Has anyone here been away from their kids for long periods of time? How do/did you cope?

My ex emigrated with my kid once, breaching access agreements and mediation agreements.
How did I cope? I got lawyered up and sued the sh1t out of her here and abroad.
My child now lives with me.

positron

13 hours - because of the long commute. But then again, my only daughter is just 15 days old at this stage.

However, I grew up with out my father around me. He was working in another part of the world, and would only be home for a month every year. (This was not in Ireland and earning a living was extremely hard).

I distinctly remember a scene where I was trying to hide behind my mom and she's talking to this kind looking man in the living room, and she was slowly nudging me towards him and said he's my dad. I really do. It's one of the earliest memories I have of my dad.

Without knowing the background and society I grew up in, it's hard to convey how his absence has effected my development. It's not too bad, but I would never wish that on anyone.

CathyMoran

About 3 hours - my son is only 9 months and 2 weeks old though...he is going into a creche soon and I am dreading it - am expecting his baby sister and she will be a c-section so I imagine that I may not be able to see him when I am in having her

When he was born he was in ICU for a few hours but his daddy was with him so that was fine as he was there for him, it was heartbreaking being apart after he was with me all the time for so long but it was in his best medical interest.

astra2000

Maccattack wrote: »

What is the longest time you have gone without seeing your kids?

My wife and kids moved overseas late last year and I went to visit them at christmas.

I will go back again at Easter for a week or two which is like 4 months away. After that it will be 6-8 months before I see them again.

I am already feeling very distressed and I saw them a week ago. Im not sure how I'll last the distance.

Has anyone here been away from their kids for long periods of time? How do/did you cope?

Hi macattack I am sorry you are feeling so upset at the lack of physical contact with your children. There is no point in me telling you the short amounts of times I have been apart from my kids as your circumstances are so different, it would appear that this is the way things are going to be for you and your children for the forseeable future and you are looking for advice on how to cope.
I think you need to stop focusing on how long away your next visit is and the one after that, that is obviously distressing you more. Focus on the contact ye have now and keep as positive about it as you can. I was thinking about this earlier and I wonder if maybe you could start writing to your kids and get them to write to you, the letters would be something tangible that ye could look and read and maybe get comfort from at any point during the day when ye are missing them, maybe you could include a photo a week taken of the time you spent with them and get them to include photos of their daily lives in their letters, it may help make you feel more in touch with their lives.
I hope things get easier imho I think the worst times for you will be when you return home after a visit, maybe if you are aware of this and accept you wont be on best form for a few weeks next time may be a little easier.

Deliverance

metrovelvet wrote: »

You cant download a hug.

That sucks macattack. Anything you can do to make the contact more frequent?

That's an interesting statement. I'm working on a tech solution to that. It is purely a theoretical idea but apparently I'm told it has merit.

I am looking to implement it with a focus group in the next few months.

Deliverance

Maccattack wrote: »

Well if I win the lottery...

It was about 6 weeks before I saw them, then I went over for 3 at xmas and Im back about a week.

I cant sleep and have had at least one panic attack. After one week.

I am wondering if this is normal, will these feelings die down or will they intensify.

We've chatted online most days and I call every second day or so, but as you said. You cant download a hug - that got me there.

Hi maccattack, sorry to hear about the hardship that you are going through. I spent a couple of weeks without seeing my daughter a few times and that was tough enough.

I expressed it on here and got great supportive feedback i.e. at least I'm a dad that cares and wants to be there. That is a whole lot more than can be said for some dads.

your kids will appreciate that in the future.

Sleepy

I had to work abroad for 6 months when I was really only seeing my daughter for a day and a half a week (commuting back and forth from London at the weekends). At the time, she could recognise my voice on the phone but was too young to do anything but gurgle back at me down the line.

It's a very different scenario though I suppose and not at all uncommon a time division between being a present and absent father for many who're separated from their child's mother.

How did I cope? I missed her, felt guilty that I wasn't there for so much of her early development and for her being upset at my not being around (having been home for 3 months unemployment prior to this made it harder on her I think), got quite angry at the government and those who voted them in for creating the environment that forced this on me, tended to spoil her a little when I was there and ultimately, just got on with it. I rationalised it by acknowledging that what I was doing was keeping a roof over her head, formula in her bottle and nappies on her backside!