Listening to old phone messages from loved ones

I was just wondering have any of you listened to old messages from your loved ones since they died, and how was it?

I so want to call my Mams mobile and hear her voice, but Im afraid to. I know what it says,in my head, you know, but Im afraid to actually call it and hear her.

booksale

i havent heard the voice message. but i did read the words my dad wrote.

i cried quietly then.

maybe it's good for you to have a good cry, op. maybe.

God bless.

messymess

Yeah I did this a few times after my dad died. It made me really sad though because he recorded his vmail at a time when he was a getting fragile and was a bit disoriented. It really came through in his vmail. Comforting to hear his voice at the same time.

I have a few emails that he wrote me when I was travelling a few times over the years. They're my most cherished possession.

booksale

booksale wrote: »

i havent heard the voice message. but i did read the words my dad wrote.

i cried quietly then.

maybe it's good for you to have a good cry, op. maybe.

God bless.

Oh I cry everyday, several times a day. I just want her back even for a short while.

Thanks for your kind words. Bless you too.

I suppose if Im honest with myself, Im afraid to listen to it. Dont why I am, I just am. Ive read stuff she wrote to me on cards etc.
You know, she kept every mothers day card, birthday card christmas card I ever gave her.

Ill do it soon though because its tormenting me.

Kablamo!

It took me over a year to remove my Dad's voice from our home answering machine. I used to like hearing him, but extended family kept giving out to me. So I recorded it on my phone
I'm afraid of forgetting his voice, for some reason, so it's nice to have the option of listening to him shouting at the answering machine

banie01

Kablamo! wrote: »

It took me over a year to remove my Dad's voice from our home answering machine. I used to like hearing him, but extended family kept giving out to me. So I recorded it on my phone
I'm afraid of forgetting his voice, for some reason, so it's nice to have the option of listening to him shouting at the answering machine

I do very similar....
My wife passed over 3 and a half years ago and I still haven't changed the voicemail on our landline...
Sometimes I just ring to listen to her voice and remind myself that 'we' really happened and I didn't dream some of the best times of my life
I don't do it often, its not a crutch or living in the past(I hope) its a happy memory jogged by her voice that puts a sentimental smile on my face.
And truth be told there are times I get scared I forgot what she sounds like...
And with the message there its a reassurance that I can her that voice anytime ;-)
OP....Don't be scared to listen to the message...
It will spark grief and tears...But those are going to come anyway and isn't it best to have a happy recollection to balance the loss?
My Mother in Law spent months just ringing and leaving messages for my wife on her mobile just to feel closer and help deal with missing her.

banie01

banie01 wrote: »

I do very similar....
My wife passed over 3 and a half years ago and I still haven't changed the voicemail on our landline...
Sometimes I just ring to listen to her voice and remind myself that 'we' really happened and I didn't dream some of the best times of my life
I don't do it often, its not a crutch or living in the past(I hope) its a happy memory jogged by her voice that puts a sentimental smile on my face.
And truth be told there are times I get scared I forgot what she sounds like...
And with the message there its a reassurance that I can her that voice anytime ;-)
OP....Don't be scared to listen to the message...
It will spark grief and tears...But those are going to come anyway and isn't it best to have a happy recollection to balance the loss?
My Mother in Law spent months just ringing and leaving messages for my wife on her mobile just to feel closer and help deal with missing her.

Thats so lovely that you still listen to hear her voice and stay connected. I bet she is pleased Im glad its a comfort to you.

Im hoping My Ma's voice will be to me, I know it will, but its just some hurdle I have of doing it for the first time. I keep looking at the phone, and her number, and I just cant. I just put the phone down. Ive been trying all day to work up the courage.
I'll do it when Im supposed to, I guess. I cant believe Im such a big baby about it. I actually feel very silly over the fact I cant do it. But there you go.I suppose Im afraid of the torrent it will release.


Thanks so much for taking time to help me. I really appreciate it.

Kablamo!

Kablamo! wrote: »

It took me over a year to remove my Dad's voice from our home answering machine. I used to like hearing him, but extended family kept giving out to me. So I recorded it on my phone
I'm afraid of forgetting his voice, for some reason, so it's nice to have the option of listening to him shouting at the answering machine

That made me smile the thoughts of your Da shouting at answeringmachine, My Ma was the same.
I get afraid Ill forget her voice too. But Im sure I wont, because I do hear her in my head, remembering stuff she would have. But I suppose the longer it goes, the more I get afraid Ill forget. Crazy isnt it .

booksale

Jake1 wrote: »

Oh I cry everyday, several times a day. I just want her back even for a short while.

Thanks for your kind words. Bless you too.

oh, i want my dad back too. badly.

but he is so happy now and does not wanna come back.:rolleyes:

ToniTuddle

Not a voice message but had a silly text from a lad who I was mad about as a teenager and he died suddenly. Was very afraid of loosing that last text. When that phone died and I lost the text I remember crying as that tiny little connection was gone.

Have another text from 2 years ago of a friend who died a week after it was sent. I'm older now and wasn't as emotionally upset when that phone died and lost the text message. I'll remember the good times and know he was my friend for that short while.

Definitely listen to the tape. If I had a recording I would definitely make copies and it would be a really nice thing to hear as you do forget their voices and tiny details over the years.

Storminateacup

When my mother died I used to text 'her' a lot. It made me feel somewhat better. Her voice on our answerphone - man... thats still there. 4 years later. I can't delete it.

People tell me its still her voice on it. I lie and say that I dont know the password to change it. The truth of the matter is - thats all I have left of her.

I'm not the same person anymore. My mam is missing out on everything in my life. Would she even recognise me? I don't always think good thoughts about her. She wasn't the easiest of people to live with. But I did love her. When I let the housephone ring, and I hear her voice on the end of it... its the closest thing I will ever get to a hug from her, encouragement, or a scolding when I need it. I'm terrified I wont remember how she sounds, I'm scared I'll forget what she looks like.

I have a video recording of her - i cannot bring myself to watch it though.

4 years - you'd think it gets easier, but I don't think it does. Theres too many feelings to make sense of, too much emotions and unfortunately -- life goes on. We change and we become a stranger to the person who knew us best.

Sod'o swords

We have old Videos of my Dad from various things, my family and some friends watched them one of the days but i just couldn't even bring myself to sit in the same room. I was in tears thinking about it.

This is after three years of comforting my mam and sister as they cried and cried over various things related to his death, yet apart from when i was told he wouldn't live I hadn't shed a tear.

As for the answering machine we changed after a few months, but videos, i just can't do. I know how you feel, i want to but just can't bring myself to. Maybe one of these days i'll wait till there's an empty house and give them a gander

Fittle

Hi Op, I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents a very long time ago (20 and 24yrs ago) but while I remember the pain like it was yesterday, I don't feel the pain I felt then. Thinking back, I was only a kid myself when they were gone (23) and I know I drifted through a huge part of my life, not really accepting how big the loss was for me. Anyway, I digress, sorry.

I often see messages on FB to people who have passed on - we all want to communicate with the those we've loved and lost. Only tonight, a FB friend of mine put a message on his own page - addressing his dad who passed on a few months ago...sometimes, i think it's a bit odd the FB works when someone dies, but if it offers some comfort to those who write those messages, what's the harm.

I'd suggest you listen to your mams voicemail when you're ready. You'll know when that is. Perhaps the fact that rather than listen, you came here and asked about listening to it...you're probably not ready just yet. Can I also suggest that you contact the network your mam was with, just to ensure that as the number is no longer in use, the voicemail can still be saved - I remember a story on Gerry Ryan about a similar incident a few years back. I think if a mobile number is inactive for a period of time, the network disconnects it. Don't quote me on that, but it's worth a call to whoever your mam was with.

Anyway OP, you'll listen when you're ready - you don't mention how long ago your mam passed? I hope you're doing ok today...it's difficult, but in time, you'll get to the point where you can think of her and smile:)

Fittle

Fittle wrote: »

Hi Op, I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents a very long time ago (20 and 24yrs ago) but while I remember the pain like it was yesterday, I don't feel the pain I felt then. Thinking back, I was only a kid myself when they were gone (23) and I know I drifted through a huge part of my life, not really accepting how big the loss was for me. Anyway, I digress, sorry.

I often see messages on FB to people who have passed on - we all want to communicate with the those we've loved and lost. Only tonight, a FB friend of mine put a message on his own page - addressing his dad who passed on a few months ago...sometimes, i think it's a bit odd the FB works when someone dies, but if it offers some comfort to those who write those messages, what's the harm.

I'd suggest you listen to your mams voicemail when you're ready. You'll know when that is. Perhaps the fact that rather than listen, you came here and asked about listening to it...you're probably not ready just yet. Can I also suggest that you contact the network your mam was with, just to ensure that as the number is no longer in use, the voicemail can still be saved - I remember a story on Gerry Ryan about a similar incident a few years back. I think if a mobile number is inactive for a period of time, the network disconnects it. Don't quote me on that, but it's worth a call to whoever your mam was with.

Anyway OP, you'll listen when you're ready - you don't mention how long ago your mam passed? I hope you're doing ok today...it's difficult, but in time, you'll get to the point where you can think of her and smile:)

Hi Fittle, thanks for replying to me.
My Mam passed August last year. She died very sudeenly. We had found out she had cancer the week before, they scheduled her for a Bronchoscopy Biopsy. I dropped her to the Hospital room, Nurse told me to come back in an hour and bring mam home. Instead something went horribly wrong with the procedure and she bled to death. They gave her three transfusions, but they couldnt save her. Im dying inside because of it. I felt so bad for allowing her to have procedure done. But they had assured us it was only procedure and was nothing to worry about. I just feel guilt wracked over it. My poor little Mam going in to that room and not knowing she was going to her death. She looked so different to when I dropped her off an hour previously, blood everywhere, in her hair etc, she was bruised from them trying to work on her. There was blood on the floor, on their aprons. We had no idea anything could have happened.
I remember them saying the procedure went wrong, and I just thought they couldnt do it, and would post pone it, it took me a while to understand. Finally I asked the staff nurse, ' Am I taking Mam home today'. No, was the answer. They couldnt do anymore. In under an hour I had lost my lovely Mammy. The final image I have of her is a horrible one, that I have to keep blocking out of my head. That morning is burned into my brain. I will never forget it.


Im so glad you mentioned the fact that her network could change that message. Im going to listen to it this weekend. Bite the bullet.


Thanks so so much to you and all of you who wrote me back. In some way, I dont feel so bloody alone with my grief. It can be hard in real life, trying not to cry all the time. Trying to pull yourself togther.
So thanks again.

Sod'o swords

Sod'o swords wrote: »

We have old Videos of my Dad from various things, my family and some friends watched them one of the days but i just couldn't even bring myself to sit in the same room. I was in tears thinking about it.

This is after three years of comforting my mam and sister as they cried and cried over various things related to his death, yet apart from when i was told he wouldn't live I hadn't shed a tear.

As for the answering machine we changed after a few months, but videos, i just can't do. I know how you feel, i want to but just can't bring myself to. Maybe one of these days i'll wait till there's an empty house and give them a gander

I know how you feel about videos. I have a load too. I doubt I will get through them any time soon. But Im glad I have them for when I am ready.

You will have that empty house one day and you will get through them, and you will cry and cry. But it will give you some solace.

regards,

Jacqui

itac

My Gran was like a Mum to me, and died suddenly New Years day
2006. Like that, she was brought into hospital to see how she was, and was gone within two hours. I have a recording on my mobile of her reading a poem my cousin wrote, from a few months before she died. When she first passed, I couldn't listen to it, it just broke my heart to hear her little throat clearing cough, and the pride in her voice as she recited her grandaughter's poem.

Sometimes now when I listen to it and close my eyes, I can pretend she's in the room with me. It sounds sad, but it's a minute and half of my life that can make the world feel ok again.

Whatever you do, please make sure you've copies made of the message, if that means ringing it from your phone and recording it without listening to it, do it. There's times when I feel like I can't remember her voice, and listening to even just the first few seconds bring everything back.

Don't be afraid to open up about your loss to people-you'll find that anyone who has lost someone so important in their lives will understand, and as for the people who haven't, it might make them realise just how lucky they are to still have the ones they love around them.

Lastly, huge hugs Jacqui, just take each day as it comes..the right time to listen to the message and watch the videos will find you, or you'll find it. I hope they bring you back to memories of the good times with your Mum. Look after yourself, xx

Kelda09

Hi OP, Im so sorry for the loss of your mum Try to remember the good times and not focus on the unhappy memories, which is easier said than done :rolleyes:

As Fittle (I think) said please do check with the network regarding the number being reissued, It can happen and it's best to know if that is a possibility. When the time is right you will be able to listen to the message, and take comfort from it (and no doubt cry). One of the people I was closest to in the world was killed in a car crash and the evening of his burial, I was on a train going away for the night (had been pre-booked!) I realised Id never be able to talk to him again, and thought id never hear his voice again and my heart broke. The feeling when I thought to ring his voicemail and heard his message was indescribable! I mortified myself on the train by sitting there with tears streaming down my face, as I smiled, and cried more again. That was the right time for me, there is no time frame so take your time and listen when it's ready.

The comfort it gave me to be able to listen to his voice when times were hard or I was lonely was fantastic. But then the evening came that I rang it and got the automated mechanical voicemail, If I had known there was the possibility of that happening id have recorded it, so if that is something you think you would like to do then I would advise you to organise for someone to do that for you if you feel unable to do it yourself.

Hope this post isnt to rambling, i can tend to go off on a tangent, I apologise. I hope its been some help. Take care OP, and mind yourself.:)

Walls

We lost Mum Wednesday. I'm hoping to record her voicemail message and keep it on my computer.

Fitzerb

I think everyone handles the grieving process differently and its difficult to give advice on whats best. I think the only 100% cert is that you must grieve and go through the process. I have lost some family and friends over the years and I found that when I attempted to avoid dealing with the loss or over attempting to stay strong for others that the loss hit me like a brick wall months afterwards.
There is nothing wrong with crying for the loss of a close one its natural and there is nothing wrong with grieving its the minds way of easing the pain.
So if you feel like listening to the messages do so, perhaps you are a little worried that you will break down crying...... so what its 110% natural thing to do. Dont stop yourself grieving just think of all the good times shared with your loved one.

ChewChew

Storminateacup wrote: »

When my mother died I used to text 'her' a lot. It made me feel somewhat better. Her voice on our answerphone - man... thats still there. 4 years later. I can't delete it.
bring myself to watch it though.

we got rid of my dad's voicemessage on the landline after 5 years! We're approaching dad's 6th anniversary very soon and the thought's of it just sickens my stomach. not a day goes by where I don't think of him. Grief is an awful process and I am well and truly, still battling with it. Worst thing people say to me is ''Time is a great healer'' no.. no it certainly is not.

Chin up people. We are all here for the same reason.

Walls

My husband managed to download my Mum's voicemail message and save it. I don't want to listen to it now, it would destroy me. But to know it's safe and it can't be deleted, that is a very good thing to me. Something of hers won't be removed from me.

ChewChew

Walls wrote: »

My husband managed to download my Mum's voicemail message and save it. I don't want to listen to it now, it would destroy me. But to know it's safe and it can't be deleted, that is a very good thing to me. Something of hers won't be removed from me.

you'll know when the right time is to listen to it, but like you said, knowing it's safe is good. I'd imagine that alone is very comforting for you.

Fitzerb

ChewChew wrote: »

we got rid of my dad's voicemessage on the landline after 5 years! We're approaching dad's 6th anniversary very soon and the thought's of it just sickens my stomach. not a day goes by where I don't think of him. Grief is an awful process and I am well and truly, still battling with it. Worst thing people say to me is ''Time is a great healer'' no.. no it certainly is not.

Chin up people. We are all here for the same reason.

Time does not heal the pain. Its just with time we learn to handle and manage the loss. The fact that every day for 6 years you have thought about your Dad tells you the great memories you shared with him. Not many people can have that wondefrful experience. You must have been really close. It is hard but all I can say is try to take the psoitives out of the happy times you shared with a wonderful person, You were truly blessed.

ChewChew

Fitzerb wrote: »

Time does not heal the pain. Its just with time we learn to handle and manage the loss. The fact that every day for 6 years you have thought about your Dad tells you the great memories you shared with him. Not many people can have that wondefrful experience. You must have been really close. It is hard but all I can say is try to take the psoitives out of the happy times you shared with a wonderful person, You were truly blessed.

Thanks Fitzerb. Yes I certainly am dealing with the loss but I am also learning to enjoy the amazing memories that I have. We were extremely close, we had a very strong father/daughter relationship that I wish I still had but I am forever grateful for the 21 overwhelmingly pleasant years I've had with that man!

Fitzerb

ChewChew wrote: »

Thanks Fitzerb. Yes I certainly am dealing with the loss but I am also learning to enjoy the amazing memories that I have. We were extremely close, we had a very strong father/daughter relationship that I wish I still had but I am forever grateful for the 21 overwhelmingly pleasant years I've had with that man!

Wow, I sure hope my daughter can say the same,,,,, what a compliment to your deceased Dad.

Hang on to the memories….. They are the true treasurers of life

LegacyUser

Jake1 wrote: »

I was just wondering have any of you listened to old messages from your loved ones since they died, and how was it?

I so want to call my Mams mobile and hear her voice, but Im afraid to. I know what it says,in my head, you know, but Im afraid to actually call it and hear her.

Yesterday I watched a video clip of Mam on Dads phone, she's smiling wearing Dads hat and (on my prompt) saying 'hear's looking at you kid' - she's beautiful! And seeing it broke me I was pretty devastated all yesterday after that and still feeling it today (we lost her last month) - I'll watch it again though.

I'm a grown man in my 30s and not prone to crying but since we lost Mam i've been like a four year old lost in Moore St or something and i'm fine with that i don't play on it or anything but when i need to let it out I do and my family (who are all doing the same) support me as i do them.

She's my Mam, my pal and my world as i knew it is over but i can't let go of that warmth no matter how much the reminders hurt. I love her I've never experienced life without loving my parents and they are both still my parents even though i can't embrace Mam the way i once could.

As everyone here says do things in your own time and deal with things in your own way (i'm not posting under my usual name so that i can keep posting on threads on other forums here without having that association of bereavement...ie. i can have moments where i pretend everything is normal by posting about cars, music, plumbing or whatever keeps my mind somewhat grounded and my pain private in this context...I may eventually post under my registered name but for now keeping this seperate is easier) I'll write more about my beautiful amazing Mam on the sticky here when i can bring myself to do so but even contributing a little here is helpful as was watching that video clip.

How could i not take every opportunity to re-connect with my pal, Mam and hero ;-)

Take care one and all

I often wished I had an old voicemail from Mum but I didn't have any, she passed away in 2004. I know very very few people my age who have lost a parent (thankfully). Some lads I know in their late sixties still have their Mums I always get a bit jealous of that around Mother's Day. I remember shortly after Mum died being hugely jealous of little dudes you'd see out in shopping centres with their Mums

ChewChew

RoverJames wrote: »

I often wished I had an old voicemail from Mum but I didn't have any, she passed away in 2004. I know very very few people my age who have lost a parent (thankfully). Some lads I know in their late sixties still have their Mums I always get a bit jealous of that around Mother's Day. I remember shortly after Mum died being hugely jealous of little dudes you'd see out in shopping centres with their Mums

Awe yeah it's hard, isn't it. I don't know what age you are or were when you lost your mum But I dont think it's ever easy. I know for me, Father's day is very difficult. Buying flowers for Dad's graveside for a fathers day gift just isn't the same as a pair of socks

stupidusername

can't believe this thread is here. i feel like there's nothing much left of my mam, but whenever i ring my dads phone and he doesn't answer, all of a sudden on comes my mams voice: hi leave a message after the beep. she insisted on doing it cause she hated it going to the automated one it's making me a little teary now, but honestly it's a little scary when i hear it. i remember the first time i heard it, about 6 months after she died. i didn't know it was on there, and i was ringing dad when he was on his way to me. got a huge fright. in a way though i am glad it's there. and i dont want him to delete it.

genet10

Walls wrote: »

My husband managed to download my Mum's voicemail message and save it. I don't want to listen to it now, it would destroy me. But to know it's safe and it can't be deleted, that is a very good thing to me. Something of hers won't be removed from me.

I lost my wonderful Dad to cancer 18 months ago - and it still feels like yesterday in so many ways. I have his mobile and also listen to his voice mail greeting regularly. It's comforting to listen to his voice whenever I'm feeling low. However I would like to know how I can download it onto my computer - can you or your husband share instructions on how to do this? I would like to save his voice message in case anything ever happened to the phone. It is wonderful to know that so many other people also do the same thing, and the comfort that this brings to loved ones.
Thanks