Worried about friend

elbee

OP, you keep reiterating the question 'what can I do to make him see it?'

With the evidence you have, you haven't been able to convince a bunch of strangers on the internet that this girl is a gold-digger. There is no way you will convince a guy who already knows and likes, possibly even loves, her.

I'm going to echo what everyone else said and say 'steer clear'. He won't be convinced by what you've said and if you tell him that 'everyone just KNOWS she's no good' then you run the risk of alienating him from the aforesaid 'everyone' - he could think 'well, if everyone is gossiping about me and judging me anyway, then I'll stop telling them anything.' IF you're right (and that is, imo, a HUGE if!) then the last thing your friend needs is to feel betrayed by everyone in his small, close community.

All you can do is try to be there for him, stay in contact, make an effort with her (a genuine effort, not a looking-for-information effort) - then if it all goes wrong, he'll know you're there to help.

For the record though OP, I reckon it's unlikely you're right and I really hope your friend and this girl are happy together and that the rest of the town can come to accept it and be happy for them both.

Neyite

OP,
You might be assuming that the posters who disagree with you here are all 'great dublin types' so heres the point of view from a person who grew up on a farm in the west of Ireland.

I would be insulted if I got ready to go on a lunch date and discovered that I was getting a breakfast roll from centra to eat in a car.

I would be disgusted if I had to eat something that a person who was not wearing gloves made. They may have handled money, scratched a spot, or their ar$e, or been handling livestock before work.. I'm the kind of person who feels that a germ here or there is grand for the immune system, but my stomach would be heaving if I saw that anywhere and I would be reporting them to get shut down. And its not just me, ask the Food Safety Authority. You wouldnt happen to be the deli-worker would you?

There is nothing wrong with her wanting to cook more than bacon and cabbage - I love to cook, and try different things, and my fellas mother wouldnt have heard about half the stuff, nor try it, but he is game. This is not gold-digging. Its having an interest, and a skill.

So what if her boyfriend bought her a couple of dresses? People buy gifts all the time for each other.

They might stay indoors to go at it like rabbits, after not seeing each other all week. Fair play to them.

So what if she does not help on the farm - why should she? Does he go into her place of work and help, say, answering the telephones?

Your town sounds horrible, OP. No wonder she stays indoors with him. I would.

Fluorescence

Despite agreeing with everyone here that you are all (in your town/village) clearly just using your disgusting prejudice against Dublin girls to talk crap about this woman, I'll give you the answer that you've been looking for:

Even IF you had some reasonable evidence that the woman MAY be a gold-digger, you shouldn't bring it up with your friend. There's simply no way you can diss someone's partner and expect a happy outcome. The best that would happen is he would laugh it off or politely ignore anything you say; to be honest I'd be furious if I were him to learn that the whole town agrees with you. Broaching the subject with him will never end well, so just leave well enough alone. At his age he's a big boy, and can look after himself.

LegacyUser

Op, you're never going to get the answers you want here.

I agree completely with you that this woman is almost certainly only with your friend to get what she wants (money etc), I think we've all seen situations like this play out before.

But by posting this situation here, you're dealing with an extremely politically correct bunch of people, most of whom are from Dublin and will never understand rural Ireland village life. I'm sure you've probably figured that out by now.

The people you meet down the pub are not the same type of people who will sit here replying to threads. You won't find any answers around here. Sorry.

LegacyUser

fdhhhhdf wrote: »

Op, you're never going to get the answers you want here.

I agree completely with you that this woman is almost certainly only with your friend to get what she wants (money etc), I think we've all seen situations like this play out before. .

exactly weve all seen it before.if u ever see a young good looking girl with an older man everyone thinks golddigger if maybe they dont say it.so you understand my situation,do yoppu have any advice?people here like to protect each other instead of turning a blind eye to someone getting scammed

Shelga

fdhhhhdf wrote: »

most of whom are from Dublin and will never understand rural Ireland village life.

I'm from Dublin, and have no interest in understanding the kind of rural Ireland village life you describe, if it involves being incredibly nosy, judgemental, borderline sexist and spending half your life guessing the motives of someone who has nothing to do with you.

OP do you have some kind of Oedipal complex you have not yet acknowledged? I'm guessing you're a man (just a guess, mind), as you seem to think a woman should 'look after' her man etc. Also, why do you choose to only pay attention to the one post out of 50 that agrees with your small minded pettiness?

gimme5minutes

concerns wrote: »

exactly weve all seen it before.if u ever see a young good looking girl with an older man everyone thinks golddigger if maybe they dont say it.so you understand my situation,do yoppu have any advice?people here like to protect each other instead of turning a blind eye to someone getting scammed

Your friend is in his 40s, what he does is his own business, lots of guys wouldnt give a damn about spending money on a women half their age, they would jump at the chance, sure what else would he be spending it on anyway.

Exactly what is your relationship with this man anyway? What gives you the right to sabotage his relationship with his gf?

fatmammycat

fdhhhhdf wrote: »

Op, you're never going to get the answers you want here.

I agree completely with you that this woman is almost certainly only with your friend to get what she wants (money etc), I think we've all seen situations like this play out before.

But by posting this situation here, you're dealing with an extremely politically correct bunch of people, most of whom are from Dublin and will never understand rural Ireland village life. I'm sure you've probably figured that out by now.

The people you meet down the pub are not the same type of people who will sit here replying to threads. You won't find any answers around here. Sorry.

I'm from a tiny village in the country and I think the OP- based on their posts- is a mean spirited busy body with serious hang ups and issues of jealousy.

astra2000

fdhhhhdf wrote: »

Op, you're never going to get the answers you want here.

out before.

But by posting this situation here, you're dealing with an extremely politically correct bunch of people, most of whom are from Dublin and will never understand rural Ireland village life. I'm sure you've probably figured that out by now.

.

I am from west of Ireland a rural area and I have no understanding of the life you and the op are harping on about. It makes me cringe that ye are giving the impression that this type of behaviour is the norm in rural Ireland, true small minded people exist here but they are the minority not the majority same as it is in larger cities, the town life the op speaks about is like something from the 1950s.

Op I have changed my mind you are determined to tell your friend as you wholeheartedly believe you and the whole town are right about this girl, tell him what you all think, dont mince your words, and let him reach a decision about where he goes from here. I am advising you this because I think he has a right to know what his friends are like and how little they trust his judgement and decision making.

Distorted

From what you've described so far OP, she sounds quite a nice girl. Lets examine her "crimes" though. She is attractive, younger, a single mother and from Dublin. There is no evidence she has done anything golddigging. You think your friend should not see her because of this. Your friend is an older man, still single and lives in a small rural village. Presumably he has not found anyone attractive or interesting enough in the rural village or area to go out with. There must be a limited pool of unattractive, same age or older wealthy women for your friend to go out with. If you took the wealthy requirement out of it, it would presumably leave him with a bigger choice. But the allegations of golddigging, particularly in this unsubstantiated sense, based only on the disparity in wealth, would still apply.

So, what is he to do? Is he to remain single? Or should he go out with someone he doesn't like or find attractive, and who bores him?

You must realise this sounds like sour grapes. This woman has done nothing to indicate she is a goldigger. If she were a golddigger, she would jump at the chance to move in and give up work.

I wouldn't necessarily assume he is much wealthier than her either. She might own a nice property in Dublin, she has a job, which might have good prospects. Your friend's wealth is most likely tied up in land and farming assets. She also most likely earns more than most people in your village, and moreover, it sounds like she has done it herself, and not just lived with off her parents and inherited their money.

concerns wrote: »

hes so smitten with her he probably would sign over the house if she asked.id say shes not asking because she knows well we are all on to her and wont let it happen.

Pretty melodramatic after a few weeks.

concerns wrote: »

if she wants to get to know us she knows where we are,she could call round or go to the pubs.but she doesnt.the community look out for each other and take care of each other.its lucky for him that he has a community standing up for him or he probably would have lost everything by now.

I'm not surprised she doesn't mix with the locals - she is only visiting for a short time and if you are reprsentative of them, you sound very unfriendly. And not that great at conversation. Hanging around pubs or the houses of people you don't know wouldn't be that great unless you are from that background.

concerns wrote: »

so back to what the problem i have being how do i talk to him about her and make him see sense?

Its none of your business. Keep your nose out of it. She hasn't done anything to arouse suspicions of golddigging. You sound quite uneducated and inexperienced in life. Have you ever travelled or met people from different backgrounds than your own? It is the 21st Century and there are other places than small villages in rural Ireland.

LegacyUser

concerns wrote: »

exactly weve all seen it before.if u ever see a young good looking girl with an older man everyone thinks golddigger if maybe they dont say it.so you understand my situation,do yoppu have any advice?people here like to protect each other instead of turning a blind eye to someone getting scammed

I think the people who say they will never understand this way of life should refrain from commenting. I also know that the entire west of Ireland or rural Ireland in general is not like this but some areas do still worry about elderly locals.

I have seen this exact situation play out in my area before, and sadly the only thing locals could do was be there for this man when the gold digger had got all she wanted and left him. The man put himself back into the same situation twice more, convinced himself that the young attractive city girl was in love with him and got stung again. He is still with number 3 who is a little older and maybe more genuine than the others though it still looks odd on the outside.

I don't believe you can help someone in this situation. The man is smitten and possibly in love with this young single mother. He is blind to any possible alternative motives that she may have. He will not listen should you confront him and you will simply come out as the bad guy, affecting your future relationship with him. You are best to take a step back and wait. Give it time, it will fizzle out. She will get bored of her old farmer friend and his lifestyle or she will take the money she needs and disappear quickly. And he will return to the pub probably quite ashamed and embarrassed and he will be welcomed back into his safe circle of friends. With any luck he will learn from the experience and be more guarded in future.

I can't advise you any further as I don't believe there is anything you can physically do to make him see the light. Just give it time.

Neyite

Lets see what she has gotten out of him so far:

A couple of dresses.
No Christmas present.
A lunch in Centra.
There may or may not be a holiday?

Thats about it. She's a pretty crap gold-digger so, dont you think? To be honest OP, a true gold-digger would bail at the lunch in Centra, and would definately call it quits if they got no Christmas present. A true gold-digger would by now have gotten at least expensive jewellery or something off him by now..

Wompa1

I could be lynched for saying this but gorgeous or not perhaps she isn't getting much attention off guys in the town because they know she has a kid. I know I wouldn't be at a point in which I'd consider a relationship with somebody who has a child...too much pressure

Sardonicat

Fdhhhhdf wrote: »

I think the people who say they will never understand this way of life should refrain from commenting. I also know that the entire west of Ireland or rural Ireland in general is not like this but some areas do still worry about elderly locals.

Elderly? The gentleman in question in the op is mid forties, I doubt he has been rendered incapabale of sound judgement due to dementia .

Brussels Sprout

Reading this thread makes me glad to be living in a city.

Ickle Magoo

Brussel sprout, if you have nothing in the way of constructive advice to offer then please don't post.

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

mariebeth

OP, you've said she is a single mother and has less money than your friend, so I would actually consider it worse if this woman was spending her money freely on your friend, when she has a child at home that she has to feed, clothe and educate.

It sounds to me like judgement has been passed on this girl already, and no matter what she does, she's going to be considered a gold-digging blow in from Dublin, no matter what she does. And I'm from Cork, so I'm in no way biased towards Dublin just so you know.

Now, if the suspicions of you & the whole community are right (which I honestly don't think it is from what you have said), then the only thing that you can do is support your friend. It might be frustrating, but if you or anyone else says anything to him, he probably won't listen and you might end up losing his friendship all together. It's not your business what he does with his finances, just as much as it isn't his business what you do with yours.

kelle

OP, I agree with the other posters that your fears appear unfounded.

A colleague at work experienced something similar but in reverse. She was 38, single, from London and had got a job in Ireland. She met a farmer 10 years younger than her. Almost immediately, the gossip started. Her mother-in-law would tell her things she heard in the village, like "she's too old for him/to have children", "if she marries him, she'll want to go back to London taking half his farm" (how on Earth she would take half a farm to London I do not know), "she'll never settle in the country, she's a city girl". There were golddigger jibes too, total nonsense as she has always been independent and lived off her own money.

Amazingly, they got married and they are still happily married 13 years later! They have 2 daughters, but the locals still gossip how awful it is for her husband because she hasn't given him a son, and every farmer needs a son. Actually, when daughter no.2 was born her mother-in-law was asked were they disappointed! So it goes on and on.

But my wonderful colleague (who i have worked with for 15 years and am very fond of) just lets it go over her head, even though she admits it irritates her.

Your friend is at that age when he is seriously considering settling down, and would not be dating this girl unless he was serious about her. If he's happy, then you as a mate should be happy for him too, not nitpicking.

Zaph

concerns wrote: »

exactly weve all seen it before.if u ever see a young good looking girl with an older man everyone thinks golddigger if maybe they dont say it.

That's good to know, I must tell my fiancée that the wedding's off because she's clearly a gold digger and is only after me for my money. Seriously OP, have you listened to yourself at all? You've been coming out with ridiculous generalisations throughout this thread with absolutely no evidence to support your accusations. Yes, she could turn out to be exactly what you say she is, but until there's hard evidence to support that surely the best thing you and your friends can do is stop gossiping and be happy that your friend has found someone he loves?

sam34

concerns wrote: »

hes so smitten with her he probably would sign over the house if she asked.id say shes not asking because she knows well we are all on to her and wont let it happen.

this intrigues me.

supposing he decided to sign over the house to her (and we have no evidence that he is planning this) just how exactly do you and others propose to not "let it happen"?

if he is of sound mind (and there is nothing to suggest otherwise) he is entitled to dispose of his assets as he sees fit.

you, or anyone else, would have no right to interfere.

law86

Successful relationships come in many forms, and don't always begin with perfectly matched partners. They don't have to begin as pure, unalduterated love. We all weigh up pros and cons in our heads, whether consciously or not, when we size up a prospective partner.

Maybe there is a bit of give and take involved on both sides, maybe security is an attractive prospect to her, and youth and beauty are attractive to him. And a break from their usual types attractive to them both. It doesn't mean she is rapacious or he is lascivious.

Unless

a. she is obviously mistreating him, mentally or physically

AND

b. he is evidently mentally or emotionally incapable of making decisions

it's none of your business OP.


Having grown up on a farm, I reckon there must be less labour intensive ways to get rich than to marry into a life of hard graft in a cash-poor occupation, at a time when land is worth f-all.

She's playing a long game if she's a gold-digger.

albeit

It is really none of your business, OP... Sorry to say that, but it needs to be said. You may have your concerns but this man is obviously a capable adult to make his own decisions. I don't think you are jealous, I think you might just be a bit too concerned with the fact the woman is a single mother, and you have a preconception that she might be lacking moral standards because of this.

spinandscribble

Well I for one think the op should tell the fella, if only to show him what a bunch of crazy nosey busy bodies they all are.

She keeps him indoors? more like he's bust with her himself inside since she only comes down at the weekends.

Maybe op he's not interested in a woman who's a fine hand around the field but likes to look her best, has a bit of independence (job, living in the city alone with a child) and not from the "community" as you put it?

Tbh he seems to be the one getting the most out of it. She's there at the weekends trying to help after doing her own working week, being "treated" to centra and probably getting daggers and ignored in the town.

Esroh

OP
I'm a middle forties West of Ireland farmer
If only I could find someone who was Good looking, able to cook, kept me indoors at weekends and if there was a child involved who could be part of that I would have no problem and Half my age would be a special bonus,

I have plenty off Family/Friends in the area who would only be delighted to see me in a relationship. They have tried often enough to get me into one.
And although they would be looking out for me they would let me learn my own lessons.

CorkMan

Keep your wits about her. Am not making generalisations but why is she a single mom? Does she have an education? Where in Dublin is she from?

If she is from Dublin why is she going to the hassle of living frequently in the countryside? It smells a bit fishy alright. Maybe she is thinking ahead, saying to herself she will move out "permanently" in the near future. If I had to say so I would say she is a gold-digger.

albeit

CorkMan wrote: »

Am not making generalisations but why is she a single mom? Does she have an education? Where in Dublin is she from?

If she is from Dublin why is she going to the hassle of living frequently in the countryside? It smells a bit fishy alright. Maybe she is thinking ahead, saying to herself she will move out "permanently" in the near future. If I had to say so I would say she is a gold-digger.

I wish there was a thumbs down button when I read this.

LegacyUser

CorkMan wrote: »

Keep your wits about her. Am not making generalisations but why is she a single mom? Does she have an education? Where in Dublin is she from?

If she is from Dublin why is she going to the hassle of living frequently in the countryside? It smells a bit fishy alright. Maybe she is thinking ahead, saying to herself she will move out "permanently" in the near future. If I had to say so I would say she is a gold-digger.

shes from the southside and is well spoken.i know shes in college at the min but dont know much about her past education.the country is a great place to live,dublin is more of a hassle.she would have a cushy life in the country with a nice big house and a man bespotted with her

ibarelycare

concerns wrote: »

shes from the southside and is well spoken.i know shes in college at the min but dont know much about her past education.the country is a great place to live,dublin is more of a hassle.she would have a cushy life in the country with a nice big house and a man bespotted with her

Lucky her, I hope she enjoys it

Danniboo

concerns wrote: »

shes from the southside and is well spoken.i know shes in college at the min but dont know much about her past education.the country is a great place to live,dublin is more of a hassle.she would have a cushy life in the country with a nice big house and a man bespotted with her

How would you know what its like to live in Dublin? Cushy? with you bunch of busy bodies judging and criticising her every move and gossiping, I highly doubt it. You are beyond deluded OP.

spinandscribble

concerns wrote: »

shes from the southside and is well spoken.i know shes in college at the min but dont know much about her past education.the country is a great place to live,dublin is more of a hassle.she would have a cushy life in the country with a nice big house and a man bespotted with her

For some people it would be living HELL to be stuck in the countryside. considering she doesn't want to move in with him I think your notion is void.

CorkMan

concerns wrote: »

shes from the southside and is well spoken.i know shes in college at the min but dont know much about her past education.the country is a great place to live,dublin is more of a hassle.she would have a cushy life in the country with a nice big house and a man bespotted with her

I just meant it takes some getting used to getting used to (see that? ) living in the countryside if you never did before, and having to go forth and back. That is what I meant by "hassle", probably worded it incorrectly.

It is an odd sitation nonetheless. Keep an eye out, and if you see her trying to take a load of money stop her, don't wait for it to happen.

Hazys

This thread is redonkulous, i'm a bit shocked that people could think that way. This is a sterotype of people from the country times 10, it has to be trolling.

Brussels Sprout

CorkMan wrote: »

It is an odd sitation nonetheless. Keep an eye out, and if you see her trying to take a load of money stop her, don't wait for it to happen.

Seriously even if she was going to 'take a load of money' how would the OP know? Would she be tip toeing out of his house with a large bag on her back with 'SWAG' on the side of it.

Distorted

concerns wrote: »

shes from the southside and is well spoken.i know shes in college at the min but dont know much about her past education.the country is a great place to live,dublin is more of a hassle.she would have a cushy life in the country with a nice big house and a man bespotted with her

On that reckoning, yer man would only be "allowed" to go out with a woman with a farm of her own, from the local area. Are there actually any such women in existence? (and is it of no importance that he should actually fancy one of them?).

If he went out with a woman from the local area, she might well be a lot poorer than him, have a badly paid job, not even own her own house, maybe still living at home. So would she be a golddigger too?

The issue seems more to be someone from outside the loca area "stealing" the local catch.

I'd say it sounds less as if this woman is likely to be a golddigger than anyone he might meet in his own village! She has a job, she can provide for herself, she is well spoken. And don't assume a farm in the country and a biggish house is worth that much compared to a place in Dublin! Most farmers I know are mortgaged up to the eyeballs.

NeedToGroan

Firstly, I don't know why you think that someone 'out of your friend's league' financially must be a golddigger .....

Some honest advice for you ..... most of the women you would consider 'in your friend's league' are the biggest golddiggers you will ever find - they are used to money, they like it, and they won't ever risk being without it.

If this girl was financially well off, but far better looking than your friend, you wouldn't bat an eyelid. And odds on she'd be after his money too. Haven't you ever heard the saying 'fur coat and no knickers' ???

And finally, most of the men 'in your friend's league' have folks like NAMA knocking on the back door and are in it up to their eyeballs.


Wise up honey.

Cheap Thrills!

Op, I'm afraid your posts are reeking of 'sour grapes'.

It's obvious you are unhealthily fixated on this man and his business, albeit masquerading as 'concern'.

He has made his choice. He's a big boy.

You think you can read her mind. You IMAGINE she wants his farm and his house and a 'cushy life' -what makes you think that? Is it because that's what YOU want?

You haven't a clue about this womans motivations. I would be horrified if I somehow got lumbered with the responsibilty of a farm. I would just see it as a burden and a life sentance. Not everyones dream is to wear a man down over years and years just in the hope of relieving him of his worldly chattels. That is quite a laughably embarassing concept to most self respecting people in the 21st Century.

Get on with your own life and cut out the tittle tattle. It's ridiculous and embarassing.

Focus on your own life and let others live theirs.

Sibylla

I have read this thread and I'm fairly shocked by the OP. This girl has done nothing wrong apart from being beautiful and from Dublin. OP I assume you are a female because I get a definite vibe of jealousy. You mention Dublin quite negatively in your posts, What are your thoughts on people from a small town making decisions for a grown man about a woman they don't know. You may think your friend is unattractive but this woman may see other qualities in him. She has a child, goes to college, cooks, takes care of her appearance nothing to suggest she has alterior motives. If she is studying for a degree she is probably focused on a good career. Unfortunately the stigma attached to age gap relationships is still ongoing which is a shame. Not all young women are goldiggers and not all older men are using them for looks. Chances are they are at a similar point in their lives with similar goals and most importantly they love each other. Have you ever considered this as a possibility? My advice would be if you value your friendship and respect your friend, Be happy for him not spiteful and resentful. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness!

LegacyUser

Were this girl a proper gold-digger, she'd be playing a smarter game than she is.
1: Dating someone in their 60's/70's (less life span)
2: Ideally a businessman in the city (as this is the life to which she is accustomed,& best suited to someone in their 20's for partying ect)
3: Demanding 5 star meals/hotels (not laughing about the Centra thing& making the dinner from stuff from the supermarket. Which your friend probably saw as "fancy" because he might be used to potato, meat& 2 veg...being on his own all these years)
4: Date a young/old professional man (the work& social scene is more glamorous than a country farmers')
5: Not bother studying anything in college, there wouldn't be any point as the man/mans' assets will provide for everything.
So in actual fact, she's a pretty crap gold-digger!

OP, this girl has her young child to think about, she probably loves your friend, but also sees him as a safe harbour- honest decent& hardworking. And what's wrong with that?
Equally, he probably loves her, but also sees her as a young bright fresh thing. And there's nothing wrong with that either.
It is what it is. Leave things pan out how they will. Wait- SILENTLY- in the wings to support your friend in his time of joy, or indeed sorrow. That's what real friends do.

paperclip2

OP, if a bunch of people online can sense your jealousy it must be very apparent to those around you. I'm from a rural area and what I've seen at home is that sometimes a community will pretend to agree to a point of view, purely for peace or to avoid upsetting that person. I'm wondering if all the locals are just agreeing with your point of view because they feel sorry for an angry, bitter and desperate woman.

You need to let go of this guy, if he's a close friend or family please respect him enough to let him find his own happiness or make his own mistakes. Either way its something that you cannot and should not interfere with, for your own sake, not just his.

LegacyUser

other people brought this up before me and a lot of people have mentioned it in passing and said that they had a conversation with x about it

Azureus

concerns wrote: »

so nobody here would be concerned if there well off friend starts dating a gorgeous girl half his age?

its not just me,weve all spoken about it at the pub and in passing and everyone here is of the opinion that shes a golddigger and hes going to get into trouble being with her. its just only me who is writing this thread

You've spoken about it in the pub with presumably likeminded people who are jealous/bitter or whatever the hell is is that causes you to have this kind of reaction to your friends happniess. Not all relationshiops work out but they certainly are not helped by incesant speculation and criticism espercially when by the sounds of it she hasnt done anything wrong.

This is coming from very personal experience; my mother is 30 years younger than my father and I grew up in a community hearing constant whispers about my goldigger mam (she moved into a house that he already owned and had kids quick enough after so stopped working). Just because a good looking younger woman falls for a older man (in the case my dad was a country lad too-wont even go into that end of things!) does NOT mean theres somethin sinister going on.

Leave em too it and be happy for em. If it does go t*ts up, be there for your friend. End of.

sam34

concerns wrote: »

other people brought this up before me and a lot of people have mentioned it in passing and said that they had a conversation with x about it

so?

lots of people can be wrong.

all the above tells us it that the local area is a real life valley of squinting windows

Cheap Thrills!

concerns wrote: »

other people brought this up before me and a lot of people have mentioned it in passing and said that they had a conversation with x about it

So what?

Just bacause they're all backward busybodies doesn't mean you drop to their level.

Anyway, it's possible if you had originally designs on him yourself and they know you're disappointed they are just telling you what you want to hear. Happens all the time. It's their way of trying to make you feel better.

People say a whole lot of stuff they might not necessarily mean. Of course if people see you are disappointed and constantly bringing it up, they'll just agree with you for a quiet life.

No-one want's to be the one to give you the bald truth. They probably feel bad for you, but it doesn't do you any good to be wallowing in these sour grapes. She got in there, you didn't.

Don't be a sore loser. The only one you're fooling is yourself OP. Move on.

LegacyUser

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

So what?

Just bacause they're all backward busybodies doesn't mean you drop to their level.

Anyway, it's possible if you had originally designs on him yourself and they know you're disappointed they are just telling you what you want to hear. Happens all the time. It's their way of trying to make you feel better.

People say a whole lot of stuff they might not necessarily mean. Of course if people see you are disappointed and constantly bringing it up, they'll just agree with you for a quiet life.

No-one want's to be the one to give you the bald truth. They probably feel bad for you, but it doesn't do you any good to be wallowing in these sour grapes. She got in there, you didn't.

Don't be a sore loser. The only one you're fooling is yourself OP. Move on.

im a guy and plenty of women and men think the same

Distorted

concerns wrote: »

other people brought this up before me and a lot of people have mentioned it in passing and said that they had a conversation with x about it

Sounds like a bunch of fishwives with nothing better to do with their time. No wonder he looked elsewhere to find a girlfriend! Or people being kind to you because you have had your own hopes dashed.

OP, time to stop trying to interfere in other people's lives and fill your own life so you don't obsess about other people. You have far too much empty time on your own if you want to stick your nose in like this. You also risk losing your friend because I suspect if you actually said these things to your face he would tell you to get lost. Theres nothing less likeable than being bitter and critical.

Cheap Thrills!

concerns wrote: »

im a guy and plenty of women and men think the same

So, explain why then...the examples you've given haven't really given a picture of anything other than a man and woman getting it together?

Is there more you are not telling us, so far it's just coming accross as a prejudice against this girl because she's from Dublin? Are you sure it's not just a few jealous & disappointed women stirring sh!t?

So far, it doesn't amount to a hill of beans against the girl.

Elle Collins

This thread is better entertainment than many novels I've read! My God it's amazing to see that all is ticking over as usual in ballygobackwards!!!

On a serious note: OP, you have not presented one single scrap of evidence that would even begin to suggest this young woman might be a golddigger. Quite the opposite, for Gods sake, by your own words you've indited your friend as a hungry fcuk.

LegacyUser

Elle Collins wrote: »

This thread is better entertainment than many novels I've read! My God it's amazing to see that all is ticking over as usual in ballygobackwards!!!

I was just about to say that, I've read the entire thread & it's hilarious, you wouldn't find anything this good in the humour forum.

I'm assuming the OP is actually either his brother or sister as he/she posted the OP as brotherconcerns.

OP, leave your brother alone, even if she was a golddigger he probably wouldn't care, he'll ride it for everything he can get regardless of what you or the village elders have to say.

PS, not too many dubs would want to live on a farm near the village you describe.