Haven't touched a drop in...

The flying mouse

drydub wrote: »

Didn't want to post yesterday. The usual fear / hangover endured self pity post.
I hurt bad for parts of yesterday but just took the time to think more.

I was happy that I had lasted a little under a week without drinking so I took some satisfaction from that. But then also gave equal time to thinking why I felt I needed to drink and then once I did start why not have it handy.
I drank 5 or6 pints with a meal and a couple bottles then 4 small cans of stronger beer. I didn't need anything after the meal. I was drunk.
I was following the herd.

I need to not struggle with peer temptation or put myself in a position where I am vulnerable to it.

May I ask Drydub what your ultimate goals are ?
Don't ever feel guilty about posting here drydub as most of us are or were in the same boat as your now in, We can relate & no how hard it is to get of.

We are all here to help & support one another in what for us is a common problem.

drydub

The flying mouse wrote: »

May I ask Drydub what your ultimate goals are ?
Don't ever feel guilty about posting here drydub as most of us are or were in the same boat as your now in, We can relate & no how hard it is to get of.

We are all here to help & support one another in what for us is a common problem.

My goal ultimately was to put a bit of breathing space in between times when I drink. In my head I wanted to knock it on the head for 8 weeks or so and then re-evaluate

I don't know if I will ever be alcohol free or if I want that,truly. But I need to control it which Im not doing a good job of at the moment.

The flying mouse

drydub wrote: »

My goal ultimately was to put a bit of breathing space in between times when I drink. In my head I wanted to knock it on the head for 8 weeks or so and then re-evaluate

I don't know if I will ever be alcohol free or if I want that,truly. But I need to control it which Im not doing a good job of at the moment.

Ok Drydub, Cut down on your initial goal, Go for a lesser time, also you need to change your behaviour, Its just about impossible to stop drinking even for a short while & still go out to socialise & doing the same things you do when drinking.

That has to change, you need a plan , a hobby, anything to keep you occupied during the temptation hours that certainly will come, also not forgetting the peer pressure all around us.

Without being smart, its very hard to stop drinking without supports & help as if it was easy none of us be here, Good luck & keep on posting no matter. :-)

The flying mouse

Hi folks.

It seems when we first get sober a lot of us (me included) spend a lot of time thinking about why we drank. We look for excuses about how we got in that condition. Social anxiety. Low self esteem. Asshole wife/ husband/partner . Sick child. Depression. Perfectionism.

You name it, we got it. I am NOT belittling any of those things - that stuff is the real deal. What I'm thinking, though, is that it really doesn't matter much why we started drinking. There are plenty of people with all of those circumstances who drink but DON'T find themselves on a site like this - in other words, they have an off switch.

We, for whatever reason (genetics among them), were vulnerable to alcohol in a way others are not.

So maybe the question should be why don't we drink ? What do we get from that ? If you look at any of those items above, your ability to deal with each and every one of them is significantly better without alcohol. In the short term you might be able to forget for a moment, but alcohol will actually make anxiety, depression worse. It will make us less patient with kids, spouses, parents. It will make us unable to dig in and get done what needs doing.

I hope it doesn't sound like I am minimizing any of the really, really tough **** a lot of us are going through. I am just trying to find the positives about dealing with that **** sober, and giving ourselves a break from trying to constantly find out WHY we got in this predicament.

In the long run, why doesn't matter. Only that we did, and that we realize that only by quitting drinking will we be able to get through that **** to the best of our abilities.

Have a good positive day All.

realdanbreen

drydub wrote: »

I don't know if I will ever be alcohol free or if I want that,truly. But I need to control it which Im not doing a good job of at the moment.

All I can say drydub is that if alcohol is causing you a lot of grief and pain and yet you are not sure whether or not you want to be alcohol free then you are IMO facing an uphill battle straight away. There is no easy way and certainly no half hearted way that will succeed.

aabarnes1

realdanbreen wrote: »

All I can say drydub is that if alcohol is causing you a lot of grief and pain and yet you are not sure whether or not you want to be alcohol free then you are IMO facing an uphill battle straight away. There is no easy way and certainly no half hearted way that will succeed.

I'd have to agree with realdan here, you are facing a battle.

You might like to try to decide for yourself if you want to be alcohol free or not.

I f you choose to be alcohol free but find you can't do it , then you probably need help. There are several options available to you.
After many years and attempts at staying stopped and trying different methods, I found AA was the answer for me, once I stopped looking for faults in their program.
As soon as I started looking at myself rather than others and stopped fighting with the world, things began to change.

The choice is yours my friend, I wish you the best.

drydub

The flying mouse wrote: »

Ok Drydub, Cut down on your initial goal, Go for a lesser time, also you need to change your behaviour, Its just about impossible to stop drinking even for a short while & still go out to socialise & doing the same things you do when drinking.

That has to change, you need a plan , a hobby, anything to keep you occupied during the temptation hours that certainly will come, also not forgetting the peer pressure all around us.

Without being smart, its very hard to stop drinking without supports & help as if it was easy none of us be here, Good luck & keep on posting no matter. :-)

I’ve thought about your post and what I am trying to achieve over the last day or so and I know you are right.

I gave up drink for 8 weeks and felt terrific after and during this time and it was my go-to phrase of ‘oh I gave it up last year for 8 weeks, ill do that again…’. But I suppose I probably forgot how tough that probably really was. How it didn’t come easy. I stumbled then too. Personally I feel like because I knock it on the head for the odd month that it’s a tap I can turn on and off. Or if I think of quitting for a while I auto look at the calendar to check to see what social occasion is going to be my main threat or stumbling block.

Im a new dad too in the mix. I spent most of my partners pregnancy being told to ‘oh get it out of your system while you can’ … so I drank to excess at every opportunity and now I feel like I look at every opportunity that I can drink I see it as an opportunity to drink to excess.
After thinking about what you posted and trying to remember the advice I gave myself last year about not setting my targets as something that I will easily fail. I’ve given myself one day at a time and to look to concentrate my efforts at the weekends which are my downfall.
I am probably overwhelmed with a lot of change and new things in my life at the moment and I don’t know whether im seeing alcohol as a bit of escapism or just reverting back to old ways where I need to concentrate more on things that are present and happening in my life.

Regards hobbies. I’ve started to get back into reading at night to occupy. Im going for a walk every day during work just to relax. I’ve downloaded my mindfulness apps but haven’t gotten there yet.
Im irritable and a little on the short fused side at the moment, easily getting frustrated. But im happy that I am recognising that its what is happening and that I am being like this.

Im now looking at the short picture and challenge rather than the big one. No point in worrying about the next weekend on the Monday, let all the pieces fall into place as they arise. Thursday is today’s challenge.

The flying mouse

Its good that you are going to take it one day a time Drydub, but would you also not think about getting support help or guidance from somewhere or someone, There are links here to different types of recovery which may be of help, or just take a walking to your local or not so local AA meeting, Its a great feeling to be around like minded people.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057658188

petes

If you are using booze as an escape drydub then it's a bad road to be on. Nothing good can come of it. Did if for years!

As mentioned, have you any support in place? It's crucial.

I can't help but find a bit of denial coming through in your posts, not saying anything bad here just what I read.

We've all been there, I've been where you are right now in regards to the booze and it didn't end well.

All rooting for you anyway but you will need to take some if not all the advice on board.

Hope everyone is well

drydub

Thank you for posting the link to all the resources, i followed up on a few of the online resources when i could and took a lot in from other peoples stories.

I did look up AA meetings and there are so few in the leinster area but i did find one close to where i work but a bit too close if you know what i mean.

It's friday night and thats what im worried about now. Friday night. And i'm calm in the sense that i have some time with my family , reading, then sleep and a plan set for tomorrow. I will tackle tomorrow when it happens and the day after that when it happens.

I've kept my walking up and drinking water and eating good food that i prepared.
Thank you for all your responses and info. I think i came on here a couple weeks ago looking for a quick fix band aid or i dont know what i expected but I am grateful for the support and the positive thoughtful repsonses.

aabarnes1

drydub wrote: »

I’ve thought about your post and what I am trying to achieve over the last day or so and I know you are right.

I gave up drink for 8 weeks and felt terrific after and during this time and it was my go-to phrase of ‘oh I gave it up last year for 8 weeks, ill do that again…’. But I suppose I probably forgot how tough that probably really was. How it didn’t come easy. I stumbled then too. Personally I feel like because I knock it on the head for the odd month that it’s a tap I can turn on and off. Or if I think of quitting for a while I auto look at the calendar to check to see what social occasion is going to be my main threat or stumbling block.

Im a new dad too in the mix. I spent most of my partners pregnancy being told to ‘oh get it out of your system while you can’ … so I drank to excess at every opportunity and now I feel like I look at every opportunity that I can drink I see it as an opportunity to drink to excess.
After thinking about what you posted and trying to remember the advice I gave myself last year about not setting my targets as something that I will easily fail. I’ve given myself one day at a time and to look to concentrate my efforts at the weekends which are my downfall.
I am probably overwhelmed with a lot of change and new things in my life at the moment and I don’t know whether im seeing alcohol as a bit of escapism or just reverting back to old ways where I need to concentrate more on things that are present and happening in my life.

Regards hobbies. I’ve started to get back into reading at night to occupy. Im going for a walk every day during work just to relax. I’ve downloaded my mindfulness apps but haven’t gotten there yet.
Im irritable and a little on the short fused side at the moment, easily getting frustrated. But im happy that I am recognising that its what is happening and that I am being like this.

Im now looking at the short picture and challenge rather than the big one. No point in worrying about the next weekend on the Monday, let all the pieces fall into place as they arise. Thursday is today’s challenge.

They key things I read in your post, and I read it 4 times!

I think you are slightly frightened about you responsibilities towards your family and that if you don't have the 'outlet' that alcohol provide for you- then what are you supposed to do instead?

Then at the end of your post you mentioned the word irritable.
This word, along with restless and discontent are words I have heard hundreds of people use when describing their feelings when not drinking initially, and they feel that the only thing that will ease this, is a couple of drinks. And despite knowing what alcohol does to them, they think 'this' time will be ok. They see others around them drink without issue, gaining comfort from a drink. Normal men drink, essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol, on a periodic basis.We, as problem drinkers use alcohol to cope, to bury feelings, to ease boredom, we delude ourselves that we will be ok if only we can have a couple of drinks and we will use any 1 of a hundred thousand reasons to justify to ourselves that our decision to drink alcohol is the correct one. We never look for a reason why we shouldn't drink.
I would definitely suggest some help from either an alcohol counsellor or an AA member as they can help point you in the right direction going forward.

Good luck and God bless

drydub

aabarnes1 wrote: »

They key things I read in your post, and I read it 4 times!

I think you are slightly frightened about you responsibilities towards your family and that if you don't have the 'outlet' that alcohol provide for you- then what are you supposed to do instead?

Then at the end of your post you mentioned the word irritable.
This word, along with restless and discontent are words I have heard hundreds of people use when describing their feelings when not drinking initially, and they feel that the only thing that will ease this, is a couple of drinks. And despite knowing what alcohol does to them, they think 'this' time will be ok. They see others around them drink without issue, gaining comfort from a drink. Normal men drink, essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol, on a periodic basis.We, as problem drinkers use alcohol to cope, to bury feelings, to ease boredom, we delude ourselves that we will be ok if only we can have a couple of drinks and we will use any 1 of a hundred thousand reasons to justify to ourselves that our decision to drink alcohol is the correct one. We never look for a reason why we shouldn't drink.
I would definitely suggest some help from either an alcohol counsellor or an AA member as they can help point you in the right direction going forward.

Good luck and God bless

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate you taking the time and am grateful.

realdanbreen

drydub wrote: »

I did look up AA meetings and there are so few in the leinster area but i did find one close to where i work but a bit too close if you know what i mean.

.

You might check out the meetings again drydub. I can only speak about the Tipperary/Limerick area but there are loads of them on most nights of the week, all start 8.30 and last 1 hour, it really is no problem finding a meeting.

drydub

realdanbreen wrote: »

You might check out the meetings again drydub. I can only speak about the Tipperary/Limerick area but there are loads of them on most nights of the week, all start 8.30 and last 1 hour, it really is no problem finding a meeting.

It was a pdf sheet with leister on it and it only had 3 areas ...I'll have another look tonight
Thanks

petes

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

There are loads of meetings out there drydub if that's the way you want to go and it's not a bad way either. The website above is the second site from a Google search.

tinpib

I went to AA a few times, the best thing about it for me was listening and relating to other people's stories. If you are a bit anxious about going to a meeting in person then the stop drinking subreddit performs the same purpose just as well in my view. It's in the links page.

drydub

tinpib wrote: »

I went to AA a few times, the best thing about it for me was listening and relating to other people's stories. If you are a bit anxious about going to a meeting in person then the stop drinking subreddit performs the same purpose just as well in my view. It's in the links page.

I have been on that reddit page daily. Just reading the stories and comments. It's been good aid

realdanbreen

drydub wrote: »

I have been on that reddit page daily. Just reading the stories and comments. It's been good aid

I would suggest you give a meeting a try, it's no big deal just go and unless you are living on top of a mountain there will be one no more than 20 minutes from where you live.

aabarnes1

petes wrote: »

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

There are loads of meetings out there drydub if that's the way you want to go and it's not a bad way either. The website above is the second site from a Google search.

Good call

aabarnes1

Drydub,

Use this link,(copy and paste in to your browser), http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

Then choose your county and the day, then all the meetings for that county will show up, just click on your preferred location for times and directions.
\There are daily meetings in Dublin from 07.30 in the morning until 08.30 at night and there are hundreds of them all over the Dublin metropolitan area. There are also a lot in the surrounding counties of Wicklow and Kildare.

You can contact AA in your area by calling head office 24 hrs a day on Tel: 01-8420700.

PM me if you need any further info, I'd be happy to assist.

drydub

aabarnes1 wrote: »

Drydub,

Use this link,(copy and paste in to your browser), http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

Then choose your county and the day, then all the meetings for that county will show up, just click on your preferred location for times and directions.
\There are daily meetings in Dublin from 07.30 in the morning until 08.30 at night and there are hundreds of them all over the Dublin metropolitan area. There are also a lot in the surrounding counties of Wicklow and Kildare.

You can contact AA in your area by calling head office 24 hrs a day on Tel: 01-8420700.

PM me if you need any further info, I'd be happy to assist.

Thanks. I don't know what I was looking at before.

OrangeLegoCar

Back to Day 1 since yesterday.
28 days. Just let the guard down and went for pints. Loneliness had a huge part to play in it. It gnaws away at me.
Did a meeting this evening. Lot of anger in the room, but glad I went. Need to make going to a meeting as easy as it is to go for beer.
Hate this.

drydub

13 days now.
Feeling much better and clearer.

I haven't approached aa but found one close to me. Just not at that stepping stage yet. It's daunting.
Have been on reddit most days and keeping to my plan.

marienbad

drydub wrote: »

13 days now.
Feeling much better and clearer.

I haven't approached aa but found one close to me. Just not at that stepping stage yet. It's daunting.
Have been on reddit most days and keeping to my plan.

Make that leap, get to a meeting , You have nothing to lose .

petes

drydub wrote: »

13 days now.
Feeling much better and clearer.

I haven't approached aa but found one close to me. Just not at that stepping stage yet. It's daunting.
Have been on reddit most days and keeping to my plan.

I found meetings weren't for me but as said make the leap. They have helped an awful lot of people and give you a lot of tools to live day by day.

The first time I went I was bricking myself but there was no need. I went for six weeks and then it was three years as a functioning alcoholic before I went back. Still extremely anxious going.

I went to one that wasn't a stones throw from where I work.

I just felt that they reminded me of everything every day.

Keep doing what you are doing and don't try to do too much. Try not to put yourself in situations that you shouldn't be in. Ive been in a pub once in the last year and a half and yes I do miss the craic but you know what it's like it was only a week, same as always (especially in a local).

At the end there was no pub, it was just me at home getting plastered every day, sleeping early, then waking early waiting until half ten for the offy to open. Sometimes I have to get something easy to carry and give money for as the shakes were that bad.

I made some horrendous mistakes drydub some of which I'll never forgive myself for and I'll never be forgiven for which I have to live with every day. It's hard. I also attempted suicide while drunk and if I had a knife sharper or wasn't drunk I wouldn't be here. I woke up with my wrist attached to the duvet where the pool of blood had dried.

Then there was the withdrawal. Never went through anything like it.

A week later I was back to work and a few days in I thought about drinking, I felt physically better, it's as if nothing had happened.

I did relapse about 4 months in but it's now almo a year. I have mentioned here that I also have some anxiety/depre issues and yesterday morning for about a half hour I thought of nothing but having a drink to forget for a bit but it doesn't work and I know it.


I'm just giving you a small bit of where it can lead and hopefully give you some hope as it does get better and you'll learn the tools to deal with whatever comes your way from whatever avenue you chose.

My advice is to go to the aa meeting, everyone there is for the same reason, no judgment but understanding.

Keep posting and all the best, same applies to everyone here

Divelment

Just wanted to say, re going to your first AA meeting, I reckon it was the hardest thing I did in years, walking up to that cottage door and putting my hand on the door handle, every bit of my being was telling me to just pretend I was looking for another building and to bottle this attempt (no pun intended!), to attend my first meeting. I had no idea whatsoever, what I was about to step into, so it was the fear of the unknown.

In my mind, I pictured it as being like that scene in Father Ted, where Father Jack accidently ends up in an AA meeting, I thought it would be like that, where you are introduced & basically urged to speak to the group.

The reality, once I stepped across the threshold of the front door, couldn't have been any different. There were around 50 people there, the room was bustling with hope & positivity, I was made feel very welcome as a newcomer, not in a big formal way, but I could see folks huddled around a top table fixing themselves tea and coffee and biscuits, so I made my way in that direction and everyone I passed on the way had a friendly and genuine "hello how are ye", for me, without imposing any conversation on me as a newcomer.

I found myself a chair down the back of the room and was surprised to see such a wide diversity of people there, you had people of all ages, early 20's, all ages up to a guy in his 70's. There were students, men & women in their 30's and 40's, professional men & women, tradesmen, mums/dad's, people from every walk of life.

You don't have to "share" at a meeting, that's where you have 5 minutes, often more, to share your success with sobriety or you might want to share what is weighing on your mind that could be causing you to feel weak at that moment in the face of alcohol addiction.

Some of the more seasoned members, who have been sober years, I found had obtained what could only be described as a powerful set of philosophies that have helped them with their recovery.

One example that I will never forget, is a man who addressed the group one day and told us to never ever be afraid to protect our sobriety. To treat it as something that is an asset you have hard earned, not unlike how you would treat a house or a car, and even if you are only sober for a few days or weeks, to protect that accomplishment as you would protect your house from a fire. Some days someone shares in a meeting and you'll hear a story or a piece of wisdom that'll really resonate with you due to an experience that you've previously had with alcohol and to me, that is where attending an AA meeting can really help you take an addiction to alcohol on end.

realdanbreen

Divelment wrote: »

Just wanted to say, re going to your first AA meeting, I reckon it was the hardest thing I did in years, walking up to that cottage door and putting my hand on the door handle, every bit of my being was telling me to just pretend I was looking for another building and to bottle this attempt (no pun intended!), to attend my first meeting. I had no idea whatsoever, what I was about to step into, so it was the fear of the unknown.

In my mind, I pictured it as being like that scene in Father Ted, where Father Jack accidently ends up in an AA meeting, I thought it would be like that, where you are introduced & basically urged to speak to the group.

The reality, once I stepped across the threshold of the front door, couldn't have been any different. There were around 50 people there, the room was bustling with hope & positivity, I was made feel very welcome as a newcomer, not in a big formal way, but I could see folks huddled around a top table fixing themselves tea and coffee and biscuits, so I made my way in that direction and everyone I passed on the way had a friendly and genuine "hello how are ye", for me, without imposing any conversation on me as a newcomer.

I found myself a chair down the back of the room and was surprised to see such a wide diversity of people there, you had people of all ages, early 20's, all ages up to a guy in his 70's. There were students, men & women in their 30's and 40's, professional men & women, tradesmen, mums/dad's, people from every walk of life.

You don't have to "share" at a meeting, that's where you have 5 minutes, often more, to share your success with sobriety or you might want to share what is weighing on your mind that could be causing you to feel weak at that moment in the face of alcohol addiction.

Some of the more seasoned members, who have been sober years, I found had obtained what could only be described as a powerful set of philosophies that have helped them with their recovery.

One example that I will never forget, is a man who addressed the group one day and told us to never ever be afraid to protect our sobriety. To treat it as something that is an asset you have hard earned, not unlike how you would treat a house or a car, and even if you are only sober for a few days or weeks, to protect that accomplishment as you would protect your house from a fire. Some days someone shares in a meeting and you'll hear a story or a piece of wisdom that'll really resonate with you due to an experience that you've previously had with alcohol and to me, that is where attending an AA meeting can really help you take an addiction to alcohol on end.

Great post.

scriba

Some great posts in here as always. Different perspectives really help.

Still counting away here. Getting ready to put day 122 to bed. Had my baba's first birthday party this weekend. No alcohol for me. My family and in-laws are beginning to figure out that I'm not drinking, but no pressure so far. It made the weekend much easier.

Without alcohol I feel present and comfortable. Not quite in control of life, but more able to handle the uncontrollable I guess. There will be challenges, but I'll just keep trying to tick off each day.

Ghekko

95 days without alcohol. Not missing the negative affects. Have had one uncomfortable dinner out but apart from that it's going well.

Lady is a tramp

I'm sober almost seven months now I guess, but my big news is that after many months in and out of institutions, I'm now in the real world. Moved out on my own a week ago and I'm doing great. It helps that I've the most fabulous amazing counsellor in the world, who has been figuratively and literally holding my hand every step of the way - she is amazing, goes above and beyond for her clients. Everything in my life is finally starting to fall into place - I'm very happy and grateful these days.