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Haven't touched a drop in...
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175 days down. It still doesn't feel like any time at all, but next Friday I'll have done 6 months. Not feeling any pressure, just taking things day by day.
It's a bit quiet here lately? Hope everything is going well. And if not, today can be the first day.
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175 days down. It still doesn't feel like any time at all, but next Friday I'll have done 6 months. Not feeling any pressure, just taking things day by day.
It's a bit quiet here lately? Hope everything is going well. And if not, today can be the first day.
Thats fantastic scriba,whats your secrets and how difficult has it been for you to stay sober?0 -
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Thats fantastic scriba,whats your secrets and how difficult has it been for you to stay sober?
Thanks, I only saw this now - no real secrets to tell. I was sick of drinking, embarrassed and ashamed of my behaviour while drinking. I had been having very negative thoughts after alcohol for years, and any alcohol would bring back my depression symptoms. I also grew up with alcoholism, and recently having my first child combined with approaching a "landmark" birthday meant I've been thinking about my life and childhood quite a bit over the last year or two. I guess I've wanted to give up for quite a while, but I never could take the step. I posted here a few months back explaining what I was feeling the day I decided to quit, and that hasn't really changed.
My secret is that, at the moment, only the tiniest part of me wants to drink, and my reasons for not wanting to drink are still fresh and clear in my mind. My mind still plays old tricks. Like when the sun comes out and part of you feels cheated out of having a few cold beers, or sparkling fizz at a wedding. But I've just got to the point where I know I can never have that: I've tried the "no more than 2" approach too many times, and even if I hold it for a while, the end result is always the same. Also, I'm in a good place in my life at the moment, so my self destructive tendencies aren't as prominent as normal. I've tried to live a drink free life as opposed to cutting myself out of all events. Some events are a challenge, but I've managed to hold tough so far.
It might seem a weird thing to say, and I'm not sure how much it affects things, but I'm also conscious that I'm doing this for myself. I don't do things for myself, usually, so it's a big deal. It helps me feel some self worth and a little bit of pride. It means I've built up a little self esteem to help me challenge the usual daily barrage of inner monologue negativity and self-bullying.
I have support. My wife gave up drinking a couple of years ago, and has similar thoughts on it to me. Although she's recently been talking about a sneaky glass of champagne on special occasions. That's a no! But if she wants me to mistake our radiators for urinals, then she knows the quickest path to that!
I did do a couple of years of counselling a few years ago. While not for alcohol, I'm convinced working on some of my issues, based in part on growing up with a bullying alcoholic parent, helped hugely in me getting where I am today. I don't look at alcohol in the same benign light, certainly.
The difficulty on sobriety hasn't really hit yet. For me, it's not so much the peer pressure or cultural thing. I've always been able to do an event without alcohol and enjoy it - I just never wanted to when I'd have the choice, and sure wasn't I great craic? With a toddler, a long commute, and tight finances, it's easy enough to find reasons not to drink, not to mention the lack of opportunities. So I'm happy to make it this far, but I'm taking it day by day. Every day could have something waiting to smack me down and drown my sorrows, so I need to remember that.
Anyway, after all that rambling, I hope some of it is of some help, and more importantly, that you're in a good place yourself. We're all different, but we face a lot of the same challenges, internally and externally. I think awareness is your friend here - if you recognise the feelings you have (or suppress) when you get the urge to drink, you can then try to manage those feelings or situations that cause them in your life before you get to that "ah **** it, I deserve it ..." moment.
Good luck! 0 -
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Thanks, I only saw this now - no real secrets to tell. I was sick of drinking, embarrassed and ashamed of my behaviour while drinking. I had been having very negative thoughts after alcohol for years, and any alcohol would bring back my depression symptoms. I also grew up with alcoholism, and recently having my first child combined with approaching a "landmark" birthday meant I've been thinking about my life and childhood quite a bit over the last year or two. I guess I've wanted to give up for quite a while, but I never could take the step. I posted here a few months back explaining what I was feeling the day I decided to quit, and that hasn't really changed.
My secret is that, at the moment, only the tiniest part of me wants to drink, and my reasons for not wanting to drink are still fresh and clear in my mind. My mind still plays old tricks. Like when the sun comes out and part of you feels cheated out of having a few cold beers, or sparkling fizz at a wedding. But I've just got to the point where I know I can never have that: I've tried the "no more than 2" approach too many times, and even if I hold it for a while, the end result is always the same. Also, I'm in a good place in my life at the moment, so my self destructive tendencies aren't as prominent as normal. I've tried to live a drink free life as opposed to cutting myself out of all events. Some events are a challenge, but I've managed to hold tough so far.
It might seem a weird thing to say, and I'm not sure how much it affects things, but I'm also conscious that I'm doing this for myself. I don't do things for myself, usually, so it's a big deal. It helps me feel some self worth and a little bit of pride. It means I've built up a little self esteem to help me challenge the usual daily barrage of inner monologue negativity and self-bullying.
I have support. My wife gave up drinking a couple of years ago, and has similar thoughts on it to me. Although she's recently been talking about a sneaky glass of champagne on special occasions. That's a no! But if she wants me to mistake our radiators for urinals, then she knows the quickest path to that!
I did do a couple of years of counselling a few years ago. While not for alcohol, I'm convinced working on some of my issues, based in part on growing up with a bullying alcoholic parent, helped hugely in me getting where I am today. I don't look at alcohol in the same benign light, certainly.
The difficulty on sobriety hasn't really hit yet. For me, it's not so much the peer pressure or cultural thing. I've always been able to do an event without alcohol and enjoy it - I just never wanted to when I'd have the choice, and sure wasn't I great craic? With a toddler, a long commute, and tight finances, it's easy enough to find reasons not to drink, not to mention the lack of opportunities. So I'm happy to make it this far, but I'm taking it day by day. Every day could have something waiting to smack me down and drown my sorrows, so I need to remember that.
Anyway, after all that rambling, I hope some of it is of some help, and more importantly, that you're in a good place yourself. We're all different, but we face a lot of the same challenges, internally and externally. I think awareness is your friend here - if you recognise the feelings you have (or suppress) when you get the urge to drink, you can then try to manage those feelings or situations that cause them in your life before you get to that "ah **** it, I deserve it ..." moment.
Good luck!
Great post! I can relate to so much of this, substitute radiator for wardrobe and you could be describing me!0 -
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Thanks, I only saw this now - no real secrets to tell. I was sick of drinking, embarrassed and ashamed of my behaviour while drinking. I had been having very negative thoughts after alcohol for years, and any alcohol would bring back my depression symptoms. I also grew up with alcoholism, and recently having my first child combined with approaching a "landmark" birthday meant I've been thinking about my life and childhood quite a bit over the last year or two. I guess I've wanted to give up for quite a while, but I never could take the step. I posted here a few months back explaining what I was feeling the day I decided to quit, and that hasn't really changed.
My secret is that, at the moment, only the tiniest part of me wants to drink, and my reasons for not wanting to drink are still fresh and clear in my mind. My mind still plays old tricks. Like when the sun comes out and part of you feels cheated out of having a few cold beers, or sparkling fizz at a wedding. But I've just got to the point where I know I can never have that: I've tried the "no more than 2" approach too many times, and even if I hold it for a while, the end result is always the same. Also, I'm in a good place in my life at the moment, so my self destructive tendencies aren't as prominent as normal. I've tried to live a drink free life as opposed to cutting myself out of all events. Some events are a challenge, but I've managed to hold tough so far.
It might seem a weird thing to say, and I'm not sure how much it affects things, but I'm also conscious that I'm doing this for myself. I don't do things for myself, usually, so it's a big deal. It helps me feel some self worth and a little bit of pride. It means I've built up a little self esteem to help me challenge the usual daily barrage of inner monologue negativity and self-bullying.
I have support. My wife gave up drinking a couple of years ago, and has similar thoughts on it to me. Although she's recently been talking about a sneaky glass of champagne on special occasions. That's a no! But if she wants me to mistake our radiators for urinals, then she knows the quickest path to that!
I did do a couple of years of counselling a few years ago. While not for alcohol, I'm convinced working on some of my issues, based in part on growing up with a bullying alcoholic parent, helped hugely in me getting where I am today. I don't look at alcohol in the same benign light, certainly.
The difficulty on sobriety hasn't really hit yet. For me, it's not so much the peer pressure or cultural thing. I've always been able to do an event without alcohol and enjoy it - I just never wanted to when I'd have the choice, and sure wasn't I great craic? With a toddler, a long commute, and tight finances, it's easy enough to find reasons not to drink, not to mention the lack of opportunities. So I'm happy to make it this far, but I'm taking it day by day. Every day could have something waiting to smack me down and drown my sorrows, so I need to remember that.
Anyway, after all that rambling, I hope some of it is of some help, and more importantly, that you're in a good place yourself. We're all different, but we face a lot of the same challenges, internally and externally. I think awareness is your friend here - if you recognise the feelings you have (or suppress) when you get the urge to drink, you can then try to manage those feelings or situations that cause them in your life before you get to that "ah **** it, I deserve it ..." moment.
Good luck!
Great post. Well done. Great inspiration.0 -
Thanks, I only saw this now - no real secrets to tell. I was sick of drinking, embarrassed and ashamed of my behaviour while drinking. I had been having very negative thoughts after alcohol for years, and any alcohol would bring back my depression symptoms. I also grew up with alcoholism, and recently having my first child combined with approaching a "landmark" birthday meant I've been thinking about my life and childhood quite a bit over the last year or two. I guess I've wanted to give up for quite a while, but I never could take the step. I posted here a few months back explaining what I was feeling the day I decided to quit, and that hasn't really changed.
My secret is that, at the moment, only the tiniest part of me wants to drink, and my reasons for not wanting to drink are still fresh and clear in my mind. My mind still plays old tricks. Like when the sun comes out and part of you feels cheated out of having a few cold beers, or sparkling fizz at a wedding. But I've just got to the point where I know I can never have that: I've tried the "no more than 2" approach too many times, and even if I hold it for a while, the end result is always the same. Also, I'm in a good place in my life at the moment, so my self destructive tendencies aren't as prominent as normal. I've tried to live a drink free life as opposed to cutting myself out of all events. Some events are a challenge, but I've managed to hold tough so far.
It might seem a weird thing to say, and I'm not sure how much it affects things, but I'm also conscious that I'm doing this for myself. I don't do things for myself, usually, so it's a big deal. It helps me feel some self worth and a little bit of pride. It means I've built up a little self esteem to help me challenge the usual daily barrage of inner monologue negativity and self-bullying.
I have support. My wife gave up drinking a couple of years ago, and has similar thoughts on it to me. Although she's recently been talking about a sneaky glass of champagne on special occasions. That's a no! But if she wants me to mistake our radiators for urinals, then she knows the quickest path to that!
I did do a couple of years of counselling a few years ago. While not for alcohol, I'm convinced working on some of my issues, based in part on growing up with a bullying alcoholic parent, helped hugely in me getting where I am today. I don't look at alcohol in the same benign light, certainly.
The difficulty on sobriety hasn't really hit yet. For me, it's not so much the peer pressure or cultural thing. I've always been able to do an event without alcohol and enjoy it - I just never wanted to when I'd have the choice, and sure wasn't I great craic? With a toddler, a long commute, and tight finances, it's easy enough to find reasons not to drink, not to mention the lack of opportunities. So I'm happy to make it this far, but I'm taking it day by day. Every day could have something waiting to smack me down and drown my sorrows, so I need to remember that.
Anyway, after all that rambling, I hope some of it is of some help, and more importantly, that you're in a good place yourself. We're all different, but we face a lot of the same challenges, internally and externally. I think awareness is your friend here - if you recognise the feelings you have (or suppress) when you get the urge to drink, you can then try to manage those feelings or situations that cause them in your life before you get to that "ah **** it, I deserve it ..." moment.
Good luck!
Great post, well done and good luck.0 -
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2PieceJigsaw wrote: »In 5 days.
After many years of problem drinking this year finally took it's toll well the last few months have been rock bottom,So antabuse from my GP after a week or more of dispair and near deaths door and A.A at 11 in the morning.
I'll stick with antabuse and xanax for a month and attend every meeting possible using them just for the month,I need them to just get started and to get myself into some shape to leave the house.
I've been to meetings before but I'd not hit the bottom like this before.
One thing at a time one day at a time ��
Fair play to you - but, if you could swap the Xanax for Librium, on a reducing dose for no more than 10-14 days (at the absolute most), please do that. Benzos (such as Xanax) are SO addictive also, horribly so, Librium is a benzo too but not as addictive as Xanax. And you're SO vulnerable in early recovery, it would be horrible to get off the alcohol only to get addicted to something else, and it happens so easily.
As someone who's been through a zillion detoxes, in various institutions, on various drugs, please trust me on that and dump the Xanax and get Librium instead!
And a massive, MASSIVE well done on taking that first step. Go you.0 -
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2PieceJigsaw wrote: »In 5 days.
After many years of problem drinking this year finally took it's toll well the last few months have been rock bottom,So antabuse from my GP after a week or more of dispair and near deaths door and A.A at 11 in the morning.
I'll stick with antabuse and xanax for a month and attend every meeting possible using them just for the month,I need them to just get started and to get myself into some shape to leave the house.
I've been to meetings before but I'd not hit the bottom like this before.
One thing at a time one day at a time ��
Welcome back 2Piece
I found that as the days of sobriety added up, and especially once I got into the program end of things, the willingness to "drop" some of my extras, lol
( I liked to call it my bag of tricks--joints/pills/etc)...just came. I didn't have to worry about it, for as you have discovered, NOT DRINKING is the single most important act for every alkie. Then we are in with a chance, any other problem can be overcome, in time, as long as we understand and accept this.
I am a "retread" too, and had to suffer more than a few beatings from the bottle before the truth sunk in my thick head: I could never expect any kind of life with drink in the picture. Never.
Funny enough once that was accepted, things got much simpler: I returned to AA and this time took things a lot more serious.
Now I am back sober many years, and very grateful to be. This tough phase you are in will eventually pass, as long as you keep on the Path. Like you said, just take it one day at a time....
My head was so crazy when I was newly sober--I used to go to meetings daily, sometimes two, and then listen to Big Book studies @ home. I was desperate to never go back to drink!
I will be thinking of you and sending a few prayers your way.
I am glad you've made it back, there are lots who don't.
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It's funny hearing the word "fix" used in conjunction with alcoholism, as for me, things only truly changed forever when I understood and accepted that despite my wonderful intellect (lol)- I could not fix myself.
This part of Step 1 from the BB really spoke to my past history with drink and with AA:
http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_39.htm.....That may be true of certain nonalcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were. But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience.
I gave up trying my ways, as the long list of things I had tried to fix me had failed spectacularly.
What happened to me was what they call "surrender" I guess, I just took on the solution via the program of AA and for the first time in my life started following directions--and it was only pain and desperation that drove me to finally DO it, try it, instead of just going to meetings and talking about my "stuff".
We all have our experience, but this is mine, and I am lucky I have met quite a few others who share it , so I know I am not alone.
It's like that old AA saying " you have to lose to win", lol, when I first came round that kinda talk used to hurt my head, I just didn't get it, but I sure do today
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2PieceJigsaw wrote: »Well still going strong here☺
Hope everyone else is doing well too.
Well done 2PieceJigsaw, really pleased for you. 0 -
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