Haven't touched a drop in...

enoughalready

One month sober, well 4 Mondays. Regaining my Mondays is a powerful motivator. Oh how great it feels not to have 'the fear' on a Monday! Have had 3 sessions of counselling now and it's proving to be very beneficial. So glad to have someone to talk through my alcohol battle with. I'd highly recommend it. Most will give a discounted rate if you aren't financially stable...

Bonniedog

20th day. I know what you mean by Mondays enoughalready. For months I was aiming at not drinking over a weekend so as to be in fit state for a new week, but for a long time weekends became smothered in the comfort blanket of vodka. Mondays then became a panic, needing a cure before getting to work and a few more early in the day to keep going. And that was the beginning of another week ....

Am still enjoying the nice feeling of regaining control and being able to read and do other stuff in the time that I had devoted to drinking. I can still remember how miserable I felt and how bad a physical and mental state I had drunk myself into so determined to hold onto the new one.

Abcxyz12345

420 days

It has been a 'day at a time' for me. I could not have imagined that all of those days would add up like that and at the same time my life has improved so much. Of course life can still be difficult & messy but I'm far more able to manage it now without hiding away terrified drinking & harming myself. I wasn't sure for ages if I was 'an alcoholic' but I did know that alcohol was seriously damaging my physical & mental health and I wanted to stop drinking - but couldn't for any decent period. I now have so much hope that I really don't need to return to that way of barely existing. If anyone reading this thinks that they may have a problem with alcohol, don't wait - get support quickly before it progresses further

Kunkka

Well done all

yourpics

I last drank in May 2014. Joining the Pioneer Association this weekend

enoughalready

Never let complacency set in, that's my advice. I fell under that spell and got a rude awakening! I was doing so well during my 18 months of sobriety and it all came crashing down when I thought I was 'fine'! Oh how wrong I was but I am building myself back up again and working hard at remaining sober today.

the evasion_kid

enoughalready wrote: »

Never let complacency set in, that's my advice. I fell under that spell and got a rude awakening! I was doing so well during my 18 months of sobriety and it all came crashing down when I thought I was 'fine'! Oh how wrong I was but I am building myself back up again and working hard at remaining sober today.

sometimes you need those slip ups to drive the message home and be ever vigilant..

enoughalready

the evasion_kid wrote: »

sometimes you need those slip ups to drive the message home and be ever vigilant..

I 100% agree the evasion kid, everything happens for a reason and maybe I needed that slip to help me clarify the whole situation. I'm glad in a way it happened as now it's REALLY shook me up and made me more determined to beat this f**ker of a disease. I'd be 2 years sober last week if I stuck with it the last time but the way I look at it is I can accomplish that by Christmas 2017! Goals like that help, I feel. Then we can build and build on our great milestones and achieve our ultimate goals.

enoughalready

I AM YOUR DISEASE

You know who I am, you’ve called me your friend. Wishes of misery and heartache I send. I want only to see that you’re brought to your knees... I’m the devil inside you, I am your disease. I’ll invade all your thoughts, I’ll take hostage your soul. I’ll become your new master, in total control. I’ll maim your emotions, I’ll run the whole game. Till your entire existence is crippled with shame. When you call me I come, sometimes in disguise. Quite often I’ll take you by total surprise. But take you I will, and just as you’ve feared. I’ll want only to hurt you, with no mercy spared. If you have your own family, I'll see its destroyed. I’ll steal every pleasure in life you’ve enjoyed. I’ll not only hurt you, I’ll kill if I please. I’m your worst living nightmare, I am your disease.

I bring self destruction, but still you can’t tell. I’ll sweep you through heaven, then drop you in hell. I’ll chase you forever, wherever you go. And then when I catch you, you won’t even know. I’ll sometimes lay silent, just waiting to strike. What’s yours becomes mine, cuz I take what I like. I’ll take all you own and I won’t care who sees. I’m your constant companion… I am your disease.If you have any honour, I’ll strip it away. You’ll lose all your hope and forget how to pray. I’ll leave you in darkness, while blindly you stare. I’ll reduce you to nothing, and won’t even care. So, don’t take for granted my powers sublime. I’ll bend and I’ll break you, time after time. I’ll crumble your world with the greatest of ease, I’m that madman inside you…I am your disease. But today I’m real angry…you want to know why?I let all in recovery, entirely slip by. How did I lose you? Where did I go wrong? One minute I had you…then next you were gone. You just can’t dismiss all the good times we’ve shared. When you were alone…wasn’t it I who appeared? When you sold those possessions you knew you would need. Wasn’t I the first one who stepped in and agreed. Now look at you bastards, you’re all thinking clear. You escaped with your lives when you found your way here. Only fools think they’re winners when admitting defeat. It’s what you must say when you’re claiming that seat.

Go ahead and surrender, if that’s what you choose. But, I’m not giving up. cuz I can’t stand to lose. So stand in your groups and support hand in hand. Better choices will save you…leaving me to be damned. Well, be damned all you people seeking treatment each week. Be damned inner strength, however unique. Be damned all your sayings, be damned your cliches. Be damned every addict, who back to me strays. For I know it will happen, I’ve seen it before. Those who love misery will crawl back for more. So take comfort in knowing, I’m waiting right here. But next time around, you’d just better beware. You think that you’re stronger or smarter this time. There isn’t a mountain or hill you can’t climb. Well if that’s what you’re thinkin, you ain’t learned a thing. I’ll still knock you silly if you step back in my ring.
But you say you’ve surrendered, so what can I do?It’s so sad in a way, I had big plans for you. Creating your nightmare for me was a dream. I’m sure gonna miss you…we made quite a team. So please don’t forget me, I won’t forget you. I’ll stand by your side watching all that you do. I’m ready and waiting, so call if you please. I won’t let you forget me…I am your disease

Sunnyisland

Great poem enough already and well done on your continued progress.

petes

Enjoyed that poem

72 days in and still here not sure how I feel but I'm currently on a bus to Dublin to sit in a chair for five hours getting a tattoo!!

Work Christmas party was on last night and I was annoyed and jealous that I couldn't go but it's done and dusted! Take every day like that.

the evasion_kid

enoughalready wrote: »

I 100% agree the evasion kid, everything happens for a reason and maybe I needed that slip to help me clarify the whole situation. I'm glad in a way it happened as now it's REALLY shook me up and made me more determined to beat this f**ker of a disease. I'd be 2 years sober last week if I stuck with it the last time but the way I look at it is I can accomplish that by Christmas 2017! Goals like that help, I feel. Then we can build and build on our great milestones and achieve our ultimate goals.

it has a cunning way of trying to convince you that youll be good to drink again,but be warned if you do go back on it you go back hard,ive recently learned its called alcohol deprivation,that the craving actually gets stronger over time,but also over time you tend to forget the horrors you went through the last time.i know the last time i relapsed it felt like i was trying to make up for all the alcohol i missed...it left me a sorry mess as usual.

Bonniedog

the evasion_kid wrote: »

it has a cunning way of trying to convince you that youll be good to drink again,but be warned if you do go back on it you go back hard,ive recently learned its called alcohol deprivation,that the craving actually gets stronger over time,but also over time you tend to forget the horrors you went through the last time.i know the last time i relapsed it felt like i was trying to make up for all the alcohol i missed...it left me a sorry mess as usual.

I have never had cravings other than during first week the last time, but that was just to make me feel like I wasn't about to die! This time taking Xanax for a week overcame that.

I agree with you that it is the forgetting how bad you were when you were drinking is one of main reasons why people go back on it, and maybe becoming complacent about how well you are feeling without it. Or even forgetting that it is BECAUSE you are not drinking that you feel so much better.

I do think for those of us who have been drinking heavily for a long time that it may well take a few attempts to finally have the wherewithal and determination to turn your back on it for good. You learn by your past mistakes and manage to avoid them the next time. Well that is the plan anyway1

Good luck to all over the Christmas.

the evasion_kid

Bonniedog wrote: »

I have never had cravings other than during first week the last time, but that was just to make me feel like I wasn't about to die! This time taking Xanax for a week overcame that.

I agree with you that it is the forgetting how bad you were when you were drinking is one of main reasons why people go back on it, and maybe becoming complacent about how well you are feeling without it. Or even forgetting that it is BECAUSE you are not drinking that you feel so much better.

I do think for those of us who have been drinking heavily for a long time that it may well take a few attempts to finally have the wherewithal and determination to turn your back on it for good. You learn by your past mistakes and manage to avoid them the next time. Well that is the plan anyway1

Good luck to all over the Christmas.

i can safely say mine have got worse,more mental obsession than anything else.im just over the year mark was on a course of librium for the first few weeks and found for the first few months it was a breeze,just the odd minor craving none of this whiteknuckling my way through it.im more aware now of how my brains been altered through alcohol.i do think its harder to go back off it after each relapse but that each relapse gets further and further apart

JupiterKid

I'm back in treatment for my drinking.

I had a bad relapse a couple of weeks ago. But I'm picking myself off the ground and starting over again. I've got to beat this addiction or else it will literally kill me.:(

Taking things one day at a time.:)

leinsterdude

Hope your ok Jupiterkid, hard going Im sure, but your good enough to be on here, a sign of optimism.

Amazingfun

I've got to beat this

I don't know what kind of treatment centre/dry out joint you're in, but if it's an AA oriented one, it might be a good time to reconsider this kind of thinking.

We (real alcoholics) cannot "beat" alcoholism. It's the act of surrender and an inner acceptance that we will never beat the game. Being down for the count and accepting defeat is, strangely, the way out. That is Step one: accepting I have a body that cannot stop drinking once I start (physical allergy/no control), and a mind that simply will not leave it alone, no matter how many reasons I have for not drinking.
It's not a nice feeling I know, having to accept these things, in fact it was fairly devastating: but accepting them 100% is what started the most beautiful years of my life, and I have not had a drink since.

Welcome back and best of luck.

souls

Wishing everybody a happy sober christmas and peaceful new year!:D
Packing in the meetings and staying safe is the name of the game for my first sober christmas one day at a time, please god!

petes

souls wrote: »

Wishing everybody a happy sober christmas and peaceful new year!:D
Packing in the meetings and staying safe is the name of the game for my first sober christmas one day at a time, please god!

Same to you souls have to say though I don't think the meetings are really for me, seems like most people actually just need a counsellor in my eyes and before someone says anything I'm not building resentments against anyone. Far too much emphasis on God or a higher power for my liking. I still go as sometimes I hear something I need to hear but it's nothing to do with the AA program itself.

Still not drinking and that's the main thing although Christmas is going to be extremely tough.

JupiterKid

petes wrote: »

Same to you souls have to say though I don't think the meetings are really for me, seems like most people actually just need a counsellor in my eyes and before someone says anything I'm not building resentments against anyone. Far too much emphasis on God or a higher power for my liking. I still go as sometimes I hear something I need to hear but it's nothing to do with the AA program itself.

Still not drinking and that's the main thing although Christmas is going to be extremely tough.

You might want to try Lifering, the sobriety support group that doesn't involve God or any sort of higher power. Happy Christmas😶

petes

JupiterKid wrote: »

You might want to try Lifering, the sobriety support group that doesn't involve God or any sort of higher power. Happy Christmas😶

Looked in to it but the meetings are very sparse and actually none near me!

Sunnyisland

petes wrote: »

Same to you souls have to say though I don't think the meetings are really for me, seems like most people actually just need a counsellor in my eyes and before someone says anything I'm not building resentments against anyone. Far too much emphasis on God or a higher power for my liking. I still go as sometimes I hear something I need to hear but it's nothing to do with the AA program itself.

Still not drinking and that's the main thing although Christmas is going to be extremely tough.

Still not drinking is the main thing petes, I got my support and strength from online support group, mywayout.org. It was a great sorce of help and support to me during the early years and its open 24/7. it worked for me it might work for you, good luck anyway petes .

I've had little difficulty staying off drink all year simply by avoiding everywhere it is and keeping myself very busy (I have zero social life, and it's much safer for me that way; as I've a little baby to look after I'm too tired to have a social life anyway)

Today, for the first time in a long time, is very hard. I really just want to escape from the visitors here at home, whom I'm expected to entertain along with minding a baby, and helping with dinner preparations while all the guests unwind with drink. I don't especially like the guests, and I'm just too exhausted to talk superficial nonsense with them but I'm expected to. I just feel suffocated and the old escape from socialisation by knocking myself out with alcohol is rearing its head again. I won't drink because it would break my wife's heart if I brought back those days, but beyond doubt being in groups like this is a massive trigger for me to drink. It has taken been off alcohol so long (almost 2 years) to be clear about that.

This really is the worst time of year, and next year I'm going to have to talk with my wife and explain that I can't be put in this environment again. I would much prefer to be somewhere on my own away from all this performance and superficial chat right now. Hope everybody else stays strong and comes up with ways to avoid your triggers. Nollaig Shona daoibh/Happy Christmas to all.

Sunnyisland

Deleted User wrote: »

I've had little difficulty staying off drink all year simply by avoiding everywhere it is and keeping myself very busy (I have zero social life, and it's much safer for me that way; as I've a little baby to look after I'm too tired to have a social life anyway)

Today, for the first time in a long time, is very hard. I really just want to escape from the visitors here at home, whom I'm expected to entertain along with minding a baby, and helping with dinner preparations while all the guests unwind with drink. I don't especially like the guests, and I'm just too exhausted to talk superficial nonsense with them but I'm expected to. I just feel suffocated and the old escape from socialisation by knocking myself out with alcohol is rearing its head again. I won't drink because it would break my wife's heart if I brought back those days, but beyond doubt being in groups like this is a massive trigger for me to drink. It has taken been off alcohol so long (almost 2 years) to be clear about that.




This really is the worst time of year, and next year I'm going to have to talk with my wife and explain that I can't be put in this environment again. I would much prefer to be somewhere on my own away from all this performance and superficial chat right now. Hope everybody else stays strong and comes up with ways to avoid your triggers. Nollaig Shona daoibh/Happy Christmas to all.

Anamcheasta take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, try get out walking for an hour,deal with next year well next year, it will come quick enough.drop in here tomorrow if you like I should be around if you like to talk, happy Christmas and be proud of yourself as you doing yourself and your family fantastic.

Bonniedog

Deleted User wrote: »

I've had little difficulty staying off drink all year simply by avoiding everywhere it is and keeping myself very busy (I have zero social life, and it's much safer for me that way; as I've a little baby to look after I'm too tired to have a social life anyway)

Today, for the first time in a long time, is very hard. I really just want to escape from the visitors here at home, whom I'm expected to entertain along with minding a baby, and helping with dinner preparations while all the guests unwind with drink. I don't especially like the guests, and I'm just too exhausted to talk superficial nonsense with them but I'm expected to. I just feel suffocated and the old escape from socialisation by knocking myself out with alcohol is rearing its head again. I won't drink because it would break my wife's heart if I brought back those days, but beyond doubt being in groups like this is a massive trigger for me to drink. It has taken been off alcohol so long (almost 2 years) to be clear about that.

This really is the worst time of year, and next year I'm going to have to talk with my wife and explain that I can't be put in this environment again. I would much prefer to be somewhere on my own away from all this performance and superficial chat right now. Hope everybody else stays strong and comes up with ways to avoid your triggers. Nollaig Shona daoibh/Happy Christmas to all.

Stick it out. It's only for a day or two. Not worth letting people you don't even like put you off course

Sunnyisland

Its great waking up this morning with a clear head and looking at some of the others around me absolutely dying :-) yes I feel smug about it....

marienbad

Happy Christmas Everyone :P

Sunnyisland

How we all get on yesterday ?

petes

realies wrote: »

How we all get on yesterday ?

Lucky I got out of bed to be honest. I don't have much thoughts of drink although there has been a few, it's just everything else. Sooner I'm back to work the better!! Day 86!

Irish_rat

Hey all.

I'm 2 months off alcohol today. I gave it up after my 30th birthday. (26-10-15). I'm training for a marathon too and halfway through the plan. I'm planning to buy my first house at the start of next year

I've the flu at the min but I've been feeling much better since I gave it up, more energy even with the training. My body fat is the lowest I have ever seen it. I'm eating more healthy and don't need fryups to cure hangovers. I've got blotchy skin so hope being off it will improve my complexion. This month will be hardest I think. January, Feb and March are usually quiet anyway.

Keep it up guys!