Haven't touched a drop in...

Bonniedog

Yesterday was 37th day off. There were people drinking in the house but didn't bother me so the actual presence of alcohol is not really a problem. It is avoiding the old excuses for going back on it, but reckon I am more prepared to face all of that this time.

Going back running on Sunday or Monday and have already seen the benefits financially as will be able to pay daughter's college fees next month without having to borrow as I did last year.

Good luck to all.

the evasion_kid

realies wrote: »

How we all get on yesterday ?

hit with cravings yesterday when i seen everyone else drinking,was the same the year before but i had two non alcos that time and it went away,the real test for me will be in two weeks when im heading to south east asia for a few months,its a place i associate with my wilder days drinking.

petes

There are so many benefits financially and physically to not drinking. I was living week to week (still am kind of but it's because I treat myself ). I've sold things so I could get money for drink, borrowed etc. still paid bills etc. don't know how I did it but where there's a will there's a way. I'm just glad yesterday is over.

Will be moving in to my new place next week so there's that to look and not look forward to but life moves along. Hopefully 2016 will prove to be better but for now it's just today as with each day

petes

the evasion_kid wrote: »

hit with cravings yesterday when i seen everyone else drinking,was the same the year before but i had two non alcos that time and it went away,the real test for me will be in two weeks when im heading to south east asia for a few months,its a place i associate with my wilder days drinking.

Will be a test ek but I'm sure you can do it! My new place is about 5 doors away from the pub and off licence I spent my last bender in. Going to be tests every day for all of us but we'll get through it!!

chillybilly

The worst thing about it imo is being treated like a leper and avoided for fear of 'spoiling the fun' for others. Absolute bollix, I don't mind others drinking nor do I mention it at all yet I'm finding myself excluded from all group outings and slowly turning into a recluse against my will.

Xmas was lovely though, I can't complain. I just don't know what I'll do for nye, this is the first time I've not been invited anywhere.

ASoberThought

One month yesterday for me.

A few short lived temptations. Long may it last!

Sunnyisland

Well done everyone,
This my 6th Christmas clean and sober and on 13th January I be seven years c&s.

I have said it before and I will say it again, I am 54 and in stopping, its the best decision I have ever made, so far :-) in my life.

keep fighting the fight and remember nothing changes if nothing changes.

Kunkka

Well done Realies, this was my 5th Xmas off drink. Have a bit of man flu but other than that all is well plus someone got me a GoT T Shirt for Xmas... deadly!

hubba

Kunkka wrote: »

Well done Realies, this was my 5th Xmas off drink. Have a bit of man flu but other than that all is well plus someone got me a GoT T Shirt for Xmas... deadly!

Snap, this is my 5th xmas alcohol free. Best decision ever, I wish more people would understand that it REALLY is possible for an Irish person to not drink. Thanks to all here who helped me get this far.

Happy New Year all.

enoughalready

Day 50: Went to engagement party last night and the temptation was literally all around me. So easy to slip in a split second of will I, won't I. Glad I didn't. Only reason I wanted to was because of my own insecurities and feeling uncomfortable without my crutch at a party. Took time out, got my head together and rejoined the celebrations, took me a while but by 3.30am I was feeling more secure in myself and went from 'enduring' to 'enjoying' the celebrations (without drink!). The trigger for me is defo my anxiety and feeling uncomfortable around new people and crowds but managed to talk some sense into myself and so glad to wake up today fresh and proud.

Bonniedog

enoughalready wrote: »

Day 50: Went to engagement party last night and the temptation was literally all around me. So easy to slip in a split second of will I, won't I. Glad I didn't. Only reason I wanted to was because of my own insecurities and feeling uncomfortable without my crutch at a party. Took time out, got my head together and rejoined the celebrations, took me a while but by 3.30am I was feeling more secure in myself and went from 'enduring' to 'enjoying' the celebrations (without drink!). The trigger for me is defo my anxiety and feeling uncomfortable around new people and crowds but managed to talk some sense into myself and so glad to wake up today fresh and proud.

Fair play. Honestly do not think I could face a 3am party at this stage! Was not much into parties even when I was drinking and sober it would be hell.

Main thing for me is to balance the temporary fix of alcoholic comfort blanket against the memory - still recent - of the abject character I was becoming. Mistake I made last time I gave it up was after 6 months to forget that and succumb to temptation out of the blue after a match.

Took me another 8 months of steady decline to get my act together again and stop. For good this time.

enoughalready

The party was in a house where the people attending had a good relationship with alcohol and were all well behaved. Wouldn't be able for a pub / night club setting at 3am that's for sure! I can imagine if I had drank last night, I'd have made a show of myself and be plagued with guilt / shame and fear today. I can't drink responsibly. Full stop. So glad to have this forum for support (",)

ASoberThought

Well done guys

marienbad

enoughalready wrote: »

Day 50: Went to engagement party last night and the temptation was literally all around me. So easy to slip in a split second of will I, won't I. Glad I didn't. Only reason I wanted to was because of my own insecurities and feeling uncomfortable without my crutch at a party. Took time out, got my head together and rejoined the celebrations, took me a while but by 3.30am I was feeling more secure in myself and went from 'enduring' to 'enjoying' the celebrations (without drink!). The trigger for me is defo my anxiety and feeling uncomfortable around new people and crowds but managed to talk some sense into myself and so glad to wake up today fresh and proud.

Outstanding achievement , you are right to be proud and now you know the hidden resources that lie within you and can be called upon when the head is in the right place .

Well done mon' ami

topust76

3 months since the 15th of this month. Not long I know but good for me. I used alcohol as an excuse for every event. In court today, need a drink, kids doing my head in, need a drink, bored , need a drink. Took the pledge on the 15th of September for one year which was tough but getting easier.

quarefarmers

8 months now,free of alcohol and all mind altering substances.
Attend daily AA meetings

ASoberThought

quarefarmers wrote: »

8 months now,free of alcohol and all mind altering substances.
Attend daily AA meetings

Good going! I wish you all the best and continued success along the path

quarefarmers

ASoberThought wrote: »

Good going! I wish you all the best and continued success along the path

Thank you man,same to everyone here battling well done!!

petes

90 days. At the minute it's worse I'm getting. Sometimes think, what's the point, can't go back and change what happened at the end. Haven't been to an aa meeting since last week but as I said before I'm not sure they help me. Might go to one tomorrow.

Councellor on the 7th but I'm just going around in circles. I go to sleep feeling crap and wake up as if I hadn't slept at all feeling exactly the same way. No change.

Alcohol was my crutch but I've done mental things that I must have thought was fine when I was drunk but in reality they were insane.

Good to read people are doing well though!!

enoughalready

petes wrote: »

90 days. At the minute it's worse I'm getting. Sometimes think, what's the point, can't go back and change what happened at the end. Haven't been to an aa meeting since last week but as I said before I'm not sure they help me. Might go to one tomorrow.

Councellor on the 7th but I'm just going around in circles. I go to sleep feeling crap and wake up as if I hadn't slept at all feeling exactly the same way. No change.

Alcohol was my crutch but I've done mental things that I must have thought was fine when I was drunk but in reality they were insane.

Good to read people are doing well though!!

Petes, it can be really challenging and very tiresome but this adversity will make you a stronger and better man, for some reason we have a struggle that can at times seem unbearable but like everything, it too shall pass - please don't loose hope, who knows whats around the corner...we all have each other on here so keep the head up high mate - you're doing your best and you should be proud of yourself.

quarefarmers

Keep strong ,it will benefit you down the road
Its easier to stay sober than get sober.
Always remember, it is the first drink that does all the damage.

Sunnyisland

petes wrote: »

90 days. At the minute it's worse I'm getting. Sometimes think, what's the point, can't go back and change what happened at the end. Haven't been to an aa meeting since last week but as I said before I'm not sure they help me. Might go to one tomorrow.

Councellor on the 7th but I'm just going around in circles. I go to sleep feeling crap and wake up as if I hadn't slept at all feeling exactly the same way. No change.

Alcohol was my crutch but I've done mental things that I must have thought was fine when I was drunk but in reality they were insane.

Good to read people are doing well though!!

Petes are you better off when you were drinking or not ? how is it worse your getting ? in what way ? If you go back drinking will things magically get better ?

Everyone of us that abuse alcohol has done and said things that would and does make us cringe, I could not post some of the actions I did here, truly embarrassing truly unjustifiable, but you no what petes there done and I cant ever go back to change them,I am also in a state of mind where I don't dwell on the whatifs and ifonlys, Good people around you will see the positive changes you are making but most will say nothing in fear of there wrong and you slip back, If its not going according to your expectations and plans change them, but you are doing great , make a new plan goal for the new year..Good luck petes you have all the support of everyone here.

Said with repect to you petes,as I can relate.

ASoberThought

I can also relate Petes. If I allowed myself to continously think back I would spend my days in a cycle of face grabbing.

We must look forward and time will do it's work. Hold in there

petes

realies wrote: »

Petes are you better off when you were drinking or not ? how is it worse your getting ? in what way ? If you go back drinking will things magically get better ?

Everyone of us that abuse alcohol has done and said things that would and does make us cringe, I could not post some of the actions I did here, truly embarrassing truly unjustifiable, but you no what petes there done and I cant ever go back to change them,I am also in a state of mind where I don't dwell on the whatifs and ifonlys, Good people around you will see the positive changes you are making but most will say nothing in fear of there wrong and you slip back, If its not going according to your expectations and plans change them, but you are doing great , make a new plan goal for the new year..Good luck petes you have all the support of everyone here.

Said with repect to you petes,as I can relate.

If I was drinking it would be a million times worse, I know this. I probably have other stuff going on in my head which I'm trying to so but all at once is a bit much. It's not something that can be done in steps, it is all at once.

I always was an over thinker and used alcohol to slow that down but obviously that doesn't work.

At the minute no matter what way I think about it I can't really see a future where I'm happy or one that is possible that I'll be happy!

I'll just be glad to get back to work on Monday, the time off has not been great but back to a bit of structure should be good.

Thanks for replying folks.

petes

I just needed a ramble

GerB40

petes wrote: »

I just needed a ramble

That's what this thread is for petes. I got more comfort from this thread in the early days of my sobriety than anywhere else, a mix of anxiety and withdrawals stopped me from going to meetings so boards was my therapy, the people on this thread were my therapists . On new years day I'll be 20 months sober so it's safe to say that rambling on this thread worked for me... Ramble on my friend.

petes

One thing is I don't want to drink which is good although I do think at times that it would be so easy to do so and fcuk everything else. I'd escape for a while. Had a long time to think about things (too long probably ). I've always been an alcoholic in denial. Was probably easier when I was younger as everyone else was at the same thing. When I went out I'd need a few pints to even settle (bit of anxiety that's always been there). That pattern continued for years through breakups, problems...anything really.

I just wish I didn't let it get to where I am. I am aware that I probably had no control over it and it's not a conscious choice that I made. Who would choose it if if they could

It's the anxiety/thoughts that I can't control. These are what turned me to drink for years. Emotions also. The reason I feel so bad now is that I don't have that crutch any more but was it ever really a crutch or a hindrance, of course it's the latter.

I'm like a weather report these days, cloudy with a chance of sunshine. Brief periods I feel okay but they are short lived.

I'll muddle on to through the day and the next but I have some very dark thoughts at times.

Thank for listening/reading and thanks all for the words of encouragement

Kunkka

petes wrote: »

One thing is I don't want to drink which is good although I do think at times that it would be so easy to do so and fcuk everything else. I'd escape for a while. Had a long time to think about things (too long probably ). I've always been an alcoholic in denial. Was probably easier when I was younger as everyone else was at the same thing. When I went out I'd need a few pints to even settle (bit of anxiety that's always been there). That pattern continued for years through breakups, problems...anything really.

I just wish I didn't let it get to where I am. I am aware that I probably had no control over it and it's not a conscious choice that I made. Who would choose it if if they could

It's the anxiety/thoughts that I can't control. These are what turned me to drink for years. Emotions also. The reason I feel so bad now is that I don't have that crutch any more but was it ever really a crutch or a hindrance, of course it's the latter.

I'm like a weather report these days, cloudy with a chance of sunshine. Brief periods I feel okay but they are short lived.

I'll muddle on to through the day and the next but I have some very dark thoughts at times.

Thank for listening/reading and thanks all for the words of encouragement

The most important thing is your are talking about it. Trying to figure it all out in our own heads by ourselves like depression is very bad news.

The crutch of any recovery is the acceptance that we drank alcoholically for a reason. Once we realize this and actually address the underlying issues happiness & most importantly peace of mind follows. This might mean going to AA meetings, other support groups, counselors, doctors etc etc. A lot of the problems stem back to childhood and our early teens which is why it's so hard to stop them being our default thought processes. It really is hard work but completely worth it. One thing that always triggered anger with me was I absolutely despised my father when I got "sober" but through hard work from talking to like minded people I've been able to love & accept the man for who he is. This is a man I got in to physical rows with over the years and our conversations only consisted of sport or other bull**** . Now we talk about life and it's great.

Addicts of any nature need to have a complete physic change & they need to know that they've had this change to stay sober. The person you were will drink again, the person you were will have to drink again. Once you realize you have to change your whole outlook on life you will 100% find happiness. Good luck

petes

I am seeing a counsellor and will go back to AA. It is going to take time I know. I have other stuff that is a direct result of my drinking that I can't deal with as like many alcoholics.

We have touch on a few things in counselling but most of the time I'm just spilling out the same stuff but it's in my head and I need to get it out.

As I said before I just need to keep busy for the time being. Have a prescription (repeat)for Xanax which I'll probably get although I don't want to be heavily reliant on medication. It does calm me down a bit so I'll take it for the time being but might head back to the doc and have a chat

Kunkka

Great stuff Petes. I find that once you are approaching anything with good attentions you're doing great. Continue with it all now and it will pay huge dividends for you later.