Haven't touched a drop in...

enoughalready

1 Month today

I was seriously 'down' day yesterday but I knew that 'this too shall pass' and that tomorrow would be better so I weathered my internal storm. Too early to tell if I feel any better but glad to know when I'm not feeling okay or down that a simple saying helps; 'this too shall pass'.

clairewithani

Day one today.
All my good intentions counted for little last time.

petes

clairewithani wrote: »

Day one today.
All my good intentions counted for little last time.

It's hard. Hang in there though. All here behind you! Some days I think to myself '**** it, what's the point' but I know that I don't want to go back but I'd love to forget everything but it will make everything a million times worse and I know it!

As said before don't get tired or hungry etc. Strange but if I'm hungry I get angry at the smallest things, never used to be like that but I've other things going on in my head.

If you need support go to an AA meeting, I've said before that they aren't for me but it's a good place to go and you'll be made feel welcome and no judgements whatsoever. Hopefully you've other supports in place too

clairewithani

petes wrote: »

It's hard. Hang in there though. All here behind you! Some days I think to myself '**** it, what's the point' but I know that I don't want to go back but I'd love to forget everything but it will make everything a million times worse and I know it!

As said before don't get tired or hungry etc. Strange but if I'm hungry I get angry at the smallest things, never used to be like that but I've other things going on in my head.

If you need support go to an AA meeting, I've said before that they aren't for me but it's a good place to go and you'll be made feel welcome and no judgements whatsoever. Hopefully you've other supports in place too

Not really. My partner is very much on the line of "it's simple. Just don't drink"

lawlolawl

clairewithani wrote: »

Not really. My partner is very much on the line of "it's simple. Just don't drink"

To be fair,when you strip it all down, that's exactly what you need to do.

You can have all the support, literature and meetings you like but if you don't want to give up you won't.

clairewithani

lawlolawl wrote: »

To be fair,when you strip it all down, that's exactly what you need to do.

You can have all the support, literature and meetings you like but if you don't want to give up you won't.

Well of course it is like that but if it were that simple this forum wouldn't be here.

tinpib

clairewithani wrote: »

Day one today.
All my good intentions counted for little last time.

I look at relapses as trial and error. Was there anything in particular that caused you to drink? Can you deal with the cause?

If it was a 'because it was Friday' then maybe you need to change up your Friday routine. Let's say your routine was wine/beers watching Friday evening telly then trying to watch telly sober will be difficult. Plan something else for next Friday. Even going to the cinema during peak temptation time will help. If you go to the cinema at 6pm, 7pm or 8pm or whatever by the time you get home it will be closer to bed time and hopefully it will be easier to go to bed sober.

Then you can look forward to a fresh head and a guilt, shame free Saturday.

Irish_rat

enoughalready wrote: »

1 Month today

I was seriously 'down' day yesterday but I knew that 'this too shall pass' and that tomorrow would be better so I weathered my internal storm. Too early to tell if I feel any better but glad to know when I'm not feeling okay or down that a simple saying helps; 'this too shall pass'.

Nice one dude. I totally get those down days and I've had some real bad ones but it will be worth it long term.

It could take months to a year to feel the real benefits. I'm nearly 7 months in and I'm definitely getting more positive towards everything in life now. Its a slow burning process.

I think diet and exercise is important too, it reflects on your mood. I've been lazy lately on the exercise bit.

marienbad

clairewithani wrote: »

Not really. My partner is very much on the line of "it's simple. Just don't drink"

Claire , its just my opinion but you need your partner to be a bit more supportive that that , it reminds me when I was a kid the solution to everything was 'he/she just needs a good kick up the arse '- simplistic stuff .

Of course in the last analysis only you can do it but every little helps .

Excuse me if I am getting too personal

This is where I have found AA to be so vital in my particular journey , I am with my own kind , I am understood in a way no one else can understand , I am not judged . I simply wouldn't have a contented sober life without it .

clairewithani

tinpib wrote: »

I look at relapses as trial and error. Was there anything in particular that caused you to drink? Can you deal with the cause?

If it was a 'because it was Friday' then maybe you need to change up your Friday routine. Let's say your routine was wine/beers watching Friday evening telly then trying to watch telly sober will be difficult. Plan something else for next Friday. Even going to the cinema during peak temptation time will help. If you go to the cinema at 6pm, 7pm or 8pm or whatever by the time you get home it will be closer to bed time and hopefully it will be easier to go to bed sober.

Then you can look forward to a fresh head and a guilt, shame free Saturday.

Stress. Stress is my trigger. Work is really stressful and my mind races at night and I can hardly sleep. I know the drinking is adding to my problems but I can't seem to sleep without it. Someone suggested medication here but I am terrified I will be swapping one addiction for another.

clairewithani

marienbad wrote: »

Claire , its just my opinion but you need your partner to be a bit more supportive that that , it reminds me when I was a kid the solution to everything was 'he/she just needs a good kick up the arse '- simplistic stuff .

Of course in the last analysis only you can do it but every little helps .

Excuse me if I am getting too personal

This is where I have found AA to be so vital in my particular journey , I am with my own kind , I am understood in a way no one else can understand , I am not judged . I simply wouldn't have a contented sober life without it .

I will try AA tomorrow. There is a meeting near me at 12.

marienbad

clairewithani wrote: »

I will try AA tomorrow. There is a meeting near me at 12.

Good for you Claire , remember you don't have to say anything , just listen if that is what you feel like , and the key is not to compare but to identify with the bits that are relevant to your life .

It was and still is like coming home for me

clairewithani

marienbad wrote: »

Good for you Claire , remember you don't have to say anything , just listen if that is what you feel like , and the key is not to compare but to identify with the bits that are relevant to your life .

It was and still is like coming home for me

No way am I speaking. But yes I would like to meet other people in the same circumstances.

marienbad

clairewithani wrote: »

No way am I speaking. But yes I would like to meet other people in the same circumstances.

Whatever you are comfortable with , I didn't speak for many many months , and there is no requirement to ever say a word .

After the meeting there will be a cuppa and a biscuit , great way to meet people . But move at your own pace , just a day at a time . it all mounts up.

ASoberThought

21 days for me now since my last relapse. No more complacency.

Have a good day all

marienbad

ASoberThought wrote: »

21 days for me now since my last relapse. No more complacency.

Have a good day all

Good on you , and I see you were up bright and early this morning , in AA terms that means you are the longest sober among us !:)

ASoberThought

marienbad wrote: »

Good on you , and I see you were up bright and early this morning , in AA terms that means you are the longest sober among us !:)

Cheers!

I try get up at 5:30 each morning and I have heard that said before. Do you know the background or thinking behind the getting up early and sober longest phrase?

petes

ASoberThought wrote: »

Cheers!

I try get up at 5:30 each morning and I have heard that said before. Do you know the background or thinking behind the getting up early and sober longest phrase?

I reckon in aa it means it doesn't matter if you are sober for 20 years or 20 days, everyone is only sober since they woke up (one days at a time).

marienbad

ASoberThought wrote: »

Cheers!

I try get up at 5:30 each morning and I have heard that said before. Do you know the background or thinking behind the getting up early and sober longest phrase?

exactly as petes says , it is the essence of the one day at a time philosophy - what is the quotation ....

'Live well today for today lived well makes yesterday a dream of happiness and tomorrow a vision of hope - so live well today.'

So who ever is up earliest is the longest sober - stops those of us that have a good few years sobriety behind us from getting too complacent also

ASoberThought

Thanks guys.

After reading your explanations and then reading the phrase again, it makes sense.

JupiterKid

Sober just over 2 weeks. I just found out this evening that a lovely chap who was in rehab with me has died - he relapsed and had a serious accident. He had only just become a grandfather. Far too young to go. Addiction is a killer.

I absolutely must hold on to sobriety for dear life because the consequences of relapsing don't bear thinking about.

Lady is a tramp

JupiterKid wrote: »

Sober just over 2 weeks. I just found out this evening that a lovely chap who was in rehab with me has died - he relapsed and had a serious accident. He had only just become a grandfather. Far too young to go. Addiction is a killer.

I absolutely must hold on to sobriety for dear life because the consequences of relapsing don't bear thinking about.

Ah, god. It's so terrible when someone you've been in rehab with relapses. I've been through it a few times, so have made quite a few friends ... and it's a special sort of friendship, I'm sure you know yourself, because you'll have heard them pour their heart and soul out in those group sessions, you'll have seen them cry, you'll have laughed and cried with them, you'll know and understand how much they want sobriety and why ... it's just heartbreaking to hear of a relapse. And especially one with such a tragic outcome.

A girl I was on the program with earlier this year in St Pats relapsed shortly after leaving hospital. She rang me, but wouldn't speak to me, just put me on to her mother ... who was at her absolute wits end, she was sobbing down the phone to me that the girl needed to be back in hospital and needed professional help, but she was refusing to go. I just told her mum everything she had said again and again in group. And told her to say it to her. And it got through to her, and she was readmitted the next day, she's still there now, and she thanked me for making her see sense! She's got a wee girl, she has everything to live for.

You know something, it's a really horrible condition to live with, but for the people I've met throughout my treatment in various centres ... for the things I've learned ... I am very grateful.

marienbad

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

Ah, god. It's so terrible when someone you've been in rehab with relapses. I've been through it a few times, so have made quite a few friends ... and it's a special sort of friendship, I'm sure you know yourself, because you'll have heard them pour their heart and soul out in those group sessions, you'll have seen them cry, you'll have laughed and cried with them, you'll know and understand how much they want sobriety and why ... it's just heartbreaking to hear of a relapse. And especially one with such a tragic outcome.

A girl I was on the program with earlier this year in St Pats relapsed shortly after leaving hospital. She rang me, but wouldn't speak to me, just put me on to her mother ... who was at her absolute wits end, she was sobbing down the phone to me that the girl needed to be back in hospital and needed professional help, but she was refusing to go. I just told her mum everything she had said again and again in group. And told her to say it to her. And it got through to her, and she was readmitted the next day, she's still there now, and she thanked me for making her see sense! She's got a wee girl, she has everything to live for.

You know something, it's a really horrible condition to live with, but for the people I've met throughout my treatment in various centres ... for the things I've learned ... I am very grateful.

This is heartbreaking stuff , This is why AA is for me , I don't think I could cope with the struggle on a daily basis without it . On the other hand with my meetings and contacts I have a very contented sober live where the idea of drink rarely enters my head .And on those odd occasions where it does I have the mental tools to crush it like the snake in the grass it is.

doublegreen

Day 22 for me.
I had managed 136 days off pre Christmas. I had got through all the work parties etc without touching a drop only to buy 'takeaway' on way home the day I finished up for Christmas.

One part that really worries(d) me about this was the lack of filters or any voice in my head at the time saying 'Don't do this'. Don't throw away your 136 days. I had expected to always at least have something or some tiny part of me trying to stop me but that day , there was nothing. I worry such a day might come again.

Anyway back on the horse or off it depending on what way you look at it.
Its taken me 4-5 months to start again. I'm back in a decent place again and onwards and upwards. A huge contribution to getting me started again was Jason Vales book which I would highly recommend.

realdanbreen

doublegreen wrote: »

Day 22 for me.
I had managed 136 days off pre Christmas. I had got through all the work parties etc without touching a drop only to buy 'takeaway' on way home the day I finished up for Christmas.

One part that really worries(d) me about this was the lack of filters or any voice in my head at the time saying 'Don't do this'. Don't throw away your 136 days. I had expected to always at least have something or some tiny part of me trying to stop me but that day , there was nothing. I worry such a day might come again.

Anyway back on the horse or off it depending on what way you look at it.
Its taken me 4-5 months to start again. I'm back in a decent place again and onwards and upwards. A huge contribution to getting me started again was Jason Vales book which I would highly recommend.

Best of luck to you DG. Personally I would try and forget about the previous 136 days. Whenever it crosses my mind to have 'just one' I just take a deep breath and think about the sh1t life I had, the worry, the panic, the waking up in a sweat, the ducking & diving & lying, the meeting the postman at the end of the street to intercept the bills, the hiding of bottles, putting vodka into orange juice cartons FFS!
No thanks, f**k the drink , it's not for me.

Lady is a tramp

doublegreen wrote: »

One part that really worries(d) me about this was the lack of filters or any voice in my head at the time saying 'Don't do this'. Don't throw away your 136 days. I had expected to always at least have something or some tiny part of me trying to stop me but that day , there was nothing. I worry such a day might come again.

I really get this! One thing that counsellors have always beaten into me is "play the record through to the end" ... my last couple of relapses, I didn't. I couldn't have given a ****e about my recovery.

Your alcoholism is smarter than you. It's taken me a long time to realise that. It'll play every hand it's got to get to you. It's f*cking scary.

ASoberThought

How's everyone doing? Its quiet around here..

I'm doing good. Looking forward to starting a new job on Monday and making my recovery work while enduring a little extra pressure.

clairewithani

ASoberThought wrote: »

How's everyone doing? Its quiet around here..

I'm doing good. Looking forward to starting a new job on Monday and making my recovery work while enduring a little extra pressure.

That's great about the new job. Good luck.
Day 7 for me. Feeling very down and out but I suppose that goes with the territory.

enoughalready

ASoberThought wrote: »

How's everyone doing? Its quiet around here..

I'm doing good. Looking forward to starting a new job on Monday and making my recovery work while enduring a little extra pressure.

Best of luck with the new job ASoberThought.

realdanbreen

clairewithani wrote: »

That's great about the new job. Good luck.
Day 7 for me. Feeling very down and out but I suppose that goes with the territory.

Keep the chin up Claire.