Haven't touched a drop in...

marienbad

petes wrote: »

I didn't go to aa thinking it wasn't for me. I too went with an open mind. It was after a good while that I realised it wasn't for me. I think it's a great program.

Why do you think it wasn't for you petes ? If I am intruding my apologies - no need to answer if you don't feel like it .

I am quite simply the most headstrong self-centred self absorbed person you you could possibly meet and it is a never ending wonder to me that I actually got sober through AA- I was given that one moment of absolute clarity where I saw exactly what I was and where I was going - and I have hung on to it ever since using the tools I learnt in those meetings .

petes

marienbad wrote: »

Why do you think it wasn't for you petes ? If I am intruding my apologies - no need to answer if you don't feel like it .

I am quite simply the most headstrong self-centred self absorbed person you you could possibly meet and it is a never ending wonder to me that I actually got sober through AA- I was given that one moment of absolute clarity where I saw exactly what I was and where I was going - and I have hung on to it ever since using the tools I learnt in those meetings .

I just found that I wasn't getting anything from it. I shared as much as I could etc., identified and didn't compare but nothing really clicked. The whole higher power thing wasn't for me either (I know it could be anything) and I know people say it's not really about God etc. but it's more about it than it isn't.

Can't fault the people though. I probably have other issues that's I'm trying to deal with but can't and that gets in the way of most things.

Anyway, didn't drink last night although it's still on my mind. If I did I'd probably have nowhere to live but it doesn't really matter in my head at the minute. Strange thoughts that I can't let go of

As I mentioned (and I'm being completely honest) I don't see much point in anything at the minute so I'll have to do something about that

marienbad

petes wrote: »

I just found that I wasn't getting anything from it. I shared as much as I could etc., identified and didn't compare but nothing really clicked. The whole higher power thing wasn't for me either (I know it could be anything) and I know people say it's not really about God etc. but it's more about it than it isn't.

Can't fault the people though. I probably have other issues that's I'm trying to deal with but can't and that gets in the way of most things.

Anyway, didn't drink last night although it's still on my mind. If I did I'd probably have nowhere to live but it doesn't really matter in my head at the minute. Strange thoughts that I can't let go of

As I mentioned (and I'm being completely honest) I don't see much point in anything at the minute so I'll have to do something about that

Most peoples sticking point with AA seems to be the higher power idea , and believe me it really isn't about God , it is a higher power of your understanding . In Ireland as we are predominantly Christian country that higher power in 99% of cases seems to be the Christian God - but it need not be so .

I lost any belief in the Christian concept of God a long, long time ago and I class myself as agnostic with regards to all gods. Most would politely disagree with me, but that does not invalidate my position .

petes

marienbad wrote: »

Most peoples sticking point with AA seems to be the higher power idea , and believe me it really isn't about God , it is a higher power of your understanding . In Ireland as we are predominantly Christian country that higher power in 99% of cases seems to be the Christian God - but it need not be so .

I lost any belief in the Christian concept of God a long, long time ago and I class myself as agnostic with regards to all gods. Most would politely disagree with me, but that does not invalidate my position .

It still doesn't get away from the fact that every room is filled with references to God and I know the literature etc. was changed to say as you understand him some time ago. I'm not putting it down or anything but group therapy isn't really my thing. When you start to resent some people in aa because of their shares it's time to not be there.

Whatever works for anyone is a great thing but I dreaded going to every meeting, hated being there and left with nothing. I might have a tad more social anxiety than I thought and drink always was a crutch. Life and soul, great craic etc. all the while being have hammered by the time I met anyone out.

I'm okay this evening but I have taken a bit of Xanax.

I think the loneliness gets to me really bad at times.


Anyway I'm rambling and could probably go on quite a bit

tinpib

petes wrote: »

Anyway I'm rambling and could probably go on quite a bit

That's what this forum is for. Please do go on Petes.

The flying mouse

I to went to AA, but for me the best part was the conversations/meetings after the AA meetings, In fact a group of us started to go for coffees/teas,/food at least twice a month, That for me was more helpful in me fighting my addiction than the meetings themselves, Just saying not knocking AA.

Petes keep posting, keep fighting, If one way not working try a different approach, The main thing is don't quit quitting.

ASoberThought

49 days today.

I'm loving life at the moment and the balance is good. That can all be taken away starting with one drink. I'm grateful that my appreciation for life is easy to come by today but there will be days when this appreciation won't come so easy. That's life on life's terms and it's all about how we choose to respond.

Success is delayed gratification and we must weather the storms when they come.

I wish you all strength

Laeot

97 days .....

The devil tries to get me to drink for a while every day but the devil can go fcuk himself because I have the strength !

Good wishes to all ....

bonyn

petes wrote: »

I'm okay this evening but I have taken a bit of Xanax.

be careful you don't substitute one bad habit for another.
At my lowest, I took a few drinks, a little xanax, a few sugary treats, even the odd cigarette. Nothing in huge quantities, but after a few months I didn't know if I was coming or going.

Bonniedog

Marienbad - I did go to AA meetings first time I stopped, and it was useful for first few days as it made me realise that I was not only one, and that it was possible to turn things around.

What stopped me going was that I am pretty introverted stubborn set in my ways type of person and don't particularly like any type of organisation so the idea of regularly attending meetings and becoming part of a new group of people just didn't, and doesn't, appeal to me. Same applies to any sort of group by the way!

The "God / Higher Power" thing didn't bother me. Am religious in a vague sense anyway, but don't believe in a personal god, and certainly not in surrendering to one. But if it works it works.


So I can see why petes and others are uncomfortable with meetings. For myself, this serves as a good sounding board. Sometimes to post, sometimes just to browse through as it reminds me that I am not only one with this cross, and it is a cross. One I've let down for the moment, but one I know is still following me, waiting for me to pick it up again in another moment of stupidity or weakness, or even happiness. Maybe even particularly the last one, as last relapse was when I persuaded myself that a few would do no harm as part of everyone else having the crack.

Going to give Sunday a miss again I think. Could have handled just the Dubs on their own, then home. Now, my match buddies are all meeting to see the soccer at 2 and Dubs is at 6.35. Staying with them be too much. Don't trust myself and know myself too well! Meeting them after them being drinking for four hours BEFORE the Dubs would just annoy me.

Another match on TV, but better than the likely alternative!

marienbad

Bonniedog wrote: »

Marienbad - I did go to AA meetings first time I stopped, and it was useful for first few days as it made me realise that I was not only one, and that it was possible to turn things around.

What stopped me going was that I am pretty introverted stubborn set in my ways type of person and don't particularly like any type of organisation so the idea of regularly attending meetings and becoming part of a new group of people just didn't, and doesn't, appeal to me. Same applies to any sort of group by the way!

The "God / Higher Power" thing didn't bother me. Am religious in a vague sense anyway, but don't believe in a personal god, and certainly not in surrendering to one. But if it works it works.


So I can see why petes and others are uncomfortable with meetings. For myself, this serves as a good sounding board. Sometimes to post, sometimes just to browse through as it reminds me that I am not only one with this cross, and it is a cross. One I've let down for the moment, but one I know is still following me, waiting for me to pick it up again in another moment of stupidity or weakness, or even happiness. Maybe even particularly the last one, as last relapse was when I persuaded myself that a few would do no harm as part of everyone else having the crack.

Going to give Sunday a miss again I think. Could have handled just the Dubs on their own, then home. Now, my match buddies are all meeting to see the soccer at 2 and Dubs is at 6.35. Staying with them be too much. Don't trust myself and know myself too well! Meeting them after them being drinking for four hours BEFORE the Dubs would just annoy me.

Another match on TV, but better than the likely alternative!

Hi Bonnedog- I am not a joiner either and never have been and at this stage never will be . But I don't class AA in quite the same way - I go when and where I please , strictly observe the anonymity except where I choose to break it and I enjoy the 12th step work of helping others ,sharing, driving to meetings , etc . It was done for me so it is only right the I constantly repay that debt. But it is still only takes a very small part of my time , and a hell of a lot less that I took drinking.

I find that alcoholism is a chronically selfish disease and even in recovery it is so easy to be self-obsessed ( it is for me anyway ) and AA provides the antidote to that , a whole world to be enjoyed and drink simply not a part of it .

It is the contented life that AA gives me and I am and was prepared to do anything to get and hold on to that life . Simple as that .

But it may not be for everyone .

Lady is a tramp

marienbad wrote: »

strictly observe the anonymity except where I choose to break it

I don't really get this part! What do you mean?

marienbad

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

I don't really get this part! What do you mean?

AA is strictly anonymous , first names only . I decide when and if ever I tell people my second name and any other details .

Laeot

99 days ...

Still no word from the gardai or courts about drunk driving . That's 99 days ago.
No news is good news? Or the inevitable will come ....

Either way I'm not drunk and don't plan to be today or tomorrow ...

Keep well all....

enoughalready

2 months and a bit...

Irish_rat

petes wrote: »

Just a bad day but my resounding thoughts these days is what's the point. I ll keep plugging away anyway. Thanks all.

How are you now petes? Those down days can be pretty horrible, I suffer them, everyone else here does, were all sober together, keep your mind busy, find something new that's exciting in your life.

I havnt posted here in a while, I'm doing fine, I get the odd thought telling me to have one but usually its at the back of my head. Have a pending house purchase on the horizon so my mind is taking up with other stuff.

bilbot79

Are you an alcoholic if you get hammered on your own once a week sitting up listening to choons till 4am?

bonyn

bilbot79 wrote: »

Are you an alcoholic if you get hammered on your own once a week sitting up listening to choons till 4am?

Probably not

rizzee

Hope I'm posting this in the right place. Have read through the majority of the comments here whilst I've been flicking in and out of the forum the last few months, fair play to yous all and continue the great work!

I'm 25 and probably drink 4 or 5 days a week. Today is a week since I've last had a drink (over in France at the Euros) and the last time I went a full 7 days without a drop would probably be 2/3 years ago.

I feel over the past few months it has really caught up with me and I was becoming agitated and felt it taking control. I'd go down to the shop and buy 8 cans and have them in front of the to v by myself, I'd always say yes to a session no matter where or when/ if I had work the next day/ if I couldn't afford it then take a lend etc. My diet went to ****, my sleeping pattern is in bits and amongst other things going on (family/relationship problems) I really needed to kick back a bit.

I want to focus on myself and get back fit. Perhaps not cut the drink right on the head but cut down big time and not saying yes to every night out! Perhaps change to non alcoholic beers for a while, whilst still going out, or, say drink once a month. Are there anyone in this forum who changed to non alcoholic or just cut it on the head?

Thanks

Bonniedog

bilbot79 wrote: »

Are you an alcoholic if you get hammered on your own once a week sitting up listening to choons till 4am?

If that's a serious question, then no.

I have lots of friends who do similar. Difference between them and me is that if I do that, Ill drink again the next day when I get up, and for as long as it takes for me to get sick and hardly able to function. Took me years to end up like that. That was when I was fit and younger. Now, I am a wreck after a week. So it was time to stop.

Most people can drink and enjoy it without any more collateral damage than a sore head and an empty pocket!

Bonniedog

rizzee wrote: »

Hope I'm posting this in the right place. Have read through the majority of the comments here whilst I've been flicking in and out of the forum the last few months, fair play to yous all and continue the great work!

I'm 25 and probably drink 4 or 5 days a week. Today is a week since I've last had a drink (over in France at the Euros) and the last time I went a full 7 days without a drop would probably be 2/3 years ago.

I feel over the past few months it has really caught up with me and I was becoming agitated and felt it taking control. I'd go down to the shop and buy 8 cans and have them in front of the to v by myself, I'd always say yes to a session no matter where or when/ if I had work the next day/ if I couldn't afford it then take a lend etc. My diet went to ****, my sleeping pattern is in bits and amongst other things going on (family/relationship problems) I really needed to kick back a bit.

I want to focus on myself and get back fit. Perhaps not cut the drink right on the head but cut down big time and not saying yes to every night out! Perhaps change to non alcoholic beers for a while, whilst still going out, or, say drink once a month. Are there anyone in this forum who changed to non alcoholic or just cut it on the head?

Thanks

Personally, I found that when I stopped and tried to maintain my old pattern of going to the pub I eventually slipped back into drinking so I just stopped.

If you think it is a serious problem then you are better off breaking your old habits, even just for a while, as it gets you out of the cycle that facilitates your drinking. I also found it complete pain in butt to spend hours sober in a pub!

rizzee

Bonniedog wrote: »

Personally, I found that when I stopped and tried to maintain my old pattern of going to the pub I eventually slipped back into drinking so I just stopped.

If you think it is a serious problem then you are better off breaking your old habits, even just for a while, as it gets you out of the cycle that facilitates your drinking. I also found it complete pain in butt to spend hours sober in a pub!

Haha, I understand, it can be a bit boring! I was watching the football there the weekend with everyone and didn't have a drink. Literally went up for the duration of the match and went home, didn't want to stay around with everyone incase I ended up having one! Been looking at other ways to keep myself busy though!

petes

Irish_rat wrote: »

How are you now petes? Those down days can be pretty horrible, I suffer them, everyone else here does, were all sober together, keep your mind busy, find something new that's exciting in your life.

I havnt posted here in a while, I'm doing fine, I get the odd thought telling me to have one but usually its at the back of my head. Have a pending house purchase on the horizon so my mind is taking up with other stuff.

I'm ok, thanks. Sort of. Day off today which will probably be spent doing nothing. Doc app. at 11 for something else but I think I'm going to bring up anti depressants. I just can't feel this way all the time with only a few days a week being okay. It's why I drank so much and then became dependant on it,physically and mentally.

Go to counselling once a week and it does help but I do think I need something else with it.

When I drank it was an escape and I still nearly crave a couple of those hours drinking where I feel okay. It's a million times worse the next day so back in to the cycle you go and I'm not going there

Thanks for asking, hope all is well and everything goes ok with the house purchase

Hope everyone else is good too!

petes

rizzee wrote: »

Hope I'm posting this in the right place. Have read through the majority of the comments here whilst I've been flicking in and out of the forum the last few months, fair play to yous all and continue the great work!

I'm 25 and probably drink 4 or 5 days a week. Today is a week since I've last had a drink (over in France at the Euros) and the last time I went a full 7 days without a drop would probably be 2/3 years ago.

I feel over the past few months it has really caught up with me and I was becoming agitated and felt it taking control. I'd go down to the shop and buy 8 cans and have them in front of the to v by myself, I'd always say yes to a session no matter where or when/ if I had work the next day/ if I couldn't afford it then take a lend etc. My diet went to ****, my sleeping pattern is in bits and amongst other things going on (family/relationship problems) I really needed to kick back a bit.

I want to focus on myself and get back fit. Perhaps not cut the drink right on the head but cut down big time and not saying yes to every night out! Perhaps change to non alcoholic beers for a while, whilst still going out, or, say drink once a month. Are there anyone in this forum who changed to non alcoholic or just cut it on the head?

Thanks

If you are becoming agitated etc. drink won't help, it will in the short term but it's very progressive. I'd be like Bonniedog, if I drank today, I'd be hitting the bottle first thing in the morning!

Maybe cut back on it and do something else. Instead of buying the 8 cans go and do something. You mentioned fitness and it's a good start. Exercise releases serotonin and endorphins I think and you will feel better after. If you don't like the gym like me you could join a club or something, a social element there too.

Lady is a tramp

marienbad wrote: »

AA is strictly anonymous , first names only . I decide when and if ever I tell people my second name and any other details .

Ah sorry, I totally misread that and thought you meant you strictly observe the anonymity of others unless you choose not to! :pac: Never mind!!!

I'm not doing great at the moment. I mean, I'm not drinking and not thinking of drink, but that's probably mostly because I'm in hospital. I'm not even going to Lifering or AA meetings at the moment ... I only find Lifering helps when I'm in a good frame of mind to begin with, and AA meetings can occasionally be triggering for me so I don't want to take that chance right now. Had a good chat with my psychiatrist yesterday and with my alcohol counsellor this morning, both helped. Planning on a very quiet weekend here in hospital, lots of reading and Netflix!!

I might be feeling crap, but at least seeing as I'm sober we can work on all the other issues I have. So I guess that's one positive.

Laeot

100 days.
That is all.

petes

Back from the doc, prescribed antidepressants and short course of Xanax. Had to do something. I feel that I do everything right, exercise, work, eat, sleep etc. but then still have really bad days that roll in to one another. That's a very dangerous time for me as its definitely a time I'd think I need this feeling to stop and I'd drink.

Feel better for actually saying all this to the doc and here.

See how I go with it, will keep doing what I was doing and maybe try and put myself in to a few more social situations, coffees etc. I will hopefully be moving from home in a month or two so that's a big test but I'll be living half at home and half away (probably more at home) for the first while.

Also going to start writing things down, did that the other day and it's surprising how much comes out when writing, same things you have been thinking but makes them more real and such you might be able to deal with them a bit better.

Hope anything I write here helps some people because I know what people write here definitely helps me

marienbad

Laeot wrote: »

100 days.
That is all.

Big, big number , well done Laeot !

4 days I will beat this....

Bunny Colvin

Day 4

I'm going to try and stop drinking until the end of October. No excuses, big test coming up immediately with a wedding this Saturday but you have to draw the line somewhere, there's plenty going on this summer.

The reason for it is, I'm just sick of going out every weekend (recently was doing the odd midweek session too and a couple here and there during the week) and doing the same old ****. Making poor decisions when under the influence, talking nonsense, being hungover for multiple days, having 'the fear' and spending cash I just can't afford. Also suffered one or two incidents that could have been avoided if I wasn't drunk.

I've just had enough now. I find alcohol is also breaking me down physically and setting me back mentally. Sure, it can be good craic at the time, but it's just not worth it anymore for me. I'm just going to dive in and look to get into good shape and spend my time more productively outside of work.

I've read this thread before, so I hope to post my progress to make myself accountable. IF (and I will sincerely hope I do) I make four months, I'll take things from there but it would be nice to experience a life without alcohol for a while and see where it takes me.