Put the glass down and walk away with your hands up....

Beetlebum

Hey Folks,

I’m a 29 year old woman who has decided to end my long term love affair with booze.
It has been a very rocky relationship filled with ups and downs and I’m very glad it’s come to a bitter end. I’m on day 11 and I’m frightened.

I’m feeling a multitude of feelings and thought this might be a good place to start looking for some support.

My story goes like this..

Both of my parents are/were alcoholics. My mom died 5 years ago from alcohol poisoning and I watched her demise for years before her death. It was horrific and it was all down to alcohol. You’d think this would have deterred me from drinking but oh no, I went the other way, I drank my** off.

My dad is a recovered(ish) alcoholic. He has his moments let’s say. For the most part he is sober but I never fully trust he’ll stay that way. He has chronic depression also but that’s unrelated as he had that even as a teenager. Anyway, I digress. My story is that I drink way too much way too often and it’s scary the things that have happened to me as a result of this.

Bottom line is alcohol had/has a massive grip on me and I need to escape from it or I worry that I will end up like my mom.

Any advice for me and thanks for reading.

tenchi-fan

Aren't the tragedies in your family a good enough reason to quit the booze?

Neither of my parents drink because they both came from families with problems with alcohol.

For me, I always thought drink was pretty harmless but it cost me so much over the years (I doubt I'd have any change from €80,000 and I'm only 29 too!) and there have been a few incidents after which I'd tell myself "I'm never drinking again."

The fact is, I use drink as a social crutch. I don't mind going to events on my own because after a few drinks I get chatting to people. Is this the reason you drink?

Beetlebum

Of course the tragedies in my family are reason enough to quit drinking and my rationale knows that but I have a problem with alcohol, my problem being that I don’t stop even when I know I should.
That’s the problem.
I’m not sure why I drink so much, I think there are a few reasons. I guess the main one is escapism.

It helps me unwind and feel relaxed. It helps me to become more sociable and confident and it helps me sleep. However, it’s no longer enjoyable and it’s no longer a social tool. My drinking had become problematic and habitual.

The list of trouble I’ve gotten into is endless – lost jobs, lost friends, injured myself to the point of needing stitches, depressive periods, mood swings, insomnia, anxiety, it’s unreal.

I feel very positive today however. There is a free bar after work and I’m going to go but am not gonna touch a drop. There’s a wine bar that will be serving lovely wine but I’m gonna steer clear.

The prospect of never drinking again is scary but the thoughts of dying due to my excess is even more scary.

I just wish I could moderate but I can’t. I’m the same way with chocolate, I can’t just have one square, I have to eat the entire bar.

tenchi-fan

I could have written the above.

I don't think my problem is as bad though, however I have several scars from drunken incidents and got in trouble with the cops a few times (only two serious incidents but plenty of "go home or we'll arrest you" moments). And in my new job I definitely pushed the boat out by arriving 15 minutes late, unshaved and stinking of drink.

It's funny you mention chocolate because I have the same addiction to the point where I'll eat a lot so it will be "gone" but then I go and buy more next time I'm in the supermarket. It starts off as comfort eating but ends up being compulsive eating.

Despite the fact the pub is the cause of most of the moments I'm not proud of, drinking at home ends up being the main problem. I can't chirp too much because I've only stopped drinking 12 days ago But for the first few evenings I have an anxious feeling out of nowhere in the evenings. I started walking home from work (a good 30 min walk) and it was helpful in letting me relax in the evening.

I think you need to make the decision to dump your old friend alcohol. This evening, instead of drinking a glass of wine have some orange juice (a lot more healthy) and make alternative plans, ideally with a friend, like to the shop and buy some new clothes (a great way to start a new lifestyle), or something low-key like rent a dvd and buy a takeaway.

Sunnyisland

Hi in my opinion trying to stop or even cut down drinking is very very tough,I tried to cut back for years but always ended back in the same place,which ment my whole life was based around alcohol,you need to change habits and get a plan here is a few ideas that might help,remember give yourself & body a chance, you didn't get here with a drinking problem overnight and it wont go away overnight,

• Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4 days a week, is helpful)
• Hypnotherapy ,
• Meditation (many of us practice meditation)
• Dietary supplements ,
• A healthy diet, and regular meals
• Medication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your physician)
• Going to AA meetings
• Changing our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"
• 
  Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress, including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something else.
  
  Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money. Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking about it.
  
  Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way through any important project. But with persistence, and support from others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where we really want to go Go for it.

zero_nine

I'm so sick of this. NOthing works

Sunnyisland

Zero nine its not that nothing works,it has to be you,just you that wants it to work,you have to want change,good job on going to AA,being around like minded people is a start,keep posting how your doing.

Beetlebum

Thanks for all your replies.

Well I went to the free bar after work and had a 7up. I stayed for an hour then went home feeling
proud of myself. I also received great news on Friday afternoon and wanted to celebrate (I’d usually do this by rounding up a bunch of mates and hitting the pub) but instead I bought this gorgeous hot chocolate and went home. I watched a movie and ate lovely food.

I woke up on Saturday and went for a 2 hour cycle. I feel great today and I now that things can only better. However, my worry is how long I can last being sober. I know in my heart that if I have 1 drink then I’ll have 10 drinks. I can’t do moderate. It’s just not in me. Plus, I love alcohol too much. I would drink Guinness even if it was alcohol-free cause I love the taste so much.

Also, I adore sitting with a bunch of good friends in a small old mans pub sinking pints, telling stories and laughing from my belly. The thought of never doing that again fills me with dread.

Now that I’m feeling good thoughts are starting to creep in that I know are dangerous. Thoughts such as –

Well if I feel this good now then what’s the harm? I’ve only been off it 2 weeks and I feel great so if I drink again and need to stop 2 weeks sobriety is all it takes to feel fab!

Why was I being so hard on myself, so I enjoy a few pints, so what, who doesn’t etc etc

If I can go 2 weeks without a drop then maybe I didn’t actually have a problem blah blah blah.

See, i gave up smoking 5 months and went through similar bullsh*t justifications. I will never smoke again. Giving up smoking was easy enough for me because I hate it and think it’s vile but I don’t think I’ll ecer hate Guinness. In fact, I’d marry Guinness if it proposed to me

I’m just scared that I’m stuck here and that I’ll end up like my mom. That’s my greatest fear.

jdivision

I loved Guinness, then found out I was allergic to it (am a coeliac), now can't drink it anymore. Miss it? yeah I do. Would I drink it again? not on your life. That's the way you should look at it OP - you're allergic to it because of the reactions it has on you. So don't drink it again. If you do desperately need a beer have a non-alcoholic one - but don't do that unless you absolutely have to. In the end, after the first three weeks it feels okay and you don't miss it - I give it up for a month every year, the only hard bit is when everybody else is drunk and you get bored because your mates telling you the same story for the third time and then you realise - Jesus that's me when I'm drunk too.

tunguska

Beetlebum wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies.

Well I went to the free bar after work and had a 7up. I stayed for an hour then went home feeling
proud of myself. I also received great news on Friday afternoon and wanted to celebrate (I’d usually do this by rounding up a bunch of mates and hitting the pub) but instead I bought this gorgeous hot chocolate and went home. I watched a movie and ate lovely food.

I woke up on Saturday and went for a 2 hour cycle. I feel great today and I now that things can only better. However, my worry is how long I can last being sober. I know in my heart that if I have 1 drink then I’ll have 10 drinks. I can’t do moderate. It’s just not in me. Plus, I love alcohol too much. I would drink Guinness even if it was alcohol-free cause I love the taste so much.

Also, I adore sitting with a bunch of good friends in a small old mans pub sinking pints, telling stories and laughing from my belly. The thought of never doing that again fills me with dread.

Now that I’m feeling good thoughts are starting to creep in that I know are dangerous. Thoughts such as –

Well if I feel this good now then what’s the harm? I’ve only been off it 2 weeks and I feel great so if I drink again and need to stop 2 weeks sobriety is all it takes to feel fab!

Why was I being so hard on myself, so I enjoy a few pints, so what, who doesn’t etc etc

If I can go 2 weeks without a drop then maybe I didn’t actually have a problem blah blah blah.

See, i gave up smoking 5 months and went through similar bullsh*t justifications. I will never smoke again. Giving up smoking was easy enough for me because I hate it and think it’s vile but I don’t think I’ll ecer hate Guinness. In fact, I’d marry Guinness if it proposed to me

I’m just scared that I’m stuck here and that I’ll end up like my mom. That’s my greatest fear.

You're allowing yourself to be fatalistic. You're using words like "forever" and "never again" so of course you're gonna get scared. You're jumping to massive conclusions, imagining scenarios that more than likely wont happen. Relax, stop scaing yourself. You gotta live in whats known as daytight compartments. Stop jumping forward in your mind and trying to figure out how you'll deal with this or that when it hasnt even happened yet. You can only deal with those things as they happen right now, so let go and cross those bridges when you come to them.
And be wary of justifications. You can think of all the excuses in the world to drink that sound very reasonable at the time: Its just one or two drinks thats no harm. Sure I deserve to have a drink, ive had a tough week. Everybody else drinks so why shouldnt I?
But they're only bull**** lies you tell yourself. Pay no attention to what anybody else says or does. You made the decision to quit drinking, for very good reasons. Those other people arent you, they havent had your life, therefore the dont have the same motivations to not drink. Keep at it, daytight compartments and dont let others sway you from your goal.