Someone taking your baby name - would you be mad?

Chinafoot

Chinafoot wrote: »

The point that the "thats so selfish" crowd seem to be missing is that during your child's life they will almost certainly encounter people with the same name as them. It doesn't matter if it's classmates, workmates or the child of your mother's best friend. The OP says she likes the name Noah. I went to school with 2 and have two work colleagues who have named their children that. Its not a big deal.

If you tell someone you like the name Alexiana (not that unusual btw, popular enough in Germany and Eastern Europe and I have registered a number of little girls in the libraries with that name) and they decide they really like that name too I don't see why they should be prevented from using it. You might deem them selfish for doing so but personally I think you would be far more selfish to throw a strop over your friend picking a name they want for their baby because you "had it first".

But it's one thing to meet strangers with the same name, it's another thing when someone close to you calls their kid the name you picked out, especially, as RD said, if it's an unusual one. Alexiana would be uncommon among Irish kids, so if I told my friend I really liked it and then she used it, having never previously even heard of it, then that's very selfish. I just don't see how that is the action of a good friend. There are literally millions of names in the world, why pick the one name your friend told you about so they can't use it (and it's true, it's hard to use it when a close friend or relative already has)?

It is ALWAYS obvious when people 'steal' names as opposed to just having always liked the name. I have a younger cousin with the same name as me, it is actually quite annoying and I really wish my aunt had chosen something else, but my parents told me to say I didn't mind. It's not a special name though, it's relatively common and I'm sure my aunt did always like it so I can't really say much. If my name had been Nostrafaritutu and my aunt had decided she 'just liked it', well that would have been pathetic, IMO.

Lia_lia

I wouldn't care less. Why do people get so worked about these kinda things?
There are much more devastating things in life than someone stealing your "baby name". How petty!

Anyway I don't think I'd be able to choose a name for my baby (if I ever have 1!) until I actually see the baby.

Lia_lia

Lia_lia wrote: »

I wouldn't care less. Why do people get so worked about these kinda things?
There are much more devastating things in life than someone stealing your "baby name". How petty!

Anyway I don't think I'd be able to choose a name for my baby (if I ever have 1!) until I actually see the baby.

I don't get that mentality. Of course it's not that important. Of course we all have much more to worry about. Doesn't mean I wouldn't be miffed if I told someone my favourite name (especially if it was foreign/unusual/different spelling) and they promptly used it for their baby. It's not a nice thing to do. Most of the topics in this forum are shallow and petty and people have plenty of opinions about them. Why is this one getting peoples' backs up?

Lia_lia

^ Well personally, I wouldn't care. The whole notion sounds ridiculous. But then again I don't have a favourite name. However if I did I know it still wouldn't bother me if someone used it. But that's just me! Everyone has a different opinion on things.

Chinafoot

Lia Gentle Crucifix wrote: »

But it's one thing to meet strangers with the same name, it's another thing when someone close to you calls their kid the name you picked out, especially, as RD said, if it's an unusual one. Alexiana would be uncommon among Irish kids, so if I told my friend I really liked it and then she used it, having never previously even heard of it, then that's very selfish. I just don't see how that is the action of a good friend. There are literally millions of names in the world, why pick the one name your friend told you about so they can't use it (and it's true, it's hard to use it when a close friend or relative already has)?

I completey disagree that its selfish. I will never understand this mentality. Nor will I understand why you couldn't possibly use it if a friend or relative already has. Thats ridiculous. If thats the name you want for your child then use it.

Lia Gentle Crucifix wrote: »

It is ALWAYS obvious when people 'steal' names as opposed to just having always liked the name. I have a younger cousin with the same name as me, it is actually quite annoying and I really wish my aunt had chosen something else, but my parents told me to say I didn't mind. It's not a special name though, it's relatively common and I'm sure my aunt did always like it so I can't really say much.

How the hell can you "steal" a name?! I'm sorry but come on. Being miffed that a cousin has the same common name as you seems pretty silly imo. What does it matter?

Lia Gentle Crucifix wrote: »

If my name had been Nostrafaritutu and my aunt had decided she 'just liked it', well that would have been pathetic, IMO.

Why is so inconceivable that someone other than your parents could like a name?

Look, we can agree to disagree. I think this talk of stealing names, copying etc is childish in the extreme. People might not have any names at all decided and hear one that their friend likes and decide they really love that name too. Its not beyond the realms of possibility. Having a hissy fit over it is pathetic.

sashafierce

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Dudess

Well dismissive yawn or not (is that necessary just because people don't agree with you?) it ISN'T the same thing in terms of emotional impact.

That said, if I said to a friend that I'd really, really love to give my child a particular name and had always wanted to, and it hadn't entered her/his head until I made mention of it, and then they "beat me to it", yeah, I would be miffed. And would wonder why they hadn't just left it alone. Doubt it would really enrage/upset me though, but annoy me - yes.

sashafierce

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ToniTuddle

Chinafoot wrote: »

The point that the "thats so selfish" crowd seem to be missing is that during your child's life they will almost certainly encounter people with the same name as them. I think you would be far more selfish to throw a strop over your friend picking a name they want for their baby because you "had it first".

Look, we can agree to disagree. I think this talk of stealing names, copying etc is childish in the extreme. People might not have any names at all decided and hear one that their friend likes and decide they really love that name too. Its not beyond the realms of possibility. Having a hissy fit over it is pathetic.

Who is having a hissy fit? :pac:
Just because you deem it to be pathetic doesn't mean that it is...just in your eyes it is but it isn't to the people concerned.

I never said anything about it being selfish and I aint in no crowd
Just said that yes it would be annoying if your sister/best friend/someone close to you used the name you had always wanted. People have a right to be annoyed if they want or if they feel it sometimes it can't be helped.

Anyone who falls out with someone over it well that's silly.

Just go pick a better name to annoy them :pac: <---(that's a joke before folks jump and think I'm being petty!)

Aoifey!

Before I was born my mother loved the name Tracy but thought she wouldn't ahve any more kids (medical reasons). Her sister had a baby who was 2 weeks old and STILL had no name! So even tually mother just told her to call her Tracy. Then low and behold along comes little ole me.

CK2010

id like to point out to all those people who are giving out about the 'overreacting hissy fit crowd' this thread was started to ask about our feelings on the issue brought up by the OP so we answered. not one person had a hissy fit or over-reacted, we just said how we wouldfeel cause thats what we we were asked about. its not like we all came to this thread to have a rant and rave about 'baby name stealers' or anything OTT like that. im sure most of us never gave it a second thought (apart from when it happened) other than the fact that we were asked on this forum to give our views. people seem to think we're obsessed about the whole issue and that our life centres round our babies names and we dont give a crap about the baby's health happiness, etc. purely because we care about its name! thats the topic being discussed!!!

people saying 'surely you have other more important things to worry about when it comes to your baby' its weird because if there was a thread in Fashion and Appearance about someone buying the last dress in a shop after you told her you were gonna buy it people wouldnt come on and say 'jeez at least you've got your health:rolleyes: why do u care?!'- people would join in, say how pee'd off they'd be (or not, whatever), have a little laugh and move on- no name calling or getting heated about the pettyness! and tbh i think its a bit less petty when it comes to your child as opposed to some dress!!

believe me, my child has been in and out of hospital having multiple painful tests to try and diagnose a condition (still no answers) which left her in agony on a regular basis (thank god shes 100% healthy and happy now ) and that was devastating, but it doesnt take away from the fact that i still got a little peeved when someone 'stole' her name!! i wouldnt rank them in the same league but neither takes away from the other, if it happened that way then id never be allowed have some overdramatic self pity

rant over!

sashafierce

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Aoifey!

sashafierce wrote: »

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Thank you I like it, even if it is fairly common.

Lia_lia

^ That's my name too

Not very common when you live in London/France for the 1st eight years of your life. I always thought I was the only person in the world with the name Aoife and then when I went into school here there were 4 people in my class including me with that name. BITCHES!

rannerap

I wouldnt really care if someone used the name I was going to call my kid, im not that set on any name really, I'm more worried about people stealing my name! Ive had a few people say they love it and want to use it for their kid, go away its my name!!! I like being unique!!:(

Blush_01

Honestly, if someone "stealing your baby's name" makes you mad, you have very little to worry about. You should be thankful, really, that you have such a passionate response to it, I guess, because it definitely puts things into perspective. I'd be more worried about someone stealing my baby, if I'm honest.

I kind of think that, while you can definitely have an idea of what you'd like to call a child, having a name picked out from childhood doesn't take the prospective father's opinion into consideration. Plus, what if you have a girl and you only have boys names picked, or the name you've chosen just doesn't seem to fit?? A girl in my junior cert business class decided she was going to call her son (if she ever had one) Roro, after Roll On Roll Off freight. Don't all rush at once to grab it ladies!

Twee.

Lia_lia wrote: »

^ That's my name too

Not very common when you live in London/France for the 1st eight years of your life. I always thought I was the only person in the world with the name Aoife and then when I went into school here there were 4 people in my class including me with that name. BITCHES!

Haha in the username thread I was a bit "Awwwh" when you said your real name wasn't Lia! Dunno why, thought it was cool we had the same name

On topic, I think it can depend on the "uniqueness" of the name, as in the chances of the person hearing the name from someone else would be low. I know I have a favourite name for a little girl that is taken from a ballet, and ballet is something that's been a huge part of my life. I have only ever seen one other person in real life with this name (M&S check out girl's name tag!) I would be a bit peeved if my friend called her daughter this name.

But at the end of that day I wouldn't be prepared to lose friends over it, there are so many other names out there, I could live with picking another one.

EricPraline

Twee. wrote: »

On topic, I think it can depend on the "uniqueness" of the name, as in the chances of the person hearing the name from someone else would be low.

The problem is that people tend to judge "uniqueness" based on their own childhood or teenage years, and ignore the fact that their "unique" preferences probably mirror broader national trends. In reference to the OP, a quick visit to the CSO's naming statistics page will show that Noah has become an increasingly popular name over the last decade.

Honestly, if you wanted a unique name right now Mary or John would probably be the best option. But go back to the early 80s and you would have been accused of "stealing" the name :rolleyes:

Scarinae

sashafierce wrote: »

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My parents were going to call my older sister Aoife, but when she was born they decided that she didn't look like an Aoife at all.

They gave all three of us Irish names in the end, but my brother and sister have much more common ones - I have terrible trouble with my name, especially since I moved to London! If I had kids myself, I don't know if I would give them an unusual or a common name - sometimes I love having a name that stands out, sometimes I get really sick of people saying that the Irish spelling is illogical (:mad:) and wish that I had a name like Sarah.

As for the original thread question... I don't think that it would bother me, but probably because I don't have any particular names picked out for future children. If anything, I would be worried about not being able to come up with a good name! I can be so indecisive

Twee.

EricPraline wrote: »

The problem is that people tend to judge "uniqueness" based on their own childhood or teenage years, and ignore the fact that their "unique" preferences probably mirror broader national trends. In reference to the OP, a quick visit to the CSO's naming statistics page will show that Noah has become an increasingly popular name over the last decade.

Haha yeah that is very true. I guess if you want a truly unique name you should take a glance at the stats first!

Who knows, there might be loads of Odettes running about in ten years and I'll want a new name

Kiva.D

I know it shouldn't affect me, logically, but my heart aches a bit when I hear the name of the child of my old boyfriend. Knowing how deeply I was in love with him, my roommate was quite devisive in stealing him away, then named their firstborn the name I wanted (and she acted quite smirky about it). It's not so much taking the name away, it has a deeper familial implication, I suppose...

sashafierce

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starlit

No I wouldn't be mad, I be annoyed ya but I just go find another nicer name or a name similar to it! I have names I like but I have chopped and changed them so much as I get older. I prefer irish names for both a boy and a girl, some english names a couple of foreign names. I pick a name thats unqiue or not that common a name maybe a name that is popular but I would go with a name that suits the child/surname and blends with my name etc. If I were to use a name similar to a friend or family member's child I might pronounce or spell it differently but chances are I'd go for a different name no harm have a variety names picked out anyway! Best to wait until the baby is born!

EricPraline

sashafierce wrote: »

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But the point is that it's likely that many people around you who are close to the same age will also have their heart set on the same name. By choosing a more unique name, you're going to reduce the likelihood of somebody in your circle of acquaintances choosing the same name.

ToniTuddle

Kiva.D wrote: »

I know it shouldn't affect me, logically, but my heart aches a bit when I hear the name of the child of my old boyfriend. Knowing how deeply I was in love with him, my roommate was quite devisive in stealing him away, then named their firstborn the name I wanted (and she acted quite smirky about it). It's not so much taking the name away, it has a deeper familial implication, I suppose...

My god :eek:

That would have been a bloody terrible time for you

BengaLover

Noah isnt a particularly unique name.
If you dont want someone to take your chosen name then choose something unusual.

McChubbin

I would be livid. I plan to name my fist born son after Dio and my late grandfather (Ronnie James Dio) and while there's a slim chance of any of my circle of friends stealing the name, I'd still be angry about it as I've wanted that name since I was sixteen.

Another name I like is Alexis for a girl. Actually any variation on Alex for a girl babie suits me fine.

amdublin

McChubbin wrote: »

I would be livid. I plan to name my fist born son after Dio and my late grandfather (Ronnie James Dio) and while there's a slim chance of any of my circle of friends stealing the name, I'd still be angry about it as I've wanted that name since I was sixteen.

Another name I like is Alexis for a girl. Actually any variation on Alex for a girl babie suits me fine.

Stealing

STEALING!!!

How can someone STEAL something you DON'T own

Ickle Magoo

That's just semantics...we say people steal our ideas and we don't "own" them...

If someone, particularly a friend, has made it clear that they have a particular name they'd like to name their child out of all the hundreds of thousands of names available, it's a bit...dunno...off to use that name yourself, especially if that person hasn't had their child yet.

It's a bit like those people who hear all about someone's wedding/birthday/anniversary/christening/etc plans and then swoop in and do it first, it's just a bit unnecessary, isn't it?

pollypocket10

Very surprised that this thread is still running, people obviously feel very passionate about this.

I must say that it doesn't bother me. I have always known what I would call my first boy (if I were to have one) because I would name him after my brother who died at a young age.

My sister had three children before me and it was always a possibility that she could do the same but she happened to have all girls so it didn't come about. It wouldn't bother me if she did to be honest. My friends all know and to be honest if one of them used the name I wouldn't be bothered either, I'd still use it.

I am currently expecting so I might get to use it in the next few weeks

I think if you are going to be bothered by someone using the name you've chosen then just keep it to yourself.

IMHO alls fair when it comes to naming babies. A mother will always feel a duty to her child to pick what she feels is a good name and will not be worried about hurting your feelings!

sashafierce

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Blush_01

Ok, but what happens if your sister, or sister-in-law has the same feelings as you do about the name? Do you both agree to disagree, or do you start to behave like adults, considering the name relates to an actual child and not a stuffed toy or inanimate object?

I know, it's a toughie, right??

mikemac

Setting a wedding date, tell your best friend and they set their wedding date a week before yours might be seen as wrong

But your friend using a baby name you like, if anything it's a compliment. They took your idea and went with it.
If this is an issue for you, then be grateful your life is so good that you can worry over petty things like this

sashafierce

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Blush_01

sashafierce wrote: »

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Oh, so you mean you'd only have an issue with someone taking your intended baby's name if they were both born on the same day? Well, that makes much more sense!

CK2010

feelingstressed wrote: »

Setting a wedding date, tell your best friend and they set their wedding date a week before yours might be seen as wrong

But your friend using a baby name you like, if anything it's a compliment. They took your idea and went with it.
If this is an issue for you, then be grateful your life is so good that you can worry over petty things like this

i know ive said this already, but obviously it was glossed over, just because someone gets upset or feels put out by something that may be petty to you does not mean their life is easy. i dont get that argument.

anyone would think the OP was trying to start a witch-hunt of the baby name stealers the way people are reacting, she just asked for opinions and people gave them. its not like anyone came on having a big rant about people doing this or threw a hissy fit, it was just a question!

so what if a woman feels a bit sentimental about a name she picked for her child? its not like shes out killing everyone who choses the same name, shes perfectly entitled to feel however she wants- not that it can even be helped- you feel how you feel. petty or not.

i sometimes feel jealous about celebs looking better than me and it can piss me off a little sometimes, so what? doesnt mean i have a wonderful life cause i get put out by something petty, just means im human! same with the name issue!

sashafierce

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Stheno

Ok everyone,

The OP has had her question answered with a variety of opinions and the thread is now veering wildly off topic.

Thread closed.