Wedding : horrible bride to be

LegacyUser

sam34 wrote: »

that would be an extremely pathetic and stupid thing to do, imo.

jusr because someone has been b1tchy to you does not mean you should respond in that manner. these people are adults, not schoolchildren.

secondly, presumably her bf is supposed to go along with this pretend engagement? pop the question publicly? i'm sure he'd be thrilled to be told "look, just propose to me in front of everyone, i want to ruin that womans day cos she wasnt nice to me, so lets pretend to get engaged lol".

thirdly, so this "engagement" is puclic, what do they then do next week, turn around and tell everyone its all off, or admit the truth, that it was a sad and pathetic attempt to "steal someones thunder" over a petty grudge?

seriously?

No. Not seriously. I was taking the piss just like the people who suggested gifts such as the boots makeup kit. I'm aware that she obviously couldn't pretend to get engaged, and that it would be a stupid thing to do. It was just a silly joke at the end of my post.

eddison

oopps!
Didn't know the wedding was abroad.
Definitely I would not go. You will have an absolutly miserable time in my opinion, all to please your partner. Now there is sacrifice, and just torture!
Let your partner go, as tell them you are unwell, which is true if you go!

andala

I would go. First of all if the wedding is going to be a Polish style one then it is lots of fun and I wouldn't miss it Secondly, not going you'll only give her the satisfaction of getting so hard to you that you step away and leave your partner on his own on this occasion. Go there and if things start going the way you don't like, make a few b*tchy remarks, sneer, pout your mouth at the dress or whatever but yourself look your best and have a great time. Do you know other people who are going to be there? Grand if you do, not too bad if you don't. You'll have a chance to meet new people and the chances are more of them will be of the same opinion of her as you are. If, at the wedding, you'll start feeling uncomfortable, you can always leave and go somewhere else to have fun.

Jojo81

Wow Sam34, when'd you loose your sense of humour!!!

Aoifey!

tinkerbell wrote: »

It's not "one day", the wedding is abroad. So they have to travel all the way to another country to attend a wedding where the bride doesn't like the OP. Why would you go to all that bother to travel abroad for someone who doesn't like you? It's just mind boggling.

Sorry, I didn't notice it was abroad. But I know if I was the partner, that would be more reason for me wanting my partner to go with me.

Pebbles68

When I posted earlier in this thread I didn't realise the wedding was abroad. With the cost involved of travel, hotel, spending money etc. plus having to use up work hoildays I know what I'd be saying to my BF. There is no way on earth I would spend that kind of money and use my valuable work holidays on making up the numbers at a wedding where i was not wanted in the first place

dudara

Jojo81 wrote: »

Wow Sam34, when'd you loose your sense of humour!!!

Unless you've something constructive to add, then please don't post.

Danniboo

Hi Op,

I'm completely with the whole "being the bigger person" and "rising above it concept". But there has to be a line, be the bigger person at the cost of a couple of thousand that could be spent on a nice holiday somewhere for you and your bf, eh feck that:rolleyes: Not in a million years would I go if I were in your shoes life is to short to be a people pleaser let alone to obnoxious bitches like this. Your bf should understand you not wanting to go especially seen as he's been rude to him aswell. Make your excuses, don't go.

Or if you do go and she comes over to greet you as i'm sure she will in all her falseness, just remark on how beautiful she looks with her hair and make up done, and I thought you weren't into that

IrishEyes19

OP, I think you should do it for partner. She's not going to pay you much attention at the wedding if any to be honest. She'll have hundreds of guests to meet and greet, be at a total different table. Will be with her new husband and going around making sure people are ok. Cant you just go along, have a nice day with your partner so that he doesnt let down his friend. I dont see that woman having a go at you on her wedding day to be honest. Its going to be about her and her husband that day.

LegacyUser

OP back on again, been busy these last few days so took a bit of time to read the rest of the new replies that came in, thank you to all those who contributed opinions, it has been extremely helpful for me in trying to work out an idea.

I have spoken to my partner, but this has not been cleared up, he's expecting I will go anwyay, despite my protests.

He said he knows it might be hard for me but I would have him to talk to (I know this won't happen, he wanders on these types of occasions). I would have no problem talking to people but I am not sure who I would know through my partner, is actually going to go yet.

I've come up with two possible solutions that I have yet to pose to my partner about this wedding business:

Plan A:
Tell him out straight I will go, to suit him, but would like to attend the church and first couple of hours of the reception but that I would see myself leaving early. This means he gets someone by his side for the most part, I would play the part of the good girlfriend and ooze politeness and courtesy.

Plan B: I refuse to go because I have my reasons, a fight will ensue and he will probably place question marks on the future of our relationship, what with me being so difficult about it. It seems to me that it is a bit of a test in a way (as in , what would I be willing to endure for him). That's how he would most likely see it.

I am still thinking about all of this, it feels like it's still all up in the air.

Pebbles68

weddingblah wrote: »

OP back on again, been busy these last few days so took a bit of time to read the rest of the new replies that came in, thank you to all those who contributed opinions, it has been extremely helpful for me in trying to work out an idea.

I have spoken to my partner, but this has not been cleared up, he's expecting I will go anwyay, despite my protests.

He said he knows it might be hard for me but I would have him to talk to (I know this won't happen, he wanders on these types of occasions). I would have no problem talking to people but I am not sure who I would know through my partner, is actually going to go yet.

I've come up with two possible solutions that I have yet to pose to my partner about this wedding business:

Plan A:
Tell him out straight I will go, to suit him, but would like to attend the church and first couple of hours of the reception but that I would see myself leaving early. This means he gets someone by his side for the most part, I would play the part of the good girlfriend and ooze politeness and courtesy.

Plan B: I refuse to go because I have my reasons, a fight will ensue and he will probably place question marks on the future of our relationship, what with me being so difficult about it. It seems to me that it is a bit of a test in a way (as in , what would I be willing to endure for him). That's how he would most likely see it.

I am still thinking about all of this, it feels like it's still all up in the air.

Sorry to point this out but there's also option C : His inability to see that you've been insulted and hurt, that he is placing his mate ahead of you leads to YOU placing a question mark on the future of your relationship.

tinkerbell

Pebbles68 wrote: »

Sorry to point this out but there's also option C : His inability to see that you've been insulted and hurt, that he is placing his mate ahead of you leads to YOU placing a question mark on the future of your relationship.

I couldn't agree more with this. There is no way that I would attend a function abroad for a person who had insulted my other half. Your boyfriend should be putting your feelings first.

LegacyUser

Thanks, pebbles68 and tinkerbell, you're right about that but I would not expect him *not* to go, after all George is his best friend. Ideally, I would love if he just went on his own and spared me the endurance test. I don't think this is going to happen though.

username123

I just wouldnt go. I wouldnt be having all this soul searching and wondering about the impact on the future of the relationship etc.. Id just tell your bf, calmly and politely that you do not wish to spend a lot of money to go to the wedding of someone who has been rude to you, who isnt a nice person and that if he wants to go then thats fine, go and enjoy himself.

gimme5minutes

weddingblah wrote: »

Thanks, pebbles68 and tinkerbell, you're right about that but I would not expect him *not* to go, after all George is his best friend. Ideally, I would love if he just went on his own and spared me the endurance test. I don't think this is going to happen though.

You shouldn't be on the defensive over this as if you are somehow in the wrong. Some twat twat has insulted you on a couple of occasions and tried to make a laugh of you in public. And you are now supposed to now hundreds of euro going to the wedding of this person who does not even like you or want you there.....and you don't want to go yourself either. And you say you feel this is like a test and your bf will see it as 'how much will she endure for me?'

Have some self respect for god sake. As a previous poster said there's also 'option C : His inability to see that you've been insulted and hurt, that he is placing his mate ahead of you leads to YOU placing a question mark on the future of your relationship.'

Where does your bf get off demanding you go to a foreign wedding that you are dreading and where the bride has insulted you on multiple occasions. Tell your bf you have too much self respect to go to a wedding where the bitch of a bride doesn't want you there and where you are highly likely to be insulted again if past form is anything to go by. I would never expect my gf to go to the wedding of one of my friends if their partner insulted her.

I don't think this is going to happen though.

Oh it will happen alright. He is not your master. Tell him 'no, and if you have a problem with that, tough.' It's not going to put him out at all if you're not there, he will have a great time with George and his other pals.

If he has such an issue with this, and expects you to tow the line and take insults off twats, maybe he is not the right guy for you.

Monkey Allen

If money is actually an issue then dont go. If its not, then go for the sake of your partner. I think its peculiar that the OP's OH is now a guilty party in this situation.

You should tell him that you are only going to the wedding for his sake and that he owes you after this. Could work in your favour.

Be reasonable though, be careful on advice you receive on here unfairly affecting your opinion on your OH (who is oblidged to go and might find it embarassing if his partner isnt with him.

seenitall

Monkey Allen wrote: »

If money is actually an issue then dont go. If its not, then go for the sake of your partner. I think its peculiar that the OP's OH is now a guilty party in this situation.

You should tell him that you are only going to the wedding for his sake and that he owes you after this. Could work in your favour.

Be reasonable though, be careful on advice you receive on here unfairly affecting your opinion on your OH (who is oblidged to go and might find it embarassing if his partner isnt with him.

Monkey Allen, you have got to be joking with this "unfairly" stuff? Or haven't you read how the OP is expected to suck it up and put her feelings of hurt and aversion aside, OR ELSE her OH "will probably place the questionmarks on the future of their relationship"! If that's the case here, that's emotional blackmail, pure and simple! Lovely. Very promising for the future stability of the relationship. "Unfairly" indeed!

Whatever about his "obliged to go" and his being "embarrassed if his partner is not with him" (what are they, teenagers?), a loving partner is obliged not to expect to be able to pressurise their OH into something s/he is loath to do. THAT should be a man's priority in life, that and NOT caring about what Joe Soap will think of his partner's non-attendance of an unsavoury person's wedding. It is utterly ridiculous that I am even finding myself pointing out something that obvious.

(To that effect, I can only hope that gimme5minutes is not a rarity of a man. It would be a really depressing thought.)

Monkey Allen

seenitall wrote: »

Monkey Allen, you have got to be joking with this "unfairly" stuff? Or haven't you read how the OP is expected to suck it up and put her feelings of hurt and aversion aside, OR ELSE her OH "will probably place the questionmarks on the future of their relationship"! If that's the case here, that's emotional blackmail, pure and simple! Lovely. Very promising for the future stability of the relationship. "Unfairly" indeed!

Whatever about his "obliged to go" and his being "embarrassed if his partner is not with him" (what are they, teenagers?), a loving partner is obliged not to expect to be able to pressurise their OH into something s/he is loath to do. THAT should be a man's priority in life, that and NOT caring about what Joe Soap will think of his partner's non-attendance of an unsavoury person's wedding. It is utterly ridiculous that I am even finding myself pointing out something that obvious.

(To that effect, I can only hope that gimme5minutes is not a rarity of a man. It would be a really depressing thought.)

The OP's OH is not here making claims that he will see the relationship in jeopardy if she doesn't go, the OP is saying that after many comments on here suggesting he was being inconsiderate. I was pointing out that she needs to be clear as to whether its actually the case or if she's being too influenced by people on here who aren't involved in her relationship.

If he goes to the wedding on his own he'll be asked every five minutes where his OH is and have to make an excuse for it.

Its a bloody wedding where the OP will hardly even see the bride. In fact, if the bride hates the OP so much, she'll hate the OP being at her wedding and in her pictures. One up for the OP then.

Opinions are opinions. Save the 'pointing out the facts'. Its quite childish.

seenitall

Monkey Allen wrote: »

Opinions are opinions. Save the 'pointing out the facts'. Its quite childish.

Eh? When did I point out "a fact"? I pointed out a very obvious "opinion" then - an opinion which I am happy to see you are not disagreeing with.

We only do know the OP's side of the story (as ever), and from her side it seems she feels under unfair pressure from her OH to do something she very clearly and very strongly does not want to do. So we can advise her on that part.

He will be asked every 5 minutes... blah blah. If I were him, I would be happy that my OH isn't there, hating every 5 by 5 minutes of the day. I would actually feel pretty chuffed if being asked about my OH every 5 minutes was my biggest problem. And my "opinion" is that every loving partner would.

LillyVanilli

or Option D, meet up with the girl and see if you can sort things out? Tell her you got the impression she didnt like you. Otherwise I would go with Option A

Blazer

weddingblah wrote: »

Thanks, pebbles68 and tinkerbell, you're right about that but I would not expect him *not* to go, after all George is his best friend. Ideally, I would love if he just went on his own and spared me the endurance test. I don't think this is going to happen though.

seriously your bf should have the balls to have a chat with George and try to straighten this thing out.
I know if any of my mates insulted any of my previous girlfriends I'd rapidly tear them a new a-hole. If their partners did it I'd be pulling my mate on it as well...try and make the peace per se...
from the sounds of it your BF is doing nothing...option c looks good at the moment.