Lost Son

limbospirit

Hello , About 14 years ago in a drug and alcohol filled life, a divorce in my early 20's and a suicide attempt, I had a brief relationship with a woman who claimed from the very start that she could not have children. We broke up after a couple of months and I found out a couple of months later she was pregnant. Now I never saw this woman during the pregnancy and she never approached me to inform me, in fact she swore to a mutual colleague that the child was not mine. To be honest I didn't want anything to do with this woman as she had a bit of a nasty side.
Then out of the blue she came to my place of work at the time to inform me the child was mine handing me photos, I was devastated. I couldn't look at the photographs and could not accept this and felt so ashamed. I eventually turned my back on this and cut off everything from this horrible lifestyle I was living and everyone in it.
Now in my late 30's I have turned my life around, I don't touch drugs , smoke cigarettes even, I don't go out. I'm married with 2 kids who I do my very best for. I know ye will think I'm one of the biggest scum bags walking around for doing something like this but its not like that. I didn't go around taking chances on maybe or maybe not getting someone pregnant and just leaving them. I was and still am a bit old fashioned where I always intended on being married when to have kids. I feel so ashamed and guilty of what I have done. Nobody in my family knows about this.

My point is, I have never seen this boy but I would so like to just find out is he ok or maybe he already has a new family or contact or something. Then maybe it would be better if I left them alone as I really don't want to upset anyone. Maybe he doesn't even know about this situation. Is there people who specialize in this type of thing ? Can I check a birth cert or something ? I see there are people who come on here who have not seen there parents, how would you feel about this situation? You have to realize I can not speak to this woman again as she has devastated me a long time ago. Please, I don't see myself as a bad person, I don't want to cause any trouble for anyone but I don't know what to do.

MaryMagdalene

Hi there,

I think you need counseling to help - I would recommend Barnardos.

Before Barnardos I was a complete mess and like you guilty and full of bitterness. I had a lot of issues, more than just adoption I guess.

Barnardos really helped me deal with it. Its not a quick fix and the past can't be changed but you can learn to accept what happened and learn to live with it.

Barnardos can act as intermediary for you with her and perhaps help you make contact if that is what you decide in the end. Also remember maybe she has changed too and has her own regrets?

Good luck.

2qk4u

MaryMagdalene wrote: »

Hi there,

I think you need counseling to help - I would recommend Barnardos.

Before Barnardos I was a complete mess and like you guilty and full of bitterness. I had a lot of issues, more than just adoption I guess.

Barnardos really helped me deal with it. Its not a quick fix and the past can't be changed but you can learn to accept what happened and learn to live with it.

Barnardos can act as intermediary for you with her and perhaps help you make contact if that is what you decide in the end. Also remember maybe she has changed too and has her own regrets?

Good luck.

Excellent advice, dont worry OP, no one is here to judge anyone. Leave the past in the past and concentrate on what you want now. Best of luck.