Why cant it ever be me?

James400

John400 wrote: »

Ruling out guys on initial impressions isn't widening the net in my opinion. Also you need to be pro-active in talking to guys at work or elsewhere, even if you don't initially like them try to be positive. If you give off positive friendly vibes towards guys you are creating a good impression of yourself to guys.

Very true.

LegacyUser

OP, I know life feels difficult for you at the moment, but you should try being ten years older, with a child and being single! it completely and utterly sucks.

I was your age, and feeling exactly as you do - I then met the guy I thought was the 'one' - turns out he was, until i got pregnant and he decided he wasn't the 'one' after all.

So while i wouldn't change my life with my 10yr old daughter for the world, I've spent the past ten years raising her, working full time, and just always assuming that someone else would come along! And guess what, they didn't!!!

so im now in my 40s, and it's even harder to meet men at my age. I'm finally at a point where i can get a bit of time for myself and have made a conscious decision to get out there and meet people. I have alot going for me, my own home, a good job etc but there are men who wouldn't even look at me because I'm too old for more kids (don't want more kids anyway) and because I already have a kid.

I dont know what im trying to say here OP, other than there are always people worse off than you. Try to focus on what you have, rather what you haven't got. I swear if i was your age and didn't have my child, I would be out every single night of the week broadening my social circle - i spent so much time home with a baby at your age and felt so trapped.

You are not trapped OP. You are free to go wherever you choose - so off you go and keep the faith, and it will happen for you !!

LegacyUser

Ah, i feel your pain OP.

When I first became single, my social life was hopping and I was as happy as a pig in muck. I was out every weekend, meeting loads of people, dating loads of people.......and then BAM.
Out of nowhere all my wonderful single friends began getting engaged. So it started off with "I can't go out, we're saving for the wedding" or they were busy with his family plus her family plus coupley things.
So my nights out dwindled a bit but it wasn't too bad.
But now the babies have started to arrive and thats put paid completely to my going out.

I haven't been out since New Years Eve.
It's dismal.
I've recently started a class and dragged a few aquaintences along to it as we're all single and the general consensus was that we have to start meeting up and heading out.

I've also arranged a few nights out with work colleagues.

I am so so happy for my friends with their impending weddings, babies and happy relationships. But I do feel like I'm being left behind at times. What I have to talk about is just work and who snogged who. And they're talking about weddings and houses and babies...I feel like the kid of the group which is ironic as I was always the mature one.

I'd love to meet someone and have that but I'm wary and probably not as approachable as I could be.

mood

unregistered wrote: »

OP, I know life feels difficult for you at the moment, but you should try being ten years older, with a child and being single! it completely and utterly sucks.

I was your age, and feeling exactly as you do - I then met the guy I thought was the 'one' - turns out he was, until i got pregnant and he decided he wasn't the 'one' after all.

So while i wouldn't change my life with my 10yr old daughter for the world, I've spent the past ten years raising her, working full time, and just always assuming that someone else would come along! And guess what, they didn't!!!

so im now in my 40s, and it's even harder to meet men at my age. I'm finally at a point where i can get a bit of time for myself and have made a conscious decision to get out there and meet people. I have alot going for me, my own home, a good job etc but there are men who wouldn't even look at me because I'm too old for more kids (don't want more kids anyway) and because I already have a kid.

I dont know what im trying to say here OP, other than there are always people worse off than you. Try to focus on what you have, rather what you haven't got. I swear if i was your age and didn't have my child, I would be out every single night of the week broadening my social circle - i spent so much time home with a baby at your age and felt so trapped.

You are not trapped OP. You are free to go wherever you choose - so off you go and keep the faith, and it will happen for you !!

Try internet dating. I have and am surprised at the amount of men who don't want kids or who don't want more kids.

LegacyUser

mood wrote: »

Try internet dating. I have and am surprised at the amount of men who don't want kids or who don't want more kids.

Tried it.

have to say it was the worst 6 months of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!

I met about 5 guys...had a few dates with some of them...but hand on heart, i have never met such a shower of wasters in my entire life. Most were married. Those that weren't, just wanted to meet woman after woman after woman...none of them came 'offline' whilst dating me....i hated every minute of it. that was my experience anyway!!!

milli milli

milli milli wrote: »

OP you say your 'going out' social circle is getting smaller and smaller - then you should try to widen it by joining classes, etc. No matter what age you will find people to go out with.

OP I gave you this advice, like other people. You say everyone is having babies and you feel left out. Now moreso because your sister is pregnant.

Have you tried widening your social circle? There are loads of people in their 30s/40s on their own. There's no point in sitting there having your head spinning. Join some clubs, you'll meet loads of people in similar situations. you'll make new friends and you might even meet someone special. But you have to make an effort. Good luck!

LegacyUser

I have done evening courses and the like for years and never met anyone or made any friends, despite make huge efforts, so please dont ask me what I have done. I am in a gym. I work. I go out. I LOVE meeting new people, but they dont seem to want to be friends with me or be in a group.

Found out today.....my colleague at work is PREGNANT!!!

What is going on?

I do need to wide my social circle, but nothing works!

Actually one person I made good friends with in the last few years through work (she left a few years ago) who was eternally single, and always complaining, met someone about 6months ago, and completely dropped me as a friend or she has moved on, or whatever.

So there you go.

James400

in the same boat wrote: »

I have to say that that saying about meeting someone when you least suspect isn't true.

You're entitled to your opinion but i do feel you're being a bit cynical there.

Personally i know of two single girls that happened to (meeting somebody when they least expected it), both met guys at their separate work places funnily enough, one girl after knowing the guy for about 18 months at work.

I most definitely would describe both girls as always being approachable, quite friendly and pro-active/positive. They both obviously realised that they weren't meeting anybody in particular and just went with the flow, look what happened.

If you're friendly, approachable and have a good sense of humour..that does make an impression with a lot of guys...because single guys can be terrified of approaching girls, even girls they work with when out.