Would you report sexual abuse from your childhood?

cooltown

I read a thread here a few weeks ago about there being 25% of the population being sexually abused at some point of there lives up until they were 18.
I don't really hear about many prosecutions in the media so is this figure actually true?
I there more of a stigma if it was a man that was abused?
Or is there a stigma of not being believed?

billymitchell

cooltown wrote: »

I read a thread here a few weeks ago about there being 25% of the population being sexually abused at some point of there lives up until they were 18.
I don't really hear about many prosecutions in the media so is this figure actually true?
I there more of a stigma if it was a man that was abused?
Or is there a stigma of not being believed?

Good question OP, but I fear for it in here in AH though

chillywilly

I would say yes. Although I never have been sexually abused so I can't say for sure if i would or not.

JonJoeDali

cooltown wrote: »

I read a thread here a few weeks ago about there being 25% of the population being sexually abused at some point of there lives up until they were 18.
I don't really hear about many prosecutions in the media so is this figure actually true?
I there more of a stigma if it was a man that was abused?
Or is there a stigma of not being believed?

When there's compensation to be had, people come out of the woodwork pretty quick.

Dudess

Fook. Those here who experienced it probably won't reply (or very few will - and fair play to anyone who does) and those who haven't experienced it... how could they know?

dr.bollocko

Moved from after hours.
Such a topic is worthy of discussion and I hope we can find a suitable climate for it here in humanities.

Dudess

JonJoeDali wrote: »

When there's compensation to be had, people come out of the woodwork pretty quick.

What do you base that on?

Seems strange to me that the desire for money would outweight the desire to keep such trauma a secret.

JonJoeDali

Dudess wrote: »

What do you base that on?

Experience. There have been numerous incidents of people making spurious and exxagerated claims in the various tribunals and when they're questioned further and don't make sense/start contradicting themselves, they go off with their tail between their legs. It's because of these people that lawyers fees are so high and genuine victims get a smaller pay-out.

What does the OP base the 25% figure on?

Wolfe Tone

lol, no lawyers fees are that high because people will pay

Dudess

JonJoeDali wrote: »

There have been numerous incidents of people making spurious and exxagerated claims in the various tribunals and when they're questioned further and don't make sense/start contradicting themselves, they go off with their tail between their legs.

Oh, thought you were referring to the genuine cases.

JonJoeDali

Dudess wrote: »

Oh, thought you were referring to the genuine cases.

The lure of money is certainly a factor in such cases IMO.

up for anything

I've told this story in AH a couple of times in various threads. My very minor fleeting moment of abuse left a huge impression on me. The main affect of it though was to make sure I was never alone with him again. He was a great uncle so although the family saw a lot of him I made sure I was glued to other people when he was around. I was probably between 8 and 10 years of age when it happened. I remember kicking up when I was /1415 about having to go and visit him and his wife one Sunday as a family and it was probably the first battle of independence that I won. The second last time I saw him was when I was 23 and although he was pretty much immobile in his chair and blind he still scared the crap out of me. I had to go the loo and can remember panicking while in the bathroom in case he managed to follow me. The last time I saw him he was a dribbling wreck in an old folks home and I delighted in every second I had to spend there seeing what he had become.

I would never have reported him as he represented a happy period in their lives for my parents and I wouldn't ruin that for them. He tried to get at my younger sister but luckily before he could do too much damage he was interrupted and like me she made damn sure he never got another chance. He raped my younger cousin on many occasions. She never told an adult within the family. That man had many children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, some of whom I am sure he must have abused being the serial abuser that he was but I have never to this day heard that anyone came forward.

I'm not sure why I never told anyone at the time although I knew what he did was wrong and disgusting. I don't think it ever entered my head that I would or would not be believed. I wonder now was it because I knew I could protect myself from him and I didn't want to make my parents unhappy so for a little girl it was a win-win situation inasmuch as it could be.

Edited to add: I find it hard to believe that anyone having been abused would be interested in the money for the money's sake but more for the revenge and vindication that the money represented. Therefore the more money received, the more vindication achieved.

Dudess

JonJoeDali wrote: »

The lure of money is certainly a factor in such cases IMO.

Are you sure? I'm not singling you out here, but also, I'm not sure such a claim (and not really backed up, only speculation) is fair. Sexual abuse destroys a person and is difficult for them to talk about - stating money would just wipe all of this away is one hell of a thing to say...

JonJoeDali

Dudess wrote: »

Are you sure? I'm not singling you out here, but also, I'm not sure such a claim (and not really backed up, only speculation) is fair. Sexual abuse destroys a person and is difficult for them to talk about - stating money would just wipe all of this away is one hell of a thing to say...

I'm opining it's a factor, that's all. Are you categorically stating it isn't?

marywary

I was abused as child, by an uncle, never told anyone until my hubbie, he believed me, told my mum a couple of years ago & she doesn't believe me I think. I confronted my uncle about 10 years ago & he stood there & said he didn't know what I was talking about. Mymum is afraid to rock the boat coz her mum is still here 97. Had a big row after drink couple of years ago & told dad, he said he believed me but rang me few days later & never mentioned it. Its at the back of your mind always, don't want money, my uncle has grandchildren himself now, i can't bear to think about it. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

nozzferrahhtoo

I would say yes I would report it if it had happened. But I do so not thinking of myself or reaping justice on the perpetrator.

I do so instead thinking of other people who have, or are going through the same things. The one thing we know about Rape and Sexual Abuse is that it is horrifically under reported. There is a stigma even in our society (contrasted with societies that actually allocate blame and shame for rape on the victim not the perpetrator… like some Catholics in this world who claim the same.) attached to being raped or abused and people do not report it.

So I would report it to fit one more part in the foundation of building a society where people DO report such things. My action would be small, but it would be part of a move towards letting people out there see that yes reporting what has happened to you is the right thing to do. The more people who report such things, the more people who will feel ok reporting such things.

prinz

As for myself yes I would report abuse, against myself or others. Had a run in with some figures in authority as a kid but that was physical and threats of physical abuse against someone else.

Unfortunately it has been shown to be as true about claims for compensation for sexual abuse, as about claims for compensation for anything else. Some people will chance their arm at making a false claim for a quick buck via compensation or selling their story to the media. That takes nothing away from the people reporting genuine claims.

A second problem is one of the mind playing tricks. Especially when someone has been exposed to others who have been abused, or to whom it has been suggested that they were abused, especially as younger children. People have convinced themselves and others that they were abused, only to come to the realisation later that they weren't. In this instance it's hard to place any blame on the person as they are not acting out of malice or greed.

Waking-Dreams

prinz wrote: »

As for myself yes I would report abuse, against myself or others. Had a run in with some figures in authority as a kid but that was physical and threats of physical abuse against someone else.

Unfortunately it has been shown to be as true about claims for compensation for sexual abuse, as about claims for compensation for anything else. Some people will chance their arm at making a false claim for a quick buck via compensation or selling their story to the media. That takes nothing away from the people reporting genuine claims.

A second problem is one of the mind playing tricks. Especially when someone has been exposed to others who have been abused, or to whom it has been suggested that they were abused, especially as younger children. People have convinced themselves and others that they were abused, only to come to the realisation later that they weren't. In this instance it's hard to place any blame on the person as they are not acting out of malice or greed.

You mean those ‘group therapy’ sessions that went on in the 1980s and 1990s? The False Memory Syndrome epidemic, right? That was/is a huge issue. However, while I am sceptical about the truth-finding function of these aggressive therapeutic techniques (suggestive questioning, guided visualisation, age regression, hypnosis, body-memory interpretation, dream analysis, art therapy, rage and grief work, and group therapy), I would never challenge the reality of childhood sexual abuse or traumatic memories.

Nobody in their right mind would ever question memories of abuse that existed all along (which the person deliberately choose not to think about or dwell on) because these are as believable as other kinds of memories, positive or negative, from the past. I certainly don't question that memories can come back spontaneously and that details can be forgotten, or even that memories of abuse can be triggered by various cues many years later, but I take issue with this isolated subset of memories that are labelled “repressed” - memories that did not exist until someone went looking for them.

Scientific evidence for repression is weak. Even weaker is the evidence that specific disorders are caused by repression. Yet, many therapists insisted that their client's current pain was so severe that only repressed memories of traumatic abuse could explain it. And the symptom lists used tossed out a net that entangled the whole human race. The lists were general enough to include everybody at least sometimes.

Belief is at the root cause of the problem. If we believe something is true, it becomes our truth, and there is little anyone can say that will shake our faith in our own reality, hence why the anti-FMS crowd will never pander to any facts which disprove their beliefs.

Here are a few of the unproved, unscientifically researched notions that are being bandied about by these child abuse experts:

(1) If you doubt that you were abused as a child or think that it might be your imagination, this is a sign of “post-incest syndrome” (Blume).
(2) If you can't remember any specific instances of being abused, but still have a feeling that something abusive happened to you, “it probably did” (Bass and Davis).
(3) When a person can't remember his or her childhood or has very fuzzy memories “incest must always be considered a possibility” (Maltz and Holman).
(4) “If you have any suspicion at all, if you have any memory, no matter how vague, it probably really happened. It is far more likely that you are blocking the memories, denying it happened” (Engel).

On the contrary, people who have experienced traumatic events usually do not forget them. Severely traumatic experiences are typically forgotten only if:

(a) the person is rendered unconscious at the time of the trauma
(b) the person is brain damaged before or by the trauma
(c) the person is too young to make the necessary neural connections needed for long-term memory (very few memories of adults precede 30 months; known as childhood amnesia)

Two basic sources of contamination lead to the creation on pseudo-memories. We are all susceptible to influence by books, newspapers and magazine articles, lectures, films, and television. The second powerful contaminating source can be discovered in the suggestions or expectations of an authority figure with who the patient desires a special relationship. In other words: their therapist.

"I do not deny that child abuse is a serious problem for our society and I would not for one moment suggest that the pain and anguish of an abused child or an adult survivor be minimised or overlooked. But I know how easy it is to distort and contaminate memory. I know that memories are reconstructions that incorporate suggestions, imaginations, dreams, and fears. I spend a great deal of my time talking to people who insist that they have been falsely accused and are desperate to understand what has happened to them and their families. I hear their stories, and I am moved by their pain. I want to stop the therapists who suggest abuse where no memories exist and who refuse to meet with family members. I want to shout at these therapists: 'Can't you see the harm you are doing?' The stories told by the accused parents are as emotionally upsetting for me as the accusers' stories are for you." - Dr. Elizabeth Loftus addressing Ellen Bass, co-author of The Courgare to Heal (taken from The Myth of Repressed Memory pg. 210)

Aoifey!

I think that figure may be a bit of an exageration but I do not doubt that there are many many many victims of sexual abuse who never have and never will report it for various reasons. People say they would report it, but noone can actually know unless put in that situaton and you may not do what you tink you would.

Sexual abuse as a child and sexual abuse as an adult are very different things. As an adult you are already aware of what if right and wrong for someone to do, you are aware of what to do in certain situations, you know how to react. As a child, things are not as clear. I guess I'm just trying to say you can know unless it had happened to you personally what you would do - and we all like to think we would do what we see as the obvious answer now (as adults).

Also, no real sexual abuse sufferer would go into something for the money.

miec

Well I'll guess I'll throw in my 2cents in this topic. As someone who was abused from 5-13 on a very frequent basis by a half brother I decided to report him initially to the social services and then made a statement two years ago to the guards. It has been and is the hardest thing I have ever done and it takes incredible strength and reserves to do it so it doesn't surprise me that many people choose not to report sexual abuse.

My experience to date is the process is incredibly slow and frustrating. I initially reported my situation to the social services in early 2008. I did not get an interview with them until June 2009. I believe that the only reason they finally got the finger out was due to a psychiatrist I saw who sent a report into them. I made my statement to the guards in August 2009 and they are still working on it. The case has not been sent to the DPP yet. There is no guarantee that it will go to court but I feel that by at least trying I am doing something to right a wrong.

So why did I do it? My reasons are multiple. First off for a very long time I did not want to upset my family. However, when my sister committed suicide (he had abused her too) it became much harder to keep silent. I did for the first couple of years. I confronted him in the hope that he would get help, he lied and manipulated his way, pretending to be sorry, etc. I later discovered he had not gone to get help so I was forced to take the correct action. He has children and whilst I have no evidence that he has harmed them, I can never know or take that chance. So I want to ensure that he is not in a position to do it again, although it may already be too late for that but at least I am not remaining silent anymore. Also sexual abuse is deeply corrosive, to the person who suffered it and those who maintain the secret. It is one of those acts that has to be brought to light otherwise it continues on. The few examples here demonstrate that as does the whole church sexual abuse thing. Another reason is for me, I want justice. I deserve to give myself a voice and say that this action was wrong. As a consequence I am no longer a part of my family because I have done this, they want me to forget about it, but I can't. I am hoping that it will go on public record that this was done to me, and it is the only legal recourse I have to right a wrong. There is something very empowering about standing up and saying this criminal act was done against me. I have found that I am shifting from victim to survivor.

As for the whole false memory thing, well I did always have very clear memories of the abuse, I did not recall all of it at the time. For instance as I got older I was forced to have full sex but because I had no words for it and also I used to space out from it, I initially had blocked it but when I was in therapy those memories returned. It is a known fact that sexually abused people space out during the act. It is a coping mechanism. I am not saying false memory syndrome does not occur, but I do believe it is important to tread carefully with this issue as people who wish to deny sexual abuse often use this as a means to silence the victim. So in my own personal experience whilst I had strong memories throughout of it, I was only able to piece the entire picture through therapy.

For anyone deciding to report a case of sexual abuse I believe that timing is important and you need to be emotionally ready for it, or at least as emotionally ready as one can be. You need guts, determination and tenacity and the ability to stick to your guns and expect lots of surprises, lies and people letting you down. I have the painful experience of people (family) lying about me, saying awful things about me and people refusing to make statements on my behalf because they are too afraid to do it, and yet there have been some incredibly brave people who are standing by my side, if anything that has blown me away more so. I feel too that a good counsellor or support system is important too.

cooltown

I am the thread starter.
I am a young male and I am a survivor of sexual abuse and I just started this thread to see what would other people do.
I know for me I won't report the abuse because I ashamed that I was sexually abused by another man from about the age of 12 to 15 by my brother. I had no idea what he was doing to me was wrong I just thought it was normal at the time. People wouldn't believe me as well is another one of my big fears.

Morag

~Why not take the advice you got in PI to get professional help before you got banned for starting threads on the same topic, again and again and again...

Permabear

This post has been deleted.