Parents cant agree on where child sleeps

up for anything

denballs wrote: »

letting her get her way with everything when she,s obviously doing harm to her child and herself..........

What are you basing that judgement on?

Reading between the lines I would hazard a guess that the problem here is less the putative harm being done to the child's maturation and more the harm being done to the OP's sex life.

As someone who was sent to boarding school very early and sleeping in my own bed albeit in a dormitory with lots of other girls and when at home sleeping in my own room, with no night light or open door and light on landing, I would have given anything to have been with my parents in their bed. Maybe then I wouldn't have grown up to be a great big wuss, scared of the dark and things that go bump in it.

goingforward

whatcanido wrote: »

OP here.
Thanks to all for your comments.
On one hand I feel a bit better hearing other people who had kids over 2/3 in the bed with them, and the fact that it is prob not doing too much harm for the child.

On other hand I am a little resentful to my wife. We managed to have a discusion without either one getting too angry. We still dont agree, at the end i suggested that we set the room up for the child,posters/duvet etc and let the child decide herself when she wants to use it. My wife does not agree with this(excuse is we need the room for storage/drying clothes). She wants to wait untill the child starts school. Also I suggested she read this thread and she refused.

It sounds like this is very important to your wife. I'm sure she doesn't want to fall out with you about it but it is something she feels very strongly about. I think she also knows that a lot of people on this thread will be critical as co-sleeping is not so normal in Ireland yet.

When I first started co-sleeping my husband wasn't happy about it. I told him he could sleep in the spare room or I would sleep there with the baby to give him more room. I wasn't kicking him out or threatening him but just giving him the option to do what he was comfortable with. He decided he didn't want to sleep by himself and that's when I understood why the baby and my other child didn't want to sleep by themselves either. My husband is now very happy with it and would recommend it to everyone.

Adults enjoy the warmth and cuddles of bedsharing why do we deny our chidren? It also makes life a lot easier if you are still breastfeeding.

wolfpawnat

I am shocked at the reactions of some people on this thread. Why is it okay for the mother to get the full say and people saying not to do anything because she clearly feels strongly about this, but when dad feels really strongly in the opposite stance it is "oh your wife this that and the other" the little one has 2 parents!

metrovelvet

I would just set up the room any way and have it there and ready. Its going to have to be done eventually anyway.

Ultimately, when the transition has to be made your wife is going to have to do bear the brunt of most of it, and its not going to be easy, so she has to be ready to do it. Have you asked her what she is afraid of? Is she afraid of the transition? Is she afraid of the process that goes with that? Is she afraid of letting go a little bit? Speaking as a first time mother, there is a lot of fear involved in your decisions.

Is she using breastfeeding to stay thin? As birth control? Is she getting some kind of fullfillment from this scenario that she is not getting from her life or her marriage?

Im not against co sleeping or sharing rooms or anything like that, people all over the world have been doing it for centuries but if you really feel that there are other motives going on then you should explore that with her, but she cant feel judged or she wont be open with you and you will be back at square one. ANd I dont think getting into a polarised power paradign of 'why do you get to call the shots?' is really going to get you anywhere but square zero.