My kind of-Mrs Robinson Situation

UglyBolloxFace

So I'm living in student accommodation and every Tuesday a cleaner comes in to sweep around the kitchen etc.

I've just been in the kitchen. I hadn't realised she was gonna be there so I'd went in in jocks and a t-shirt.

Ths is were it gets mildly interesting - she was oogling me ouvit'! And I'm not just talking about a quick glance, she was full on checking me out. It was a new situation to me:pac:

I felt intimidated, considering she's an oldie, so I left quickly with my cheese sambo. Now, I could indeed be imaging all of this but....

So AH, should I work on my aulwan-pleasing technique and give the dog lovely lady a bone next Tuesday?

chin_grin

Ah suppose she would but your uglyboll.....never mind.

liah

Maybe she was trying to figure out why there was no bulge.

Xivilai

Go on - it'll knock 10 years off her

UglyBolloxFace

liah wrote: »

Maybe she was trying to figure out why there was no bulge.

How dare you..there was a bulge, I rubbed one out before going in:mad:





:pac:

Gunsfortoys

She was obviously scared.

liah

How old is old? And is she hot? Also-- boobs?

These facts must be ascertained before the thread can continue in true AH fashion.

AnonoBoy

If AH has taught us anything it's that if she's not giving you Irish grinds then she's not interested.

Xivilai

Gunsfortoys wrote: »

She was obviously scarred.

FYP

Jimmy the Wheel

Brush up on your house-cleaner-porn scenarios, so you'll have some ready dialogue at hand for next week's encounter.

Screaminmidget

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

I felt intimidated, considering she's an oldie, so I left quickly with my cheese sambo. Now, I could indeed be imaging all of this but....

So AH, should I work on my aulwan-pleasing technique and give the dog lovely lady a bone next Tuesday?

Is that a real cheese sambo or a meteaphor for something else?? :P

stovelid

You need to change your name to LIDL-brand Feaky

danh789

The only thing about that story which I found even mildly interesting was the thought of students having a house cleaner...

UglyBolloxFace

liah wrote: »

How old is old? And is she hot? Also-- boobs?

These facts must be ascertained before the thread can continue in true AH fashion.

True that, true that.

Hotness scale: 2/10...nah wait, that's being generous - you would only do her if she was naked and you were home from the nightclub and got no action but all of your mates did. Factor that in with 'age' below.

Age: Well over 50. Well, about 53 or so.

Boobs: Couldn't see them through her apron (jesus, what have I become)

Fremen

Mrs Robinson situation, eh?

Rawrrrr.

chin_grin

Dear Penthouse.........

UglyBolloxFace

danh789 wrote: »

The only thing about that story which I found even mildly interesting was the thought of students having a house cleaner...

They seem to do things differently over here.

If only the cleaners were hot.

pickarooney

Take her to the cleaners UBF.

kfallon

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

How dare you..there was a bulge, I rubbed one out before going in:mad:

And rubbed one out again when you ran back into your room all excited???

Poor Craythur

danh789 wrote: »

The only thing about that story which I found even mildly interesting was the thought of students having a house cleaner...

One of my (Irish) student houses had a cleaner. She was also a student and it was a pretty handy number for her because we didn't leave the house in a tip for her or anything. We became friends, she was sound.

D1976

It's not Iris Robinson is it?

pickarooney

Heh, our cleaner just walked in there now. She's the spit of Milla Jovovich.

Poor Craythur

OP, I love your user-name. Makes me laugh.

liah

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

True that, true that.

Hotness scale: 2/10...nah wait, that's being generous - you would only do her if she was naked and you were home from the nightclub and got no action but all of your mates did. Factor that in with 'age' below.

Age: Well over 50. Well, about 53 or so.

Boobs: Couldn't see them through her apron (jesus, what have I become)

Proceed after ingesting large amounts of alcohol. Bring a Simon & Garfunkel CD (for effect), a nice box of Tesco wine, a variety of paper bags, and some Ben-gay, for afterwards.

Aul ones need lovin' too.

Poor Craythur

pickarooney wrote: »

Heh, our cleaner just walked in there now. She's the spit of Milla Jovovich.

A good thing, surely?

fakearms123

Dude your just imaging it! Chances are you had a piss stain on your boxers...

wyndham

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

I felt intimidated, so I left quickly with my cheese sambo.

.....and ran to tell people on the internet. That was the day I came closest to losing my virginity.

.

yeppydeppy

I can't believe I'm first to say this but:
Pics or GTFO!

UglyBolloxFace

liah wrote: »

Proceed after ingesting large amounts of alcohol. Bring a Simon & Garfunkel CD (for effect), a nice box of Tesco wine, a variety of paper bags, and some Ben-gay, for afterwards.

Aul ones need lovin' too.

You seem to know a lot about the sexual lovin' needs of an aulwan - are you an aulwan in disguise?

And what is this Ben-gay you speak of? ...I have so much to learn.

UglyBolloxFace

yeppydeppy wrote: »

I can't believe I'm first to say this but:
Pics or GTFO!

http://img.youtube.com/vi/HYNPuOaWmcY/0.jpg

pickarooney

Poor Craythur wrote: »

A good thing, surely?

If you're into bony streaks of piss, I guess.

Poor Craythur

pickarooney wrote: »

If you're into bony streaks of piss, I guess.

Heh, fair enough.

seklly

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

If only the cleaners were hot.

With a face like yours you can't be too picky, go for it!

ibarelycare

OP if you really are as ugly as your username suggests, then go for it. It could be years before such an opportunity arises again.

liah

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

You seem to know a lot about the sexual lovin' needs of an aulwan - are you an aulwan in disguise?

And what is this Ben-gay you speak of? ...I have so much to learn.

No, but I will be one someday

Ben-gay may be a North America thing but typically old people use it for joint pain and stuff.

chin_grin

liah wrote: »

No, but I will be one someday

Ben-gay may be a North America thing but typically old people use it for joint pain and stuff.

Smells like benjy if you ask me.

Lumen

"Would you like to help me clean my pipes?"

sunflower27

She was probably staring at the filthy state of your jocks and is laughing about it with her colleagues

thebigbiffo

she was 'proper checking you out' eh?

did it ever occour to you she was doing the timeless auld one classic of looking you up and down thinking 'this bollox ugly little swine just walks right in in his jocks and doesn't even have the good manners to act embarrassed'.

ride her though - then you'll know for sure if an auld wan closing up is as good as a young wan opening up.

alandublin15

next time plan same scenario - then ask her if she can make sure to polish your knob

UglyBolloxFace

pickarooney wrote: »

If you're into bony streaks of piss, I guess.

Pics of said bony streak of piss please.

(really)

Michael 09

Do it... if nothing else you'll have a good story...

DrumSteve

Maybe she's a ghost...

Maybe your a ghost...

Barna77

D1976 wrote: »

It's not Iris Robinson is it?

She's already taking measures....