Dirty Stories From nightclubs

jaspertheghost

TrollHammaren wrote: »

I was working at a "reputable establishment" on New Year's Eve and it got a wee bit messy. There was a massive queue to the toilets, so after throwing a few women out of the men's toilets I skipped the queue with the usual, "sorry lads - security - gonna have to skip you!" A chap walked out of one of the cubicles, pissed out of his brain, saw my badge and muttered something about there not being any toilet roll. I saw a five euro note on the floor and flipped it over to discover it was covered in shíte. The bástard had wiped his arse with a fiver and left it clean side up on the floor for some unfortunate drunkard to put it in his pocket. Dirt bird.

did ya keep the fiver?

dyawannagoonme

Was in the club one night and had too many nippy sweeties, got my hands on a fag and I had it gone in 10 seconds... proceeded to go to the jacks and release buckets of chunder and when I stopped I heard this fella beside me having the worst **** attack I have ever seen. My mate was in the toilet next to me and he thought it was me that had the **** attack saying "you're arse is gonna be fairly rusty after that"... never laughed as much while puking

TrollHammaren

jaspertheghost wrote: »

did ya keep the fiver?

As a refined Trinity graduate, I wouldn't pick up anything less than a shíte-encrusted tenner.

TrollHammaren

I want to hear more dirty stories. Bump.

Edit: Very poor choice of words, there

Pdfile

i can't list the amount of times ive woken up in strangers places or just stange places in general naked... after doing the deed....

but jasus...


the day i learn to keep my clothes onin nightclubs and not go falling back to hers or her back to mine is the day hell freezes over ! ( yes, my neather region is called hell; or so my ex would say... )

zynaps

Cool story bro!

Pdfile

zynaps wrote: »

Cool story bro!

t'was gonna add more dragons n sh*t but... some storys are a bit too famous that way and well... ive sworn to kiss and only tell the lads..

Macers

Are we allowed post photos?

fakearms123

I'm not sure if this qualifies as the right brand of dirty but when I was in a nightclub in Limerick I witnessed an event that has eroded the foundations of my identity as a citizen. I was in the men's toilets shaking off the excess urine from the tip, when in bursts one massive man. He sends the saloon-style door booming against the wall as he stampedes towards the most available cubicle. He is holding his mouth like he has just swallowed a hamster. With a swift kick of the cubicle door he unleashes a hose of projectile vomit all over the walls and floor of the cubicle. He resembled a graffiti artist spraying his tag on the most convenient surface but the act appeared far more violent and painful. As soon as he is finished uploading a week's worth of dinners all over the cubicle he wipes his mouth with a smile and walks back out the saloon-style door.

The black lad shrugs and makes his way to the cubicle with a mop and bucket. The black lad goes down on his knees inside the cubicle and starts scrubbing. Not an inch before the saloon-style door closing the same massive man punches the door back open again, makes his way to the same cubicle and again projectile vomits all over the walls and floor in the same manner. But this time he has completely drown the black guy in a mountain of vomit! It was truly a dirty sight!

TrollHammaren

fakearms123 wrote: »

I'm not sure if this qualifies as the right brand of dirty but when I was in a nightclub in Limerick I witnessed an event that has eroded the foundations of my identity as a citizen. I was in the men's toilets shaking off the excess urine from the tip, when in bursts one massive man. He sends the saloon-style door booming against the wall as he stampedes towards the most available cubicle. He is holding his mouth like he has just swallowed a hamster. With a swift kick of the cubicle door he unleashes a hose of projectile vomit all over the walls and floor of the cubicle. He resembled a graffiti artist spraying his tag on the most convenient surface but the act appeared far more violent and painful. As soon as he is finished uploading a week's worth of dinners all over the cubicle he wipes his mouth with a smile and walks back out the saloon-style door.

The black lad shrugs and makes his way to the cubicle with a mop and bucket. The black lad goes down on his knees inside the cubicle and starts scrubbing. Not an inch before the saloon-style door closing the same massive man punches the door back open again, makes his way to the same cubicle and again projectile vomits all over the walls and floor in the same manner. But this time he has completely drown the black guy in a mountain of vomit! It was truly a dirty sight!

Jesus, was the black lad all right? That's nasty stuff right there.

blacklilly

I was in a club one night and got talking to a well known footballer . we were sitting down chatting away and next thing he whips out his penis and looked me straight in the eye and said....suck it.
well needles to say i didn't suck it. got the nearest drink to me and threw it over him, this drink turned out to be piss .
I was delighted

adam88

blacklilly wrote: »

I was in a club one night and got talking to a well known footballer . we were sitting down chatting away and next thing he whips out his penis and looked me straight in the eye and said....suck it.
well needles to say i didn't suck it. got the nearest drink to me and threw it over him, this drink turned out to be piss .
I was delighted

Why do I sense some bs about this

Eurovisionmad

Was out the back one night saw two people I know, the guy dropping the finger, nothing unusual there. . . except the next morning I found out she had been wearing tights

Fast access I suppose!

iwasonbwh

In Donegal there's a club called Basement Jacks...nothing is out of bounds in it However they also run an underage, where one evening two first years (12 year olds) decided to have some fun...so there was a hand from the girl and fingers from the boy. Not bad compared to the other stoires on this thread, just the age of those involved :rolleyes:

TrollHammaren

I just remembered one now. When I was about 17 I was working for a massive event for a well-known dance/rave artist whose following is renowned for their chemically enhanced lifestyle, and I went checking for people taking drugs behind the curtains. I found a bloke and a girl roydin' like a pizza boy and a short-changed cheerleader in a porn movie, so I shined my torch in their eyes to get their attention, but they just looked up at me with massive pupils and continued with enthusiastic vigour. As I pulled the guy off her he protested with something to the effect of "I'm not finished".

I thought I had successfully repressed that memory. Thanks, boards.

RUCKING FETARD

TrollHammaren wrote: »

"I'm not finished".

christmas2012

seen people ridin in an open pub went to a pub to get whiskey at an early hour in the morn two crusty lookin yokes..

AeoNGriM

blacklilly wrote: »

I was in a club one night and got talking to a well known footballer . we were sitting down chatting away and next thing he whips out his penis and looked me straight in the eye and said....suck it.
well needles to say i didn't suck it. got the nearest drink to me and threw it over him, this drink turned out to be piss so I blasted him with piss .
I was delighted

Fixed AH style

:pac:

Fighting Irish

AeoNGriM wrote: »

Fixed AH style

:pac:

:rolleyes:

livinonaprayer

A few years ago, I once saw a few lads literally pissing on the bar, now that was yucky and darn right disrespectful. I was in shock to say the least. What says a lot about the place though is that the bouncers never even batted an eyelid!

mfceiling

TrollHammaren wrote: »

I just remembered one now. When I was about 17 I was working for a massive event for a well-known dance/rave artist whose following is renowned for their chemically enhanced lifestyle, and I went checking for people taking drugs behind the curtains. I found a bloke and a girl roydin' like a pizza boy and a short-changed cheerleader in a porn movie, so I shined my torch in their eyes to get their attention, but they just looked up at me with massive pupils and continued with enthusiastic vigour. As I pulled the guy off her he protested with something to the effect of "I'm not finished".

I thought I had successfully repressed that memory. Thanks, boards.

You dirty fecker...

wishwashwoo

lamai wrote: »

What's that in english?

Class just fuching class I bet he blew bubbles on the covers in the plank a!!! Great story

ciarak7511

I was in a nightclub in portlaoise, walked into the bathroom and saw a girl puke on my mates shoes-gross

Pumpkinseeds

I haven't been in a nightclub since the early 90's, don't miss it either:P

bumper234

I once saw a WELL known soccer pundit snorting lines of coke in the kitchen of a late night wine bar/club in Dublin and then go on to passionately make out with a drag queen in red knee high leather boots and mini (and yes they both dropped the hand)

taytobreath

bumper234 wrote: »

I once saw a WELL known soccer pundit snorting lines of coke in the kitchen of a late night wine bar/club in Dublin and then go on to passionately make out with a drag queen in red knee high leather boots and mini (and yes they both dropped the hand)

Name? or a clue

bumper234

taytobreath wrote: »

Name? or a clue

It wasn't Johhny Giles

Birneybau

taytobreath wrote: »

Name? or a clue

Really?

skimpydoo

bumper234 wrote: »

It wasn't Johhny Giles

Was it another ex Manchester United player?

SEPT 23 1989

Millwall i would have thought