Dirty Stories From nightclubs

Funfair

BickNarry wrote: »

Caught a young pale foxy fella in a Toga trying to ride his beoir twice.

Trying to ride his what ?

bear, beer :eek:

PeterIanStaker

I posted this in another thread before but here goes: Saw a guy having a sh!t in a urinal in a nightclub.

mcw92

Funfair wrote: »

Trying to ride his what ?

bear, beer :eek:

beoir...girl..woman..yaung wan

PeterIanStaker

Interceptor wrote: »

I used work in a nightclub - you have no idea how bad it gets.

'cptr

Same here. Saw a fella quite calmly pissing into a pint glass on the dancefloor while trying to chat up a bird who was Jeremy Kyle guest material.
I guess we males can multitask after all.

saywhatyousee

1.one of my friends got sick on a girl after he got the shift
2.loads of girls shifting each other lesbianism seems to of taking a hold here
3.i know a lad who had the flu and he went around rubbing snots on girls as a game to see if the would notice(the village idiot)
4.two lads shifting each other for 20 euro(which niether of them recieved)
5.bloody girls knickers in a glass on the bar
6.i got sick in the q in front of the bouncers still got in:D(2 naggins and a half quarter cant be bet) this was all in u-18s disco good times cant believe it 7-10 years ago

saywhatyousee

jester77 wrote: »

Is the powerhouse still around? that was a right dirty place!

dont know have not been around there for years

Fart

Kersmash wrote: »

OP is clearly jacking off to these durty stories.

Hey, me too.

Snap!!!

UglyBolloxFace

Interceptor wrote: »

I used work in a nightclub - you have no idea how bad it gets.

'cptr

Did you sign the customers' receipts with 'cptr'?

orourkeda

Duggy747 wrote: »

On one night out I went for a piss at the urinals when next thing this ferocious smell hit me, I mean, it was horrific. It was like all the oxygen was sucked out of the club, replacing it with this rancid odour you'd probably associate with a dead body found in the trunk of a car on a hot summer's day!

Anywho, I finish up strangling the worm and turn around to the bouncer who's pissing himself laughing at a cubicle. I asked him what he was laughing at, he kicks open the door and the next thing I saw put me straight off my drink.

Good...........grief...............the previous user of the cubicle must've been flipping and spinning all over the place, shooting bodily fluids from every hole in his body. It was a sight to behold!! There was nothing but shìt and vomit running down the walls, big brown handprints smeared everywhere, the toilet bowl on the outside covered in vomit, the inside of the bowl overflowing with stained toilet paper.............sitting there like snow on a mountain peak. To top it off, on the ground there was a pair of boxers covered in a thick layer of brown goo and a puddle of, presumably, piss.

Rancid fùcker!! The black guy I knew in the toilets who does the fragrances and all that was told to clean it up but when he saw it he roared out: "AH AM KNOT CLEANING TAT UP!!!!"

Poor guy.

Some people just cant hold their gargle

Poor Craythur

One of my male college friends pissed in the corner of the dancefloor in Coppers one night.

orourkeda

Poor Craythur wrote: »

One of my male college friends pissed in the corner of the dancefloor in Coppers one night.

The only thing that surprises me about that is the fact that he didnt take a sh1t at the same time.

Jimmy the Wheel

Kasabian wrote: »

Once watched a mate get a blowjob off a girl who then spat his jizz it in her drink and swallowed it.

He drank his own jizz?

tallaghtmick

orourkeda wrote: »

Some people just cant hold their gargle

or there arses

krudler

standing beside a couch area in a club in Limerick one night, chatting away to a friend, next thing I realise the backs of my legs are starting to feel...warm. turn around and the girl who had been sitting on the couch hammered drunk was now lying across the couch sideways, puking all over the backs of my legs. and thus ended my night, 15 minutes after I arrived. having to walk across a nightclub with some geebags chunky puke slowly working its way down my legs, wonderful.

Dean820

samapple789 wrote: »

Dont Get me going on Dirty **** in night clubs

1st night out in cork i can say i saw a lot of things

Someone i know who is a lad going of with a lad in a corner

Me chating up some girl then turn around and seeing one of my firends getting a handjob from a girl right beside me

Seeing someone getting sick right beside me then going back to getting of with some girl

A guy about 4ft tall going off with a 20 stone girl and she was on top

Well that was in 30 mins in a nightclub in Cork

How come this doesn't happen when I'm out every week in Cork?

...

You must be going to a rough club or pub. Knacker.:pac:

admiralofthefleet

seafood dunleavy wrote: »

Nightclubs?Underage discos are where it's really dirty.

i went to wesley when i was a nipper, fond memories

melekalikimaka

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

i went to wesley when i was a nipper, fond memories

snowballs

nuff said

Celly Smunt

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

i went to wesley when i was a nipper, fond memories

ah thats no St.Judes,wesley or "wez" wasn't as skanky

MLH1

dirt

PeterIanStaker

Fart wrote: »

Hey, me too.

Snap!!!

don't you mean "fap"?

or did it break :eek:

up for anything

grungepants wrote: »

Ah i love sex in public places,you dont often find a girl whos a voyer.

You don't have a fecking clue really, do you? And while I don't want to be a grammar nazi I couldn't help but notice...... :rolleyes:

Diabhal Beag

This is more of a humourous tale. Went to the toilets in Karma one time. Was going for a piss and after I finished a hand touched my shoulder. I was told not to go as a bet was being placed. A Cork man was up for the weekend an bet his friend 200 euro that he couldn't lick the bottom of the urinal bowl I just pissed in. Needless to say the arsehole licked it and got sick afterwards but at least he got 200 euro.

It was the worst/best thing I ever saw

stevejr

krudler wrote: »

standing beside a couch area in a club in Limerick one night, chatting away to a friend, next thing I realise the backs of my legs are starting to feel...warm. turn around and the girl who had been sitting on the couch hammered drunk was now lying across the couch sideways, puking all over the backs of my legs. and thus ended my night, 15 minutes after I arrived. having to walk across a nightclub with some geebags chunky puke slowly working its way down my legs, wonderful.

****ing Sick....

bmarley

Had on my favourite 20 inch red heels and micro white mini skirt...didn't realise I had stood in dog ****e before taking to the floor at the local niteclub.

darragh16

df1985 wrote: »

People puking into their glasses and drinking it again because theyre that out of it....rotten!

I necked a pint and puked it right up into the glass and left it on the counter... not one of my finer moments.

Up-n-atom!

has your mam finished school yet?

Dunno if that was a typo or an insult...

yogimotorsport

In Reds in Cork one night years ago in lads jacks saw some fella getting a blowjob off a chick,obviously after he jizzed up she got with a mouth full of stuff and ran to the dancefloor to snowball the first fella she could get her hands on,filthy disgusting yoke

McChubbin

yogimotorsport wrote: »

In Reds in Cork one night years ago in lads jacks saw some fella getting a blowjob off a chick,obviously after he jizzed up she got with a mouth full of stuff and ran to the dancefloor to snowball the first fella she could get her hands on,filthy disgusting yoke

I am disgusted, appalled and just a little bit intrigued by that story.

yogimotorsport

McChubbin wrote: »

I am disgusted, appalled and just a little bit intrigued by that story.

Do i even want to know why your intigued?

Barna77

^ He's the other guy

Poor Craythur wrote: »

One of my male college friends pissed in the corner of the dancefloor in Coppers one night.

My best mate did it on Christmas eve a few years ago. :mad:

Diabhal Beag wrote: »

This is more of a humourous tale. Went to the toilets in Karma one time. Was going for a piss and after I finished a hand touched my shoulder. I was told not to go as a bet was being placed. A Cork man was up for the weekend an bet his friend 200 euro that he couldn't lick the bottom of the urinal bowl I just pissed in. Needless to say the arsehole licked it and got sick afterwards but at least he got 200 euro.

It was the worst/best thing I ever saw

That's ****ing disgusting :eek:

A few years ago me and the mates went to a gig in UCD (Digitalism it was). The place was packed, people were on heat. I saw this girl literally about to rape a guy in a couch. He got all the hight fives form the lads when they went back to the dancefloor. Then I noticed they had been sitting over our coats, jackets etc.... :mad:

UglyBolloxFace

yogimotorsport wrote: »

In Reds in Cork one night years ago in lads jacks saw some fella getting a blowjob off a chick,obviously after he jizzed up she got with a mouth full of stuff and ran to the dancefloor to snowball the first fella she could get her hands on,filthy disgusting yoke

Actually this query might be for a whole new thread (which I might make:pac:) but what would yee do if a girl did that to you?

What if some cracking bird walks upto you, plants one on the kisser....but passes a load of man yoghurt into your gob?

I honestly wouldn't know what I'd do..but a kick in the gee might just occur.

stovelid

A guy having a shit in a urinal (the single ones, not the trough type) in a club in Dublin.

A girl tugging off a guy in a club in Belfast

parker kent

Was in Diceys (I know the shame etc etc) at a college party and a total d1ck from our class took a whizz off the balcony. Cue a distressed, píssed on girl running away crying and WW3 about to kick off. Not sure how he avoided getting a kicking. A horrible, horrible thing to do.

inurface

In the Queens Niteclub in Ennis a good few years ago with a few mates, two of our full glasses of red bull and vodka were robbed from the high table we were standing against, back to the bar for a new round and two mins later one of the drinks was robbed again, so two of my mates went to the jacks and filled two glasses with piss and left them on the table, went for a walkaround for two mins and when we got back to the table the two full glasses of piss were gone. never found out who was taken them but would have loved to see the knackers face when he went to down them

Svetti Arss

Not night club related but 2 stories along the same lines.

1. At a house party several years ago this girl arrived without drink or a man to supply her with drink. She bummed whatever alcohol she could get until people got wise to her and then she started to steal it.

As the evening progressed she got more drunk and people got more annoyed and that’s when someone came up with the cunning plan for a load of the lads to piss into a dark bottle. The trap was set and sure enough the mouse fell for it. It was a surprising number of seconds before she coped it and puked.

2. I was only 3 days in London in the late 80’s and was invited to see some “Exotic Dancers" one fine Sunday morning. Even though I had a hangover I went along to the function room in a pub. My mate had seen them before but I had no idea what to expect. Back then even tame topless mags where uncommon in Ireland and Virgin Megastore had just been prosecuted for selling condoms to the public. Anyway this stripper who wasn’t really good at dancing at all decided that out of the roughly 100 mostly bikers in the room that I was to be part of the act. She kept staring at me maybe sensing the fear and the more cigarettes I lit the more interested she became. She then stood in front of me and pulled the table out of the way, put out the fag and lubed herself in baby cream before sitting on my face and gyrating for a good few minutes. The crowd went mental as did the landlord who started screaming about losing his license etc. I was in shock but on the + side I didn’t suffocate and a load of the bikers bought me pints afterwards.

K-9

Svetti Arss wrote: »

Not night club related but 2 stories along the same lines.

1. At a house party several years ago this girl arrived without drink or a man to supply her with drink. She bummed whatever alcohol she could get until people got wise to her and then she started to steal it.

As the evening progressed she got more drunk and people got more annoyed and that’s when someone came up with the cunning plan for a load of the lads to piss into a dark bottle. The trap was set and sure enough the mouse fell for it. It was a surprising number of seconds before she coped it and puked.

2. I was only 3 days in London in the late 80’s and was invited to see some “Exotic Dancers" one fine Sunday morning. Even though I had a hangover I went along to the function room in a pub. My mate had seen them before but I had no idea what to expect. Back then even tame topless mags where uncommon in Ireland and Virgin had been prosecuted for selling condoms to the public. Anyway this stripper who wasn’t really good at dancing at all decided that out of the roughly 100 mostly bikers in the room that I was to be part of the act. She kept staring at me maybe sensing the fear and the more cigarettes I lit the more interested she was. She then stood in front of me and pulled the table out of the way, put of the fag and lubed herself in baby cream before sitting on my face and gyrating for a good few minutes. The crowd went mental as did the landlord who started screaming about losing his license etc. I was in shock but on the + side I didn’t suffocate and a load of the bikers bought me pints.

You got a little over excited?

Hank_Jones

Svetti Arss wrote: »

Not night club related but 2 stories along the same lines.

1. At a house party several years ago this girl arrived without drink or a man to supply her with drink. She bummed whatever alcohol she could get until people got wise to her and then she started to steal it.

As the evening progressed she got more drunk and people got more annoyed and that’s when someone came up with the cunning plan for a load of the lads to piss into a dark bottle. The trap was set and sure enough the mouse fell for it. It was a surprising number of seconds before she coped it and puked.

2. I was only 3 days in London in the late 80’s and was invited to see some “Exotic Dancers" one fine Sunday morning. Even though I had a hangover I went along to the function room in a pub. My mate had seen them before but I had no idea what to expect. Back then even tame topless mags where uncommon in Ireland and Virgin had been prosecuted for selling condoms to the public. Anyway this stripper who wasn’t really good at dancing at all decided that out of the roughly 100 mostly bikers in the room that I was to be part of the act. She kept staring at me maybe sensing the fear and the more cigarettes I lit the more interested she was. She then stood in front of me and pulled the table out of the way, put of the fag and lubed herself in baby cream before sitting on my face and gyrating for a good few minutes. The crowd went mental as did the landlord who started screaming about losing his license etc. I was in shock but on the + side I didn’t suffocate and a load of the bikers bought me pints.

I would think your user name suits then.

Johro

Badgermonkey wrote: »

Name: Dick Burns

Location: 'in between a womens legs'

Specialist subject: Dirty Nightclub Stories

Status: Single/Virgin

woman ffs.

RussellTuring

I was in a nightclub in Dublin City Centre about a year ago (starts with Q and rhymes with...Cue Bar) and saw a girl quite obviously getting fingered while sitting on a stool right beside the dance floor. That's bad enough but they were both well old enough to know better. I've had the odd ride in a cubicle myself but not since I turned 18 and I at least wasn't so bloody obvious about it.

upandcumming

Interceptor wrote: »

I used work in a nightclub - you have no idea how bad it gets.

'cptr

I know how bad 'cptr gets though. Jesus.

seafood dunleavy

I know a lad who frequently pisses in the sinks in the jacks at nightclubs.

fontanalis

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

Actually this query might be for a whole new thread (which I might make:pac:) but what would yee do if a girl did that to you?

What if some cracking bird walks upto you, plants one on the kisser....but passes a load of man yoghurt into your gob?

I honestly wouldn't know what I'd do..but a kick in the gee might just occur.

If a man emptied the contents of his yoghurt rifle on a woman I'd say there would be trouble for the man.

Jordonvito

I know a lad that sh1t in like a sandwich bag thing (dunno how he acquired it), and threw it from the VIP section (upstairs) at the poor bouncer below him. Grand quite chap without drink

mawk

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

Actually this query might be for a whole new thread (which I might make:pac:) but what would yee do if a girl did that to you?

What if some cracking bird walks upto you, plants one on the kisser....but passes a load of man yoghurt into your gob?

I honestly wouldn't know what I'd do..but a kick in the gee might just occur.

Id kick her right in the balls.

FlutterinBantam

Was in a nightspot in Kells, letting off a stream in the pissers as one does, when in staggers this sweating rotund lad .

Rumbles over to the stalls fumbles with the belt, and then he has the jocks down half way when before he had time to close the door, gouts of hot scutther explode from his nipsy and shower the jocks ,pants , floor area with fresh midden.

Bang of stale cabbage and lager were awesome.

Anyway he just pulls up the gear ,staggers out with shíte all over him and a whang off him that would stagger a hereford bull.

Later on I went over to a part of the bar and got the stench and there he was stretched out on a couch sound asleep.

What a pike.

UglyBolloxFace

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Was in a nightspot in Kells, letting off a stream in the pissers as one does, when in staggers this sweating rotund lad .

Rumbles over to the stalls fumbles with the belt, and then he has the jocks down half way when before he had time to close the door, gouts of hot scutther explode from his nipsy and shower the jocks ,pants , floor area with fresh midden.

Bang of stale cabbage and lager were awesome.

Anyway he just pulls up the gear ,staggers out with shíte all over him and a whang off him that would stagger a hereford bull.

Later on I went over to a part of the bar and got the stench and there he was stretched out on a couch sound asleep.

What a pike.

10,414 posts of absolute literal shít.

WolfForager

Dirty story from a nightclub? Having to pay to use the jacks, that's feckin dirty!

sbsquarepants

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

gouts of hot scutther explode from his nipsy and shower the jocks ,pants , floor area with fresh midden.

What language is this?

BigDuffman

Was working in break for the border few years ago, some chap shat himself then through up and was out cold in the cubicle, ****e every where, on his fore-head the walls. He had also thrown up alll over himself. We were called down by the guy who was working in the jacks as he noticed some boyo at the door of a cubicle pissing on the poor unfortunate and breaking their balls laughing.

We arrived down and the smell was unholy. I was not going to touch the scummy ****er unnecessarily but felt should atleast stick him in the recovery position. Threw on a pair of gloves and went to turn him on his side. As I turned him over the noise of the ****e sloshing in the half off poo-sodden jocks and the stench got too much so I ended up spewing outside the cubicle.

So to add insult to your mans injury not only was he covered in his own waste. When they pulled him out of the jacks he went through a combo of my vommit and another lads piss!

Muppets like that should be fined for wasting paramedics time

Naos

sbsquarepants wrote: »

What language is this?

Don't worry, you start to pick it up after reading through a few of his posts.