Dirty Stories From nightclubs

BickNarry

uch wrote: »

One of my mates used to sh1te in a paper bag then light it and place it on someones doorstep and ring the bell, when the person would answer they would instinctively stamp out the lighting bag and squirt sh1te all over themselves and their hall and step.

Also knew another guy who was shaggin some sh1tehawk on a bench in the train station, when a train load pulled up and stopped in the station, what could he do only carry on.

You have a story that could be known as cool in your possession, brother.

jackiebaron

Jaysus what clubs does this caper go on in in Dublin?

Have to visit a few of these spots to witness the freak show and maybe get me mickey tugged or snowballed by some munter.

Spore

Diabhal Beag wrote: »

This is more of a humourous tale. Went to the toilets in Karma one time. Was going for a piss and after I finished a hand touched my shoulder. I was told not to go as a bet was being placed. A Cork man was up for the weekend an bet his friend 200 euro that he couldn't lick the bottom of the urinal bowl I just pissed in. Needless to say the arsehole licked it and got sick afterwards but at least he got 200 euro.

It was the worst/best thing I ever saw

Had a mate that would regularly lick urinals... odd bloke, always pulled too. Had another mate that robbed the toilet seat from the ladies toilet, wore it around his neck the whole night like a champion. Happy days...

phill106

Spore wrote: »

Had a mate that would regularly lick urinals... odd bloke, always pulled too. Had another mate that robbed the toilet seat from the ladies toilet, wore it around his neck the whole night like a champion. Happy days...

Womens toilets are the durtiest thing known to man, that is rank

Spore

phill106 wrote: »

Womens toilets are the durtiest thing known to man, that is rank

The toilet seat was also licked... to a cheering busload of night-linkers. How distorted heroism seems on night's out

DoesNotCompute

inurface wrote: »

In the Queens Niteclub in Ennis a good few years ago with a few mates, two of our full glasses of red bull and vodka were robbed from the high table we were standing against, back to the bar for a new round and two mins later one of the drinks was robbed again, so two of my mates went to the jacks and filled two glasses with piss and left them on the table, went for a walkaround for two mins and when we got back to the table the two full glasses of piss were gone. never found out who was taken them but would have loved to see the knackers face when he went to down them

A mate I used to go drinkin with about ten years ago used to do the same thing with empty bottles of Bulmer's. Serves the thieving b@stards right

DoesNotCompute

sbsquarepants wrote: »

What language is this?

Old Middle Elven.

seamus

All this talk of ****e and lapdancers reminds me of a story a mate told me.

They're on a stag in Barcelona and go into one of those live sex shows. Not lots of people there, just seems to be them and a group of british lads on a similar stag-type setup.

So they do their thing, and then one of the ladies in her altogether proclaims to the audience that it's impossible to take a **** while someone's blowing on your arsehole. And she's willing to prove it to anyone who wants a go.

So she lies down on her back and invites people up. Sure enough, one of the english lads gets up, pants down, squatting over her face. She says "Go" and starts blowing and no matter how hard he tries, nothing.
He gives up, another guy doesn't believe it, up he goes, pants down, "Go!". Pushing and pushing, still no joy.

After 3 or 4 guys have tried it, this one huge fat bastard, sweating and panting with the effort of talking, goes up. Stands over her face, pants down, and before she even has a chance to say anything, he lets fly with the widest, smelliest spray of crap that could only be produced by 3 days of lager and curries.

The show did not go on.

Svetti Arss

Hank_Jones wrote: »

I would think your user name suits then.

Why so? You find my user name amusing?

pappyodaniel

The Clarence in Sligo.
Every Thursday used to be indie/alternative night and back then (about 6-8years ago) it was a small crowd so everyone knew everyone.
There was one fella who after a couple of weeks we recognised as a miserable tight bastard who went around nicking drinks off tables whilst we'd be up dancing.
So to get revenge I decided to collect all the ends of pints, bottles, soft drinks and poured them all into a big pint glass.
When it was nearly full, the 'cocktail' had a greenish hue to it.

Now it was time for the piece de resistance. We all took turns spitting flem filled gobs into the pint.
I went up to the bar and got a couple of straws and an umbrella to make it more appealing and left the 'cocktail' on our table.

Sure enough after 20 minutes the pint was gone.
We looked everywhere and we finally found him outside around the corner getting sick up against the front door of Xtra-vision.

**** him.

Dick Burns

Pure Genius pappyodaniel , i salute you

UglyBolloxFace

seamus wrote: »

All this talk of ****e and lapdancers reminds me of a story a mate told me.

They're on a stag in Barcelona and go into one of those live sex shows. Not lots of people there, just seems to be them and a group of british lads on a similar stag-type setup.

So they do their thing, and then one of the ladies in her altogether proclaims to the audience that it's impossible to take a **** while someone's blowing on your arsehole. And she's willing to prove it to anyone who wants a go.

So she lies down on her back and invites people up. Sure enough, one of the english lads gets up, pants down, squatting over her face. She says "Go" and starts blowing and no matter how hard he tries, nothing.
He gives up, another guy doesn't believe it, up he goes, pants down, "Go!". Pushing and pushing, still no joy.

After 3 or 4 guys have tried it, this one huge fat bastard, sweating and panting with the effort of talking, goes up. Stands over her face, pants down, and before she even has a chance to say anything, he lets fly with the widest, smelliest spray of crap that could only be produced by 3 days of lager and curries.

The show did not go on.

I have never laughed so hard in my life...brav-fúcking-o good Sir

UglyBolloxFace

Svetti Arss wrote: »

Why so? You find my user name amusing?

Don't fall for it Hank Jones noooooooooooooooooooo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_ff46b58Hk

Funfair

inurface wrote: »

In the Queens Niteclub in Ennis a good few years ago with a few mates, two of our full glasses of red bull and vodka were robbed from the high table we were standing against, back to the bar for a new round and two mins later one of the drinks was robbed again, so two of my mates went to the jacks and filled two glasses with piss and left them on the table, went for a walkaround for two mins and when we got back to the table the two full glasses of piss were gone. never found out who was taken them but would have loved to see the knackers face when he went to down them

I know a guy who brought that to the next level.. Pissed off with scumbags robbing his drink in Breen's in Waterford,He bought a pint of Guinness.. straight to the jacks.. had a dump in the glass.. back out near the dance floor he left the Pint down and with in 5 mins it was gone..

I guess the scumbag thought twice the next time he wanted a drink :pac:

Frynge

Working at a debs in a hotel one night, coming back from a smoke with one of the lads and i noticed some lad getting a bj off a bird. Pointed this out to him and the conversation went like this:

"that lad over there is getting a bj"

"What, where is he?"

"Over there"

"Awh, fcuk that, i'm getting security!"

"What? Why bother, it dont matter, not like we're cleaning the room"

"if i'm not getting a bj no one is!"

priceless.

In another place, mate goes to the jacks then came running back laughing his ass off, telling everyone to follow him to the jacks. someone in a cubicle had managed to sh/te outside the the cubicle. when we got to the jacks we were on the floor laughing when an arm reached out from under the door and scooped the sh/te back into the cubicle. one of the lads working there the kicked the door down and an old guy (not fully there and quite drunk) was standing there stark, cover in his excrement with all his cloths folded neatly on the cistern. it has become legend in the pub.

Nolanger

inurface wrote: »

In the Queens Niteclub in Ennis a good few years ago with a few mates, two of our full glasses of red bull and vodka were robbed from the high table we were standing against, back to the bar for a new round and two mins later one of the drinks was robbed again, so two of my mates went to the jacks and filled two glasses with piss and left them on the table, went for a walkaround for two mins and when we got back to the table the two full glasses of piss were gone. never found out who was taken them but would have loved to see the knackers face when he went to down them

Should have used Harpic?

bluecatmorgana

This thread proves that most people at clubs are horrible.
I hate you all.

Kasabian

We really are a country that can't enjoy drink properly and I say that as a person who could not.

Monty Burnz

yogimotorsport wrote: »

In Reds in Cork one night years ago in lads jacks saw some fella getting a blowjob off a chick,obviously after he jizzed up she got with a mouth full of stuff and ran to the dancefloor to snowball the first fella she could get her hands on,filthy disgusting yoke

You chased her from the jacks to the dancefloor after watching this? Or you are repeating an urban myth...:rolleyes:

Funfair

And I was wondering why after some weekends out how I get cold sores on my lips.. suprised someone don't get Cholera off the glasses in Nightclubs after reading the horror stories on here :eek:

I'll be drinking long neck Bottles in future..

Gummy Panda

hmmm... my nightclub experiences have been very tame then. Just the odd slight of a toilet attacked by the phantom shítter

yogimotorsport

Monty Burnz wrote: »

You chased her from the jacks to the dancefloor after watching this? Or you are repeating an urban myth...:rolleyes:

Granted i did follow her out but more to get the lads and show them this debacile in the jacks

Barna77

Thank god I didn't go out tonight....

flas

one of the lads rode some girl up the gary glitter on the couches/beds in 21s in dublin on a monday night few years ago!this fella is known for stuff like this back home aswell as in college!

utyh2ikcq9z76b

seen a girl been lick by a guy, she was standing up, v.naughty

Ledger

Funfair wrote: »

And I was wondering why after some weekends out how I get cold sores on my lips.. suprised someone don't get Cholera off the glasses in Nightclubs after reading the horror stories on here :eek:

I'll be drinking long neck Bottles in future..

That wouldnt be much better, believe me i deliver them, you should see the state of some of the cases and the storerooms in some places, absolutely disgusting. i would never drink from a bottle.

LETHAL LADY

Once saw local dealer obviously sampled too much of his own product coming out of mens toilet with sh***y underpants wrapped around his fist completely spaced out. Swiftly removed by disgusted bouncers oh how we all pointed and laughed.

Logfire

Dick Burns wrote: »

i know i remember years back I use to start by getting completely hammered drunk. It was bad. Then i would drive , while intoxicated, to pick up this disease-infested hooker. From there... uh, let's see. Me and the hooker would go back to my place,it would be just a blur of intravenous drug abuse and unprotected sex, while taking the Lord's name in vain. oh and Of course I'm being safe. I pull out.

Is that where you got your name?

Chairman Meow

lonsdale wrote: »

I got a hand shandy on the packed dance floor of cayote years ago and jizzed all over some unsuspecting girl who was dancing away...i'd say she got a nice surprise when she went home, i also got a bj in the sound factory before xmas last year...i also constantly piss in pint glasses that are left beside the toilet in the hope some person will gulp it down...what can i say, I'm a human toilet

fixed

Banjaxed82

Was in Q-bar many years ago and saw a guy whip out his Charles Bronsan while ordering a pint, then proceeded to piss all over the bar. Lovely.