Dirty Stories From nightclubs

stovelid

DoesNotCompute wrote: »

Which begs the question: what did you think it was? :eek:

Something to do with menstruation.

nosey rosie

evillive wrote: »

not so dirty as kinda surreal

was taking a piss in the boys room in Fibbers (it may have been before it was actually called fibbers - but i digress)

there must have been a major queue for the ladies, as these two girls come in stand side-by-side beside me, drop their knickers, lean back and piss away, i'm looking over at this, theres a guy the other side of the row doing the same - and we continue to enjoy the show - i still dont the girls even tried the cubicles, they were blitzed, and to be fair to them i dont think there wasnt any spillage or splashing

Oh my! :eek: All I can say is.... oh well, god love the pair of them... they probably didn't remember a thing about it next day

squeakyduck

Was in Diceys for a graduation party and when I was coming out of the bathroom I caught the tail end of a guy projectile vomiting on a girl. He was off his tits and you could see the disgust slowly come across her face, she started to cry but had noone to hug as she was covered from head to toe in chunky spew! :eek::eek:

gazmic1

seamus wrote: »

All this talk of ****e and lapdancers reminds me of a story a mate told me.

They're on a stag in Barcelona and go into one of those live sex shows. Not lots of people there, just seems to be them and a group of british lads on a similar stag-type setup.

So they do their thing, and then one of the ladies in her altogether proclaims to the audience that it's impossible to take a **** while someone's blowing on your arsehole. And she's willing to prove it to anyone who wants a go.

So she lies down on her back and invites people up. Sure enough, one of the english lads gets up, pants down, squatting over her face. She says "Go" and starts blowing and no matter how hard he tries, nothing.
He gives up, another guy doesn't believe it, up he goes, pants down, "Go!". Pushing and pushing, still no joy.

After 3 or 4 guys have tried it, this one huge fat bastard, sweating and panting with the effort of talking, goes up. Stands over her face, pants down, and before she even has a chance to say anything, he lets fly with the widest, smelliest spray of crap that could only be produced by 3 days of lager and curries.

The show did not go on.

I'll be laughing for a week thinking of this

parker kent

evillive wrote: »

not so dirty as kinda surreal

was taking a piss in the boys room in Fibbers (it may have been before it was actually called fibbers - but i digress)

there must have been a major queue for the ladies, as these two girls come in stand side-by-side beside me, drop their knickers, lean back and piss away, i'm looking over at this, theres a guy the other side of the row doing the same - and we continue to enjoy the show - i still dont the girls even tried the cubicles, they were blitzed, and to be fair to them i dont think there wasnt any spillage or splashing

Same thing happened me in the mens toilets in The Point (I won't call it by it's slave name!) last year. Two extremely drunk women who then gave a weird confused look as they wandered back out. Oddly it was fairly early too.

keithkk16

Fingering on dance floors in Donegal nightclubs is the norm these days.

K-9

keithkk16 wrote: »

Fingering on dance floors in Donegal nightclubs is the norm these days.

Feck it, I was born 20 years too early.

flahavaj

Diabhal Beag wrote: »

This is more of a humourous tale. Went to the toilets in Karma one time. Was going for a piss and after I finished a hand touched my shoulder. I was told not to go as a bet was being placed. A Cork man was up for the weekend an bet his friend 200 euro that he couldn't lick the bottom of the urinal bowl I just pissed in. Needless to say the arsehole licked it and got sick afterwards but at least he got 200 euro.

It was the worst/best thing I ever saw

Anyone else find reading this easier to stomach knowing it was only a Corkman that did it and not a normal person?

Voodoomelon

A few years ago when I was working in a respectable restaurant (in the bar), me and another barman ended up sitting down with these 3 girls at the end of the night. We were sitting at the bar on high wooden stools and one of the girls was well on at this stage, shed been drinking like a fish all during and after her meal.

Anyways, she starts hiccuping like a feckin eejit, and just sits there staring at the floor, absolutely f**ked. We were just ignoring her talking to the other two when all of a sudden theres a noise like dripping water hitting the floor. Then is starts getting louder and more frequent and I actually looked up at the ceiling thinkin there was a leak. Then I looked at your one and there was piss streaming down the leg of the wooden stool. I started saying "what the f...." and the girls noticed at the same time and they just started talking really loudly, trying to spare her the embarressment of knowing we noticed.

They gently lift her up and drag her to the toilet, leaving a glorious golden trail of piss across the floor. Not only that, all the piss had pooled on the seat of the stool, it was disgustin. We cleaned the stool best we could, swapped it for the stool that the boss sits on every day and marked it with a fork so we'd know never to sit on it again.

Barna77

I'm going out tonight, god help me to survive drinking on disease infested glasses...

And might come back with a few stories

offaly1

God....i love reading this thread! It makes laugh soooo hard

Junco Partner

i'm heading to thurles tomorro night and this thread has me petrified. i'm not gonna drink im not gonna get off with anyone, wont go near the jacks and my arse will not touch any seats.

will1569reptile

Story from local club.
A guy went outside with some young one blah blah blah came back in and enjoyed the night.

Next night he went back to same club and bouncers said did you have fun do u want your condom back.. hahaha

Stink on the inside

I was on a J1 a few years ago in san fran. There was a group of us out in a nightclub, one of the lads Reardon disappeared half way through the night.
The lights all come on at the end of, it had been quite dark in there. Reardon comes over and there is blood smeared all over his new white t shirt and jeans. He looks like hes been involved in a massacre.
Turns out he had dropped the hand on a girl over in the corner and thought she was rather 'wet' but couldnt see the blood.
Pure filth that was, the state of him walking home with a cheeky grin on his face.

Bobjims

Was in certain clontarf niteclub a few years back when I saw this guy walking across the dancefloor with his hand over his mouth.

Turns out he was rushing to the toilets. Unfortunately he didnt make it and started vomiting with his hand still over his mouth. This made his vomit shoot all over the dancefloor like a sprinkler covering quite a few victims. Ive never seen so many people react with disgust all at once.

Thankfully I was well clear of his vomit spray. :cool:

LETHAL LADY

saywhatyousee wrote: »

that can happen when taking mdma when your coming up all your body muscles relax ect i know one lad it happend too.it was in a house though not a night club

I know what you mean but tis best to rid oneself of the floaters before you indulge in e.:)

syklops

^^ charming.

LETHAL LADY

^^ Alarming.

grrrrrrrrrr

^^ Farming

LETHAL LADY

^^ Self Harming.

minidazzler

C-c-c-c-c-c-COMBO BREAKER

LETHAL LADY

^^^ Ryhming extricator.

L'prof

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

^^^ Ryhming extricator.

Angst

Funfair

A few mates went to Cardiff for the rugby a few years ago.. they all claimed at the nightclub, one in particular claimed this stunning looking bird who brought him back to her apartment in the city.. after an hour in all positions she asked him if he fancied Anal sex.. his eyes lit up.. sure he says.. Wait a second I just want to nip to the toilet she says.. he’s lying there thinking he’s gone to heaven…Out she comes with this big black dildo strapon thing and says to him bend over… AAHHH feck that he says I’m not that into anal after all…:D

Big Nasty

^^^^Claimed?

Funfair

MCMLXXV wrote: »

^^^^Claimed?

Try guessing.. it's man talk

Korvanica

Funfair wrote: »

A few mates went to Cardiff for the rugby a few years ago.. they all claimed at the nightclub, one in particular claimed this stunning looking bird who brought him back to her apartment in the city.. after an hour in all positions she asked him if he fancied Anal sex.. his eyes lit up.. sure he says.. Wait a second I just want to nip to the toilet she says.. he’s lying there thinking he’s gone to heaven…Out she comes with this big black dildo strapon thing and says to him bend over… AAHHH feck that he says I’m not that into anal after all…:D

^^ jeez either everyone knows your mate, or this happens to a LOT of people...

prinz

Funfair wrote: »

Try guessing.. it's man talk

Maybe at the Appleby horse fair boss.

MajorMax

Bobjims wrote: »

Was in certain clontarf niteclub a few years back when I saw this guy walking across the dancefloor with his hand over his mouth.

Turns out he was rushing to the toilets. Unfortunately he didnt make it and started vomiting with his hand still over his mouth. This made his vomit shoot all over the dancefloor like a sprinkler covering quite a few victims. Ive never seen so many people react with disgust all at once.

Thankfully I was well clear of his vomit spray. :cool:

I once saw a friend of mine in almost exactly the same circumstances clamp his hand over his mouth to try and stop the puke and 2 strams of puke shot out of his nose all over the dance floor.

As a young man I was often told to drink a pint of milk to "line your stomach" before going out drinking, which I duly did. \this one night in a nightclub in the midlands in the mid eighties I started drinking Rum & Black, I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time. I was new to drinking and I didn't hold my drink well. I ended up slumped against a wall with an Ambulance crew standing over me freaking out. I had puked all over myself and a combination of the Rum & Blacks and the partly digested milk looked Like I was puking up blood clots. Ah good times.

I also saw a good friend of mine drop a tab of acid on a nightclub floor awash in a half inch of piss, pick it up and put tit in his mouth. Just say no, kiddies

Big Nasty

Funfair wrote: »

Try guessing.. it's man talk

'In my day' if ya 'claimed' someone ya wanted to beat them senseless! If this lads mates were going around Cardiff battering the head off wimmins maybe he deserved a black cock up his ring!