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A Few queries!

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  • 16-02-2011 1:58am
    #1
    flipall
    Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭


    Ok i have a few queries, firstly i am 25 with a child myself and i know this will hit a few nerves but i have no interest in meeting my biological parents as i don't think i could forgive them and move on to build a relationship with them. My family are the ones who were there for me all of my life.

    However, when i was young my friend told me that her mother knew my BM as she lived in a town thats no so far away. As it so happens i now work in that not so far away town, is there any way i could find out is there any truth to this story i was told, if i just knew where my BM lived it would settle my curiousity! I hate being in that town wondering is that her everytime a woman walks past!

    Final question, is there a way of knowing if your BM has bothered to look for you within those 25 years??

    Thanks in advance!


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    #2
    MaryMagdalene
    Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭MaryMagdalene


    Hi there Flipall

    I don't think your feelings would or should hit any nerves - no one person feels the same about their biological parents nor do each biological parent feel the same about their offspring - adopted or not. That is life.

    However, some when they meet do feel a connection/bond despite being apart and again some don't.

    On the question of whether your Mother looked for you her first stop would probably have been the Agency - you could try asking them. Would it make you feel different if she had?

    One of the main reasons most of us do not initiate contact is fear, fear of rejection and fear of causing our children more hurt and their families. My own daughter contacted me easily as I had clearly left her a trail via the agency however she has still not told her parents. Clearly this is causing her difficulties.

    I think for your own inner peace you have to decide which path you take, either to forget and get on with life or to find out more and see what happens.

    Neither choice is easy and I wish you all the best in whichever path you choose.


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    #3
    flipall
    Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭flipall


    Thanks for your reply.

    No it would not make me feel any different if i knew she had been looking for me, would probably just make me feel a little better than knowing she hasnt bothered! Still would not like to meet her.

    Everyones situation is different, i can understand your daughter not telling the family as she is probably afraid they would feel hurt.

    However i dont think adopted people can simply forget about it and move on. Nothing would change my mind about not wanting to meet my BM, iv managed fine without her for the last 25 years while she has got on with her life. Its always going to be there in the back of your mind, every birthday, every christmas and lots of days in between.

    Im happy for anyone who has found their birth parents and built a solid relationship, i just could never see myself doing that, i could never see myself forgiving my BM, think i would always be bitter with them so no point!


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