7 years old child, never goes out

leom

Hi Parents,
I need you advice.
My seven years old son does not want to go out - He was attacked by a dog when he was three, since than he will not go out. Some times, he express that he is scared of dogs.
He is very good child, very good with his school work, and rarely is a problem for us. He is very happy kid too. Rarely seen him upset. Most of the time he is engrossed in his imaginary world, would be playing with his toys : cars and transformers etc, or playing games on TV, or watching cartoons. He is very inquisitive about lot of things, people, death etc. In school he has few friends and he love to play with them.
But, I am just scared, if my child, when he grows up, will have psychological problems.
We are fairly happy family, we love our children and they know that they are being loved and cared.
Please advice, how can I encourage my child to be sociable and make friends.

clouds

How do you mean 'never goes out'? Is it just outdoors he's afraid of? You said he has a few friends at school, so that's not the problem is it?

leom

clouds wrote: »

How do you mean 'never goes out'? Is it just outdoors he's afraid of? You said he has a few friends at school, so that's not the problem is it?

Yes outdoor I mean. There are quite a few kids of his age in neighbourhood, but he will not play with them.

clouds

Oh right.
Does he go out with you like walk to the shop or whatever? Is he afraid of your garden, maybe the kids could play there for a bit. Baby baby steps I'd say. Maybe try walled spaces with you right beside him, and gradually expand his horizons. Be a long long process though. Have you tried stuff like that already?
If he sees a dog does he get afraid?

optogirl

leom wrote: »

Hi Parents,
I need you advice.
My six years old son does not want to go out - He was attacked by a dog when he was three, since than he will not go out. Some times, he express that he is scared of dogs.
He is very good child, very good with his school work, and rarely is a problem for us. He is very happy kid too. Rarely seen him upset. Most of the time he is engrossed in his imaginary world, would be playing with his toys : cars and transformers etc, or playing games on TV, or watching cartoons. He is very inquisitive about lot of things, people, death etc. In school he has few friends and he love to play with them.
But, I am just scared, if my child, when he grows up, will have psychological problems.
We are fairly happy family, we love our children and they know that they are being loved and cared.
Please advice, how can I encourage my child to be sociable and make friends.

HI OP, Firstly I should tell you that I am not an expert and don't even have children of my own but I do have 6 nieces and nephews who I see all the time and I take a very active interest in their lives!

Sorry to hear that he is not very sociable however it is encouraging that he has been able to make friends at school etc. Do his schoolfriends ever come over? If so, does he ever go to their houses?

If not it might be a good idea to ask him if he'd like to invite a schoolfriend or 2 over for a DVD or even a sleepover if all are in agreement to it being overnight. This might prompt an invitation to the other child's house and this might open up his world a little in terms of going to a different house and perhaps even playing with that child's friends or siblings. Maybe if you make sure he is very aware of how he is getting there and when he is being collected etc he will be more at ease.
If he's not up for that perhaps you could organise days out during the summer with as many children as you can gather! (cousins, neighbours, schoolfriends, siblings etc). A trip to the park where kids are given a fair amount of freedom to go exploring etc might peak his interest in what the outside world has to offer him.

Good luck!

leom

clouds wrote: »

Oh right.
Does he go out with you like walk to the shop or whatever? Is he afraid of your garden, maybe the kids could play there for a bit. Baby baby steps I'd say. Maybe try walled spaces with you right beside him, and gradually expand his horizons. Be a long long process though. Have you tried stuff like that already?
If he sees a dog does he get afraid?

Yes he is very comfortable when he goes out with us. He would love to play in park and run around. Its just he won't go out on his own, he will make excuses, if we ask him to go out. He goes to swimming classes and martial art classes too. We have no problem with that at all. Its just, because of his fear of dogs, he may have psychological disorders, when grows old.

clouds

I'm only asking this I'm probably way off the mark but are you sure it's really the dogs, might there be a not nice child about that he's afraid of running into?
Otherwise the only thing I can think of is to drop back or out of sight slowly and gradually when ye are out and about in the park and that. So he gets used to be being out and about without your protection.

I wouldn't know what to suggest about a psychological fear of dogs. Maybe ask the teacher she might know what's the next step, if there is one you should take.

leom

optogirl wrote: »

HI OP, Firstly I should tell you that I am not an expert and don't even have children of my own but I do have 6 nieces and nephews who I see all the time and I take a very active interest in their lives!

Sorry to hear that he is not very sociable however it is encouraging that he has been able to make friends at school etc. Do his schoolfriends ever come over? If so, does he ever go to their houses?

If not it might be a good idea to ask him if he'd like to invite a schoolfriend or 2 over for a DVD or even a sleepover if all are in agreement to it being overnight. This might prompt an invitation to the other child's house and this might open up his world a little in terms of going to a different house and perhaps even playing with that child's friends or siblings. Maybe if you make sure he is very aware of how he is getting there and when he is being collected etc he will be more at ease.
If he's not up for that perhaps you could organise days out during the summer with as many children as you can gather! (cousins, neighbours, schoolfriends, siblings etc). A trip to the park where kids are given a fair amount of freedom to go exploring etc might peak his interest in what the outside world has to offer him.

Good luck!

clouds wrote: »

I'm only asking this I'm probably way off the mark but are you sure it's really the dogs, might there be a not nice child about that he's afraid of running into?
Otherwise the only thing I can think of is to drop back or out of sight slowly and gradually when ye are out and about in the park and that. So he gets used to be being out and about without your protection.

I wouldn't know what to suggest about a psychological fear of dogs. Maybe ask the teacher she might know what's the next step, if there is one you should take.

Thank you both optogirl and clouds. I appreciate you suggestion.

byhookorbycrook

Cub Scouts would be ideal for him, as there is structure and lots to do.

letsbehonest

Just an idea!
Do you have a dog?If not could you get one? You could teach him that not all dogs are scary. You could also bring him on a walk around the neigbhour-hood and show him some dogs that weren't scary.
When I was about 4 I got chased by a dog for about half a mile and I then fell into a ditch and the dog eventually went away but I was scared of dogs for years and then I got to know my aunts dogs when I was around 8. My confidence improved a lot then!

F1ngers

letsbehonest wrote: »

Just an idea!
Do you have a dog?If not could you get one? You could teach him that not all dogs are scary. You could also bring him on a walk around the neigbhour-hood and show him some dogs that weren't scary.
When I was about 4 I got chased by a dog for about half a mile and I then fell into a ditch and the dog eventually went away but I was scared of dogs for years and then I got to know my aunts dogs when I was around 8. My confidence improved a lot then!

This.
You need to help him to get over his fear.
Maybe someone on the Animals and Pets Issues forum could advise. http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=240

barbiegirl

I'm a regular on Animal and Pets forum and have two doggies. I have to say that as a fear of dogs is very debilitating for the child you will need to deal with it.
Start with having him visit a litter of puppies, go on Animals and Pets and someone in your area will help. Then when he is happy with these, the next step is to get him used to a well behaved adult dog, initially just to be in the same room, then to touch, eventually to walk. It takes time. Again I'm sure someone on the forum will help.
He needs this. I would help but I have a jumpy 6 month old pup who would not help at this stage.

meemeep

my youngest is the same - older two out all the time, he just likes his imaginary world and doesn't need others to amuse him. He'll play in our garden for hours, but just doesn't need people. Loves his friends at school, loves play dates and sport, but is happiest on his own. So long as he has good social skills, I wouldn't really worry. He's very young still and they fly the nest at different stages...my opinion fwiw

youngmoney

when i was about 7, i nearly killed myself running out in front of a car as a i was running away from a rotten nag of a dog near where i lived, this happened twice, on one occasion ended up with me running into a strangers house crying!! for ages i wouldnt walk anywhere alone that thered be a chance id encounter a dog, i.e the same way ur kid likes the comfort of his parenta around.....i.e walks to shop etc, even now although i like dogs, im sill slightly wary of ones on my road that i know are overly aggressive.... didnt do me any harm in the long run, im a fine specimen!!! haha, but I think maybe if you walk with him past where dogs are, whilst assuring him that theyre actually harmless, that the bark is worst than the bite, hel get over them with time!

leom

meemeep wrote: »

my youngest is the same - older two out all the time, he just likes his imaginary world and doesn't need others to amuse him. He'll play in our garden for hours, but just doesn't need people. Loves his friends at school, loves play dates and sport, but is happiest on his own. So long as he has good social skills, I wouldn't really worry. He's very young still and they fly the nest at different stages...my opinion fwiw

So mine is not the only one! Thanks for sharing this..

CrazyRabbit

I was attacked by an Alsation when aged 10 (still have scars across my left chest/upper arm). It left me terrified of dogs. I'll admit that even now I'm uneasy around certain breeds of dogs.

For me, being around smaller & quieter dogs really helped, just as some of the above posters suggested. I'm now quite comfortable around most dogs. So I'd suggest the same as above. Either bring him in contact with newborn pups, and stay around them as they get older, or try gently introducing him to a very calm/quiet adult dog.

leom

Appreciate you advice. Thanks

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

I was attacked by an Alsation when aged 10 (still have scars across my left chest/upper arm). It left me terrified of dogs. I'll admit that even now I'm uneasy around certain breeds of dogs.

For me, being around smaller & quieter dogs really helped, just as some of the above posters suggested. I'm now quite comfortable around most dogs. So I'd suggest the same as above. Either bring him in contact with newborn pups, and stay around them as they get older, or try gently introducing him to a very calm/quiet adult dog.