How to help a friend with depression?

anniehoo

Hey folks! Ive often read the odd thread in here and amaze at your courage and honesty. Ive just found out today that a very good friend of mine has being admitted to St John of Gods suffering from both depression and anxiety.The last 5 weeks or so have been terrible for him.

I am just in complete shock. He has recently proposed to his girlfriend of 6 years and the last time i seen him was at xmas (great form). He has genuinely had no sign of any depressive or anxious history in the past...genuinely. Neither his gf, family or friends have spotted anything strange in the whole time we've known him. Im gutted tbh and really not quite sure whats the best thing to do to support him..and his gf,whos one of my best friends.

Can anyone help with advice on what helped through their time in hospital? Im a straightforward honest talking kind of person so i cant be false and be all "roses and butterflies" with him. TBH i think that would make him feel worse. Any advice at all would be much appreciated i.e books to read (going to get Gareth OCallaghans one), visiting etc.

Im sorry if this sounds awful, but if theres anything that could make him feel better now or help id love to know. Cheers

realdanbreen

I'm no doctor but if this came out of the blue I'm just wondering if he is deeply worried about something, financial or health?

Dizzyblonde

Someone close to me was in St. John of God's quite a few years ago with a mental illness and the treatment was excellent. The advice I'd give you is to not be afraid to visit, and don't treat your friend any differently to the way you always have. Be there for him, and don't be afraid to talk about his illness if he wants to. Have a laugh with him.
He's still the same guy you know and love, he's just going through a tough time right now.
The food is really good in there, but my friend loved us to bring in a McDonald's now and then, lol.

anniehoo

realdanbreen wrote: »

I'm just wondering if he is deeply worried about something, financial or health?

Im not being funny, but thats what hopefully the professionals are going to figure out. I havent a clue and wouldnt even begin to speculate.

anniehoo wrote: »

Can anyone help with advice on what helped through their time in hospital?

is my question

opinion guy

Just listen if he wants to talk.

DO NOT, repeat DO NOT, tell him to "snap out of it."

nesf

Arrange between ye a visit schedule. If they need it, just sit in silence with them. Be there for them after they get out especially.

Strong, silent, non-annoying support is the absolute best thing you can give to any mental illness sufferer.

lauren12

I am so so sorry about your friend. All I can say is let him know he is cared about, many people with depression don't feel or even think about belonging or being geninely loved. Don't push him to get over it, just let him know you're there no matter how long it takes.
When you visit him bring him something that would mean something like a fav food or something so he knows how important he is. Be understanding and patient...listen. It may take him forever to open up anyway, but at least he's getting the care he needs...and this is a step in the right direction, the direction to recovery.

pheasant tail

Im currently in st pats at the moment getting treatment and ive 1 friend who knows everything and knows all the ****,she comes in to visit as much as she can..that makes me feel guilty. Anyway what im saying is like in my situation i try to push her away as much as i can,even telling her to leave me alone,quit worrying about me etc so i think if this occurs its natural enough,just listen and dont judge...dont be offended if he does try push you away as its all part of it,even sending a wee text message in morning asking how are you now,ive been thinking about you,,all them little things help..:) Dont get worked up or annoyed about any of the things he may come out with its all part of it,just tell him your there for him and yas will get through it,hope some of this makes sense

GOogle depression lean on me and it wil help you understand some of it and what to llok for or what you may have missed like signs..!

realdanbreen

pheasant tail wrote: »

Im currently in st pats at the moment getting treatment and ive 1 friend who knows everything and knows all the ****,she comes in to visit as much as she can..that makes me feel guilty. Anyway what im saying is like in my situation i try to push her away as much as i can,even telling her to leave me alone,quit worrying about me etc so i think if this occurs its natural enough,just listen and dont judge...dont be offended if he does try push you away as its all part of it,even sending a wee text message in morning asking how are you now,ive been thinking about you,,all them little things help..:) Dont get worked up or annoyed about any of the things he may come out with its all part of it,just tell him your there for him and yas will get through it,hope some of this makes sense

GOogle depression lean on me and it wil help you understand some of it and what to llok for or what you may have missed like signs..!

Best of luck to you PT. Look after yourself and remember that nobody but nobody is more important in this life than you are.I don't know you from Adam but hang in there and there will be good times ahead.

pheasant tail

realdanbreen wrote: »

Best of luck to you PT. Look after yourself and remember that nobody but nobody is more important in this life than you are.I don't know you from Adam but hang in there and there will be good times ahead.

Cheers Adam

realdanbreen

pheasant tail wrote: »

Cheers Adam

See! you're smiling PT. There are loads of things to look forward to such as Tipp winning the allIreland again this year,Fianna Fail regrouping and coming back in a few years etc etc.

anniehoo

God lads, i just had to post here because i just dont know what the hell to do. My friend who i was telling you about just attempted suicide this evening.Im not even sure if attempted is the right word, but his girlfriend (who is my equally as good mate) has just told me he was found about to jump off a certain bridge in dublin. Ok..thats attempted i suppose

Everything has just gotten so out of control,im just so upset for the both of them. Its just awful standing on the bylines watchin your mate..mates really, fall apart in a matter of months. Theres nothin i can do...:( Its so upsetting hearing about it and seeing their entire relationship just fall apart and the 2 people ive known for years just in bits.

blue5000

Anniehoo thats hard to come to grips with. I think its his girlfriend will need your support now.