Single Dads and Guardianship...or not...

smelltheglove

metrovelvet wrote: »

^ And a good step parent is probably one of the most unappreciated roles around, especially those who live with the custodial parent.

Sooo true, and they literally have NO rights.

January

smelltheglove wrote: »

Sorry to hear your story, its a sad case. Not always true though, my mam moved out and never got custody back, same was the case with cousins of mine too. Guess it depends on the judges decision, terrible story though.




Completely disagree with first point agree with them being a schmuck if they walk away........ I met my husband when my eldest was just 1, and although she has her daddy and loves him very very much who do you think did more of the nappies? Who ensures there is food in the fridge for her? Looks after her when she is sick and puts her first ALL of the time? Dont get me wrong I am not slating her dad, he is not there to do that and Im sure if he was he would most likely be similar to my husband but being the step parent my husband has done more 'parenting' and would be her second point of call after me if she ever needed anything. Again nothing wrong with her daddy but as a step parent my husband has been miles better a parent than many parents I see. I can also say the same for my dad in regards to my own step bro and sis, they have just as much importance to him as any of his own kids do and he has done a million times more things for them than their own dad did, a man who ignored them for years....! Sometimes a step parent can be better than the real thing!

Sorry, I didn't mean to make it seem like step parents are not super hero's (they so are) and don't do more than an absent (or semi-absent) parent does.

thebullkf

January wrote: »

Than unfortunately, you have to take it back to court, call the Garda etc, it's a long and messy road. But if there is an order in place it can be enforced by the Garda... The mother could have been arrested for breaching the court order.

What do you mean it is the childs best interests? I

hi january,

for instance- a couple break up, she's on the rebound, has a fling gets pregnant, gets back with hubby/fella etc.

contacts the biological father---> explains they're never gonna have a meaningful relationship- he may decide , in the childs best interests that its better if the child is in a stable,loving relationship-where the stepfather assumes his role,child is no wiser till they're older.

extreme example i know- and i doubt i'd have the ....whats the word?....to allow that to happen.

another case would be holiday sex/one night stand or where the parents are kids themselves and are in no position to raise a child, least of all as a couple.

hope i haven't muddied the waters too much...

metrovelvet

Yep, and they dont yammer on about them either. They get right in there and raise the child with you.

Great saying: Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood.

metrovelvet

thebullkf wrote: »

hi january,

for instance- a couple break up, she's on the rebound, has a fling gets pregnant, gets back with hubby/fella etc.

contacts the biological father---> explains they're never gonna have a meaningful relationship- he may decide , in the childs best interests that its better if the child is in a stable,loving relationship-where the stepfather assumes his role,child is no wiser till they're older.

extreme example i know- and i doubt i'd have the ....whats the word?....to allow that to happen.

another case would be holiday sex/one night stand or where the parents are kids themselves and are in no position to raise a child, least of all as a couple.

hope i haven't muddied the waters too much...

Basically what you are saying is that a fathers involvement is dependant on the relationship with the mother, which is exactly what applied guardianship says.

smelltheglove

Oh Im gonna use that one metro, January no probs....

I have to say the best appreciation my dad ever got was when my step bro asked about chenging his name to our family name, it didnt happen as there was a huge rigmarol about it but I know my dad was over the moon with it, as he was when my step sis asked him to make the fathers speech at her wedding. Often the great parenting things are not appreciated until a childs grown up! But, do we do them for appreciation? Heck no!

thebullkf

metrovelvet wrote: »

Basically what you are saying is that a fathers involvement is dependant on the relationship with the mother, which is exactly what applied guardianship says.

.. applied as in through the courts?

thebullkf

January wrote: »

Sorry, I didn't mean to make it seem like step parents are not super hero's (they so are) and don't do more than an absent (or semi-absent) parent does.

i must admit, i too took tyou up wrong on the stepfather comment:o

metrovelvet

thebullkf wrote: »

.. applied as in through the courts?

As opposed to automatic. As of now it presupposes out of wedlock the father is not a factor, the marriage presupposes a formal relationship with mother. All three of your scenarios suggest his involvement is dependant on the relationship with the mother [and time and time again this proves to be true de facto] which is the same principal behind guardianship as it stands de jure.

thebullkf

metrovelvet wrote: »

As opposed to automatic. As of now it presupposes out of wedlock the father is not a factor, the marriage presupposes a formal relationship with mother. All three of your scenarios suggest his involvement is dependant on the relationship with the mother [and time and time again this proves to be true de facto] which is the same principal behind guardianship as it stands de jure.

fair point, conversely ifg the father was interested,involved, and even living with the mother and {god forbid} the mother gets terminally ill/dies
the father has no right to his child, he must apply via the courts for custody.

i find that unacceptable . What do you think on that?

amiable

thebullkf wrote: »

fair point, conversely ifg the father was interested,involved, and even living with the mother and {god forbid} the mother gets terminally ill/dies
the father has no right to his child, he must apply via the courts for custody.

i find that unacceptable . What do you think on that?

If the father is living with the child who is going to stop that if something happens the mother?

Fittle

I couldn't stay up as late as you lot last night;)

Obviously, if the father and mother are living together, no one is going to come along and take the child from the father in this instance. One would hope that the mother would have agreed to guardianship if there was a cohabiting relationship anyhow.

As I said, in MY case, it's a good thing that my sons dad doesn't have automatic guardianship, but that's obviously not the case in all situations.

metrovelvet

thebullkf wrote: »

fair point, conversely ifg the father was interested,involved, and even living with the mother and {god forbid} the mother gets terminally ill/dies
the father has no right to his child, he must apply via the courts for custody.

i find that unacceptable . What do you think on that?

I know someone that happenned to. The mother died in the baby's infancy and the baby moved in with the maternal grandmother.

However, KEY difference: at that stage the father didn't actually WANT to raise the baby so he agreed to the grandmother raising the child. And then lo and behold when the child was three he wanted the child back and started yammering on about his rights and went to court and blah blah blah.

The thing is, I dont know if guardianship would have made any difference in a case like that. Even if he had guardianship, the fact that the child had already settled in the grandmother's home, already formed attachments and routine, would hanker any possibility of the child moving residency at that point.

thebullkf

amiable wrote: »

If the father is living with the child who is going to stop that if something happens the mother?

thats the legality of the situation. the mothers next of kin, is one.

the father has no right to automatic guardfianship,even if cohabiting in a stable,supportive responsible relationship,

crazy .

metrovelvet

thebullkf wrote: »

thats the legality of the situation. the mothers next of kin, is one.

the father has no right to automatic guardfianship,even if cohabiting in a stable,supportive responsible relationship,

crazy .

Well they can always get married. Assuming is not already married or hasnt gone through his divorce yet.

Fittle

thebullkf wrote: »

thats the legality of the situation. the mothers next of kin, is one.

the father has no right to automatic guardfianship,even if cohabiting in a stable,supportive responsible relationship,

crazy .

It's only a piece of paper the mother has to sign though, giving him equal guardianship. How hard can that be? And I doubt a woman in a cohabiting, stable, supportive and responsible relationship would object to doing that, do you?

amiable

thebullkf wrote: »

thats the legality of the situation. the mothers next of kin, is one.

the father has no right to automatic guardfianship,even if cohabiting in a stable,supportive responsible relationship,

crazy .

I'm a man and i live with my partner and we have 2 kids and another on the way.
We are not married and if anything happened to my partner i'd love to meet the person who is going to take my kids off me
There's as much chance of a rocking horse making a sh1t as there is of that happening

thebullkf

sorry folks, i posted before reading your initial replies,,

thebullkf

Fittle wrote: »

It's only a piece of paper the mother has to sign though, giving him equal guardianship. How hard can that be? And I doubt a woman in a cohabiting, stable, supportive and responsible relationship would object to doing that, do you?

i know a bloke who's missus refused.... saying it wassn't necessary.... subsequently the relationship broke down.

As it stands, he has no rights.

Fittle

thebullkf wrote: »

i know a bloke who's missus refused.... saying it wassn't necessary.... subsequently the relationship broke down.

As it stands, he has no rights.

He should bring her to court and get guardianship. There are few judges (if any) who will refuse it.

thebullkf

amiable wrote: »

I'm a man and i live with my partner and we have 2 kids and another on the way.
We are not married and if anything happened to my partner i'd love to meet the person who is going to take my kids off me
There's as much chance of a rocking horse making a sh1t as there is of that happening

the courts will take your children and give them to your deceased wife's next of kin.

thats the law- nothing you can do.

One can always apply via ciourts but it could take time.

amiable

thebullkf wrote: »

i know a bloke who's missus refused.... saying it wassn't necessary.... subsequently the relationship broke down.

As it stands, he has no rights.

I suppose there's some spiteful and downright horrible people out there but that applies to both sexes i think we'll all agree

Fittle

thebullkf wrote: »

the courts will take your children and give them to your deceased wife's next of kin.

thats the law- nothing you can do.

One can always apply via ciourts but it could take time.

The 'courts' WON'T take his children:rolleyes:

metrovelvet

thebullkf wrote: »

i know a bloke who's missus refused.... saying it wassn't necessary.... subsequently the relationship broke down.

As it stands, he has no rights.

Its very easy for him to get them. He just has to make an application to the court and it will be granted. Its like getting a form notarised, it wont be refused unless an extreme circumstance.

thebullkf

Fittle wrote: »

He should bring her to court and get guardianship. There are few judges (if any) who will refuse it.

it doewsn't work like that. the mother muast consent. or be deemed unfit.

seriously.

metrovelvet

thebullkf wrote: »

the courts will take your children and give them to your deceased wife's next of kin.

thats the law- nothing you can do.

One can always apply via ciourts but it could take time.

Realistically, I don't think you have an idea what you are talking about.

amiable

thebullkf wrote: »

the courts will take your children and give them to your deceased wife's next of kin.

thats the law- nothing you can do.

One can always apply via ciourts but it could take time.

She's not my wife

No court in the land would take my kids if that scenario played out.

thebullkf

Fittle wrote: »

The 'courts' WON'T take his children:rolleyes:

whats with the rolleyes

the courts will grant the mothers next of kin the jkids.

nothing you or your rocking horse can do about it:rolleyes:

Fittle

thebullkf wrote: »

it doewsn't work like that. the mother muast consent. or be deemed unfit.

seriously.

Eh, seriously. It DOES work like that!

He can bring her to court to get guardianship of his own children. And unless he is deemed as a threat to the children, he will get it.

thebullkf

metrovelvet wrote: »

Realistically, I don't think you have an idea what you are talking about.

realistically, i have second hand experience of it.

irish law favours the mother.