All ye oul wans and oul fellas out there! Wakey wakey, rise and shine!

Ramette

Good evening folks, I have been battling and losing the fight against the fruit flies in my kitchen, I have become a tea towel wackier but I kill one and another appears! And I see that in the latest delivery of cargo to the ISS they included a vial of fruit flies,!! I hope they keep them contained! Has anyone a suggestion for killing the damn things?

BBDBB

best gadget I ever bought myself was a fly swatter that's like a tennis racket with a couple of batteries in it so it electrifies the mesh as you swat em, very satisfying

Chucken

Ramette wrote: »

Good evening folks, I have been battling and losing the fight against the fruit flies in my kitchen, I have become a tea towel wackier but I kill one and another appears! And I see that in the latest delivery of cargo to the ISS they included a vial of fruit flies,!! I hope they keep them contained! Has anyone a suggestion for killing the damn things?

Oh. Oh. Oh. I'm so glad someone else has this problem..if you know what I mean

I've discovered a brilliant way to get the little darlings.

Get a glass (pint one if you have one) and add about an inch of cider vinegar or any vinegar. They seem to prefer the cider though. Anyway, get some cling film and cover the glass loosely. Put a hole in the top and force (?) it down half way into the glass, like a funnel. Then tighten the clingfilm around the outside of the glass. The little darlings are fairly stupid and go straight in for a sup and can't get out again.
Fasinating how many you can get in 5 minutes

Chucken

The internet knew this trick too it seems :mad:

http://insects.about.com/od/insectssociety/qt/Make-A-Vinegar-Trap-For-Fruit-Flies.htm

Ramette

There is such a thing as an electrified fly swatter????! Remind me never to annoy BBDBB! Chucken I shall purchase some cling film tomorrow and give that a go!

Chucken

Ramette wrote: »

There is such a thing as an electrified fly swatter????! Remind me never to annoy BBDBB! Chucken I shall purchase some cling film tomorrow and give that a go!

A sandwich bag will do the same trick. Any plastic really. Just make sure to secure it around the glass.

looksee

BrensBenz wrote: »

"I have just stickied a new thread." Ya whoh?? Is that a polite reference to incontinence? Maybe that seven year-old could translate for me? But I might disturb him for life.

"....everyone ignores Stickies......you might go and have a look". Maybe the seven year-old knows what and where stickies are. But, if I asked him, would I have a noisy visit from his parents?

Better not risk it. Safer not knowing nahfing about stickies.

Right at the start of the forum Brens - (now) three threads prefaced 'sticky' that mods put there to be sure everyone will totally ignore them. It would probably e better to leave the thread 'floating' with the usual threads, I will see how it goes!

BrensBenz

Ramette wrote: »

I have been battling and losing the fight against the fruit flies in my kitchen, I have become a tea towel wackier but I kill one and another appears! Has anyone a suggestion for killing the damn things?

Just think about this for a moment: Daddy Fruit Fly stops at the gate and waves goodbye to Mummy Fruit Fly in her little apron and four thousand baby Fruit Flies gathered around her in the porch. "Be good little Fruit Flies", he says, "I'll see you tonight". "Mwoh, mwoh", says Mrs. Fruit Fly, "take care" as she watches him don his little goggles and gain altitude.

And off he goes to perform his duty for his happy little family. "Where to today?" he wonders. "Oh, perhaps I'll pay a visit to Ramette's house - haven't been there for ages. OK, sat nav set for Ramette's." Flap flap...flap...flap flap...flap, etc.

"Ramette Air Traffic Control calling Mr. Fruit Fly, maintain ten feet at 300 feet per hour, bearing zero niner niner, over."
"This is Fruit Fly, received, over."
"Ramette Air Traffic Control calling Mr. Fruit Fly, you are clear to land on 270".
"This is Fruit Fly, received, thank you, over and out."

"Ahhh, nice landing there, Fruity. All nine legs intact. Now, where's dem apples? I'll just eat some to refuel myself and dutifully bring as much as I can home in my rucksack to my wonderful wife and little family. Oh, just imagine their little faces as I place the apple on the table for sup...WHACK!

"Mummy, (sob) where's Daddy???"

Like, bad karma, man! See, maybe instead of bloodthirsty methods of destruction of fruit flies you could relocate Ramette Air Traffic Control to, say, next door? Worked for us. Nowadays, we just have fleets of Daddy Long Legses everywhere.

Jellybaby1

I have daddy long legses too. Also, oodles of spidlers. How do you get rid of spidlers? I used to use a fly killer called Vapona but I'm told it was taken off the market 'cos it might kill peoples too. That makes me sad. But not so sad that I wouldn't use it again if I could get my hands on one to kill spidlers. Even dusting and sweeping doesn't get rid of spidlers. They just wait until I go to bed then they run out from their hidey-holes and have a spin-in. Next morning I wake up clothed in newly spun spidler webs. Help!

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

I have daddy long legses too. Also, oodles of spidlers. How do you get rid of spidlers? They just wait until I go to bed then they run out from their hidey-holes and have a spin-in. Help!

I've been having a battle of wills with a spider too. For months now, every morning I find that he has enveloped my car's door mirror in a web that can withstand being blasted with the garden hose and the hoover. I think he sleeps behind the glass but he must have a science lab there too where he has developed this indestructible web fibre. And a storeroom for his scuba gear and flippers.

We have several cars in the driveway so why does he pick only MY door mirror? His extended family reside in the house; go on maneuvers every night; don't weave chicken wire webs in visible places and generally behave themselves.

I wonder if the mirror spider has social issues? Maybe he wasn't cuddled enough by his dad? Maybe he has one of those makey-uppy syndromes that most kids today have? Maybe he just wants to be a much-travelled spider?

Oh well! On with the Marigolds to yank today's offering from my door mirror. If any knitters are reading this, I could supply hanks of spider-yarn for vestments suitable for body armour and jousting.

looksee

We have one of those car spiders too. It lives under the ledge on the rear lift-up door. You have to put your fingers under this ledge to release the catch, so you never know whether you are going to get a handful of web or...eeek...the spider. It comes out and spins a web over the back of the car most days, and is sometimes just sitting there before it scuttles back under the ledge. :eek:

Ken.

BrensBenz wrote: »

Like, bad karma, man! See, maybe instead of bloodthirsty methods of destruction of fruit flies you could relocate Ramette Air Traffic Control to, say, next door? Worked for us. Nowadays, we just have fleets of Daddy Long Legses everywhere.

You have daddy long legs because you had fruit flies. Now they've eaten all the fruit flies for you the least you could do is feed them.

BrensBenz

ken wrote: »

You have daddy long legs because you had fruit flies. Now they've eaten all the fruit flies for you the least you could do is feed them.

Well, I never! Daddy Long Legses eat fruit flies? Maybe that's why they're too heavy to take off. Can they handle door mirror spiders?

OK, I'll set places at high table for them.....but that door mirror spider is banned!

Chucken

Jellybaby1

Chuckie, that's exactly what I am afraid will happen to me. Gives me the shivers.

I know why we all have fruit flies these days. We are too prosperous by far. When I was a chiseler if I wanted an apple or any other fruit, my mam would give me thruppence or fourpence to go to the shop for ONE. Within a few minutes it was eated, all gone. Nowadays we buy bags of the stuff and it goes off, hence all them fruit flies. Problem solved, just give all your money away and live with a poor mouth on you!

Chucken

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Chuckie, that's exactly what I am afraid will happen to me. Gives me the shivers.

I know why we all have fruit flies these days. We are too prosperous by far. When I was a chiseler if I wanted an apple or any other fruit, my mam would give me thruppence or fourpence to go to the shop for ONE. Within a few minutes it was eated, all gone. Nowadays we buy bags of the stuff and it goes off, hence all them fruit flies. Problem solved, just give all your money away and live with a poor mouth on you!

All my money
That'd be easy

Jellybaby1

Well if your kitchen has a bag of apples in it, then you are wealthy beyond rich! And so am I apparently! :rolleyes:

Chucken

5 Apples and I'm not happy with them :mad:

Ohhh I said to myself yesterday, they look like lovely Granny Smiths, I'll get them.

They taste like cooking apples :mad::mad:

Jellybaby1

You haven't lived until you have eaten a Pink Lady!

looksee

Nahh, Jonogold, or Cox's if they are real ones, not the modern imitations.

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

Nahh, Jonogold, or Cox's if they are real ones, not the modern imitations.

Next time, try a Braeburn. They're nyom nyom.

Did any of yiz fecque crab apples in your youth? We cased a wood with crab apple trees for a few hours (maybe three minutes) until one of our gang suddenly remembered that the wood was guarded by a boogie man and ran home, crying.

Being impervious to fear, us hard nuts snuck over to the trees, only standing up to avoid the nettles, briers, cows' doo doo, etc. - the boogie man wouldn't mind us standing up for them - and proceeded to self-administer severe tummy ache from rock hard crab apples. Then, with gansie hems in our teeth, we transported lidderilly millions of apples back to HQ on our bikes.

Later, we had puking competitions in HQ. Modesty forbids me revealing the winner.

The wood is still there; most of our gang are still around so, if yiz find yourselves at a loose end....... We'll even allow gerlz.

looksee

Ah the youth of today! There are a couple of houses on this estate with mature apple trees overhanging the footpath, bearing real eating apples. And every year they stay there, un-scrumped and forlorn. Maybe they are too easy!

Chucken

But why were we hell bent on robbing crab apples?? Great fun though

On a slightly different tangent, one of the ladies I work with has hens and has been bringing eggs in every day for us. She also supplies a few to one of the local shops. She gave me a half dozen last week and as I had already bought some, I offered them to my daughter.
Uuuuuuuuukkkkkkk she said, I'll take the shop ones instead if you dont mind.

Where did she think the shop ones came from?

:pac:

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

.....bearing real eating apples. And every year they stay there, un-scrumped and forlorn. Maybe they are too easy!

Chucken wrote: »

....bringing eggs in every day for us. ....I offered them to my daughter.
Uuuuuuuuukkkkkkk she said, I'll take the shop ones instead if you dont mind.

Where did she think the shop ones came from?:pac:

It's because WE have allowed, perhaps even encouraged the younger generation to become hyper paranoid about the possibility of maybe, someday, consuming a......a......a......germ. If it doesn't come hermetically sealed in a layer of impenetrable plastic, it ain't goin' in my mouth. The pharmaceutical companies are laughing (at us) all the way to the bank.

Blackberry season soon. Invite a mixed age group berry-picking and see who eats the berries straight off the bush! I (ahem) know someone who saved "some" blackberries for (raw) blackberry sandwiches. Now, THAT was nyom nyom!

Jellybaby1

There was an orchard behind our skewell, the Usain Bolts in our gang usually got the crab apples first, though I sometimes found a few. They were like rocks, so hard were they. Why did we bother? For the same reason eejits climb Mount Everest. Because they were there. I usually went for the gooze-gobs, which I hated, but we always felt triumphant exiting the orchard at a rate of knots as the owner came out, our pockets and pinnys full of inedible fruits. Twats!

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

There was an orchard behind our skewell...I usually went for the gooze-gobs, which I hated, but we always felt triumphant exiting the orchard at a rate of knots as the owner came out, our pockets and pinnys full of inedible fruits. Twats!

Respect! Pretty brave, doing an orchard behind a skewell! Teachers might still be there, watching! And then to eat goosee-gogs!?! Fair Dues...for a gerl.

As well as the crab apple trees in the Cow's Doo Doo Field, there was a proper orchard just down the lane from our HQ. It had a huge wall, with glass shards cemented into the top and a locked wooden door protecting its treasures. Indeed, this was the Fort Knox of orchards!

However, as far as I'm aware, no attempts were ever made to relieve the orchard of its booty, not because of the security measures - we were, after all, superheroes with the tops of our anti-gravity wellies turned down - but because the orchard belonged to the parish priest.....so the apples were.....holy.

Silently realising this moral dilemma, we usually re-focussed our attention instead on my insect cemetary.

Did I ever tell yiz about the Viking funeral we organised for Bertie Beetle? Well, he was exhumed, for scientific purposes, and was found to be still alive! Obviously not Catholic - Catholics die properly before their funerals - but a magic beetle, so we collected icepop sticks to make a ceremonial raft (patent pending); processed solemnly to the beach; fitted a lollypop stick mast and squaresail (with the word "Tayto" on it) and launched the vessel, with its one-bewildered-beetle crew, towards Valhalla.

Progress to Bertie's heavenly reward was slow - as well as an absence of offshore wind, the omission of a keel, yards, rudder and mainsheets on the icepop raft were, admittedly, design flaws. So, after a respectful pause, we bombed the raft with beach rocks and went home to watch Top Cat on the telly.

Bertie swam ashore and lived happily ever after under some seaweed.

Bet yiz can't wait for my memoirs to hit the shelves!

Jellybaby1

Those were the days when childer knew how to play and be inventive. All the kids around here walk around like zombies from watching screens of all sorts, and their little digits are worn down to the knuckle from playing them compewter games.

And WHADDYA MEAN? "Fair Dues.....for a gerl". For a long time, I thought I wuz a boy! I kept up with the fellas for several years, running, jumping, climbing walls. Sure I was every fella's best pal......for a while anyway, until they copped on that I was wearing frocks, plaits and......(knickers! :eek:!) Then I was thrun out of the gang. :mad:

Rubecula

hiya peeps, memories of scrumping eh?

When I was knee high to Drosophila melanogaster (fruit flies) we had two massive and ancient apple trees which i was frequently needing rescue from, as I tended to climb up and get stuck.

The annual harvest was so large from the trees despite predation by local kids (including me) that my mum made toffee apples from them, and sold them at a penny each, apple pies which fed us all and also sold quite well. etc etc.

So when I finally got this house of mine now inhabited I planted two (very small) apple trees (Golden Delicious and Discovery) I always have more than I can use and I leave a lot for birdies and other little beasties. (More than ever this year as I am unable to enjoy the garden harvest at all.)

Chucken

Ruuuubesssss Welcome back!!!!

Ramette

Master Rube have you escaped from the confines of the medical premises? I hope all went well. I am a Braeburn girl, I like my apples tart, pink lady is way too sweet for my palate. I am still battling those pesky fruit flies but I think I am winning the battle as the population is dwindling. As for the other unmentionables that like to come indoors at this time of year looking for a mate.... Yes I am single but you really are not my type! I am completely phobic and these days I swear they run when I turn on the Hoover, and those things can run fast!

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Then I was thrun out of the gang. :mad:

Now that Rubecula is back in harness, I can't help wondering just how he copes with stuff like "I got trun ouwa deh gang". I know that spellcheck nearly fixed it for you but my magic ears can hear the original.

Must have been traumatic, gett'n trun ouwa deh gang. Were you devistayhid?

Rubecula wrote: »

....memories of scrumping eh?

Now, I know yiz own the Inglish language an' all buh....we don't "scrump" apples. We "fecque" them. Fecque is a really useful word, with many wonderfully diverse meanings, and, unlike it vulgar cousin, using it won't send you to Hell. Also, fecque is older than scrump - Irish kids were seen fecquing apples by Noah when he sailed by - so, being in the Bible an' all, it's automatically correct.

Luckily, my world travels exposed me to many of the "mistakes" in the Inglish language, e.g. "whilst", "aloominum" and "Sathehn Awwlund" and, whenever possible, I try to correct these mistakes, in a caring, cuddly, understanding kind of way, of course.

It's fecque! Royh?

Jellybaby1

Rubecula wrote: »

.........The annual harvest was so large from the trees despite predation by local kids (including me) that my mum made toffee apples from them, and sold them at a penny each, apple pies which fed us all and also sold quite well. etc etc.

And that's how y'build an empire! Mr. Selfridge eat your heart out!

Welcome back Rube, hope you are feeling something like normal again! Our own Nursie was searching high and low for you.

BBDBB

scrumping for apples was just an excuse, admit it, the bit we all loved was when the owner came out and chased you off brandishing some kind of home improvised weapon like a rolling pin, a garden fork or part of the hoover

Layinghen

Welcome back Rubes.

I am on the ferry at the moment heading your way, but not to worry won't be stopping:D:D

A quick blast through Wales this evening and then across d'Ingland tomorrow. If anyone hears the Constabulary are looking for a low flying hen in a Jag SAY NOTHING

Ramette

A Jag? Well I never! Who knew hen has notions?!!! And travelling by ferry tells me Hen wants to fly low and avoid detection... I shall be keeping a keen eye on happenings across the water! And did you get a permission slip from nurse to leave the compound?

Layinghen

Slipped out while her back was turned;)

Rubecula

thank you all my dear inmates of the asylum.

My time online is severely limited just now as I am still a tad weak. I will pop back on and off for a while.

If any of you like making fruit pies, some hints from my own experience.

eating apples in pies saves on added sugar.
homegrown rhubarb adds a nice tartyness to the taste and once you have it, it is free.
blackberries added to the pies add a little colour and a pleasing taste,
you may also like a few strawberries mixed in ... but do not overdo it as the can overpower the taste.

TommieBoy

take it easy rubes

BrensBenz

Rubecula wrote: »

If any of you like making fruit pies, some hints from my own experience.

eating apples in pies saves on added sugar.
homegrown rhubarb adds a nice tartyness to the taste and once you have it, it is free.
blackberries added to the pies add a little colour and a pleasing taste,
you may also like a few strawberries mixed in ... but do not overdo it as the can overpower the taste.

In your weakened condition, it may not be wise to eat this stuff without it first having a thorough Quality Control check. Fortunately, I am a renowned expert, both in Quality Control and fruity cake / tart thingies. Therefore, and with some considerable enthusiasm, I hereby volunteer my services to perform sample inspections, in accordance with Mil. Std. 105E, of all fruity confectioneries produced by Os&Os before dispatch to Rubeculand. Only products satisfying strict criteria will be sent eastwards - any products found not to achieve the required standard will be disposed of in an environmentally friendly manner.....I promise.

Terms and conditions apply, e.g. I have first dibs on this.
PM for shipping address.
You're welcome.

Rubecula

So very kind of you Brens, first up for you to test for me is The Syrup of Figs, followed by the Croton Oil, Liquid Paraffin BP and Cascara. Following that if you are up for it I have some tasty looking senna pods.

Jellybaby1

BrensBenz wrote: »

Now that Rubecula is back in harness, I can't help wondering just how he copes with stuff like "I got trun ouwa deh gang". I know that spellcheck nearly fixed it for you but my magic ears can hear the original.

Must have been traumatic, gett'n trun ouwa deh gang. Were you devistayhid?

Now, I know yiz own the Inglish language an' all buh....we don't "scrump" apples. We "fecque" them. Fecque is a really useful word, with many wonderfully diverse meanings, and, unlike it vulgar cousin, using it won't send you to Hell. Also, fecque is older than scrump - Irish kids were seen fecquing apples by Noah when he sailed by - so, being in the Bible an' all, it's automatically correct.

Luckily, my world travels exposed me to many of the "mistakes" in the Inglish language, e.g. "whilst", "aloominum" and "Sathehn Awwlund" and, whenever possible, I try to correct these mistakes, in a caring, cuddly, understanding kind of way, of course.

It's fecque! Royh?

Was discussing the subject of 'visiting' orchards with himself, and he immediately said 'ahhh, scrumping!' So it looks like scrumping did happen in the Emerald Isle after all. I would have said 'knocked off' or 'swiped' in those days.

When I got trun out of the gang, I was more than devistayhid, I was morto! And scarleh!

BrensBenz

Rubecula wrote: »

So very kind of you Brens, first up for you to test for me is The Syrup of Figs, followed by the Croton Oil, Liquid Paraffin BP and Cascara. Following that if you are up for it I have some tasty looking senna pods.

Mmmm, syrup of......emmm......liquid para.......emmmmm....well....

BrensBenz isn't available at the moment. Your call is important to us. Please leave a message at the beep or press 1 for nurse; press 2 for pharmacy; press 3 for security; press 4 for fun.....BEEP:

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Was discussing the subject of 'visiting' orchards with himself, and he immediately said 'ahhh, scrumping!' So it looks like scrumping did happen in the Emerald Isle after all. I would have said 'knocked off' or 'swiped' in those days.

When I got trun out of the gang, I was more than devistayhid, I was morto! And scarleh!

I suggest to the court that Mr. Jellybaby has been "tellied", that is, his vocabulary has been altered by Ingerlish TV. As we know, exposure to Ingerlish TV in one's yooh has devistayhid deh proper way what we yoosta tawk.
And, may it please Your Honour, a brief search on dinterweb revealed a far from savoury definition of "scrump", a definition which is entirely unrelated to the liberation of apples from orchards. I shall not trouble the court with the details of this definition, leaving that to those of a more hardy disposition. Bring back "fecque", I say, a good, holy catholic word.

More than devistayhid??? But, but, gettin' scarleh is just the beginning on the scale of gettin' trun owa deh gang ; getting morto comes soon after that but devistayhid is the worstest thing you can be, much worser than morto.

Gawd, me hart is broke tryin' ta ehjookate yooze lot.

Jellybaby1

Well, I was always backward in coming forward anyway!

Oh yoo-hoo ladies! I gotta get me one of these.....how about youse?

https://www.aldi.ie/en/specialbuys/sunday-28-september/products-detail-page/ps/p/stud-detector-1/

Layinghen

Jellybaby, somebody has to break it to you and it may as well be me.............

Unfortunately that detector doesn't find what you are hoping it might find:(:(

Will be heading back across Rube land tomorrow so if the Polis start making enquiries about a certain little hen, keep stum.

Rubecula

The weather is fine here today I think the Hen brought her sunshine with her smile.

That Stud detector looks great, I had trouble getting mine to stop beeping in my pocket

Jellybaby1

So YOU are one of our fine studs then Rube! Well, I should have known, silly me.

I just clicked my link there and the stud detector has now changed to childrens' halloween costumes. That's going to confuse historians in the future!

Rubecula

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

So YOU are one of our fine studs then Rube! Well, I should have known, silly me.

Just had a pocket full of rivets

Jellybaby1

Look at the time. Is Rube waiting for Nursie to tuck him in then?

OldGoat

It's Friday. It's not 5 o'clock. It's Crackerja.. coffee!
It's a three (and the possibality of a fourth) cup of coffee moring.

CoffeeCoffeecoffeecoffcocoofCfoffeeeCofCoffeeCooffeecoffeefcoffcoccoofCfoffeeeCofCoffeeCoffeecoffeecCoffcoccoofCfoffeeeCofe