All ye oul wans and oul fellas out there! Wakey wakey, rise and shine!

Jellybaby1

Bad/good, night last night?

OldGoat

Just the end of a very long week.
Oh, just had the fourth coffeeee.
/twitch

Jellybaby1

My weeks are seven days long, how long was yours then?

OldGoat

Mine was seven days long too but each of those days were made up of 93.6 hours. Or so it seems.

I still have over 200 photos to edit from a show on the previous weekend. With any luck they will all be out of focus and I won't have to bother with them

Rubecula

Nurse Nurse OG is over caffeinated.

Quick pass him his Singapore Sling.

BrensBenz

Gentlemen, Now that I'm being chemoed weekly, several of my onboard systems don't work as well as before. This includes neck muscles, resulting in me studying the floor much more than normal. However, this in-depth analysis of flooring materials has also allowed me to observe ladies legs, and shoes, apparently with medical impunity.

Now, we all know that lady-type people have been brainwashed by Imelda Marcos and Sex in the City to regard shoes as being the centre of the universe. Would I be right in assuming that, when all male onboard systems are operational, wimmin's shoes are the last thing WE notice? Tap once for YES, twice for NO. And again for the opinion that the ugliness of the shoes is irrelevant to them? Finally, WE are not allowed to even hint that the shoes are anything other than uniquely beautiful?

OK, Wonder Woman's knee boots are an exception to all rules........

Below is a ranking of wimmin's ugly shoes and I would appreciate if yiz could add / edit in order to produce a one-off, authoritative and free guide for use by wimmin when purchasing shoes. When complete and approved by Oulfellas, I can then circulate to the Oulwans. Remember, it is an ugliness scale, so 0 is acceptably ugly and 100 is criminally ugly.

0 - 92 - Meh, as they say in AH;
93 - plastic sandals that look like dogs' muzzles;
94 - Ugg boots - clue is in the name;
95 - high-heel ankle boots - neither one thing or another;
96 - cloth bag sock shoes - paper thin soles and no heels;
97 - white stilletoes;
98 - pole dancer shoes - high heels AND platform soles;
99 - flip-flops - ugly noise and looks;
100 - lesbian shoes - smaller version of men's office shoes.

In the interest of fairness, at a later stage, I may invite Oulwans to list male clothing in order of revulsion, but it cannot include 501's or tartan slippers with zips on the sides. Be prepared....be very prepared!

Rubecula

hmmmm.

You missed out wellie boots and steel toe capped workboots .... oh and clogs.

These are extremely dangerous to oulfellas as the wrong word can lead to intimate examination of same at great speed.

I like the ladies shoes that show off a shapely ankle myself. BUT ladies whatever you are comfortable with is ok by me too.

*crosses legs protectively in hope he has saved himself a severe kicking from some heavily armoured Brogues with Blakey's on.*

BrensBenz

Rubecula wrote: »

You missed out wellie boots and steel toe capped workboots .... oh and clogs.

*crosses legs protectively in hope he has saved himself a severe kicking from some heavily armoured Brogues with Blakey's on.*

Yes, wellies are contenders for this list but:
(a) Wimmin don't usually wear wellies to beautify themselves so the ugliness of wellies is irrele....irevel....doesn't count;
(b) Wellies are dangerously close to those black leather, flat-heeled, horse riding knee boots which, of course, are like todally phhwoooaaarrrr!

A few years ago, I attended a helicopter show in rural Sweden which was guarded by military personnel. My personal minder was a female sergeant, in camo gear and steel, roundy-toed boots. These boots (and the camo) tried but failed to reduce the stunningness of this young lady, so I left steel-capped workboots off the list. Maybe when I manage to erase the image of that sergeant.....

Clogs are also off my list for now because of the seven foot tall, blonde, tan, blue-eyed creature I met in Eindhoven. I can only assume that she was fully clogged because my prolonged gaze at her face was only slightly interrupted by the sound of wood on ceramic floor tiles.

I think most other wooden footwear abominations, e.g. Dr. Scholl's flip-flop clogs, have been recycled in an environmentally friendly manner, by former wearers who have apologised and severely admonished their own fashion blunders, so other wooden footwear didn't make the list either.

Being unfamiliar with Blakeys, I can only assume that "heavily armoured Brogues with Blakey's on" would qualify as "militant" lesbian shoes, already listed at 100 / 100 for ugliness.

Anyway, the anniversary of me turning up to marry Mrs. BrensBenz occurs tomorrow so I better don my blue/brown Dubarrys, with green and red triangles for starboard and port, and hit the shops.

BBDBB

BrensBenz wrote: »

Anyway, the anniversary of me turning up to marry Mrs. BrensBenz occurs tomorrow so I better don my blue/brown Dubarrys, with green and red triangles for starboard and port, and hit the shops.

Its a bit late for that, I doubt they'd take her back after all this time

Jellybaby1

H'appy H'anniversary Mr & Mrs Brens! Will Mrs Brens be donning the steel-cap boots for the candlelight supper then?

Rubecula

Well done to BrensBenz and the good lady, especially as you have survived so long without delving (or being delved by) the great mystery of the Blakey.

OldGoat

BrensBenz

BBDBB wrote: »

Its a bit late for that, I doubt they'd take her back after all this time

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

H'appy H'anniversary Mr & Mrs Brens! Will Mrs Brens be donning the steel-cap boots for the candlelight supper then?

Rubecula wrote: »

Well done to BrensBenz and the good lady, especially as you have survived so long without delving (or being delved by) the great mystery of the Blakey.

OldGoat wrote: »

Oooh, Oi 'ite yoo Battlah!

Yizzar all very smart, so yizzar! Turty chree years? Dem Great Train Robbers only got turty years!

Maybe lunch in the Centre of the Known Universe (Skerries) and a stroll along the seafront.........in colour co-ordinated waders. Or a picnic (in the car) in Ardgillan, gazing down at the Centre of the Known Universe.....in hiking boots. Or posh nosh in Malahide.......in the good shoes we keep for funerals.

The mystery of why my vast knowledge of all things did not include Blakeys has been solved - thanks, Rubecula:
Blakeys on teak or varnished mahogany decks of a boat would generate a negative and violent reaction from the rest of the population so they must have been deleted from my curriculum, just as the men in black maxi dresses deleted all reference to.........that three letter word, starting with "S".

I can remember rope-soled shoes being required on boats. And you weren't allowed to wear them on roads or footpaths in case they might pick up pebbles or grit that would scratch the boat's varnish. New rope-soled shoes lasted about a fortnight until they unravelled. You could trim the stray cords with your sailor's knife, with the special thing for taking stones out of horses' hooves, or you could accept the trip hazard by leaving them au naturel. TCP was great for the resulting wounds and it was a wonderful aphrodisiac with the young wans.

But I digress. Anniversary lunch. Clean socks (don't know why); special new hat for baldy people; "dicky dicky dowt, shirt hanging out" (cool, hip and trendy). If you happen to be in NCD today and see someone matching this description, in the company of a long, sleek missus, say hello and I'll buy you a Cidona.

Jellybaby1

As I listen to your accent Brens, I can't but wonder how on earth posh people from Skerries have even heard of 'dicky dicky dowt with your shirt hanging out' which is the way us real Dubs remember it!

Rubecula

I knew I liked you for some reason Jelly. Ye are a Dub xx

Jellybaby1

Have you Dub blood too Rube?

Rubecula

Grandad was known as Dub. He was from Aungier street area. (I was there a couple of years ago to trace the family. All Dubs from way way back in 1600's. Mind you I was born in Liverpool myself.

Jellybaby1

Everyone knows Liverpool is just another suburb of Dublin!

OldGoat

Alice needs a virtual HUG from the denizens of O&O. She's fine and will be posting with us soon enough but for now she just needs a cuddle from some friends.

Jellybaby1

Alice, sending lots of hugs to you OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Rubecula

Alice I am sending you a special Rubey Hug. ((((HUG))))

Layinghen

Hugs to you Alice. We are all here for you whenever you need us.

Ramette

(((((Hugs))))) as there is a full moon today I think we should all do a moondance in honour of Alice...

looksee

Hope all the hugs help Alice, one from me too, see you soon

BrensBenz

'Scuse me, 'scuse me. Hey, any chance of getting through this huddle and giving Alice a cuddle myself? Ahhhh, that's better, thanks. Sunny side up, Alice!

Well, a member of the local agricultural Mujahideen decided to go for a jant in his tractor, with the digger shoval at full height, and remove all of the phone and internet cables on my lane. As he drove away, the sound of "twang", "theeeoooo", "doink", etc, were followed by exclamations of puzzlement, then frustration from the residents. There were a lot of fecques.....and other words!

The ever-helpful, emergency Eircom crew arrived a few days later, had a tea-break or two in their van and then tied a knot in the cable, so we have communication again!

It must have been fierce traumarric for yiz, being isolated / marooned / stranded from me for days but, while the reef knot holds, full access to my wisdom and modesty has been restored.

Jellybaby, regarding "Dicky Dicky Dout" and his wayward shirt-tails, I can confirm that this opus was composed by the well-known Skerries bard, Soapy Mulligan, while viewing the Mountains of Mourne from the north beach in Skerries. At his side was a full bottle, and several empty bottles of a well known beverage and Percy French, who was writing something about the Mountains of Mourne sweeping down to the sea. We later kindly exported the tale of Dicky Dicky Dout to other locations, whenever they had the necessary level of sophistication to appreciate it.

Other operas from Maestro Mulligan which were also exported later include:
"Queenie-I-O, Queenie-I-O, who has the ball?" and
"Red Rover, Red Rover, we call "so-and-so" over."

Such is the extent and wealth of cultural and technical exports from Skerries that we often forget many of them. For instance, wasn't it nice of us to build a railway from Skerries to Dublin and Belfast so that those two towns could more conveniently experience the joys of sitting on the Monument with a 99 from Bob's Amusements? Later, we built a road to allow even more convenient access to our treasures. We even agreed to adopt Irish postage stamps and currency to avoid confusing visitors.

See? Skerries! A grand bunch of lads. Not like dem Latvian farmers in Rush, driving around in Massive Fergusons, breaking phone lines.

Jellybaby1

No way was Dicky Dicky writ by any such Skerries bard. 'Twas writ by Johnny Forty-Coats who lived around the corner from us. He was famous in these waters for the turty coats he used to wear at the same time. He was a little fella but looked hooge in those turty coats. We all knew him as Turty-Coats but one day he was kidnapped by a gang from Skerries who mis-named Forty-Coats 'cos they couldn't count proper! We have never forgiven the Skerries peepil for being so illigerant and taking our Turty-Coats away from us. :mad:

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

No way was Dicky Dicky writ by any such Skerries bard. 'Twas writ by Johnny Forty-Coats who lived around the corner from us. He was famous in these waters for the turty coats he used to wear at the same time. He was a little fella but looked hooge in those turty coats. We all knew him as Turty-Coats but one day he was kidnapped by a gang from Skerries who mis-named Forty-Coats 'cos they couldn't count proper! We have never forgiven the Skerries peepil for being so illigerant and taking our Turty-Coats away from us. :mad:

Gawd, isn't it amazingly surreal how the facts get distorted with age? Just for the record, any time Turty Coats came to Skerries, of his own free will, he wore turty chree coats, the same number as the Skerries bus, which is where all counting finishes, such was his admiration for Skerries. And, with turty chree coats on, he wouldn't be an expert on shirt tails, like Soapy Mulligan.

Now, I know this news is distressing for you so I grew some pears especially for you. I was going to attach a photo of them - see rant post later - but, after wasting an hour trying to attach a photo, I've given up.

Anyway, the pears on my little pear tree. You might not like the pears - we call them "weapons of dental destruction". Nobody is brave enough to fecque these pears. Only woodpeckers can break into them. I use them as anvils but we had a great crop this year, millions of the little buggers on a tree (the "arsenal") that's only five feet tall. But they might console you and help you get over the real story of Dicky Dicky Dout.

BrensBenz

I was going to attach a photo to an earlier post but, after an hour or so trying and failing to do so, I gave up. I have actually managed to attach photos in the past but that tedious and entirely haphazard method doesn't work now.

I don't know anybody with the patience to attach a photo to boards or can do it first time, every time. So many unintuitive steps; third party software required; jargon; stupid icons; failures; crashes; click this; click that; close this; open that; click this; right click that; close that; find another bewildering icon; start over again with that icon, etc., etc. WHY IS IT SO COMPLICATED AND PRONE TO FAILURE when other sites make it so easy????????, i.e. click "select"; click "attach". DONE!

Yes, I've whined about this before and got all sorts of well-meaning advice - ALL DIFFERENT, ALL FAILED!!! - which tells me that there is no ONE way to attach a photo to boards but that people have discovered (probably by accident because boards "help" is impenetrably unhelpful) "A" way to do it.

So, come on boards. Don't give me yet another labyrinthine method that works only on your machine - fix it!

Tizzy fit over - calm down, Brendawnahawn. You might get banned. And the photo wasn't all that great.

bonzodog2

in the reply box will let you link to a picture stored on another site, e.g. imgur - http://imgur.com/

or upload the image directly to boards with in the Advanced reply box

The first option will show the image in the thread, the second will make a link that opens a new tab for the image

OldGoat

Chucken

Well, I'm officially unemployed..again

Day 1: Made enough soup to half fill the freezer.
13:55. What'll I do now?

Jellybaby1

Chucken wrote: »

Well, I'm officially unemployed..again

Day 1: Made enough soup to half fill the freezer.
13:55. What'll I do now?

Aw flip! I feel your pain Chuckie. Bin there, bought the t-shirt, etc., etc.

Rubecula

Chucken wrote: »

Well, I'm officially unemployed..again

Day 1: Made enough soup to half fill the freezer.
13:55. What'll I do now?

Aww hon I hope things go well for you. XXXXX

Perhaps you could stock up on more soup. You can never have too much soup can you

Jellybaby1

Here's an idea Chuckie, why not go into the soup business! You are obviously an expert!

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Here's an idea Chuckie, why not go into the soup business! You are obviously an expert!

Good idea! Lots of sandwich shops around but few have proper soup. What's a sambo without sloup?

BrensBenz

bonzodog2 wrote: »

in the reply box will let you link to a picture stored on another site, e.g. imgur - http://imgur.com/

or upload the image directly to boards with in the Advanced reply box

The first option will show the image in the thread, the second will make a link that opens a new tab for the image

Thanks for that, Bonzo, but THAT'S the route that used to work and now doesn't!

OldGoat wrote: »

Exactly, OG! Exactly! The world is in dire need of my photos but boards software and "help" (HELP!?!?!? Have you read it???) are conspiring to deny exposure of my masterpieces to the masses.

Emm, how did YOU get that shot onto boards? Can you list the steps, without jargon?

OldGoat

BrensBenz wrote: »

Emm, how did YOU get that shot onto boards? Can you list the steps, without jargon?

First is the location of your photos. They need to be already on the interwebz. You can set up a free hosting location with various places such as PIX.IE or Flickr.com
You have to upload your photos to the hosting site.
Then the hosting site will give you a bit of code representing your photo that you have to paste into the Boards.ie textbox.

If you click on any of my photographs in the "Show me yours" (Linky) photo thread you'll be taken to my Flickr site where I upload my photos and I then use the code provided by Flickr to paste into Boards.


If you want to a photograph link from another website (rather than your own) as I did above you can RIGHT CLICK on the image and COPY URL. Then as Bonzo says above, click the little INSERT IMAGE icon (the one that looks like a postcard) on the Boards textbox and paste the copied URL into the dialogue.

Layinghen

Greetings my fellow O&Os from a sunny Andalucia.

Sipping a nice Rioja, watching the sun starting to set behind the mountains.

Sorry about your unwanted free time Chucken, fingers crossed you get sorted soon.

If Matron's looking for me, somebody make up an excuse:cool:

looksee

Layinghen...we could hate you. But we will just (seeth) hope you have a nice evening *Goes back to getting boring dinner ready*

Chucken

Layinghen wrote: »

Greetings my fellow O&Os from a sunny Andalucia.

Sipping a nice Rioja, watching the sun starting to set behind the mountains.

Sorry about your unwanted free time Chucken, fingers crossed you get sorted soon.



If Matron's looking for me, somebody make up an excuse:cool:

Do you even unpack your case these days? :eek:

looksee wrote: »

Layinghen...we could hate you. But we will just (seeth) hope you have a nice evening *Goes back to getting boring dinner ready*

Don't worry. When I win the Euromillions I'm taking us all to Tramore for a week. Now, won't that be nice

looksee

Chucken wrote: »

Don't worry. When I win the Euromillions I'm taking us all to Tramore for a week. Now, won't that be nice

Oh, thanks Chucken, that will make a nice change!

Jellybaby1

Hen, stop pretending you care, just stop! Grrrrr! :mad:

Chucken

looksee wrote: »

Oh, thanks Chucken, that will make a nice change!

Thought you'd like that

I decided to see what all this dressing up malarkey is about so I'm going to be a Viking(Vikueen?)for a night on the 23rd for The Festival Of Light

The Mens Shed here are building a boat for it. Apparently we're not allowed to set fire to it on the river

Rubecula

Chucken wrote: »

The Mens Shed here are building a boat for it. Apparently we're not allowed to set fire to it on the river

Even if it is filled with lettuce soup? :pac:

looksee

Please Chucken, no horned helmets or leather corsets!

OldGoat

looksee wrote: »

Please Chucken, no horned helmets or leather corsets!

BBDBB

A Viking Boat eh?

That sounds like a lot of rollocks

Chucken

I haven't actually seen the outfits so don't despair just yet OG

Chucken

Costumes. They're called costumes.
Outfits!!!

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

Please Chucken, no horned helmets or leather corsets!

Mmmmmmmm............leather corsets..............aahhhhhhh!
Pics required.