All ye oul wans and oul fellas out there! Wakey wakey, rise and shine!

looksee

Frank Sinatra to me is a small hotel run by an Asian family close to the Likoni Ferry at Mombasa in Kenya. We stayed there a few times, a square of simple white rooms off a central courtyard and a breakfast area on a vine shaded patio. It was lovely! Frank Sinatra? Well they had possibly three tapes of our man singing and played them constantly in the background, so he is for ever linked in my mind to 'the New Sea Breezes Hotel'.

Just reminded me, we were staying there on one occasion when a tour bus arrived and a lot of American tourists descended on us - most unusual. However, sadly, they did not like what they saw and not long afterwards the bus left to take them to the Hotel Intercontinental in Mombasa town. The hotel was clean and well run, simple but not crude or basic. It did have ghekkos on its white plastered walls, but they are great, they catch mozzies and don't in any way interfere with people. But off they went to the Intercontinental, they could have been anywhere staying there, we thought it was kinda sad!

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

Frank Sinatra? Well they had possibly three tapes of our man singing and played them constantly

By any chance, was the owner or any staff member of the hotel called Frankie? And did she move to Ireland in the 60's; get a weekly, agony aunt radio show and play tracks from those same tapes......for years....and yeeeaaaarrrrrsssss?

Jellybaby1

I arrived a bit late for the Frank Sinatra craze but I used to enjoy all those musicals in my teens. I haven't been keen on musicals for the last 30-40 years or so though. As the place was a bit vacant last night and there only seemed to be Brens and Me hanging around the joint I thought I'd burst into song. I do that sometimes. Sometimes without any warning atall.

BrensBenz

Had a bad night last night and had to go to the hostible this morning, i.e. the hostible with the cake shop where they sell gurrcake. As I (sort of) walked past the cake shop, I made eye contact with the nice lady behind the counter. You know that Irish head movement that means "howaya"? Well, both of us signalled howaya to each other. I then raised my eyebrows and index finger and she raised her thumb, as in "OK".

Doctors, nurses, registrars, students, porters, car park attendants and canteen staff formed a queue along the corridor and down the stairwell to push, pull, tug, squeeze, prod and poke my tum-tum for quite a long time, i.e. the entire day. Then someone from the "diplomatic corps" was sent to tell me that they would like to keep me in. Well, I managed to talk him out of that and was eventually dispatched, with two pages of prescriptions, to BrensBenz Manor.

As I made my way towards daylight, I noticed that the hostible day staff were finishing their shift and there was much whistling and banter among them. Office lights were being switched off; doors were being locked; wheelchairs were being collected; ambulance and taxi men were searching for their passengers. In the distance, I saw the lights of the cake shop going out and, as I reached it, I could see that the nice lady wasn't there. "Oh well, next time."

Then, a familiar voice came from a little room behind the counter: "Emm, what delayed ya? I kept two pieces of gurrcake here, specially fur ya." Now, where else would you get that?

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

I haven't been keen on musicals for the last 30-40 years or so though.

No, nor me neither. But I did like "Grease" (the bass player on "You're the One that I Want" is clearly having a ball); Disney's "Jungle Book" (cartoon version, "Yeh, I'm the King of the Swingers, yeh, a Jungle VIP....)

But my favourite (after I got over my huge crush for Doris Day....ahhh, Doris Day......) was Yankee Doodle Dandy. Yes, with James Cagney (James Cagney?????) made up as an old man, (George M Cohan), TAP DANCING down a staircase in the White House after an audience with the President. Youtube probably has it - I'm too lazy to look - but it's a gem.

A singer he wasn't! An elegant dancer he definitely wasn't - that's what Astaire and Kelly were for - but Cagney managed to tap dance very well, with tremendous energy, down a staircase, in heavy make-up and STILL look as if he had just had the proudest moment of his life.

BrensBenz

BrensBenz wrote: »

James Cagney (James Cagney?????) made up as an old man, (George M Cohan), TAP DANCING down a staircase in the White House after an audience with the President. Youtube probably has it - I'm too lazy to look - but it's a gem.

Oh, all right! Here it is. Short but joyous"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlvB4xk4LNQ&list=PLPeIAsKraVVKD2W3c4StEx94mKiahEJfz&index=3

Jellybaby1

Ah yes, that Yankee Doodle Dandy, who had a habit of shoving grapefruit into ladies' mushes. In his autobiography he said acting was just a job he did to earn his living. Sounds intelligent. I liked Grease for the music alone, not for Travolta's dancing. Even then I thought he were a rubbidge dancer. Jungle Book was brill. Oliver, I thought was brill too. I think to enjoy the old 40's musicals there has to be a war on so that you can transport yourself to another place, another time, away from the war, because as said in 'Cheers' once, 'war is gross'. In fact, there's not much grosser than war.

Sorry you had to attend the hostible again Brens. That's gross too. Glad you got to return to your own leaba.

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Sorry you had to attend the hostible again Brens. That's gross too. Glad you got to return to your own leaba.

Many thanks for that, JB. Had a good sleep and feeling much much better this morning. Did you know that, when taken with nice, strong tea, gurrcake has remarkable curative properties? Ooooooh, drat and double double drat. There's another fact that I could have kept for the Easy Quiz.

BrensBenz

BrensBenz wrote: »

...there's a vacancy in a car programme on BBC TV and I've applied.

They're looking for a loud, ugly, bigoted, self-obsessed, opinionated, WW2 obsessed, xenophobic, misogynistic, bullying lout, preferably with beige teeth and velcro hair, who can drive cars sideways.

Well, sad to say I didn't get the job. Something about "exceeding some of the requirements but falling short in others."

However, I believe there are two more vacancies on the same car programme so I've applied.

One is for an overly-excitable, vertically-challenged cutie pie with previous TV experience, preferably in a thought-provoking documentary series about people falling into swimming pools.

The second vacancy is for someone with the dress sense of your embarrassing Uncle Geoffrey and with a world view emanating from the days of the British Raj.

I'm not quite as well qualified for these positions as I was for the first one but I still think I'm in with a chance. Please keep an eye out for requests for info from BBC HR Department.

And on that bombshell........

Jellybaby1

I heard today that at least two of those vacancies have been filled. One by some specky twat thought to be Chris Evans in another life, and the other by a ladee whose name I do not know. Well Brens, there only one more vacancy left. I'd seriously go for it if I were you.

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

I heard today that at least two of those vacancies have been filled. One by some specky twat thought to be Chris Evans in another life, and the other by a ladee whose name I do not know. Well Brens, there only one more vacancy left. I'd seriously go for it if I were you.

Oh no......!

Mods! MODS! JB said "specky twat". I told yiz so! I knew we were on a downward slope. What JB shuddov said was "talentless specky twat", disguised as "Brains" from Thunderbirds.

So, assuming the cutie pie spot is being taken over by the nameless lady, that means I need to apply for the only surviving occupant of 1955. Hmmmm, I think I have that in the bag, what with my knitted swimming cossie, various beige ensembles, trilby hat and sock / sandal combinations. It's in the bag!

Jellybaby1

Well, Brens, looking at this elegant photo of you, I think you'll do very nicely in the job....

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Well, Brens, looking at this elegant photo of you, I think you'll do very nicely in the job....

Coincidence! I've been watching re-runs of The Avengers: Steed in his massive Bentley; salad in his buttonhole and slip-on ankle boots and and and Mrs. Peel in her....emmm...Lotus. Nonsensical storylines but, oh, Diana Rigg, particularly in the black and white series, before all of those purple and yellow catsuits arrived!

The last part of each episode, when the diggin' and thumpin' happened, Mrs. Peel would magic herself into a black leather catsuit and pretend to do judo and karate on the baddies, who would all wait for their turn to be hit and then become unconscious or dead without uttering a murmur. Indeed, in those days, people used to be shot without any blood or ouchie sounds at all. Instead, when "plugged with lead", ladies would gently lower themselves onto the floor and men would grimace slightly and break some balsawood furniture on their way down. Corpses knew how to behave in those days!

Jellybaby1

BrensBenz wrote: »

Coincidence! I've been watching re-runs of The Avengers: Steed in his massive Bentley; salad in his buttonhole and slip-on ankle boots and and and Mrs. Peel in her....emmm...Lotus. Nonsensical storylines but, oh, Diana Rigg, particularly in the black and white series, before all of those purple and yellow catsuits arrived!

The last part of each episode, when the diggin' and thumpin' happened, Mrs. Peel would magic herself into a black leather catsuit and pretend to do judo and karate on the baddies, who would all wait for their turn to be hit and then become unconscious or dead without uttering a murmur. Indeed, in those days, people used to be shot without any blood or ouchie sounds at all. Instead, when "plugged with lead", ladies would gently lower themselves onto the floor and men would grimace slightly and break some balsawood furniture on their way down. Corpses knew how to behave in those days!

HILARIOUS!! I bet you know someone on the inside, else, how would you have known about all these mysterious 'secrets'! :D:D

Rubecula

prefered Honor Blackman in the Avengers myself, the stories seemed more real back then too.

Jellybaby1

Well, look who the cat drug in! Where've you bin hidin' Rube?

BrensBenz

So, it's Monday, new week, time to get into action on...........something! So I popped open the bonnet and did the usual checks. All fine, so I lowered the bonnet and what did I hear? A squeek! From my mochine! "Never", I hear you say. But yes, a definite squeek.

"Goodness gracious", I said to the Woof, who was still peering around, looking for the source of this intruder. Sensing an impending requirement for a CSI, I lifted and lowered the bonnet a few times and yes, squeeks every time!

"We have special magic stuff that will remove that noise, haven't we?" I asked, as the Woof looked at me in confidence and admiration.

Moments later, the squeek had been eliminated, but not before I found foliage, spiders' webs and their larders in some remote regions of the engine bay. "Oh", I said to my canine audience. "Can't have that, can we? Might block the waterways. This could be a good time to check my latest invention" - a short, tapering hose that fits on the end of the hoover. It reaches into small, deep crevices without scratching the surfaces.

So, there I was, bonnet up, bent over the wing, hoovering leaves and critters from the engine bay of my ancient mochine, when I heard sounds of mockery from afar. In NCD accents, several hoodies, all in contrasting grey trackie bottoms, were saying stuff like "well, ya know whoh? Oi've loike seen irrawl now" Looka yur man, hoovrin' his bleed'n engine. Yeh, he'll be loike hoover'n the lawn next! Hey mistaw, ders a burd on yur roof, look'n fur deh toylah but der's no loike toylah paper.

Well, the conversation continued in that vein for a moment or two and then a certain tinge of anxiety crept in: "Aaahhhhh Jayzus here comes the bleed'n dog. It's alroiyh, he luks frendly like. Frendly???? Lukka dem teesh. Ahh lukka, Oi'm legg'n ih owa heer. Gehhome ya bleed'n muhh. Noice doggie noice doggie. Eaoww, noice doggie...

Now, the Woof isn't all that bright. He has, shall we say, learning difficulties. But, as he plodded / limped back down the driveway to resume his station, his little face said "Carry on, Boss. I took care of that for you."

Jellybaby1

Enjoyed that no end Brens. Of course your muhh only has to look and act ferocious in order to protect you, he doesn't really need to BE ferocious, and from all I've read about him he sound like a lickle puddy tah! Awwww.

looksee

Bit quiet round here recently, everyone out at the tablequiz. You'd kinda miss the drinks cabinet, couple of cans in the fridge isn't the same at all. Think I'll put the kettle on and have a quiet cuppa.

Jellybaby1

I have a little time to spare waiting for someone to answer my quiz question, so I just thought I'd pop in and join you for a cuppacha! Move over.

Jellybaby1

Well it looks like I can stay for a second cup now as the quiz question has been correctly answered. I never asked where that quiz was taking place.....local pub?

looksee

Nah, community hall, odd sort of place, always kinda draughty, must be all the hot air...

OldGoat

/Checks CCTV of new super sekret drinky cabinet.
Carry on, nothing to see here.

looksee

Oh hi OG, hows it going Have a cuppa tea!

OldGoat

I'm doing well thanks I'm still causing upset wherever I go so par for the course as they say.

I'm looking forward to Saturday and the Pride Parade. It's always been one of my favourite photography events and this year in particular is going to be exciting. I will now be able to walk my daughter down the aisle if and when she decided to get hitched. Yay!

Layinghen

As long as you don't have to pay for the wedding OG!!!!

OldGoat

Some traditions should be kept and some should be forgotten about as quickly as possible. Daddy paying for the wedding is one of the latter sort.

Samaris

OldGoat wrote: »

Some traditions should be kept and some should be forgotten about as quickly as possible. Daddy paying for the wedding is one of the latter sort.

There's a thread going on in After Hours at the moment about the latest traditions as regards weddings, such as the etiquette for gifts and the whole ceremony/dinner/afters business. It all sounds like a thoroughly traumatising minefield.

Rubecula

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Well, look who the cat drug in! Where've you bin hidin' Rube?

It is work I am afraid, not quite got used to the shifts. And the Manager wants to get rid of me .... I am on his blacklist you see and he is a really nasty vindictive potbellied dwarf. But that is just being nice to the scalpeen.

(I am quite serious though, my immediate superior at work told me that the manager had approached him and told him thet it was possible to sack me! This is an indication of the sort of gratitude you can expect in this company for work done to a very high standard)

Yet despite my severe trials and tribulations, I still come here with the sole purpose of tormenting you all

BrensBenz

Rubecula wrote: »

....I am on his blacklist you see and he is a really nasty vindictive potbellied dwarf.

Unsurprisingly, I have a theory on that! It goes something like this:

See that huge, orange and black striped animal padding around your garden? Looks a bit like your neighbours' cat but this one is as tall as a donkey? Although you have no prior experience to work with, you would never beat him around the head and shoulders with a golf club because, somehow, you know what will happen.

Similarly, see that lickle critter with the floppy ears and the twitching nose in the garden? Although you have never done this, you would NEVER beat him around the head and shoulders with a golf club because, somehow, you know what will happen.

You already KNOW this person is "a really nasty vindictive potbellied dwarf" so you have a huge advantage. You can't put him on a tee and apply a driver to his bonce at speed BUT you do have a good and useful amount of knowledge on how he operates and reacts.

You can't blame the tiger for being a tiger, or the wabbit for being wabbit or the really nasty vindictive potbellied dwarf for being a really nasty vindictive potbellied dwarf. But you know how he works and this knowledge is priceless.

If I were to get angry at all it would be with the loolahs who put this really nasty vindictive potbellied dwarf into a position of authority. What were THEY thinking??? Who else is on the blacklist? Can you team up? Are the loolahs aware of their error??? Are diaries / evidence being kept to make them aware of their error?

If you suspect prior experience here, yes! I've been there. Although I left the company, I left enough evidence behind me, in mp3 format, addressed to HIS boss, to blow the responsible "lard-assed weasel" so far sideways that he was, and still is, in a different time zone, without any downward reporting authority. Best I could do.......but I still feel good about it!

Rubecula

They must be related Brens GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Jellybaby1

My heart weeps for ya Rube. I know what its like to work for a horrible boss, but thankfully I didn't have to work for her for too long, as she made me and another staff member redundant! Grrrrr. I would have liked to have worked up to retirement. Dole queues are gross.

BrensBenz

This is off topic for the Easy Quiz thread but, because the topic keeps cropping up, maybe here would be an acceptable place. Incredible as it may seem, it appears that there are still people around who, for a variety of reasons (some of which cannot be discussed here before the watershed), have no memory of Torchy Torchy the Battery Boy.

Many of these people appear perfectly normal in every other way - they bravely manage to conceal their affliction and make the best of things. Well, having received so much "Care in the Community" myself, it's now my turn to give something back; to help humanity; to spread wisdom and understanding; to make the World a better place. Right here, at the click of your mouse, in glorious fifty shades of grey and full monosound, is the Genesis of Torchy Torchy the Battery Boy; his raison d'être, as those soap-dodgers would say.

It's my doody, no need to thank me. Just pick an opportune moment to open this and don't forget to leave time for post-Torchy contemplation after it. 30 minutes should do it.

And yes! Box sets are available.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytGWj46k8w4

looksee

I just have the smallest suspicion that I might be being got at...however I watched extracts of that - kept fast forwarding when it got too tedious profound and didn't actually finish it.

I think I have a good idea why I could not remember it :pac:

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

I just have the smallest suspicion that I might be being got at...however I watched extracts of that - kept fast forwarding when it got too tedious profound and didn't actually finish it.

Mid-afternoon???? To appreciate the Genesis of Torchy Torchy the Battery Boy????

Dear, oh dear! Face in hands.

Oh well, if and when you feel that you are ready to expand your horizons, this is a sample of my stock of classics. They are almost worn out but Mr. Youchoob probably has them and, if not, I have spares I could lend you.

looksee

Wallace and Gromett is funny, but other than that, I'm good thanks (as they say in the US of A)

Alice1

Oh, they are videotapes... that's alright then. Fraid I thought they were.... something else.

BrensBenz

Alice1 wrote: »

Oh, they are videotapes... that's alright then. Fraid I thought they were.... something else.

I remember vidgy-o-tapes but never got one to work. Oh, what fun we had! Miles of shiny black tape pouring out of a really expensive ornament called a vidgy-o-recorder like sudz pouring out of a washing machine. Then, pushing the debris back into shopping bags, bringing them back to Extravision and paying the fines. Oh, great days!

We still have a vidgy-o-recorder - it's programmed and locked to start playing first thing on 1st January 3000.

No, the classics shown above are on things called deeveedeez. Provided you put them into the right machine and the right way up, these work every time. No fun a tall a tall.

OldGoat

I've always been a Thunderbirds fan and one of my favourite memories was when I was working in London in a comic shop that Gerry Anderson came up and introduced himself to me. He liked my Fireball XL5 t-shirt. A wonderfully talented man with a tragic personal life. There are stories about that he burnt many of the original puppets and models of Thunderbirds in a fit of rage during his messy divorce from Sylvia.

Jellybaby1

It's HOT......soooooo HAWWWWWWT! Need wathur.........see yiz later.

looksee

Somebody. In one of the houses to the back of ours, the ones that are yards away but need a half mile trip to get to. Has been playing a tin whistle endlessly for about an hour now. One of those endless ditty things beloved of ceili bands, fast and twiddly and interminable.

I am seriously considering the 1812 on full volume.

Samaris

looksee wrote: »

Somebody. In one of the houses to the back of ours, the ones that are yards away but need a half mile trip to get to. Has been playing a tin whistle endlessly for about an hour now. One of those endless ditty things beloved of ceili bands, fast and twiddly and interminable.

I am seriously considering the 1812 on full volume.

Go for it.

Jellybaby1

Yup! Go for it. Similar story, I was driving in the hot heat today, 24 degrees and I could hear this loud music, couldn't figure out where it was coming from and it seemed to be following me round. Thought there was an event somewhere with music blaring. But when I looked in my mirror I could see the driver behind me singing along with the music and all his windows open, realised it was coming from his car. He wasn't a kid either, at least in his 30's. Now I am fond of music and often sing in the car, but never do I bombard the citizens of this town with loud music. I could hear it a street away.

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Now I am fond of music and often sing in the car, but never do I bombard the citizens of this town with loud music. I could hear it a street away.

Oh, I do! It's loike todally ossum, man, chillin' in my 1992 1.3liter zooped-up Mitsubishi with my choones, boom-box, blacked-out windowscreens an' trilby hat. After Glastonberry.....ahem.....I bought all of Kanye West's stuff. Then I loike swapped all my loike clothes'n'stuff for stuff that's loike 5 sizes too big an' now I is croozin', man, not snoozin'. See, we loike know that the wimmin tink's that only loike todally fit geezers know how to play choones at loike 11.

looksee

Is that new medication Brens?

looksee

So I am busy doing two other things and the mobile rings. So I answer it and a female voice says something along the lines of 'hello looksee, I am calling for Sherree/Cherie' or some such name. Who? I say, trying to do one of the two other things at the same time. 'Three, I am calling from Three Mobile' she says. 'Oh, no thanks I am not interested' I say on autopilot, 'byeee' and ring off.

Just as I ring off I realise that I am now with 3 since it merged with or took over O2. Ah! might have been some amazing offer. On the other hand it might not, and she has gone now anyway.

I just wonder though, why do these random people (including people calling to the door wanting to clean your gutters/ sell you tickets for stuff/ whatever) think that you are either willing or able to just drop whatever you are doing to attend to their uninvited wants? If you want to communicate with me, send me an email, pop a note through the letterbox, or some other non-invasive strategy. But don't expect me to change direction in mid activity to accommodate you.

tl/dr I am old, and grumpy, don't hassle me.

Jellybaby1

Blaring music from anywhere............usually by eejits just looking for a fight!

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

So I am busy doing two other things and the mobile rings. So I answer it and a female voice says something along the lines of 'hello looksee, I am calling for Sherree/Cherie' or some such name. Who? I say, trying to do one of the two other things at the same time. 'Three, I am calling from Three Mobile' she says. 'Oh, no thanks I am not interested' I say on autopilot, 'byeee' and ring off.

Just as I ring off I realise that I am now with 3 since it merged with or took over O2. Ah! might have been some amazing offer. On the other hand it might not, and she has gone now anyway.

I just wonder though, why do these random people (including people calling to the door wanting to clean your gutters/ sell you tickets for stuff/ whatever) think that you are either willing or able to just drop whatever you are doing to attend to their uninvited wants? If you want to communicate with me, send me an email, pop a note through the letterbox, or some other non-invasive strategy. But don't expect me to change direction in mid activity to accommodate you.

Funny! I don't mind the callers to the door provided they're here to "suggest" rather than "ram" their service down my neck. Getting a new business started can be tough and I (sort of) admire them for their effort.

But....those phone calls......reading from a script.......prepared answers......relentless yabbering.....all from the comfort of their desk.....at a time to suit them....!

I have asked before but didn't get an answer: In the old days, if you didn't hang up a nuisance phone call - leave the receiver sitting on your desk or whatever - the caller was unable to make another call until YOU hung up properly. Oh I do hope this is still true because well, a typical call to BrensBenz Manor: "Oh hello, this is Shard'n from Acme Perfect Company and we wondered if you might be interested in our new, super-duper, all expense spared wonder produ......" "Oh, very sorry Shard'n, would you mind if I just put the phone down for a moment?" This isn't in her script so: "Eh no, dat's grand....." Phone goes to desk, BrensBenz goes to kitchen to make tea, assemble a sandwich, take Woof for his walk, wash car, visit neighbours.

"Yeah buh yeah buh" I hear you say. "What if someone is trying to call your landline?" Well, if it's someone I know, they have my mobile number or can get it quickly. All others must wait.

But hark, is that the footfall of yonder postman I hear, carrying about his van my birthday pressie? Yes, it is, Woof is barking........see yiz anon.

OldGoat

BrensBenz wrote: »

Blah blah blah birthday blah blah.

CAKE!

BrensBenz

OldGoat wrote: »

CAKE!

It's not for a few days yet but, yes, I think it's fair to assume that I may be called upon to inspect several cakes, particularly those with dairy products, health foods and five-a-day fruit stuff. Toblerone and mandarin cheesecake satisfies all requirements as does Black Forest Gateau.

Unfortunately, mounting the required number of candles onto a piece of gurrcake presents certain issues, not least the skill of a neuro-surgeon being required to insert that many candles into such a small space. Unless, of course, gurrcake might be available in proper sizes. Hmmmm, must investigate......