behaviour problems in montessori - 4yr old boy

mima

Hi,
If anyone can help on this it would be much appreciated. My just turned 4 yr old son goes to montessori- 9-12 every day since last september and the teachers are telling me he won't do his work on his own and needs one to one attention, and that he won't listen or take part without lots of convincing.
I thought this could be because he doesn't have brothers/sisters so isn't really used to being around so many children in a group. One of the teachers today said today was the first time she ever saw him listening to the storytime! I find it really hard to understand as he loves listening to stories at home, and I don't see any of the behaviour they talk about. He is very bright, and very imaginitive. He knows the alaphabet, his numbers and everything, but they are making a real issue about this and I think they are implying his has a behavioral condition/problem
I'm not sure what to do, or what to ask them to do, or whether or not to move him, and I'm worried how this might effect school in september.

Weedikins

Mima, in many even teenagers won't do their work on their own, so I wouldn't expect too much from a 4-year old! Seriously though, I know a 4-year old boy who was asked to leave his montessori because he wouldn't sit quietly. In that class most of the kids were girls, and girls generally find the whole 'sitting quietly' thing a lot easier. I wonder is that the case with your son? Little boys are SUPPOSED to be more physical and active. Some teachers don't really cater to the differences between the genders. If your son's class doesn't have many boys it might be worth thinking of moving him elsewhere. And September is a long way away, don't even think about that yet.

Moonbeam

Maybe it is because he is used to the 1 to 1 attention at home constantly.

mima

Thanks a million for both replies. Yes the class is mostly girls - only 2 other boys and they don't seem to play with my little boy. I do wonder as well if he is just used to the 1 to 1 at home and wonder what I could do to help him in montessori, or even what to suggest to the teachers. They really do seem to think that he is the problem child now. He sometimes says to me that no-one likes him and they don't want to play with him, though the teachers say its him not wanting to play. They haven't gotten to the stage of asking him to leave yet, but everyday when I collect him they are complaining about him. The thing is he is so good at home! Of course he has the odd moment but nothing serious!

Chuchoter

Maybe you could try bringing a few kids to your house and giving them some arts and craft-y stuff to play with by themselves? It might be that he's just not used to having to work with others without instruction, and maybe a chance to try out playing with other kids towards a task with you nearby would help

biscuiteater

the irony here is that Montessori is a specialist field of training that deals with behavior problems or specialist needs, i think the problem is not your child but a nursery giving itself a fancy name which the teachers are probably not trained to live up to. at 4 a child is just getting ready for the class room and used to being with others, i'm sure there will be a lot of children with no brothers or sisters. sound a bright child, so i wouldn't worry, probably too bright for the staff and bored with what they are doing

bmarley

biscuiteater wrote: »

the irony here is that Montessori is a specialist field of training that deals with behavior problems or specialist needs, i think the problem is not your child but a nursery giving itself a fancy name which the teachers are probably not trained to live up to. at 4 a child is just getting ready for the class room and used to being with others, i'm sure there will be a lot of children with no brothers or sisters. sound a bright child, so i wouldn't worry, probably too bright for the staff and bored with what they are doing

I think you should do a bit of research before you make presumptions, you obviously do not know what you are talking about.

biscuiteater

bmarley wrote: »

I think you should do a bit of research before you make presumptions, you obviously do not know what you are talking about.

really? then you explain a Montessori teacher

biscuiteater

There is a difference in training for a teacher that has studied a four year degree in education, two years specialising in Montessori to some one that has studied a part time Montessori course or a one year course. The former is a very specialist field the latter is very like a nursery course. I apologise if that offends people.

My point is a mother knows her child best and if he has no problems at home the problem does seem likely to be at the school. It is not unusual for a child to find a new environment alien. If it was my child I would find a different school with more boys in the class and see how he does there before saying there is a problem with the child. I don’t intend any offence by that either. He appears to be learning at home and not at the school

Montessori I believe is to nurture the childs ability to learn, to find how the individual child can grow, what is best for that individual child

meg3178

mima wrote: »

Hi,
If anyone can help on this it would be much appreciated. My just turned 4 yr old son goes to montessori- 9-12 every day since last september and the teachers are telling me he won't do his work on his own and needs one to one attention, and that he won't listen or take part without lots of convincing.
I thought this could be because he doesn't have brothers/sisters so isn't really used to being around so many children in a group. One of the teachers today said today was the first time she ever saw him listening to the storytime! I find it really hard to understand as he loves listening to stories at home, and I don't see any of the behaviour they talk about. He is very bright, and very imaginitive. He knows the alaphabet, his numbers and everything, but they are making a real issue about this and I think they are implying his has a behavioral condition/problem
I'm not sure what to do, or what to ask them to do, or whether or not to move him, and I'm worried how this might effect school in september.

This is just my opinion, but my now 14yo son was just the same as yours at that age. Boys of that age generally do not sit still for any longer than five minutes unless they are very interested in something. Ask the nursery the following questions:

Is he destructive? Is he abusive towards other children?
How much praise is he given when he participates even in the smallest way? How much criticism is given when he does not?
How is a small child expected to have a long concentration span if he is not interested? Do they know what he is interested in?
He is only 4 and he is only in the class since september, How many years have the other children been in a nursery or creche?
It is very true that the girls are more settled and quieter, so your son shouldn't be compared with them.
How many playtimes/ musical instrument games/ singing and dancing games do they do?

Your son is normal and if he is not being destructive etc, then maybe its the nursery and he needs a more stimulating one with a better boy/girl ratio. Every child is different and when they are not receiving praise, they will not bother.
I hope the nursery staff do not speak to you about this in front of your son, or to other staff members in front of the children, he is not stupid and will fully understand.

Please do not think your little boy is 'abnormal' and enjoying 1 to 1 time with you is something you will always treasure. He has plenty of time to sit still and in school the teachers do understand that the first year is a breaking in period, with loads of activities and getting used to the school routine. Remember, this is a transition time and the nursery should be more patient, children are not robots and thankfully will not always do what a textbook dictates.

petergdub

OP I had almost identical issues with my 3-yr old girl.
Very clever girl but serious behaviour problems at the montessori.
It went on for months.
Went through exactly the same feelings as you expressed.


In our case there were a couple of things
(1) Your child must realise that no matter how clever they are that they are still a child and that it is you that is in charge. That may sound obvious, but in our case I think my daughter was misinterpreting all the time we spent with her as some kind of fawning. Dont get me wrong - do spend every minute you can with your child - but they must realise it is you who has the power.

(2) Give your child responsibility (e.g. tasks like setting the table, clearing the table etc etc)
Spend some exclusive 1 on 1 time with them if there are other kids.

(3) Dont overstimulate.
In our case my 3-yr old can navigate websites herself (e.g. starfall educational one) and was doing so on the laptop every day.
This is now limited to weekends.

Bottom line -
- Trust your montessori and
- Communicate with them and
- Work the issues with them.
Several weeks later and my girl is a little angel now.
The montessori is great for improving a childs weak points.
Discipline is an important lesson to learn.

biscuiteater

You know if you wanted to see how your child interacted with other children you could bring him to a play centre with a coffee area attached. Then if you booked him in for an hour and told him you were going to do chores you could come back in say 15 mins and sit in the coffee area and watch him play, ( just don’t let him see you’ve returned so he can be himself). Make sure you pick one that has a lot of children already playing.

The play centres have very nice padded slides, climbing areas, coloured ball pens and lots of other things for little minds. They aren’t very expensive. They have friendly staff and your child can’t leave without you. A lot of mothers use these while they do there weeks shopping or have bills to pay in town.

For you it might be an opportunity for the child to play freely with others and for you to see him play. You might both enjoy it.

Hope it all works out in the end

Conor001

You sound worried, such kind of behavior is usually seen in growing kids. Try to talk to him regarding his behavior at school and find out what is really going on in his mind. Consulting a psychiatrist is a better option; with few consultations with the psychiatrist your kid can overcome this problem.