AH, Post a Quote

cock robin

Labour ...................1hr @ €25 25.00
Parts ..............................€25 25.00
Sundries .......................€1100 1,100.00
Garage Consumables .......€1300 1,300.00
Enviromental Charges ......€2200 2,200.00
Diagnostics.......................€50 50.00
Health & Safety.................€50 50.00
Tea.................................€10 10.00
Coffe...............................€10 10.00
Milk.................................€10 10.00
Sarnies............................€23 23.00

Sub Total 5,000.00

Vat @ 50% 7,500.00

Toatal €8,125.00

Deus Ex Machina

Collections of quotes cause me indescribable mental anguish. At least this particular compendium isn't found on the Facebook profile of a Rubberbandits loving, weekend drinking, barely passing college moron the like of which I have seen more often than I'm willing to count.

John McKenna

Favourite quotes:

"Pain is temporary, quitting lasts forever" Lance Armstrong

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others" Nelson Mandela

At this point I reach for the nearest sharp implement and attempt to rip my eyes out.

blaze1

"I was bangin 7gram rocks and finishin em, coz thats how i roll"

The legend that is Charlie Sheen

Rubberlegs

"I told you I was sick", on Spike Milligan's headstone.

"Am I bovvered?", Lauren the teenager:)

LETHAL LADY

Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln.

Dolph Starbeam

"do you know the damage a bomb can do? Could blow your face into the side of a tree!" - Pat Mustard

"Vacuum has two U's in it, that's messed up" - Michael Kelso

"I like cake" - Father Jack

"Feck off cup" - Father Jack

"Hey Forman, man, this thing better be good. If I don't see some space jugs, I'm going to be super pissed" - Steven Hyde

reverenddave

Illegitimi non carborundum

Politicians are like nappies, they both need changing regularly and both for the same reasons

Spore

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.


Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.

Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen.

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.


-Mitch Hedberg, RIP.

Son Of A Vidic

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

I blame my mother for my poor sex life; all she told me was the man goes on top and the woman underneath.

For 5 years my wife and I slept in bunkbeds.

Rob113

I'm just gonna go and eh get the papers, get the papers

- jimmy two times

Agricola

"I am going to come and burn the fúcking house down… but you will blow me first!"

- Mel Gibson

nix84

"We cannot, after all, judge a biography by its length, by the number of pages in it; we must judge by the richness of the contents...Sometimes the 'unfinished' are among the most beautiful symphonies."

— Viktor Emil Frankl

Screaminmidget

If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy+22:28-29&version=NIV

force majeure

At 23, for all your education your still office junior, so dont go to uni unless the subject is close to your heart- me
what ever you think, think the opposite- P. Arden

orourkeda

"Perfect and bitchin', winning, bye bye."

Charlie Sheen

Johro

ascanbe wrote: »

That your own work? Yet another example of someone attempting to dismiss 'rap' as a genre/art form and, in the process, proving its validity.
.

I'm not dismissing 'rap' as a genre/art form, I'm dismissing bad rap. Macho posturing, mysogynistic sh!t rap. Nowhere did I say rap sucks.

tsar kee

The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.. Mae West

billymitchell

westendgirlie wrote: »

Get outta my pub

Peggy Mitchell

Mum, you are back :eek:

tsar kee

Oops, sorry ....Ashley Cole

pablomakaveli

"Children are like farts. You hate everyone else's but not your own"

haydar

"Hey Laserlips. Your mama was a snowblower."

Number 5

Dean820

'Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug."'- Mark Knopfler.

languagenerd

"Our enemies are powerful and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking of ways to harm our people and our nation, and neither do we." - George W. Bush

Sterling Archer

"Alcohol Breathes Hope" - Joey Lorigan

You hope you get served
You hope you Score
You Hope you get Laid
You Hope you get Home
You hope you don't get sick
You hope you can keep drinking

Sterling Archer

"I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" - Tucker Max

questionmark?

"**** Off" <<<my sister

MightyMighty737

"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win."

Ghandi, M.

Say Your Number

'' When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines
will be thrown into the sea''

- Cantona

Esel

“An espontaneo! Stop him before he guts my patient!"

Dr. Benway

Igster61

" If I could care less, I would "

Podge or Rodge

--Kaiser--

Wagon wrote: »

Think this one was Mark Twain on Richard Nixon:

"he inherited some good instincts from his quaker forbears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them..."

Mark Twain - 1835 - 1910

Richard Nixon - 1913 - 1994

Epic fail

Spore

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

Mark Twain - 1935 - 1910

Richard Nixon - 1913 - 1994
Epic fail

Epic'er Fail!

Nodin

"To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee"
H Melville

Ledger

Micheal Caine, not a lotta people know that.

-Caine, M.