Did you ever Sh1t your pants?

this is arse

I did recently for the first time. Had some close calls in the past but always managed to get to a jacks on time. Was on the luas about 15 minutes to my stop, was clenching but ares muscles. I could feel my stomach rumbleing. Had to get off one stop early cause the luas guys were checking tickets. Thought i could make it the 10 minutes walk home. Couldn't run or it would have quickened things up. Just had to stay calm and pace myself. As i got closer to the house, i could feel the imminant explosion, got in the door, walked quickly to the jacks, unbuttoned and was unzipping while at the same time moving into position over the bowl. about 2 seconds too late. i'm down a pair of pants.

Gunsfortoys

In before Flut.

Sykk

Your username explains it all

sbsquarepants

Jesus christ!
Did your ma manage to get the stains out?

Captain Chaos

Had six large bottles of Bulmers Pear at the pub one night. Was almost home and well lets just say I didn't make it to the front door and operation free flow was still on going by the time I had run up the stairs and to the toilet. Needed a new pair of jeans, cacks and a new bathroom after that episode :(

Ruu_Old

How are you going to explain this one to Mam?

Anyway, you'll be needing advice from below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwXuHWsj-X0

kfallon

Not since I was a toddler, tho twice now I've been caught with flatmate in the shower in the morn and me bursting for a 'Tom Tit', both times I thought it was either gonna be the sink or in a plastic bag. Both times he got out at just the right time, I sat on the bog for about half an hour, oh the relief, jaysus t'was like a tablet!

Midnight_EG

I didn't know if you pushed that hard, that happened

RichieC

Do sharts count?

Scarydoll

Not since I was a baby. I've had a couple of close calls but no soiling of the pants. Thank Jeebus.

patmac

Great Spike Milligan story about how a mate of his did the same then went into Marks and Spencers and bought replacement trousers and undies, ran to catch his train, into the jacks took off soiled clothing threw it out the window of moving train, opened bag only to find a pink cardigan belonging to someone else:eek:, no mobile phones in them days!

RichieC

patmac wrote: »

Great Spike Milligan story about how a mate of his did the same then went into Marks and Spencers and bought replacement trousers and undies, ran to catch his train, into the jacks took off soiled clothing threw it out the window of moving train, opened bag only to find a pink cardigan belonging to someone else:eek:, no mobile phones in them days!

I hope to god that stories true..fking classic..

Sykk

patmac wrote: »

Great Spike Milligan story about how a mate of his did the same then went into Marks and Spencers and bought replacement trousers and undies, ran to catch his train, into the jacks took off soiled clothing threw it out the window of moving train, opened bag only to find a pink cardigan belonging to someone else:eek:, no mobile phones in them days!

I just **** myself laughing reading that

pebbles21

Yes i did once in North Earl St. on the way to Connolly station,wasnt a nice experience i can tell you

Anyhow i went into Micheal Guineys and asked for pair of jeans very quickly and squelched all the way to the train,Finally made it on to the train and ran into the toilet,took off ****ty jeans and through them out the window

I reached into the Micheal Guineys bag and took out a Denim Jacket:o

Edit $hit

kfallon

pebbles21 wrote: »

Yes i did once in North Earl St. on the way to Connolly station,wasnt a nice experience i can tell you

Anyhow i went into Micheal Guineys and asked for pair of jeans very quickly and squelched all the way to the train,Finally made it on to the train and ran into the toilet,took off ****ty jeans and through them out the window

I reached into the Micheal Guineys bag and took out a Denim Jacket:o

Spike Milligan.....is that you???

RichieC

fail pebbles

Insane Rambling

pebbles21 wrote: »

Yes i did once in North Earl St. on the way to Connolly station,wasnt a nice experience i can tell you

Anyhow i went into Micheal Guineys and asked for pair of jeans very quickly and squelched all the way to the train,Finally made it on to the train and ran into the toilet,took off ****ty jeans and through them out the window

I reached into the Micheal Guineys bag and took out a Denim Jacket:o

Edit ****

PMSL !:D

CrazySka

pebbles21 wrote: »

Yes i did once in North Earl St. on the way to Connolly station,wasnt a nice experience i can tell you

Anyhow i went into Micheal Guineys and asked for pair of jeans very quickly and squelched all the way to the train,Finally made it on to the train and ran into the toilet,took off ****ty jeans and through them out the window

I reached into the Micheal Guineys bag and took out a Denim Jacket:o

Edit $hit

Bye bye Credibility, this fail will be back to haunt you pebbles.......

chillywilly

As RichieC was asking, do sharts count? I rememeber I was on a lads holiday back in '05. We were playing pool in the hotel lobby after a night on the piss. I thought I was great because I was beating my mate and I was just about to pot the black when I let out a silent "fart". I soon realised it was a shart and i could feel it rolling down my leg at a fast pace(wearing shorts). I went from slagging my mate because I was just about to beat him to coming up with some stupid excuse and scurrying off to the toilet at a fast pace before they noticed it coming down my leg!! Thankfully they didn't notice and I lived to poo another day.

I hope no one is eating their dinner while reading this

RichieC

9 out of 10 sharts are drink related.

chillywilly

pebbles21 wrote: »

Yes i did once in North Earl St. on the way to Connolly station,wasnt a nice experience i can tell you

Anyhow i went into Micheal Guineys and asked for pair of jeans very quickly and squelched all the way to the train,Finally made it on to the train and ran into the toilet,took off ****ty jeans and through them out the window

I reached into the Micheal Guineys bag and took out a Denim Jacket:o

Edit $hit

So people really do lie on the internet :pac:

Captain_Generic

chillywilly wrote: »

So people really do lie on the internet :pac:

No they don't

chillywilly

Captain_Generic wrote: »

No they don't

I see what you're doing there!!

stoneill

I **** myself once but I was 5 yrs old at the time.

Captain_Generic

chillywilly wrote: »

I see what you're doing there!!

You haven't seen anything............ever

AnonoBoy

If it was food poisoning induced it doesn't count does it?

chillywilly

Captain_Generic wrote: »

You haven't seen anything............ever

You know me so well

RichieC

AnonoBoy wrote: »

If it was food poisoning induced it doesn't count does it?

Counts more if it was a sulfur smelling ****e you get with food poisoning.

grumula

what self respecting drunkard hasn't sent a pint of gravy and raisins down their leg at one stage or another!
we share your pain OP!

Sergeant

Have experienced a couple of cases of acute swamp ass during long train journeys in Asia, but have never left a selection of butt conkers in the hamper. Long may that continue.

Ganymede Glow

Had a few sharts alright. not a good feeling at all

Ditch

There's an old maxim; " Beer and cider feels good inside yer. But, cider and beer will make ye feel queer. "

Long, long time ago I was living on the middle floor of a house. I'd been much of the day at the pub, where I'd decided to try some of the rough cider, before deciding to stick with my usual ale. I'd drunk a Lot.

Came home. Opened my 'front' door and flopped straight onto my bed. Out like a light.

Woke up with the forty second warning! :eek: My loo, believe it or not, was in the downstairs hallway. My kitchen ~ with a bath in it ~ was six foot the other side of my 'front' door. No Way was I gonna make it down the stairs.

I threw my front door open and launched myself out, trying for the bath ..... just as umpteen pints of liquid slurry launched itself out of my bowels. Right there, on the landing

Ten minutes later, there's me, sh!t all down my legs. On my hands and knees in this wide spread pool. Scooping it into a bucket with a dust pan. And my upstairs neighbour comes home, with a friend. His front door being right next to mine.

Thankfully, I owned a Dog .....

admiralofthefleet

about four years ago. i was chatting up a stunner in the pub and had 99% of the cock work done when i felt a fart coming on. it was loud in the pub so i thought i would gamble on the fart lottery; i lost spectacularly. i could feel it running down my leg and getting cold so i made a beeline for the toilet.
it was right down to my socks so i cleaned up and left, making ny excuses to the bird on the way out
after that i made a promise to myself not to drink smithwicks on an empty stomach

karlog

You can always hold a sh*t if it's a log but the diarrhea type sh*t is almost impossible. You always need at least half a roll of toilet paper after taking it aswell.

krissovo

Not including sharts 3 times:

1. Got dysentery in Kenya which was a savage dose, I would cool feel drips of **** down by ankle and that was the only warning that I **** myself. I used to **** myself at least 4 times a day and sleeping at night for a week or so.

2. Driving home from shopping and felt the urge, it came quicker than I expected 5 mins away from my house. I speed up and was screaming with the pain of trying to hold it in. I reached my estate and hit a speed hump at the entrance without slowing. The second my arse lifted off the seat I erupted, the relief was awesome but it was embarrassing walking funny into the house with the misses laughing at me.

3. I once had zip jam on me when I was in a sleeping bag, after hoping out of the tent and trying to squeeze through the head section I forced out a big turd by mistake. Not a pleasant experience 200 miles from the nearest town.

RichieC

karlog wrote: »

You can always hold a sh*t if it's a log but the diarrhea type sh*t is almost impossible. You always need at least half a roll of toilet paper after taking it aswell.

At least, and a shower to be sure to be sure.

admiralofthefleet

karlog wrote: »

You can always hold a sh*t if it's a log but the diarrhea type sh*t is almost impossible. You always need at least half a roll of toilet paper after taking it aswell.

there is nothing worse than an arse twitching like a rabbits nose

dulpit

This is not the thread to be reading at work when you're supposed to be writing up some boring ass reports/test scenarios.

Trying my darndest not to laugh, pretty tough going tough...

dulpit

Oh also, I haven't been caught like that since I was a smallie, but I don't partake in the alcohol so that might have something to do with it...

Links234

once when I was in primary school

Captain_Generic

dulpit wrote: »

Oh also, I haven't been caught like that since I was a smallie, but I don't partake in the alcohol so that might have something to do with it...

Its worth it for the occasional, casual soiling

Gummy Panda

I don't wear pants

Wolfe Tone

I didnt, but some lad did during the DCU exams there in Jan

derfderf

In a restaurant in tenerife while out with two other couples. I was wearing white shorts and no boxers at the time.
I made my excuses and left. Everyone knew what had happened though because the previous nite i was lyin on my bed in the nip after a shower and Sharted on the sheets.

TheMilkyPirate

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

I didnt, but some lad did during the DCU exams there in Jan

I've heard this a few times now what exactly happened?

Aidric

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

I didnt, but some lad did during the DCU exams there in Jan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOyxm5R63RM

darkman2

this is arse wrote: »

Had to get off one stop early cause the luas guys were checking tickets.

Why don't you pay for your luas tickets yeh scumbag scrounger. Adequate punishment tbh.

-Corkie-

I have done twice and I am after a few close calls but I have ulcerative colitis so I cant help it. :(

skipz

A lad i worked with had stomach problems for a while and when he had to sh1te that was it!
Anyways we were up scaffold building a chimeny one day and he got the urge big time, it was deadly there was no ladders and he's higher then the pitch of the roof! He scattered down the scaffold and fell the last metre and sh1te himself when he hit the ground.
He just sat there for a few minutes while we fell about the place laughing, ah man!:D

FlutterinBantam

Was strolling briskly down Camden circa 0330 of a Sat nite. Good intake of spicy grub,and a chunky little Asian on my elbow,fizzing for cock.

Anyways, opposite Whelan's,got a bad signal from the 'council' which indicated unstable round in the chamber and looked for a ditching area fairly sharpish.

Little Asian was pumped up and leaking, so I thought I could hold the load on the clutch till Cuffe St.where I was parked.

Just passing the phone boxes there on the corner, she 'went off' in a shower of ripe scutther,coating the strides totally.I had to make a run for cover but never got to 'top out' the little Asian.

bad bad experience.

Zebra3

Must get well messy for a bird wearing a thong.