Trying to Conceive and your job

Neyite

Hi All,
I thought I would open up a discussion about Trying to Concieve and Working/ Careers etc.

For me, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I like my job, but there was never any prospects for advancement or promotion in it. It was always going to be a bit of a stopgap so I looked into strengthining my CV for the next step. I started a 2 year course about a year before ttc, to improve my prospects, of course thinking that I would be well established in my brand new field of expertise in a permanent position before we decided to get pregnant.

Then the recession happened. My job was in an area decimated by it, but I am lucky that I am still employed. That said, I have had to take a substantial pay cut, bonus/extras/overtime all gone, and the cherry on top, the Government budget took what they could in taxes. All in all, my take home salary is about 40% of what it was, and it wasnt massive to begin with. My partner didnt get any cuts apart from the taxes, we can meet all our bills, and the very occasional little treat. So we are lucky, we have it better than a lot of people in this country today. But, I have had to let other dreams of mine go for the forseeable - Our house that we were about to build, (even if a bank in this country say they are lending, they are not,) so even if a bank would entertain us, my paycuts are the perfect excuse for them to politely delcline to lend what they were willing to throw at us 3 years ago. Getting married? well until we know if we need IVF or not, we are not going to squander our little bit of savings that we put by on a day out/big session, if it means it costs us our chance at a family.

Financially, I know it would make more sense to hold off a year, or so - but I'm 36, and time is not on my side. So age-wise, its not an option. It's now or never on that front - 5 years time I might land a great job, but the baby clock expired.

I know I need to job-search, but I also know that I need to get pregnant. But I am scared - like what if I get hired somewhere great, then get pregnant (sods law) and they can use the probationary period as a valid excuse to let you go. I know what employment law applies, lets face it, nobody will tell you its for that reason, but there are ways around it. And using the recession as an excuse to reduce staff wont raise an eybrow these days.

There are couples that are the same age as me, who are not working and also have this now-or -never situation, and the same issues arise there too - go back to work, lose benefits, gain costs of childcare, and wonder if its worth it?

Are you worried about your job security if you get pregnant? Have you figured out if you are going /can go back part time once baby is born? Is it something that parents just figure out when the time comes?

Then there is the other issue - Assisted Conception - would you tell Work you are getting fertility treatments? if not, is it just for ordinary privacy reasons, or are you worried that you might give them the 'heads up' that you are planning maternity leave at some point in the future. Would you be concerned that your boss might see your focus is elsewhere and overlook you for a promotion?

Not sure if I am explaining it well, but I would like some feedback on how TTC and Work combines for anyone else?

crazy cat lady

I know its easier said than done, but you work to live, you don't live to work. You will always get another job or get by on what you have, whether it be little or lots! You will never get another chance to have a baby once the clock stops ticking. Do you really think an employer gives 2 hoots about whether you are ttc/going through IVF etc..?

You've probably been working most of your adult life and I think its your entitlement as a woman to have a few months off to raise a child.

Did I consider my work situation when we were TTC? No I did not! In fact I got pregnant pretty much the day I started my new job! I was on a probabtionary period but I made sure my pregnancy did not affect my work and I did not need any time off (except one afternoon when I fainted but they did not know I was pregnant then!)

Having a baby was far more important to me than my job. My career will always be there (nurse/midwife) And whilst we don't have a mortgage or any heavy financial burdens, I can happily feel this way. I'm sure things would be different if we did have a big mortgage to pay etc...

I'm back to work now and although I've only gone back part time and the budget and the a-holes in the government are taking a good chunk of what little money I do earn, I still wouldn't consider my employer in our decision to have another baby when that day arrives!

Not sure if this was the kind of answer you were looking for!

barbiegirl

I have worked hard for 14 years to get to a really decently paid job and whilst at times I hate it, other times I'm happy out. I work in sales so it's par for the course.
I agree though that you work to live not the other way around, and in fairness this company has reduced it's operations in Ireland so much that there is no longer any chance of promotion, so I'm not worried about that. I'm concentrating on doing as much as i can to move on to a better position again.
As we've been trying for so long now, 2.5 years, I initially let TTC affect my decisions on movements etc., but not anymore. My boss is a lovely man, he knows we have been TTC he had to in order for me to take the hour to get to clinic for IUI etc., plus he is aware of the two miscarriages, but appreciates that I at any stage only took 3 days off, and tried my best to stay available for work issues. I think it has actually shown my committment to doing my job and my work colleagues.
If we get pregnant it will be hard financially as I do not get paid maternity benefit, just the standard and this is a big drop for us. But we will get there. I am now looking at a move and if I get one, I'll just do my best not to let any future pregnancy affect my job and hopefully I can prove that I am a good employee, they are lucky to have me ;-) and that if I need 6 months off for a baby, it's a small price to pay ;-) We'll see.

Neyite

Yep, you are right - myself and my partner definatly are people who will work to live, not the other way around. We never got caught up in the boom, and very much enjoy quality of life.

My age has taken care of the decision for us. And we both are commited to doing our best for our family once it comes along. Neither of us came from wealthy backgrounds, in fact with adult hindsight, we see that our parents must have worked hard to make ends meet, but we both had happy childhoods, with great parents so thats what we want for our own.

I guess its as I'm going to start sending out Cv's that I wonder about it all, and I guess maybe I overthink it all a bit. I gotta stop doing that!:o

jez838

Goodness Neyite I love your threads, they are almost exactly what goes through my thoughts on a daily basis.

I have just started hating my job since we restructured recently. Before that I loved it. I then put pressure on myself to get pregnant faster because i've lost the enthusiam for the job. I also left it later to start trying for a family.

I thought about leaving the job but TTC is keeping me here because of the maternity leave situation. I think its a vicious circle of anxiety thats not helping me TTC either besides my Prolactin/PCOS issues.

caprilicious

jez838 wrote: »

I thought about leaving the job but TTC is keeping me here because of the maternity leave situation. I think its a vicious circle of anxiety thats not helping me TTC either besides my Prolactin/PCOS issues.

I can completely relate to this. Things have been extremely stressful in my job for the past few months, I'm desperate to get pregnant, but I know the more I stress, the less chances I have of becoming pregnant.

Neyite, I think keep trying for a baby & what shall be will be. On paper we couldn't 'afford' to have a baby before I had our daughter, but we're managing absolutely fine.

At least if you were able to get a job in the mean time, it might be a good distraction

sarah sinnott

hi

i work in a hospital so it is busy with shift work/unsociable hours plus all the lovely pay cuts that go with it

have been ttc for >3years now
all regular tests normal
attending hari unit, had laparoscopy last week, tubes good but no sign of ovulation which is what my GP had suspected all along its been hit and miss with me. but my primary reason for this lack of ovulation is due to stress, partially due to work and partially due to pressure on relationship of ttc for so long
so hes put me on the clomid.

im sure though when it finally happens work/life balance will all fall into place and we both have very small families who live 2 hrs away on opposite ends on the country so we are on our own here regards help from family too. its ok though i truly believe it will all work out well once u put work to work for you. these are the decisions we have to make in order to allow changes to occur- i know ive been very work orientated until now and it is hard to change that

sarah sinnott

neyite - dont put it off, relax and enjoy life and you will get pregnant and enjoy every bit of it

im sure you wont regret it one bit

work will all fall into place for you when you are back on you feet

if i were you i would go for it

Ms2011

Myself and my partner work in the same job doing shift which consists of very early mornings or very late nights. Working this way made having children impossible for us unless we had a live in child minder which would cost a bomb. I am however now being made redundant in the next few weeks so we have decided to start trying for a baby, I always liked the idea of staying at home with any children I might have so this will be the case if I get pregnant in the next while.:)