Did you ever get the girl you chased?

Elessar

I'd love to hear guys experience of this.

Have you ever won over a girl who you were mad about but either she wasn't interested in you romantically or you asked her out already and she was already seeing someone?

I've heard it time and again that you should never chase a girl, she can think you're too easy/not enough of a challenge and lose interest and/or the relationship could be one sided etc.

Equally I know of at least one couple who are married with kids who the wife initially thought the husband was not her type (and never wanted to date him, initially) but through perseverance he won her over.

Is it worth chasing a girl you like? Has it worked for you? Generally, when I get the first hint that a girl might not be interested (even after a period of flirting) or is seeing someone else casually, I back away and forget about her. I hate "chasing" and feel that if she was interested she would make the effort. Maybe I'm wrong and am wondering if "chasing" her could lead to something more.

Count Duckula

When guys "chase" girls who've already said they're not interested, it all gets very creepy. They're not interested.

tallaghtmick

no she got a restraining order

cantdecide

Elessar wrote: »

...I back away and forget about her...

I think that once you let your feelings be known, you can do no more. You then have to protect yourself by moving on.

Galvasean

If a girl demands that she be chased then she's probably not worth it. If she liked you back properly she wouldn't play silly love games.
If she's interested she's interested. If not, well, not.
My 2c.

parker kent

I had a pretty bad experience. It is too long a story to put here but basically if you watched Ross and Rachel in Friends, you get the idea of what it was like. I did not get the "I'm not interested line", I was getting the opposite so it was difficult to know what to do. Various times it looked like we would finally be in a relationship but it never happened and basically ended up breaking my heart. I tried, I chased, I failed.

Uriel.

I never chase. I make an effort, if it's reciprocated then something has a chance of happening, if not then I move on. I refuse to get sucked into the kind of games that happen all too often. Likewise if a girl shows an interest in me and I don't feel it, then I let her know subtly and quickly.

Life is too short for Game playing.

krudler

I dont chase,anyone who tells guys they're not interested but expects them to keep pursuing her clearly has issues

parker kent

I think this is a question of semantics. What some people call chasing, others call pursuing and others call showing an interest. I'd never get into game playing and that, but I still think it can be used to mean pursuing a girl without becoming game playing or semi-stalking. But again it depends what you define chasing a girl as.

Kevin Duffy

I chased and it worked out for a few years of a good, happy relationship. My immediate thought was that she was waaayyyy outta my league, but I was stubborn and had nothing to lose. She was reluctant, but very nice about it and we got on well, even when discussing why she wouldn't go out with me and it was chasing to gain her trust and let her see what we could be like together really. We had a great time at the beginning, moved in and had two very happy years, but then had a shít year and broke up.
I wonder sometimes if the origin of the problems that broke us up lay in the fact that I chased her, but I don't think so. I know a few couples who had a similar start and are doing great a way down the road.

I have no idea if that answers your question

minidazzler

Nah, been years since I "chased" a girl. Prefer to keep it cool now, if I like a girl, I'll ask for her number, text a little, if I'm vibing on her and she seems cool, ask her does she wanna go on a date nice and simple. Have not had a girl say no to a date yet, but had cancellations. My hard and fast rule then is say "OK, cool, how about *insert day*" And if there is another cancellation I am wasting my time so stop texting. No point in setting myself up for multiple cancellations.

GV_NRG

i say chase!! 20 years after the incident, when your looking back, you can always say tried! imagine how you would feel if you didnt try and you will always be thinking about what could have been!

LAC

Yes I did, right into a ditch

minidazzler

GV_NRG wrote: »

i say chase!! 20 years after the incident, when your looking back, you can always say tried! imagine how you would feel if you didnt try and you will always be thinking about what could have been!

On the flip side you could end up thinking "Why was I such a sap? She said no once".

Galvasean

minidazzler wrote: »

On the flip side you could end up thinking "Why was I such a sap? She said no once".

I'd fall into this category. When I was younger I did a fair bit of chasing (like a dog chasing a car - never gonna catch it) and all I got for my troubles was much wasted time. To think of all that time and energy that could have been spent on someone else more deserving of and willing to recieve my affections! :rolleyes:

omen80

The chase is better than the catch!

Misty Chaos

Anytime I've chased a girl it never ended well on my part. A lack of social skills when I was younger meant I didn't really realise at the time when I was getting into creep territory. I'm not proud of that time of my life, I just simply didn't know better.

As such, I haven't really given chase to any girl I was interested in years.

That said, I know of someone who gave chase to a girl, put him through hell but he won her over in the end. I guess its different strokes for different folks.

Galvasean

Misty Chaos wrote: »

That said, I know of someone who gave chase to a girl, put him through hell but he won her over in the end. I guess its different strokes for different folks.

Put him through hell? What kind of victory is that?

Misty Chaos

Galvasean wrote: »

Put him through hell? What kind of victory is that?

Beats me, the guy was even writing songs about her at the time ( he had a bit of a knack for playing music. ) I just thought to myself he was really sucking up to her a bit much! :rolleyes:

Logical Fallacy

Galvasean wrote: »

Put him through hell? What kind of victory is that?

Pyrrhic.

minidazzler

Galvasean wrote: »

I'd fall into this category. When I was younger I did a fair bit of chasing (like a dog chasing a car - never gonna catch it) and all I got for my troubles was much wasted time. To think of all that time and energy that could have been spent on someone else more deserving of and willing to recieve my affections! :rolleyes:

I did too! Sometimes I think back to the stuff I did because I wanted one girl and think "fcuk you fcuk you **** you" But in reality I'm not the same person, and she is still one of the coolest people I know. In fact, with my current state of mind regarding women, I could probably get a few dates with her, but for the moment I am on hiatus for all but one.

I do feel bad for some friends of mine now though, the types that GOT the girls they were chasing. When they leave their relationships now, (which for a few may be happening soon, and for one hopefully will happen) They won't have a clue how to go about persuing women for a while. It will take them a while to adjust to a casual attitude. But, C'est la vie!

That said, I will make different mistakes in the future, and likely make the same ones from the past a couple more times, but I know better how to handle it now! Hopefully I won't go puppy dog again for a girl. It's really annoying when I am that stupid! :P

yesno1234

Yes and no. We were friends but she knew I liked her, she wasn't really interested though, and I got with her one night but it just wasn't right in this case. If she's worth chasing I say go for it but know that it may never happen.

foxyboxer

Recent example

Made eyes with nice looking girl in a group of friends.
Talked for a bit (maybe 10 minutes) and got her number.

Few days later.

Went through the texting courting routine bit (how was your night? etc etc)

Suggested a meetup on certain day.
She's working.

Suggested a meetup on a more convenient day.
She's working. (bar work)

After 2 suggestions and no hint of suggesting an alternative which would be convenient for her. I let it be.

Moving right along. So no, I don't chase.

Naos

parker kent wrote: »

I tried, I chased, I failed.

Yeah, but you tried. You failed, but you tried.

You gave it a shot. Pretty much nothing we do here is permanent, fair dues.

Galvasean

I get the impression a few people on this thread are mixing up 'chasing' someone with asking someone out...

parker kent

Naos wrote: »

Yeah, but you tried. You failed, but you tried.

You gave it a shot. Pretty much nothing we do here is permanent, fair dues.

Oh I wasn't saying lads shouldn't try, I just thought that was a mildly poetic way to end the post!

I was affected by that girl, so it obviously stayed with me for a while. I t was more than just meeting a girl and having the usual texting at the start and moving on. We both had feelings for each other so it is not like a lot of examples people are giving. I think different people have different definitions of chasing, so the examples will always be different.

Dick Burns

parker kent wrote: »

I had a pretty bad experience. It is too long a story to put here but basically if you watched Ross and Rachel in Friends, you get the idea of what it was like. I did not get the "I'm not interested line", I was getting the opposite so it was difficult to know what to do. Various times it looked like we would finally be in a relationship but it never happened and basically ended up breaking my heart. I tried, I chased, I failed.

I kinda on the same track as you parker kent,except i kinda accepted i wudnt get wit the girl i was crazy about and had really fallen for her and i do go out meet new women at weekends/college etc but still have feelings for this girl ive been mad about for over a year,we get on so well and its not just a friends thing,her sisters love me and think im a great guy but just the girl doesnt want a boyfriend,ive already accepted i wont get her but is it worth still trying?im far from being creepy or pushy but part of me still thinks there is a chance...

homerun_homer

I don't chase anymore - I've got so disillusioned by it all that it's a 1 strike and you're out for the last while, if a girl makes the one excuse I'll presume there's no interest.

But chasing after some I've been mad about has worked. I'd met her at a 21st and was instantly attracted but felt she was cold. My best friend started seeing one of her best friend's after that night so now and again we'd cross paths and interest never appeared to pick up on her side though I did try charm her in my own little way.
At another birthday I heard she'd be there so I decided I gave up and wasn't going to make any effort. Every time she joined us in conversation I would coincidentally leave to talk to others and now and again she came my way and we hung out all night and started kissing, mauling each other as others put it. We started going out after that. When we broke up she told me she was always interested from the start but wouldn't show it since she had other things going on (seeing someone else or not sure of a situation with someone).

So if you're not yet jaded by women then do chase if you really like her.

LightningBolt

I've chased slightly. Well my gf had a bf about 18 months ago or so. Asked her for a drink and she said yes, but with it being Christmas we never got round to it. Ended up asking her again a while after and we got pretty serious very quickly, scared both of us off (she ended it after a month or two of seeing each other although I had looked to slow things down). We went a couple of months apart but both of us kept in touch on chat and then she started chasing me and it's been pretty good since then!

When I look back on the time we spent apart I definitely chased her when chatting online, never once did I drunk call or text her though. I've always been of the opinion not chase until my current gf, you'll come across one who makes you discard what you normally do. They're the ones who are usually worth it!

I'd like to draw a distinction between those who permanently chase girls and those who chase a girl once in the blue moon. Big difference in the personality of those guys in my book.

cantdecide

LightningBolt wrote: »

...I'd like to draw a distinction between those who permanently chase girls and those who chase a girl once in the blue moon. Big difference in the personality of those guys in my book...

+1

There is only one girl I've ever met that I'd chase. She's the kind of girl poetry is written about! Unfortunately, she's a serial monogomist.

cantdecide

cantdecide wrote: »

...There is only one girl I've ever met that I'd chase...

And would I get her? I shouldn't think so :rolleyes: I'd rather be a fool who knows for sure, though.

parker kent

homerun_homer wrote: »

So if you're not yet jaded by women then do chase if you really like her.

What age are you, how can you be jaded already?! You are talking about kissing at a 21st!

Galvasean

parker kent wrote: »

What age are you, how can you be jaded already?! You are talking about kissing at a 21st!

Hey I'm 24 and am fairly jaded with the whole women thing at the moment. It's getting to the point where I couldn't be bothered pursuing a woman in a potentially romantic way anymore, because time and time again they've managed to annoy me with their various degrees of bullplop. I'm sure people of any age can get jaded with the rat race that is dating/courtship. Best medicine IMO is to just not think about it at all for a while, don't even bother and then come back to it later feeling a bit fresher.

Snowie

No offence

But its only a woman

theres like 50 million more out there

parker kent

Galvasean wrote: »

Hey I'm 24 and am fairly jaded with the whole women thing at the moment. It's getting to the point where I couldn't be bothered pursuing a woman in a potentially romantic way anymore, because time and time again they've managed to annoy me with their various degrees of bullplop. I'm sure people of any age can get jaded with the rat race that is dating/courtship. Best medicine IMO is to just not think about it at all for a while, don't even bother and then come back to it later feeling a bit fresher.

I can see your viewpoint and I'm in a similar position relationship wise (I'm 25), but I guess jaded and early 20s sounded like an odd combination. I think the best attitude is to never be trying too hard or to be too unavailable. Although I know how you can get burned badly by somebody. But at the end of the day, you can only wallow so much.

magneticimpulse

^^ Plenty of time for marriage and kids. Talking about being "jaded" at 24 or 25 jeez haha...wait til you get to 30 or 40 and still doing the dating game. Just because you reach say 35, doesnt automatically mean you will be settled down...the dating game can go on for many years.

As for the initial "chasing" etc. Yes I have had guys chase me. In fact my 2 serious boyfriends were guys who chased me and I had no interest in them to begin with. The relationships ultimately failed, because despite the guy being stubborn (which was a real turn off too),and winning me over, I just never was going to actually like them at the end of the day. I finally copped onto myself and realised I had no interest in these people what so ever. That it just was never going to work out and that you only have one life and should find someone you actually do like. If I could turn back time, I would never have accepted to go out with either of these guys. I was just so unhappy. I really regret paying attention to their chasing. I didnt want to be chased. I wasnt interested. But they didnt take no for an answer. I gave in...which to this day I still regret. But such is life. I know from now on, ill never give into a persistent guy and just walk away.

So no...its not worth "chasing" a girl. You might win her over for a year or two, but it will never last. If she just wasnt that into you to begin with, no matter how much she tries, she just wont ever be head over heels about you.

Relationships should always be mutual thing anyway. Neither person should be trying to hard or "chasing". It should just happen. No girls like guys "chasing" them. Its not a turn on what-so-ever. Creepy to say the least.

Kevin Duffy

magneticimpulse wrote: »

So no...its not worth "chasing" a girl. You might win her over for a year or two, but it will never last. If she just wasnt that into you to begin with, no matter how much she tries, she just wont ever be head over heels about you. No girls like guys "chasing" them. Its not a turn on what-so-ever. Creepy to say the least.

You might want to throw in a few terms like "in my opinion". You're not speaking for all women. If no woman ever wanted to be chased, the term "playing hard to get" never would have been coined.
I know happy, successful couples where one has chased the other, not just him chasing her. Your experience is not the whole story.

toxicity234

i have chased 5 girl in my life.
Didn't get any of them. Aw ****. it make me sad.
oo wait this hot girl moved into the place i was renting.
being scoring her of almost a year. awesome...

And i discovered my problem was that i was way too nice to these girls.
and when you get the chance go for it.

by the way of the 5 girl,
two don't talk to me anymore cause there boyfriend doesn't like me.
but everytime they get into a fight with boyfriend they ring me.
it really piss me off.

tan11ie

If you still feel there is something give it another go,but you need to know when to call it a day! Some men and women like to play the hard to get card -personally i can't stand that carry on and would prefer to walk away with some dignity.

magneticimpulse

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

You might want to throw in a few terms like "in my opinion". You're not speaking for all women. If no woman ever wanted to be chased, the term "playing hard to get" never would have been coined.
I know happy, successful couples where one has chased the other, not just him chasing her. Your experience is not the whole story.

Well I think it was pretty clear from the statement above that i was relating to a personal experience. Its not like I made the comment in thin air...i had referred to the times guys had chased me and its my experience. It was very obvious i was referring to that.

As for the "term" hard to get. I actually dont know any women who play hard to get. Really people play games? I was under the impression that solid relationships should be built on a mutual things with no playing games or hard to get. Are there adults who actually behave in that way in this day and age?

toxicity234 wrote: »

i have chased 5 girl in my life.
Didn't get any of them. Aw ****. it make me sad.
oo wait this hot girl moved into the place i was renting.
being scoring her of almost a year. awesome...

And i discovered my problem was that i was way too nice to these girls.
and when you get the chance go for it.

by the way of the 5 girl,
two don't talk to me anymore cause there boyfriend doesn't like me.
but everytime they get into a fight with boyfriend they ring me.
it really piss me off.

I doubt that was your problem. I think your just going for the wrong girls.

Like the movie "He's just not that into you"....replace the he with she. If a girl is into you, she definitely wont let you slip away. If she is not responding, then she is just not interested. No need to hound the poor girl...if it was the other way around guys would be calling the girl a bunny boiler for chasing the guy. I think men can equally be bunny boilers. If they are not interested, just leave it!!

Irish_Elect_Eng

"Is it worth chasing a girl you like?" N0

"Is it worth chasing a girl you love?" YES

parker kent

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Well I think it was pretty clear from the statement above that i was relating to a personal experience. Its not like I made the comment in thin air...i had referred to the times guys had chased me and its my experience. It was very obvious i was referring to that.

As for the "term" hard to get. I actually dont know any women who play hard to get. Really people play games? I was under the impression that solid relationships should be built on a mutual things with no playing games or hard to get. Are there adults who actually behave in that way in this day and age?

Not everybody who refers to "chasing" is talking about game playing or playing hard to get. Sometimes life gets in the way and to get or keep a relationship one person decides to chase the other. I know an American guy who fell in love with an Irish girl in America. Things were going great....up until it was time for her to return to Ireland. Knowing this she ended things as she wasn't into long distance relationships. He originally accepted her logic but despite the months passing, he still had feelings for her. So he decided to do a Masters in Ireland to continue the relationship. I view him coming to Ireland for a girl as "chasing" her, but he is not a bunny boiler, he wasn't being creepy and nobody was playing games. He loved her and didn't give up. Now they are engaged. Sometimes it pays to chase a girl. BTW they are not silly 21 year olds before anybody questions maturity, experiences etc, they are 29 and 30.

Lots of examples in this thread are not chasing a girl and there are oddly lots of examples of asking girls out. Also lines like these definitely seem like generalisations and not just your personal experiences.

So no...its not worth "chasing" a girl. You might win her over for a year or two, but it will never last. If she just wasnt that into you to begin with, no matter how much she tries, she just wont ever be head over heels about you.

old hippy

parker kent wrote: »

I can see your viewpoint and I'm in a similar position relationship wise (I'm 25), but I guess jaded and early 20s sounded like an odd combination. I think the best attitude is to never be trying too hard or to be too unavailable. Although I know how you can get burned badly by somebody. But at the end of the day, you can only wallow so much.

Indeed. I wouldn't be happily married if I'd wallowed in the mire. Make that mires.

Sometimes ya wins and sometimes ya loses. But don't see the odd failure or collapse of a relationship as a blueprint for the rest of your life

parker kent

old hippy wrote: »

Indeed. I wouldn't be happily married if I'd wallowed in the mire. Make that mires.

Sometimes ya wins and sometimes ya loses. But don't see the odd failure or collapse of a relationship as a blueprint for the rest of your life

Indeed, sometimes you have got to light their fire :P:pac:

old hippy

parker kent wrote: »

Indeed, sometimes you have got to light their fire :P:pac:

Yeah, ya got me there

tan11ie

Yes sad but true - grown adults still play games! that's life:rolleyes:

Kevin Duffy

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Well I think it was pretty clear from the statement above that i was relating to a personal experience. Its not like I made the comment in thin air...i had referred to the times guys had chased me and its my experience. It was very obvious i was referring to that.

As for the "term" hard to get. I actually dont know any women who play hard to get. Really people play games? I was under the impression that solid relationships should be built on a mutual things with no playing games or hard to get. Are there adults who actually behave in that way in this day and age?

The stories were relating your pesonal experience, the conclusions were generalisations, presented as facts.

If you say you don't know women who "play hard to get", I'll have to believe you, but I'm surprised, shocked even. If you say you don't know of any adults who play games, now, to be frank, I don't believe you.

Not all playing hard to get is a bad thing - it's easy to like someone very quickly, but not quite trust their spiel. Plenty of people would make them jump through a few hoops to prove they meant what they said before getting involved. Plenty of happy relationships work because they both like to keep the chase alive, in little ways, long after logic says it's over. If it suits them, good luck to 'em.

Kevin Duffy

old hippy wrote: »

Yeah, ya got me there

Sometimes in the chase, you have to realise the time to hesitate is through.



I'll chase me coat.

magneticimpulse

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

The stories were relating your pesonal experience, the conclusions were generalisations, presented as facts.

If you say you don't know women who "play hard to get", I'll have to believe you, but I'm surprised, shocked even. If you say you don't know of any adults who play games, now, to be frank, I don't believe you.

Not all playing hard to get is a bad thing - it's easy to like someone very quickly, but not quite trust their spiel. Plenty of people would make them jump through a few hoops to prove they meant what they said before getting involved. Plenty of happy relationships work because they both like to keep the chase alive, in little ways, long after logic says it's over. If it suits them, good luck to 'em.

Well we have to agree to disagree, because I dont know anybody who goes out playing games. So from my experience no. I dont know if its age, or just ive met very different people, but there was definitely no games involved. Maybe when your a teenager.

Playing games is not good basis for any relationship.

Kevin Duffy

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Maybe when your a teenager.

If that's aimed at teenagers, it's very patronising. If it's aimed at me, I'm 40. Thanks though.
Adults play games, lots and lots of them, of different kinds. This can't be news to you.

Galvasean

magneticimpulse wrote: »

^^ Plenty of time for marriage and kids. Talking about being "jaded" at 24 or 25 jeez haha...wait til you get to 30 or 40 and still doing the dating game. Just because you reach say 35, doesnt automatically mean you will be settled down...the dating game can go on for many years.

Likewise being under 30 doesn't mean a person is boundless and incapable of being jaded/beat down after finding oneself on the receiving end of a whole truck load of relationship related BS.