I've been played........

LegacyUser

Hi all. I'm a guy in my early 30s and have been single for a few years.

I hang out with a group of lads, all of who are in relationships and therefore, hang out with their wives and girlfriends too.

Theres one I get on with very well.
One night she had a fight with her boyfriend and was talking to me about it. She admitted she had feelings for me and I said I felt the same but we both agreed nothing would come of it. But we did kiss.
We both pretended like it hadn't happened after.

But myslef and her fella had a disagreement over something and she stood up for him. I know I'm stupid for thinking she might back me up but I was really hurt by her silence on it and the fact that I know now all that she said to me was lies.

I can't be friends with these people anymore as theres too much friction because I was so upset it escalated the situation so now I've lost friends too.

I was wrong, but why am I the only one being punished?

LegacyUser

In my opinion your totally in a non win situation here. The girl will always stick up for her boyfriend - simple as. At the end of the day fair enough she said she had feelings for you and vice versa - however she has a boyfriend and hasnt left him after her declaration of liking you? Why would you want to be with someone like that? At the end of the day you could never trust her if you were with her that she wouldnt do the same thing on you!

Put on a brave face and play her at her own game - like nothing ever happened and meet someone nice

LegacyUser

Op here.
I know I deserve this. I can't explain why I did what I did and I've felt awful about it since it happened and I derve everything I get.

I've never been in this situation before and I don't know how I can make amends, if I should or what.
There's nothing anyone can say here that can make me feel more ashamed than I already do. nothing anyone can say about me that I haven't already thought about myself.
I'm scum. I know that.

I just don't know how to deal with all this.

LegacyUser

Op again.
No I haven't contacted him. He sent me a few abusive calls, texts and voicemails, f*king me out of it.
I sent a text back telling him to talk to her and that I just wanted to be left alone.

I'm sure she's spun a yarn and I'm the devil incarnate, taking advantage.
I deserve it.

Distorted

I don't think you've been played. You kissed your friend's girlfriend in the full knowledge that they were still in a relationship. She then took his side in an arguement. Who was doing the playing? She didn't promise to leave him for you, or to side with you in any arguement. She doesn't owe you any loyalty. Whereas she might have decided, on reflection, to give her relationship another chance. Thats the risk you run if you get involved with people already in relationships, that they might give more importance to the relationship than to someone else.

LegacyUser

On that night we kissed she had told me she was very unhappy and was planning on ending the relationship.
I suppose I feel played because of that. And that she hasn't told him the truth and is letting him believe it's all on me.

She's protecting herself which is understandable. But in return it's all landed on me.
I deserve it but she's gotten away with it and put all the blame on me and that's hard to take from someone I thought had feelings for me.

S23

Unfortunately some people are like that.

Some women just use men up for their little ego boosts then discard them when they are finished with them. Even the kind of women who appear to be generally good people, and I assume she must have been for you to be friends with her, fall into this bracket. She got what she needed from you in terms of a little ego trip from you liking her. She said she liked you too but she didn't really it was all just part of what she could get from you.

Unfortunately I've seen it happen before. You get along with someone and think they are a certain type of person then when they've got all they need or want from you they don't want to know. She's cut you loose easily enough so take that as your answer.

Also kissing your friends girlfriend is never a great idea. You sound a little bit lonely to me (maybe I'm reading too much into it) so I can understand the idea of a woman you like liking you back as being something you'd like to latch onto but she was just happy to get a little kick from you whereas it seems like you had slightly deeper feelings about it.

Long story short she seems a very unplesant person and you should know better than to go messing around with your friends OH

Zen65

used wrote: »

.....we both agreed nothing would come of it. But we did kiss.
We both pretended like it hadn't happened after.

But myslef and her fella had a disagreement over something and she stood up for him. I know I'm stupid for thinking she might back me up but I was really hurt by her silence on it and the fact that I know now all that she said to me was lies.

Op,

your story is missing a bit of information. You say you had "a disagreement over something" with her bf, but what do you mean?? Did you have a disagreement over the night you and she kissed? How does he know about the two of you? I thought "you both pretended like it hadn't happened"?

On the face of it, it does sound as though you have been very naive to get involved with your friend's girlfriend. Even more naive to think she would back you in a row with him!

It's time for you to move on. Get out and make some new friends, get some new interests, and stop dwelling on this episode.


Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

Sorry, I wasn't too clear.

There was a disagreement and in the course of things, it got heated and I made reference to what had happened as he was saying stuff this girl had said about me.
He stormed off after I said it, with her.
Don't know what was said but I was called a liar so I'm hedging my bets that she has denied it all. Not too surprising I suppose.

I've taken what's been said on board. I know I was wrong, knew from the second it happened. Will just keep my distance and move on. I don't live near anyway so they're easily avoided.

Thanks everyone.