Are we doing the right thing here?

gossipgal08

First off I have Depression. My mother made me move out of the family home when I was in my early 20's. Best thing she ever did for me. Can you get him on a fas course some where far enough away from where you live so that he has to move. Fas pay a rent allowance afaik. Dont just kick him out, heplp him find somewhere to live.

blue_steel

anonforthis. wrote: »

he finally went to fas. apparently they told him his leaving results were too good? and they were only there for people with poor school results?

You do realise that he's is lying? FAS offers all kinds of training and placement advice for everyone, regardless of education. There are also private employment agencies all over Ireland. I know jobs are scarse these days but there are no valid excuses. My wife's 22 year old brother couldn't find a job after college last year. After 3 months of looking it was made clear to him that he couldn't just do nothing. He ended up moving to Paris and got a job working in a bar after a week. He loves it there. If his parents had allowed him to sit about the house all day he probably would have. But they didn't. I understand how hard this must be, but if you stand up to him one day he'll thank you for it.

LegacyUser

we finally did the sit down talk. have given him up untill the end of may - so more than 9 weeks really all in all. told him straight out that we would be willing to help out with the deposit for a flat, that stuff could be stored in our house, would get him boxes etc.

that he would be welcome to come down for some grub some evenings, that we would even help in letting him use the washing machine if his new place did not have one.

so we have been beyond fair and helpful.

and we really feel that this is the right and only thing to do. for everyone. he needs to learn to stand on his own feet, and he needs to be bloomin well pushed onto them!

(and yea - I was pretty sure he was lying with regard to fas..... )

thanks again to everyone for listening and for taking the time to reply. i agree that jobs are thin on the ground - but they are not none existant., and they sure as eggs are not going to come find you - you have to go out and look for them.

Voltex

OP...have you sat doen with your son and really listened to what he has to say?
When we look at a someone close to us who we care about and love and see them acting in a way that is contary to the we we think they should do or act, its a confusing to us and makes no sense.
Sit down with your son and really listen to his opinions and try and emphatically lsiten. ask about what or where he sees himself in 5 years time...what are his goals and aspirations...try and let him paint a picture of what he see simslef doing and how he thinks he will achieve his goals. be present to help align his goals with realistic assumptions of his capability, without being dismissive.

kelle

I just came across this thread now. I am pleased you have talked to your son and that you have come to an agreement.

I have a brother who had a tendency to behave as your son does, and my parents didn't mind (ie, they enabled his behaviour). Then they were diagnosed with cancer at the same time and died within 5 months - so he was forced to become independent!

And your son will become independent if you give him no other choice (I don't mean for you to do away with yourselves!) - and he'll survive!